Intimacy: Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make... - FML

By virgo - 30/01/2010 06:50 - France

Spicy

Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 156

You deserved it 6 477

Another great day to be alive

Our house, in the middle of our street

Own it

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 16:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 779

You deserved it 5 636

By BohGlam - 01/12/2016 20:30

Today, my boss reprimanded me for my lack of media communications skills. It would be more understandable if I weren't a janitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 142

You deserved it 622

People of Walmart

By FayBerry88 - 04/07/2020 08:08

Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 430

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 666

You deserved it 10 042

By really - 13/11/2014 18:17 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 681

You deserved it 2 566

By nowork - 28/08/2013 03:21 - United States - Liverpool

Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 261

You deserved it 7 716

By Thatgirl112 - 08/09/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 941

You deserved it 4 875

By Vlen - 24/05/2015 02:38 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 844

You deserved it 3 413

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 182

You deserved it 3 036

Preventive measures

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 23:03

Today, a year after I moved out with no contact since, my former housemates texted me out of the blue to tell me I'm not invited to their wedding. Seems she thought I'd just turn up and "embarrass" myself. I never indicated that I intended or even wanted to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 69

By wellthisisbad - 29/02/2016 12:27 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I learned that not only am I pregnant, I'm too far along for an abortion. My husband and I originally bonded over the fact that we both hate children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 632

You deserved it 29 385

By a person - 05/03/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 618

You deserved it 12 783

No Chick-Hating on Easter!

By Anonymous - 01/04/2018 19:00

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend of 13 years. He broke up with me because "Chicks can't propose, that's gay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 328

You deserved it 706

By moonstone15 - 06/08/2011 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 088

You deserved it 4 223

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 980

You deserved it 6 878

By welpwelpwelp - 08/07/2015 17:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 870

You deserved it 1 934

By Oy Vay - 14/11/2016 06:09 - United States - Sparkill

Today, my daughter, whom I consigned a credit card for, told me she was in a bit of financial trouble. It turns out that she was trying to pay off her credit card with the same credit card her bill was for, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 829

You deserved it 1 176

By Anonymous - 07/12/2009 21:05 - Canada

Today, I signed up for a psych experiment. I was a damsel in distress on the side of the highway, but no one stopped. Back at the lab, another participant said a half dozen people helped her. The professor was testing how attractiveness effects altruism. I was the unattractive subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 317

You deserved it 3 669

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 22:00

Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 158

Science has gone too far

By Amanda - 15/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I went in for a full hysterectomy due to medical issues. I came out being 6 weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 137

By Dave B - 25/11/2011 06:59 - Reserved

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 419

You deserved it 2 687

By JeffeeBojangles - 28/02/2012 12:46 - United States

Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 396

You deserved it 2 544

Big lad

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 20:01

Today, I admit I’m a bit of a big lad, but I never knew how big until I was desperate for a shit so I sat on, and broke, a toilet, flooding the bathroom, at my girlfriend's parents house, the very first time I met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 16:41 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 360

You deserved it 4 307

By rarara - 30/10/2012 21:26 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 100

You deserved it 3 039

By daughterofanazi - 08/02/2012 05:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 679

You deserved it 4 631

By Username - 21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 446

You deserved it 10 157

By lakatkat - 19/08/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I found out on facebook that my supposed best friend bought a concert ticket to a show. The concert ticket was the exact same amount as the plane ticket she told me she couldn't afford to come see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 691

You deserved it 6 388

She goes to a different school

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 07:58

Spicy

Today, while on vacation, I lost my virginity to this really cute girl from Canada. I texted my older cousin to brag about it, to which he replied, “A girl from Canada? That’s the oldest cliché lie in the book.” I didn’t know it was cliché. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 193

By callofdutyhater - 21/08/2011 05:48 - United States

Today, I finally realized the reason my son's grades have been dropping so much. Every time I drop him off at his tutor's house, they play Call of Duty until I pick him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 826

You deserved it 5 920

By fredo - 19/03/2013 12:31 - United States - Ames

Spicy

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 901

You deserved it 23 959

By mk - 14/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 519

You deserved it 5 678

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 07:23 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I asked my dad why he only has pictures of me from when I was a little kid. Without skipping a beat, he said, "I only keep pictures from when I liked you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 127

You deserved it 2 348

By crap - 19/06/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I woke up extremely hungover. I couldn't find my car keys so I went out to my car to see if I had locked them inside. I walked back to the door of my apartment barefoot and empty handed, only to find that I had locked myself out of the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 849

You deserved it 44 802

By Cob - 03/02/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 160

You deserved it 2 406

By GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - 08/12/2013 23:44 - United States

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 745

You deserved it 17 240

By Taylor - 23/02/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, my sister and I had a bonding moment. It consisted of me plucking her chin hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 918

You deserved it 5 579

You tried

By briiiiiiii123 - 12/01/2015 07:56 - United States - Buffalo

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 354

You deserved it 7 703

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 19:00 - United States - Royersford

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 231

You deserved it 5 706

By walker - 04/10/2009 21:33 - United States

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 796

You deserved it 3 803

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:14

That makes no sense lying to your therapist...He or she is there to help fix a problem. I hope you don't lie to your doctor.

Rota 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:13

The only person you're hurting is yourself. dumbass.

Comments

dacho 7

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:12

You had to as in he made you as a part of a therapy, or? I don't get it, really :/

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:29

way to waste hundreds of dollars on a therapist. you can lie to anyone it makes no sense paying someone to listen to your lies op

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Saturday 30 January 2010 20:39

YDI for misusing your time with a doctor and wasting your own time and money.

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Sunday 31 January 2010 4:38

Uh, go work out and become more attractive.. Durrp?

missylewisasa 0

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Sunday 31 January 2010 17:56

douchebag!!

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Thursday 18 March 2010 4:17

what is sex

rockintothebeat 0

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Saturday 27 March 2010 20:23

why would you tell the/rapist anything about sex?

Rota 0

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:13

The only person you're hurting is yourself. dumbass.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:13

first but sorry for you

chloelovestoswim 6

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Wednesday 17 March 2010 3:06

^^^fail

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:14

That makes no sense lying to your therapist...He or she is there to help fix a problem. I hope you don't lie to your doctor.

dacho 7

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:15

#3 - Fail, but sorry for you.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 19:52

made my day

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:16

a therapist is suppose to make you feel better, but he had to lie to the therapist to feel better. the irony of it all.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:16

You're not supposed to lie to your therapist; he is trying to help you, and he can't if you give him false information. You're only hurting yourself...

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:21

OH NO LOOKZ LIKE U IZ GUNNA HAV TO LYKE...GO TEW A NEW THERAPIST CUS U LIED TU HER AND SHE WILL NEVAR BELIEVE YEW AGAIN AND LYKE YA AND LYKE I IZ LIKE SO SORRY CUZ LIKE YEAH. BC13 WILL, LYKE, NEVER DIEZZZZZZZ! $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$! n_n LYKE SCENEZ AYYA

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:28

I_is_a_tr00l learn how to spell. seriously that's just stupid spelling like that.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:42

i_is_a_tr00l us a troll

boredSOLDIER 33

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:53

BC13 motherfuckers bree bree lol

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:55

Really? Brokencyde? -.-

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Saturday 30 January 2010 17:27

someone... what 2 words make up therapiest? that may explain his curiousity

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:25

i_is_a_tr00l is fucking retarded why can't you spell

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Saturday 30 January 2010 18:58

cuz he's a troll, dumbass. lrn2use the internets plz.

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Saturday 30 January 2010 16:25

wow sucks for you

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 49

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 597