Miscellaneous: Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner...

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

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Miscellaneous

Walk on the wild side

Season finale

Persona non grata

By MartianTom - United States - Evanston

Today, the maintenance man for my building fixed my leaky sink. As he headed out the door, I said, "Thanks, Gus!" He turned around and said matter-of-factly, "My name is Eli." I've been addressing him as "Gus" for the past year and a half. FML

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By sotired - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my neighbour's puppy has developed separation anxiety. Every time my neighbour leaves for work, the puppy constantly whines and barks until he gets home. He works night shifts. FML

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By J-Sauce - Canada - Salmon Arm

Today, a girl I like asked me to a concert, saying she had an extra ticket. I ended up being the third wheel with her and her boyfriend. Had to pay $60 for the ticket too. FML

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By JK2010 - Israel

Today, my crush of over a year came over for me to take her on our first date. Today was also the day my drunk parents decided to dance the chicken dance in our front yard, naked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, at the age of 29, I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I lost our home, and are now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got dropped off at home, before 10, after having sex in a hay field. FML

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By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia - Dammam

Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML

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By youfuckingdumbassmum - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

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By ej6901 - United States - Ventnor City

Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML

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By awkwardpartybear - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I'm being evicted from my apartment on my birthday. FML

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By plzdontclapme

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

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By Amelia

Today, I’ve discovered that even if he brushes his teeth for 10 minutes straight, flosses, and rinses with mouthwash, my boyfriend’s breath still smells like a cross between sewage and rotting fish. I’m running out of excuses for not kissing him. FML

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By Vahootie - United States

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML

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By morgie96 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

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By Sybil90 - United States

Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

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By j_Lauren - United States

Today, my mom had the option of choosing anywhere in the world where we could go on vacation. We live in the USA and she chose to fly to Texas, rent an RV, and drive to Florida. Anywhere in the world. FML

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By Annoyed student

Today, after extensively researching how to properly use in text citations out of fear of my professor reporting me for citing my quotes incorrectly. She reported me instead for forgetting quotation marks on three of my proudly and properly cited quotes. FML

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By Ah piss - United States

Today, my roommate let me know he "bumped" another car with mine. What he really meant was that I need a new rear quarter panel and the very angry BMW driver he hit has all of my information. FML

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By Nyquilwtf - United States

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

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By Anonymous

Birthday Boy

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML

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By supersplatoon - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML

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By driverboy - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

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By someone - United States

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

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By Mightytall

It's always when your hands are full that your nose starts to itch

Today, I found the perfect position on the couch, both feet up comfortably and my two cats curled up in my lap. Then, my foot started to itch. FML

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By dontrapeme - United States

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

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By emergencyroom - United States - Parkton

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

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By little nokken - United States

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

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By heartbrokenhaley - United States - Brockton

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML

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By FauteuilEver Alone - France

Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML

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By gabby - Canada

Today, I was on the bus and a woman got on with her 3 young children. I offered her my seat so they could all sit together. When I went to get off the bus I realized I left my bag underneath my old seat. When I tried to get it back the woman hit me and yelled at me for trying to steal her purse. FML

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By courtbabbbby - United States

Today, I got banned on Club Penguin because I said "shit" while I was in a fight with another penguin about whose igloo is cooler. Shouldn't I have better things to do on a Friday night? FML

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By Timmay - United States

Today, I was on the deck of a sailboat and I started feeling seasick. I bent over the edge to throw up. After I stood back up, the wind changed direction and the boon swung around, knocking me into the open ocean. FML

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By 99jellybean - United States - Rochester

Today, a girl in my class threw a temper tantrum. Why? Because she wanted my seat. We're in high school. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML

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By frustrated - Hong Kong

Today, I met my boyfriend in Hong Kong after being apart for almost 6 months. We got to our room and got right down to business. I was just about to come when a voice came over the PA system in the room. "This is just a fire alarm test, sorry for any inconvenience." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

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Top comments

By puppie406 | 23

#6518394 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:40

Well, they don't call it a joint presentation for nothing, I guess.

By lightningclicks | 24

#6518414 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:45

I will never understand how some people could just throw their partners grade under the bus like that

COMMENTS

By dnissila | 10

#6518391 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:39

Maybe you need the joint she had.

By silky_mitts | 11

#6518392 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:40

I see what you did there ;)

By puppie406 | 23

#6518394 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:40

Well, they don't call it a joint presentation for nothing, I guess.

Thorzix | 23

#6518446 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:13

Beat me to it.

Oyas12 | 14

#6518820 - Sunday 24 January 2016 19:57

I. think she misinterpreted the "joint" part

Delphos | 13

#6519456 - Monday 25 January 2016 15:32

I want to like this but... it has 300 likes.

By jeffprobs | 20

#6518395 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:41

Those aren't antics, shes an asshole. I have no problem with drugs, but i do have a problem if you can't tell when and where you should be using them,

kimjongin | 5

#6518456 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:24

nahh you should have a problem with drugs too!

R2Y2 | 22

#6518502 - Sunday 24 January 2016 9:22

No one gives a fuck about bud anymore, 20, what does matter is that OP got screwed over by their partner.

bandaidstations | 28

#6518757 - Sunday 24 January 2016 18:31

I feel like if she had smoked weed, she would have still been able to present, and speak normally. Sounds like either opiates or barbiturate causing her to slur words and act out of it.

JustinJK | 21

#6518770 - Sunday 24 January 2016 18:47

she might have anxiety about presenting in front of people. if it's a large class she might have taken something to alleviate her nervousness, but overdone it.

By Burkiie45 | 10

#6518396 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:41

I hope she put a good strain in the spliff

By XXFMLXXQUEENXX | 29

#6518398 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:41

Talk to your teacher and explain the situation.

By kayayye | 22

#6518405 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:42

You should really talk to the teacher about it and try and get your grade changed. She sounds like a dumb bitch tbh and her getting high before a presentation shouldn't effect your grade.

By lightningclicks | 24

#6518414 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:45

I will never understand how some people could just throw their partners grade under the bus like that

tarlax | 11

#6518417 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:48

Or how some dogs can, for that matter.

Redgy22 | 26

#6518459 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:28

I see what you did here. Good one!!!

trice16 | 10

#6518595 - Sunday 24 January 2016 13:54

I'll never understand how people can pay for college and then do stuff like this while there. It's like throwing your tuition money down a drain.

By aeryn97 | 17

#6518420 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:49

sometimes professors see this and will give you more credit. don't lose hope.

By Bush_Did_711 | 18

#6518422 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:50

Maybe she didn't like your high on your house attitude

tarlax | 11

#6518438 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:59

You mean the attitude OP has about being screwed over, an attitude that came after the fact? Your comment makes zero sense, and you sound like a butthurt pothead.