Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner...

By Anonymous - 23/1/2016 10:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Season finale

Peaky Bladders

By deathstar3548 - 22/9/2014 10:58 - United States - Orlando

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

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By crankg - 21/10/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML

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By suspiciouspeople - 5/8/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8-9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2014 15:34 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

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By Puggle1019 - 17/7/2018 20:30

Today, my brother gave me a massive rope burn. He got a 30-second talk with our mother. I got an allergic reaction to the lotion used to ease the pain. My mother said I was overreacting. FML

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By [SiMON] - 6/1/2009 09:51 - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2019 04:30

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

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By B-ran - 5/1/2010 00:29 - France

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

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By Frazzled - 10/4/2011 10:59 - United States

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

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By pablito - 17/4/2014 10:37 - France - Bron

Today, I'm 25 years old, I've got an education and I only now found out in front of 15 people that, no, sparrows are not small pigeons that are going to grow up. FML

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By Brianna Michelle Ferrell - 18/9/2018 13:30

Today, I went on a date with a guy and he kept winking at me. I thought it was really sweet until later that night he told me he had Tourette's. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 11:12 - Australia - Hobart

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML

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By Lentil - 31/1/2012 13:13 - Australia

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

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By anon - 13/1/2014 01:53 - United States - Bullhead City

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2020 08:02 - New Zealand

Great gift idea!

Today, it was my birthday and my first present was finding out that my girlfriend of five years has been cheating on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2012 00:10 - United States

Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML

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By names suck and so do I - 8/8/2013 12:54 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2011 04:55 - United States

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

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By gemma - 11/9/2012 16:56 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML

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By Brayden - 10/1/2016 03:27 - Australia - Crib Point

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML

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By greeter - 18/10/2016 06:49 - Canada - Willow Grove

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

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By julichlove - 28/12/2015 00:52 - United States - Louisville

Today, I didn't feel like going to work, so I called in sick. Five hours later while out shopping, I got hit by a car at a crosswalk. Now I'm laid-up in the local hospital, really wishing I was with the guys at work. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2011 05:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. What was it over? He accused me of pronouncing MY name wrong. FML

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By deepblue - 24/1/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, we ordered pizza. A long wait and several phone calls later, we found out that someone met the delivery person at the end of our driveway, signed our receipt, and stole our pizza. Way to check the credit card pizza people. FML

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By 6u174r_d00d - 10/8/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

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By bossproblems - 17/10/2016 18:47 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out how my salesmen are "entertaining" themselves since they were told they can't have their cell phones on them. They are pulling straws to see who will pretend to trip and fall face-first onto the floor in front of customers. FML

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By GrandmaShakers - 2/6/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

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By xerrika - 3/6/2014 11:56 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

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By RheaDitto - 18/6/2019 01:08

Today, after sending and receiving hundreds of hints, I mustered up the courage to ask my best friend out. He completely ignored my words, and went on to tell me all about his mother's intestinal bug. FML

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By JeezAndAges - 24/11/2018 05:00

Today, I walked in on my nineteen-year-old stepson masturbating into a pair of my panties. His excuse? He thought they belonged to my 17-year-old daughter. FML

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By oliviakelly25 - 9/10/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2009 01:29 - United States

Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friend and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2020 02:00

Getting the point across

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

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By clingmaster - 9/9/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me. Two weeks ago she complained that I didn't act like I really loved her. I then became more involved and caring just for her to show my love. The reason she broke up with me? Because I was "suffocating her with clinginess." FML

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By BloodyButUnbowed - 24/11/2019 03:00

Sex, Different idea

Today, I was deceived into a contract to "edit" porn. It was sick, disgusting material which stirred up all my sexual-abuse-survivor issues and made me retch. When I went to my husband to tell him what happened, his only comment was "Is it hot?" FML

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By K3you - 4/7/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

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By Idontdance - 23/8/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden, my friend goes, "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambled to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and said, "Umm, I have to use the bathroom." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

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By lostforwords - 6/8/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

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By NoticeTheLackOfNumbers - 12/8/2009 22:43 - United States

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

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Top comments

By puppie406 | 23

#6518394 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:40

Well, they don't call it a joint presentation for nothing, I guess.

By lightningclicks | 24

#6518414 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:45

I will never understand how some people could just throw their partners grade under the bus like that

COMMENTS

By dnissila | 10

#6518391 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:39

Maybe you need the joint she had.

By silky_mitts | 11

#6518392 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:40

I see what you did there ;)

By puppie406 | 23

#6518394 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:40

Well, they don't call it a joint presentation for nothing, I guess.

Thorzix | 23

#6518446 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:13

Beat me to it.

Oyas12 | 14

#6518820 - Sunday 24 January 2016 19:57

I. think she misinterpreted the "joint" part

Delphos | 13

#6519456 - Monday 25 January 2016 15:32

I want to like this but... it has 300 likes.

By jeffprobs | 20

#6518395 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:41

Those aren't antics, shes an asshole. I have no problem with drugs, but i do have a problem if you can't tell when and where you should be using them,

kimjongin | 5

#6518456 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:24

nahh you should have a problem with drugs too!

R2Y2 | 22

#6518502 - Sunday 24 January 2016 9:22

No one gives a fuck about bud anymore, 20, what does matter is that OP got screwed over by their partner.

bandaidstations | 28

#6518757 - Sunday 24 January 2016 18:31

I feel like if she had smoked weed, she would have still been able to present, and speak normally. Sounds like either opiates or barbiturate causing her to slur words and act out of it.

JustinJK | 21

#6518770 - Sunday 24 January 2016 18:47

she might have anxiety about presenting in front of people. if it's a large class she might have taken something to alleviate her nervousness, but overdone it.

By Burkiie45 | 10

#6518396 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:41

I hope she put a good strain in the spliff

By XXFMLXXQUEENXX | 29

#6518398 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:41

Talk to your teacher and explain the situation.

By kayayye | 22

#6518405 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:42

You should really talk to the teacher about it and try and get your grade changed. She sounds like a dumb bitch tbh and her getting high before a presentation shouldn't effect your grade.

By lightningclicks | 24

#6518414 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:45

I will never understand how some people could just throw their partners grade under the bus like that

tarlax | 11

#6518417 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:48

Or how some dogs can, for that matter.

Redgy22 | 25

#6518459 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:28

I see what you did here. Good one!!!

trice16 | 10

#6518595 - Sunday 24 January 2016 13:54

I'll never understand how people can pay for college and then do stuff like this while there. It's like throwing your tuition money down a drain.

By aeryn97 | 17

#6518420 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:49

sometimes professors see this and will give you more credit. don't lose hope.

By Bush_Did_711 | 18

#6518422 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:50

Maybe she didn't like your high on your house attitude

tarlax | 11

#6518438 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:59

You mean the attitude OP has about being screwed over, an attitude that came after the fact? Your comment makes zero sense, and you sound like a butthurt pothead.