Miscellaneous: Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner...

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Facebook Science

No smoking

By Sherlock - France

Today, my youngest son had to have stitches in his chin. He did great, I passed out. FML

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By eebie jeebies - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

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By gracelynn980765

Today, it was the third time in a row someone has lost a boner inside of me. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

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By HereWeGoAgain - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

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By Anonymous

LOL AWKS

Today, I decided to finally tell my name to this really hot guy I had been anonymously chatting with for a couple of weeks. He said he would be fine with whoever I am, and want to go out with me. After sending my name, there was a long, awkward pause, and his last reply to me was, "Oh." FML

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By gettinghotinhere - United States - San Francisco

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

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By pictureperfect678 - United States

Today, I was in one of two hot tubs with my dad at a vacation resort, when 3 good looking guys walked into the pool area. My dad moved to the other hot tub so the guys could hang out in the one I was in. They came outside, passed my hot tub, and went into the one my dad just moved into. FML

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By saddude - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

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By fmal - United States

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

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By GoulashQueen - Australia - Brunswick

Good food

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 05:01

Ideal first date

Today, I went on a date where the guy got drunk off 11 White Claws, I got 18 ant bites (yes, I counted), stung by a yellow jacket, and lost both pairs of our shoes. He told me he was going to a strip club after, messed up my name 3 times and didn’t pay for anything. FML

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By happyshit - United States

Today, I was driving when I saw someone pulled over on the side of the road. Wanting to help, I pulled over. In so doing, I ran over a nail, which popped my tire. The guy had just pulled over to pee. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 20:00

Tasty

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

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By me - United States

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight over household expenses. He's never had a job in his life, but this didn't stop him demanding that I get another full-time job to pay for video games and beer. FML

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By grossedout - United States - Endicott

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

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By Chatons - Switzerland

Today, my kittens hunted and killed their first prey. My hamster. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cleveland

Today, I asked my dad for advice. I recently got drunk and had a one-night stand. I feel terrible, because I'm engaged to a wonderful lady. My dad just said, "You did the right thing, son, keep it up. She's gonna steal half ya shit in the divorce anyway". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

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By Actor - United States

Today, I joined my school's film-making club so I could get an opportunity to act in the club president's screenplays. It turns out her idea of a tragedy is a creepy, sci-fi version of Romeo and Juliet, with elves, starring her as the perfect Mary Sue style lead character. I can't get out of this. FML

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By RedEye - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

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By ahddib - United States

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

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By NextAmericanIdol? - United States - Bowie

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Happy Birthday

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

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By Chumpee - United States - Akron

Today, after years busting my hump for my father's business with the understanding of one day taking it over, he informed me that my nephew, who has never shown any interest in the company, is being brought in to take it over. FML

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By GreenScar - United States

Today, my brother's new girlfriend, who is blind, asked to feel my face so she could tell what I look like. She said I was "unique". A blind chick just told me I was ugly. FML

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By makeyourselfathome - Australia - Richmond

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

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By unaware - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

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By vanessa_d15 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

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By lilshoobydoo14 - United States

Today, I met a guy that I liked. We really hit it off, that is until his parents walked by and he started begging them, down on his hands and knees, to buy him a new video game. FML

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By annoyed teen - United States - Boise

Today, I had to work at the restaurant instead of going to the prom, which nobody asked me out to. For five hours, I got to shamefully greet and seat people on their way home from the prom, all of whom knew I was too lame to get asked out. FML

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By newbffswelcome - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 01:08 - United States - Joplin

Mortified

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

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By WaffleJesus - United States

Today, my husband is sulking because I wouldn't let him do what he's always wanted to do: throw our cat out the second floor window to see if she would land safely and on all fours. FML

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By Dunnie

Today, my aunt was itchy down there and sent me to buy a vaginal cream at the pharmacy. The pharmacist was a cute boy and was flirting with me. I said I needed a cream and he asked what for. When I said vaginal cream, he stopped smiling, got the cream, and said, "Good luck." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was running with two other women when a guy started tailing us in his car and catcalling. I quickly got fed up and gave him the finger. Turns out, he's the husband of one of the women I was running with. For the next half hour, I had to listen to her go on about how adorable he was. She totally saw what I did. FML

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By hamboneghost - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

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By furious parent

Today, I caught my mother telling my 11-year-old daughter that if she wants to be happy in life, she needs to start exercising now, because fat can creep up on you, and rich guys never marry fat girls with nice personalities. I was fuming. FML

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Top comments

By puppie406 | 23

#6518394 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:40

Well, they don't call it a joint presentation for nothing, I guess.

By lightningclicks | 24

#6518414 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:45

I will never understand how some people could just throw their partners grade under the bus like that

COMMENTS

By dnissila | 10

#6518391 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:39

Maybe you need the joint she had.

By silky_mitts | 11

#6518392 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:40

I see what you did there ;)

By puppie406 | 23

#6518394 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:40

Well, they don't call it a joint presentation for nothing, I guess.

Thorzix | 23

#6518446 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:13

Beat me to it.

Oyas12 | 14

#6518820 - Sunday 24 January 2016 19:57

I. think she misinterpreted the "joint" part

Delphos | 14

#6519456 - Monday 25 January 2016 15:32

I want to like this but... it has 300 likes.

By jeffprobs | 20

#6518395 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:41

Those aren't antics, shes an asshole. I have no problem with drugs, but i do have a problem if you can't tell when and where you should be using them,

kimjongin | 5

#6518456 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:24

nahh you should have a problem with drugs too!

R2Y2 | 22

#6518502 - Sunday 24 January 2016 9:22

No one gives a fuck about bud anymore, 20, what does matter is that OP got screwed over by their partner.

bandaidstations | 28

#6518757 - Sunday 24 January 2016 18:31

I feel like if she had smoked weed, she would have still been able to present, and speak normally. Sounds like either opiates or barbiturate causing her to slur words and act out of it.

JustinJK | 21

#6518770 - Sunday 24 January 2016 18:47

she might have anxiety about presenting in front of people. if it's a large class she might have taken something to alleviate her nervousness, but overdone it.

By Burkiie45 | 10

#6518396 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:41

I hope she put a good strain in the spliff

By XXFMLXXQUEENXX | 29

#6518398 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:41

Talk to your teacher and explain the situation.

By kayayye | 22

#6518405 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:42

You should really talk to the teacher about it and try and get your grade changed. She sounds like a dumb bitch tbh and her getting high before a presentation shouldn't effect your grade.

By lightningclicks | 24

#6518414 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:45

I will never understand how some people could just throw their partners grade under the bus like that

tarlax | 11

#6518417 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:48

Or how some dogs can, for that matter.

Redgy22 | 26

#6518459 - Sunday 24 January 2016 7:28

I see what you did here. Good one!!!

trice16 | 10

#6518595 - Sunday 24 January 2016 13:54

I'll never understand how people can pay for college and then do stuff like this while there. It's like throwing your tuition money down a drain.

By aeryn97 | 17

#6518420 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:49

sometimes professors see this and will give you more credit. don't lose hope.

By Bush_Did_711 | 18

#6518422 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:50

Maybe she didn't like your high on your house attitude

tarlax | 11

#6518438 - Sunday 24 January 2016 6:59

You mean the attitude OP has about being screwed over, an attitude that came after the fact? Your comment makes zero sense, and you sound like a butthurt pothead.