Money: Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective...

By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I had to choose between living with my over protective dad who only uses me for free childcare, or my pot smoking mom who always needs to borrow money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 656

You deserved it 2 994

Money

Dementia or hate? You decide

Best teeth in the game

You tried

Nice neighborhood

By dinkley7 - 25/04/2021 02:00

Today, the cops showed up at my work because people were fighting in the parking lot. This is a nightly occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 53

By licensed_ginger - 08/01/2015 18:44 - United States - Barberton

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 393

You deserved it 4 337

By Anonymous - 25/06/2013 21:45 - United States - Plainsboro

Today, while life-guarding in a 55+ community, I greeted a man by saying: "Good morning Sir!" He responded with, "Cut the shit kid, I'm not that fucking old." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 828

You deserved it 5 935

Priorities

By Earths_Venus - 19/11/2009 22:31 - Australia

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it - and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 776

You deserved it 35 650

By ColoredPencil13 - 10/05/2014 13:35 - United States - Baytown

Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 054

You deserved it 4 862

By titkip - 02/04/2016 00:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I am too demanding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 699

You deserved it 9 486

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 067

You deserved it 91 292

By blakeintheoffice - 08/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 402

You deserved it 3 705

Out of it

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 04:01

Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, I talked to my boss about scheduling my urgently needed surgery. She asked me to wait until after Christmas, and told me that I should use vacation time instead of sick leave. She's also not going to give me the total paid time off my contract specifies, because it's "inconvenient." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 962

You deserved it 2 331

By imfromtexas02 - 06/06/2009 14:03 - United States

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 380

You deserved it 12 600

Fire hydrant

By Chad - 06/11/2020 07:54 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was sleeping after having worked 76 hours over the last week on night shift, only to be woken up by a fire alarm in the hotel I'm staying in. I rushed to put on some clothes and head out, but couldn't hide my morning wood, which would not go away. People took pictures as we were waiting to be let back inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 98

By FianceFlaw? - 25/11/2018 14:00

Today, I went to the courthouse to apply for my marriage license and had my mother tag along with me. When I asked one of five security guards where to go, my mom looked at him and said,"You’re suppose to talk her out of it." Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 258

By hayah - 21/02/2010 06:08 - France

Today, I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 350

You deserved it 23 292

By HellaBomber91 - 20/11/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 062

You deserved it 40 578

That's not how it works

By Anonymous - 05/09/2021 02:01

Today, I babysat the neighbors’ evil kids. They dropped them over at my house and I played with them for five hours. After taking the brats back home and putting them to bed, their mother asked me what time I came back to the house. She only paid me for the 20 minutes I was in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 111

By flaps - 19/08/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 699

You deserved it 95 317

By NewRoommateNeededASAP - 13/10/2016 01:29 - United States

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 555

You deserved it 734

Good night, sleep tight

By jjkk - 23/01/2021 05:02

Today, I have been trying to stop sleeping during the day, so I decided to clean my room to keep myself awake. Four hours later, I woke up on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 07/07/2009 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 793

You deserved it 62 893

By Anonymous - 06/03/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 552

You deserved it 49 762

By Anonymous - 13/11/2011 08:40 - Canada

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 867

You deserved it 2 484

By Waste Someone Else's Time - 28/06/2015 05:06 - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 751

You deserved it 2 578

Don't listen to Cosmo

By FMBs - 30/04/2014 23:40 - Puerto Rico - Guaynabo

Today, my girlfriend got the brilliant idea of trying out a sex tip dreamed up by one of the glorified trolls at Cosmo. I think my balls are broken beyond repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 630

You deserved it 7 180

By clitty clitty bang bang - 13/04/2012 22:40 - United States - Brownsville

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 854

You deserved it 2 887

No feeling - Just conversation

By Anonymous - 22/11/2019 18:00

Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 211

You deserved it 851

Drama queen

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 01:58

Today, I found out that the woman I could fall in love with is dating a friend of mine. I think I will end up alone, and die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 286

By SnapeIsGood - 08/11/2016 09:44 - Germany - Kornwestheim

Today, I hit the gym. With my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 312

You deserved it 1 830

A nightmare

By charapos - 05/11/2021 08:00

Today, at 4.20 a.m., I'm awake, scrolling through this app for no reason other than to procrastinate going to sleep and having to deal with yet more inevitable nightmares and weird dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 139

Slip of the tongue

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 23:00

Today, a few army recruiters came to my school to discuss their jobs with us. When asked to say our name and what we wanted to do when we were older, I said I wanted to be a prosecutor. Everyone started laughing. Turns out everyone thought I said prostitute, including the recruiters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 169

By broke - 09/07/2016 07:36

Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 387

You deserved it 2 664

By 0h_Boy - 20/04/2016 20:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my wife and I were Skyping, when she decided to put on a "show" for me. Seconds before she was about to climax, we lost internet connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 768

You deserved it 2 514

By essay2 - 24/09/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 188

You deserved it 83 193

By Mel - 07/05/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 907

You deserved it 12 941

By jauregz - 25/05/2017 00:00 - Australia - Lalor

Today, my neighbours had an extremely loud party, which began at midnight and didn't end until 6. I know this because I had a 15 minute sleep, seeing as I had to wake up at quarter past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 892

You deserved it 344

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 164

You deserved it 2 995

Same thing

By fml - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 684

You deserved it 2 418

By Madmanmorton - 16/06/2011 18:34 - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 114

You deserved it 47 162

By Anonymous - 02/05/2013 06:29 - United States

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 026

You deserved it 17 838

By teddyissmall - 14/04/2014 06:29 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 752

You deserved it 7 385

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Top comments

squirell_AIDS69 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:03

Choose your dad. At least he isn't always trying to bum money from you.

austin1414 3

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:00

duuuuddee ur mom is like... what was I even saying...DUDUUDDEE

austin1414 3

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:00

duuuuddee ur mom is like... what was I even saying...DUDUUDDEE

penguaro 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:43

POT SMOKING mom go wit her

OhShuttup 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 10:09

Sharing is caring!

JNaftel 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 12:13

definatly go and smoke a couple bowls with your mom.

sheehan35 2

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 16:33

yeah chill with ur mom nothings worse than an overprotective parent

DuckOnAStick 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 19:39

#1 has obviously never smoked pot.

fakeaccountX 6

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 20:42

Baby I got a plan: run away as fast as you can!

Ronnie_loves_you 11

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 22:20

OP should chose dad. I'd rather have an over protective parent that at least cares than have a person who doesn't give a rats ass about me.

tttiffany 0

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 1:59

I'd chose dad, threaten him that if he is too over protective I would move with mom and smoke pot. That should do it!

PuppiesFTW 5

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 4:35

go with ur dad

iVereor 0

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 14:32

Don't think 110 get the memo. What kind of caring dad would only use you for child care money, go with mommy before daddy wants more money and decides to pimp you.

da_page09 0

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 23:54

No, he doesn't take the money, she does. He just uses her to watch his other kids.

taureanbeauty293 0

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Thursday 30 December 2010 6:01

What did you choose, OP?

ZachMitch1994 0

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Thursday 30 December 2010 7:59

I agree with 110

doyougiveacrap 0

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Saturday 18 June 2011 21:23

110 your eyes scare me

love0128 5

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 10:38

I LOVE her eyes!!

love0128 5

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 10:41

you have gorgeous eyes!!

AllyyK 9

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Monday 16 January 2012 10:27

Lol #110 Did you even read the FML? 'Over protective dad who ONLY uses me for free child care' Yeah, he REALLY cares about her. He only cares about the free child care. I think you have it mixed up, it seems like the DAD doesn't 'give a rats ass' about her. And it sounds like maybe the mom cares about her, but she just needs money all of the time. MAYBE she cares. The real FML would be if they BOTH didn't care abou her. I'd still rather live with the dad, even if he only wants the free child care. Atleast he wouldn't be asking for money for drugs all the time.

Comoke1024 19

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Tuesday 11 February 2014 17:03

You say that like it's a bad thing :)

NeutralBear 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:02

Wow.

iHaveADream_ 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 12:31

I'd pick dad. but if your old enough , you should move into an apartment with a roommate or two .

FMLJFL 5

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Saturday 28 July 2012 0:06

If the dad is overprotective doesn't that mean he cares somewhat about you? Better than a mom who leeches off you.

squirell_AIDS69 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:03

Choose your dad. At least he isn't always trying to bum money from you.

nikki_4eva 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 11:07

yea but still he's taking money frm her!!

valri3 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 13:52

OP has probably already chose who to go with.

ArthursLifeSucks 2

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 16:23

Your mom's an f'ing deadbeat. At least your dad needs child care because he might be out working. Daddy knows best.

XxKyttixX 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:04

personally I would go with dad. choose wisely OP.

msapp2 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 16:46

i agree i would go with the good parrent

sexyscooter 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 18:19

i choose.... #4!!!

whoisthisgirl 4

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 18:31

I'd choose the dad too

tamiami247 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 20:46

I choose you, PIKACHU!! :) *yayforretardedcomments* ♥

bagginzy 14

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 3:37

I choose #4 as well. And not just because of her comment if you know what I mean ;) just kidding, kytti!! :)

Zayna_604 0

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 9:34

hahaha u accually laughed at this. good job :)

Zayna_604 0

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 9:39

i meant *I accually... and it was for #108.

machiko_fml 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

fabrizio_fml 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 11:22

choose mom become a drug dealer sell drugs to mom. profitt

canucksnhl 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 11:44

fabrizio, great idea

rd_404 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 11:58

frabzio that wouldn't work because the mom takes money from the kid. read it more carefully

anma_fml 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 18:01

no, stick with your dad. not your mom.

sweetcheeksjvl 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 20:20

this kinda reminds me of weeds.That sucks OP both of your parents wanna milk money out of you.I say the best choice is going with your mom.

fluorescentadole_fml 8

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 18:17

fabrizio... MORETTI??!!

seniors 5

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:05

Choose ur dad, at least he won't make u wanna smoke pot, or take money from u

docscientist 9

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 12:37

Pots not the problem. It's the stealing of money.

xXSweetNightmare 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 18:26

61- I think OP's mom smoking pot is part of the problem. If not, why would OP have even mentioned it if it didn't bother them?

leothekitty 3

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 22:08

The reason she is always borrowing money is because she smokes pot and needs money to buy more.

FYLDeep 25

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:08

How does this whole free childcare scheme work out? Does that just mean that he doesn't have to pay your mom money for you to live with her? Live with your Dad. Your mom would probably spend childcare money on weed anyway.