Transportation: Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 183

04/07/2016 17:59

Today, I had to awkwardly sit next to my ex and her mother on a 2-hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 417

You deserved it 2 273

BO Central

The smell detective is on the case

Can't do the time? Don't do the crime!

06/06/2013 18:47

Today, my little sister was scared to sleep alone, so my parents made her sleep in bed with me. I barely slept, due to the utter terror of waking up to her chanting into my ear in a low whisper, "This is where you die, this is where you die..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 267

You deserved it 3 864

Gratitude walks

By funnywoe - 19/07/2020 20:01

Today, my uncle is staying with my family and he just gave me the weirdest 'gift' I've ever gotten. He gave me his used shaver. He said he realized that it's for women, but I find this disgusting. I could maybe sanitize it, but then I would have to touch the hairs on it. I had to pretend to be truly grateful for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 159

Jaws 2: A Pig in the City

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 02:03

Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 203

26/09/2012 01:48

Spicy

Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 313

You deserved it 3 329

My husband the shitgibbon

By NotYetThanks - 23/07/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 106

Zeitgeist

By Ariel - 05/10/2020 10:02

Today, my dishes smelled so perfume-y after going through the dishwasher and a clean glass of water tasted soapy. I checked the pods my husband bought and loaded into the dishwasher to make sure we never got that brand again. They were laundry detergent pods. I was essentially a millennial eating a Tide Pod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 251

03/10/2012 16:29

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 882

You deserved it 5 373

Stress level: 2020

By Anonymous - 27/09/2020 19:02

Today, after pushing myself really hard all week to find a new job, I was looking forward to having a nice relaxing weekend with my family. Nope, I got a migraine and can barely function, but also can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 69

14/03/2013 02:15

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 944

You deserved it 5 841

13/01/2010 08:07

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 602

You deserved it 4 500

12/11/2012 13:29

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 731

You deserved it 3 989

30/09/2011 01:33

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 940

You deserved it 28 292

Dick move

By Gabby - 14/06/2021 04:01

Today, a police officer showed up to my house and informed me that my boyfriend was killed in an accident. Later, I found out it was a prank set up by a friend. He thought faking his death would be easier than confessing that he was leaving me for someone else. He didn’t want to see me get "upset". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 50

14/11/2015 07:20

Today, the man of my dreams turned out to be the worst kisser I've ever encountered. I now have a huge hickey on my chin to remember the experience by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 826

You deserved it 2 317

All in the family

By notasgood - 12/01/2010 23:54

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 399

You deserved it 3 318

Testimony night

By Anonymous - 15/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 466

05/10/2012 00:28

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 829

You deserved it 3 070

29/12/2009 18:52

Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 504

You deserved it 6 860

Unwelcome

By kaipodable - 06/10/2021 15:30

Today, my boyfriend told me that I can no longer sleep over at his house because his cat doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 677

You deserved it 4 596

07/09/2011 05:59

Today, my parents canceled the Internet at our house because they view it as a "passing fad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 682

You deserved it 2 379

29/06/2012 20:48

Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 614

You deserved it 3 663

31/10/2011 16:13

Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 305

You deserved it 6 486

07/12/2009 06:06

Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 671

You deserved it 41 055

31/05/2016 20:12

Today, I was trying to go for number 2 while drying my hair so that my boy friend won't hear me do it. The lock on the door was broken, and he saw how good I am at multitasking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 134

You deserved it 2 688

25/01/2011 07:19

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 009

You deserved it 3 508

Thief

By anonymous - 28/10/2014 03:40

Spicy

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 837

You deserved it 39 678

11/12/2009 21:04

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 068

You deserved it 3 273

24/01/2009 01:03

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I am interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 031

You deserved it 11 627

Drives

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, and for months now, the meds that stop me from killing myself have killed my sex drive. My boyfriend, being stressed at work, initially assured me that his was also non existent and not to worry. I found out he's been wanking every day and hiding it from me so I don't feel bad. Now I know, I feel fucking awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 215

You deserved it 574

05/04/2012 04:13

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 067

You deserved it 3 460

19/01/2015 22:07

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 548

You deserved it 3 103

10/03/2009 01:03

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 115

You deserved it 3 288

14/02/2016 19:20

Today, my boss gave me some mentorship. She told me, "You need to learn to let people do things for you. Until then, I'm going to micromanage your project because I want it done my way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 453

You deserved it 1 392

07/06/2015 21:48

Today, an old lady in public transport yelled at me and my dog, called me a liar, and threw her grape soda over me because according to her my pet Shiba Inu was actually a fox, and keeping foxes as pets is illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 716

You deserved it 1 806

09/07/2019 02:00

Today, it's only been a week since I've been in my new apartment with my boyfriend, and I already caught him cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 189

21/09/2016 19:16

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 777

You deserved it 1 149

This Is Us

By CrackHouseBaby - 16/10/2019 12:00

Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 141

29/01/2012 00:10

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 446

You deserved it 3 515

Roommates from hell

By Anonymous - 08/03/2021 08:01

Today, my brother and I were nearly made homeless by a good friend and roommate, because after repeatedly leading on my brother, and admitting she’s disrespected me all along, she and her boyfriend took off suddenly without a word of notice, leaving us to a house we can't afford alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 85

24/02/2012 23:01

Today, I dolled myself up and hit the campus gym, hoping to leave with a cute boy's number. I left in a stretcher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 990

You deserved it 32 329

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Monday 4 July 2016 22:39

Sounds like a good time to try skydiving for the first time, OP

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Monday 4 July 2016 22:47

Seems like a good time to tell them all about how great your life has been lately, or shrink into a tiny ball and try to disappear...

Comments

RuffDaScholar 16

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Monday 4 July 2016 22:37

Well that was a long 2 hours

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Tuesday 5 July 2016 7:58

that's what she said

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Tuesday 5 July 2016 22:04

You don't say?

Cauldroup 13

Saturday 9 July 2016 14:35

First time I saw number 1 comment have 0 votes.

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Monday 4 July 2016 22:39

Sounds like a good time to try skydiving for the first time, OP

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Monday 4 July 2016 23:18

without a parachute, i should add.

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Monday 4 July 2016 22:47

Seems like a good time to tell them all about how great your life has been lately, or shrink into a tiny ball and try to disappear...

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Monday 4 July 2016 23:01

I was stuck behind a dude who didn't stop farting the entire 10 hour flight! Nightmare.

AlmostDiffident 9

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Monday 4 July 2016 23:08

Nope Airlines: Coming to an airport near you.

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Monday 4 July 2016 23:09

Good time to show her what she missed

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Monday 4 July 2016 23:18

It depends on who ended things. If it was you then I picture this scenario You: Uhmm, how have you been? Her: ... *gives you the death glare* Mum: Sneers If it was her though, you are in the clear. She's the one who will be feeling most awkward. Either way, just give them a friendly 'Good day', put on a movie and ignore them (unless they try to initiate an amicable conversation with you).

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Tuesday 5 July 2016 18:49

It would still be awkward regardless who ended it if there's still feelings involved.

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Tuesday 5 July 2016 0:10

The actual fuck ?

amayraniescobar 15

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Tuesday 5 July 2016 1:09

At least it was a 2hour flight not a 12h.

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Tuesday 5 July 2016 2:20

They should give you a sympathy upgrade to 1st class.