Love: Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for public sex. FML - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 336

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 126

25/04/2015 20:05

Today, I had to arrest my own boyfriend for public sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 577

You deserved it 3 331

Stop talking!

Our house, in the middle of our street

This Charming Man

19/05/2011 23:05

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 4 955

14/05/2009 21:09

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 352

You deserved it 3 716

10/10/2015 04:33

Spicy

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 246

You deserved it 5 052

A dealer of both drugs and hugs

By fallingforfakenamesandmindgames - 27/07/2017 13:00

Today, I found out that the reason why the guy I took home from the bar seemed to understand everything about me instantly was because he was my ex's secret drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 634

You deserved it 477

28/09/2011 22:16

Spicy

Today, I was called a pervert. On a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 611

You deserved it 56 644

01/07/2019 12:00

Today, I received a book about sailboats. I'd ordered a book about makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 163

14/06/2011 13:56

Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 644

You deserved it 13 797

Conspiracy.

By Anonymous - 16/02/2017 14:00

Today, immediately after placing my order and paying for my meal, the Chinese takeout place lost all power. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 567

You deserved it 430

15/04/2009 18:19

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 196

You deserved it 72 509

25/03/2015 19:00

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 778

You deserved it 4 914

Welcome to hell

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 15:01

Today, after meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, I found out that he, his sister and their father enjoy talking loudly over the person who is currently talking, because what anyone else says is not worth listening to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 86

Secret sex

By anonymous - 01/12/2019 14:00

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 432

06/05/2009 17:04

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 297

You deserved it 83 762

Cracking

By Jennifer Sara Harms - 01/02/2021 05:01

Today, I was so stressed out from my ex harassing me that I took a chewable pill that’s made for anxiety and it broke my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 92

25/03/2017 14:00

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 525

You deserved it 312

22/08/2013 03:00

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 058

You deserved it 5 833

17/02/2010 20:44

Today, I was in school and spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 356

You deserved it 37 757

20/05/2013 23:07

Today, I was notified that the company did not give me a raise two months ago like I thought. The increase was a typo. Two months ago I wrote a thank you for the raise email to my boss. Now I get to write a check to the company to pay back my "raise." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 663

You deserved it 3 205

26/12/2011 12:11

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 873

You deserved it 3 225

To catch a predator

By not to blame - 07/09/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend’s family, whom I’ve known since I was in elementary school, now completely hate and blame me for "ruining their precious baby boy’s life." I'd called the police and reported him after finding out he cheated on me with not one, but several high school girls. We’re in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 173

31/03/2011 21:53

Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 812

You deserved it 5 067

15/01/2009 11:43

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 036

You deserved it 23 156

03/09/2011 16:33

Today, my friends happily announced that although they had been cut, they were still going to be playing on the school's volleyball team. The rumor going around is that everyone who tried out made the team. I never got a call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 427

You deserved it 2 906

03/08/2011 01:47

Today, while leaving work, I noticed a woman struggling with her wheelchair. Trying to be kind, I grabbed the handles and began to push her. A few moments later, the front wheels caught on something and I ended up dumping her onto the ground. Now my coworkers all think I'm a huge douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 475

You deserved it 5 682

Stoner Logic

By Anonymous - 07/08/2017 00:30

Spicy

Today, I've been sleeping with my drug dealer from high school who I still buy pot from for the past week. He made me go down on him a few days ago and he smelled funny but I didn't say anything. Today, he told me he only showers 2-3 times a month and he thinks he's a genius for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 168

You deserved it 11 190

09/07/2011 14:34

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 465

You deserved it 3 600

13/12/2010 09:16

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 570

You deserved it 6 169

04/12/2012 16:17

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 979

You deserved it 2 936

Hey, Big Spender!

By El Sayer - 03/03/2020 23:01

Today, I put a lock on my account because of several unknown purchases for large amounts. Turns out it was my girlfriend, without asking. Who is now mad at me for blocking her parcels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 164

24/08/2018 00:00

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my child was going to become paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 987

You deserved it 153

29/01/2009 00:33

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 429

You deserved it 3 110

28/07/2015 01:27

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 007

You deserved it 1 882

07/06/2016 22:38

Today, after finally applying myself and busting my butt all semester, I found out the school is accusing me of cheating because they couldn't believe I could have gotten near-perfect grades considering my grade history. If this is how society rewards academic turnarounds, why do I even bother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 876

You deserved it 1 175

23/03/2009 06:43

Spicy

Today, when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling and asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex for the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 178

You deserved it 30 699

10/10/2011 07:16

Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 006

You deserved it 3 536

15/09/2013 04:02

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 410

You deserved it 6 545

05/01/2013 05:37

Spicy

Today, my uncle keeps spamming me on Facebook with friend suggestions. Most of them are people he met on porn sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 279

You deserved it 2 117

03/11/2011 16:13

Today, I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 553

You deserved it 44 978

26/06/2011 21:17

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 773

You deserved it 8 866

02/10/2009 05:34

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 107

You deserved it 12 364

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Top comments

princesspeachxox 18

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:37

Not only did you dodge a bullet but you got to arrest the cheating bastard yourself :)

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:41

Tell him you hope he drops the soap

Comments

kikoma 32

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:36

Shouldn't he be ex boyfriend now?

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:46

No no no . First conjugal visit sex and then fugitive sex before you break up. Jeeze what are you taught in school these days .

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Sunday 26 April 2015 17:29

If he's not then OP would be an idiot

IWishIWasObama 12

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Sunday 26 April 2015 23:22

Nah, the OP just pulled a bait and switch on him.

iLOVEbbs78138 3

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Tuesday 28 April 2015 21:05

Exactly what I was thinking #1.

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Thursday 30 April 2015 7:25

Yes, but if she would have written "ex boyfriend" then we weren't gonna think it was her boyfriend in that moment

larsvH 14

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:37

Your ex now, I think?

mistress_paz 30

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:37

He should know better than to mess with an officer!

Jak0p 25

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:43

I don't think it was like "hey officer, I am going to fuck that girl right here at the park. what 'ya gonna do?" Cops have some private life, too.

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Sunday 26 April 2015 17:13

@11 - That's just foreplay.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Monday 27 April 2015 6:46

I think 3 means he should've known better than to cheat on someone who owns a gun. ;)

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Monday 27 April 2015 15:37

That didn't stop one of my ex's, 76.

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Monday 27 April 2015 15:54

Apparently the problem was that he was messing with someone OTHER than an officer.

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:37

I wanna know more but I kinda don't...hell with it tell the rest

princesspeachxox 18

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:37

Not only did you dodge a bullet but you got to arrest the cheating bastard yourself :)

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:52

My thoughts exactly. It would be my PLEASURE to arrest the fucktard.

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Sunday 26 April 2015 22:40

I would be more in a shock because I assume OP was called on duty or found them messing around. I think it will please OP in sone days when she thinks back.

Brandi_Faith 33

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Monday 27 April 2015 6:48

Those were my thoughts too. Although at the time op was probably too stunned & hurt to enjoy the moment. Op, relish in the thought that you got to do what many people who have been cheated on would love to do! Hope you banged his head on the way in the car.

BoredomIsReal 13

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Monday 27 April 2015 22:14

What if her boyfriend was trying to have sex with her and she realized they were in public

xluciferx666 21

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:39

That would be very awkward I imagine on the plus side you get the last laugh even though it's bittersweet

VibratingMeerkat 22

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:39

Sorry that you had to go through that, OP. Atleast you got to arrest him for it.

feven 32

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:39

I'm guessing he was doing it with someone else?

feven 32

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:47

Why can't you delete comments on FML?

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:55

No shit he was, #8.

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:59

Because if you fuck up, the FML staff makes sure you never live it down. Great observation, BTW.

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:39

Is there a better way to get revenge than to arrest his ass?

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Sunday 26 April 2015 22:42

Cut his dick off and don't get caught?

blackbeltpsycho 16

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Tuesday 28 April 2015 9:56

Telling the officers in booking to do a full cavity search?

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Sunday 26 April 2015 16:41

Tell him you hope he drops the soap

interesting33 36

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Sunday 26 April 2015 17:57

that sounds like hoping he would get raped - and no one deserves that, even if he cheated.

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Monday 27 April 2015 7:54

Hes not going to prison. He'll just pay a fine, if that. Come on. Snap back to reality.