Miscellaneous: Today, I had to admit to my parents that the reason I don't want... - FML

26/11/2010 00:08 - United States

Today, I had to admit to my parents that the reason I don't want a sixteenth birthday party isn't because I'm being spoiled and I expected my parents to take me on a lavish vacation, but because I don't have any friends to invite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 971

You deserved it 4 689

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Stranded

31/10/2014 23:28 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 758

You deserved it 2 687

19/07/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 629

You deserved it 5 440

Sixth sense

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 17:01 - United States - Wyoming

Today, I started crying at work for absolutely no reason. My pregnant coworker walked up to me and said, "Pregnancy hormones, huh?" I never even told her I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 198

30/08/2010 17:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 519

You deserved it 16 169

18/03/2015 07:06 - United States

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 2 423

19/03/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 771

You deserved it 8 605

23/04/2015 09:04 - United States

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 904

You deserved it 2 482

19/06/2012 10:32 - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 323

You deserved it 2 719

28/03/2013 13:52 - United States - Staten Island

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 309

You deserved it 2 843

17/12/2008 04:10 - France

Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 130

You deserved it 2 380

30/12/2014 09:57 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 081

You deserved it 2 964

Irony

By DeepCleanAcne - 02/09/2017 20:00

Today, I found out that my intense acne is actually an allergic reaction to the "deep clean" product I've been using to reduce it. I've been using this product for the past ten years. Ten years of suffering through "acne" could have been easily avoided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 752

You deserved it 1 136

03/04/2013 16:57 - United States

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 700

You deserved it 15 582

27/08/2015 17:44 - United States - Humble

Today, I went to my fiance's cousin's wedding with him. I got drunk and danced like a stripper in front of his entire extended family, who I'd just met that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 513

You deserved it 32 423

26/01/2016 11:40 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Thames

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 559

You deserved it 3 111

Almost there

By Anonymous - 22/04/2020 14:03

Today, I discovered that my contract start date is exactly 2 days outside of the furlough date. Meaning instead of taking 80% of my salary, I'm only getting 40% (thanks to the company). This would be fine if I hadn't just moved countries to get this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 155

14/12/2018 03:00

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 744

You deserved it 368

11/02/2009 22:05 - Canada

Today, I took my dog to the vet and she was diagnosed with obesity. The vet then told me that dogs usually imitate their owners eating and behavior habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 597

You deserved it 27 217

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 20:00

Today, I went to a dispensary to find relief for my chronic back pain. Turns out THC and my anxiety don't mix. I've been freaking out/paranoid/hyper diligent all night. I'm out $200, but at least thanks to my panic, I forgot my back pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 332

01/01/2010 06:07 - Canada

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is coming from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 198

You deserved it 33 138

29/06/2013 21:49 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 536

You deserved it 4 962

Rolling in it

By Pratik_ra - 01/12/2020 07:58

Today, I got raise at work. It's $3 per month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 104

16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 646

You deserved it 4 005

Gross!

By cantstopfeelingit - 16/12/2019 05:00

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 168

You deserved it 2 436

High times

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 10:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 949

You deserved it 1 618

Love in the time of coronavirus

By Darkparcero33 - 28/02/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Then my COVID test came back as positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 128

Doin' it for the 'gram

By My sister is a scumbag - 09/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sister refuses to talk to me because I didn't post her a "Happy birthday" in an Instagram story. It seems that the iPhone 12 I gave her as a present is just not enough. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 94

21/08/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes waiting by a stop sign. The two cars in front of me were taking a long time to move, so I began beeping and getting angry. Turns out, these cars were parked and I was holding up a line of traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 354

You deserved it 39 260

25/05/2014 20:54 - Norway - Sarpsborg

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 763

You deserved it 5 446

05/09/2011 14:55 - United States

Today, my GPS told me that I'd reached my destination. In the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 852

You deserved it 5 327

08/07/2013 17:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the first time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pushed him over the edge and into the water. He's now in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 610

You deserved it 72 390

28/09/2009 19:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 370

You deserved it 6 715

25/06/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 043

You deserved it 3 077

03/03/2011 14:21 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My parents, whom I live with, told me that they did not get me anything, but instead they said they would knock off a bit of the housekeeping I owe them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 068

You deserved it 8 288

28/05/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 638

You deserved it 3 950

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 00:30 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I was admonished by a supermarket cashier because my mask had slipped below my nose. So had hers, actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 330

10/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 897

You deserved it 3 330

05/05/2014 02:58 - United States - Mount Airy

Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 203

You deserved it 4 006

15/04/2015 10:14 - France - Saint-martin-d'heres

Today, I received the beautiful dress I'd ordered on the internet. It's a size smaller than my usual, just to encourage me to lose weight. I managed to fit into it and wear it all day, but I've now been struggling for a couple of hours to remove it without tearing it to bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 730

You deserved it 14 140

06/03/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 658

You deserved it 41 645

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:18

that's the same situation I'm in but I have two best friends. other than that, no friends come over. bc I don't have any...

MermaidSongXOXO 6

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:29

Try inviting the local Catholic Priest. He'll be your friend. Or your little brother's.

Comments

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:14

YDI for having no frends

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:19

wow the mods are such assholes

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Friday 26 November 2010 6:52

aw have a family party then, they will always be there for you. I know some times it's tough, but you have to try and make friends. not a lot, just a fee good ones. I only have 3 good friends and that's about it. the rest are just people I see in places, I don't even like them

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Friday 26 November 2010 8:09

Hey it happens to the best of us! Welll it happens to me anyway...

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Friday 26 November 2010 8:19

soo what you're saying is no male strippers...* puts shirts back on*

iSitt 0

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Friday 26 November 2010 8:47

Tom will be your friend.

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:15

Sucks.

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Friday 26 November 2010 5:56

regurgetates

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Friday 26 November 2010 6:04

Defecated.

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Friday 26 November 2010 7:27

lol

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Friday 26 November 2010 7:43

yes, we know 57, you killed it.

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:15

it's ok. who needs friends when you have parents... loser.

delude 26

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Thursday 5 June 2014 9:33

Whatever helps you sleep at night

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:15

you totally deserve it for being spoiled

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Sunday 28 November 2010 15:13

money can't buy friends.

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Sunday 28 November 2010 19:52

i beg to differ...

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:18

Have a family party? I'm sorry for you, but tell me--- how can you have not ONE friend ? ):

Radix 3

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:42

its wierd, I have the same problem. no friends, but I have a girlfriend...

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Friday 26 November 2010 3:10

maybe since shes so spoiled she might be a snob so no one likes her?

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Friday 26 November 2010 3:27

I'm the same as Radix, except with a boyfriend and entirely by choice. I have to like someone a damn lot to bother spending time with them ever. Though really OP, friends aren't that hard to come by. Especially if you're having a party. Just invite some people from school.

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Friday 26 November 2010 16:55

That makes sense. I'm not exceptionally fond of people either. Always talking crap behind your back and starting drama. Just a waste if time if you ask me.

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:18

that's the same situation I'm in but I have two best friends. other than that, no friends come over. bc I don't have any...

colombiancartel 0

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:33

I rather have 1 or 2 good pals than several buddies.

BDTM 0

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Friday 26 November 2010 8:39

you mean two good friends, right? You can only have one best friend, thus the word "best"

colombiancartel 0

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Friday 26 November 2010 17:11

i disagree,"one best friend"? haha is this rule carved in stone somewhere?

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:19

I'll come to your party all you have to do is by me a car and a new laptop.

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Friday 26 November 2010 15:18

buy...

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:27

If you are indeed that repulsive, start bringing in snacks for your classmates. Although they will be superficial relationships, one can't help but be pleasant to the girl who distributes delicious treats.

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:29

Sounds like you are probably a spoiled brat. Acting like that is a way to ensure that you can't make friends.

MermaidSongXOXO 6

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Friday 26 November 2010 2:29

Try inviting the local Catholic Priest. He'll be your friend. Or your little brother's.

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Friday 26 November 2010 5:29

damn funny!

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Friday 26 November 2010 5:31

ps. kenshin and cowboy bebop are my favorite animes ;)

MermaidSongXOXO 6

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Friday 26 November 2010 5:42

Never heard of Kenshin :P Is Cowboy Bebop any good? It's on the TV on the weekends and I wonder if I should watch it.

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Friday 26 November 2010 6:08

you might know kenshin as samurai x. cowboy bebop is totally worth the watch in my opinion.

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Saturday 27 November 2010 21:51

You made me laugh x) nicely said

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Thursday 24 March 2011 23:29

jerk.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 59

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 149