Intimacy: Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the... - FML

18/01/2011 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 5 194

Dementia or hate? You decide

Another great day to be alive

Best teeth in the game

08/10/2010 01:57 - France

Today, I was at Barnes and Noble with my dad, where he refused to buy me a book because I "already read too much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 100

You deserved it 6 050

10/10/2018 15:30

Today, my fiancée bought me a luxury getaway to the Maldives, complete with a five-star hotel and first-class plane tickets. Too bad she used my credit card, with all the money I was saving for our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 205

You deserved it 310

01/07/2011 19:23 - United States

Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 687

You deserved it 3 198

01/02/2012 19:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I flew to England to visit my boyfriend, who has been working there for the past three months. I went to his hotel and waited for him; he never showed up. I called one of his colleagues to ask him what was going on. He had no idea what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 946

You deserved it 3 831

26/01/2016 11:40 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Thames

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 559

You deserved it 3 111

30/03/2015 05:06 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 031

You deserved it 2 180

Out and about

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 14:00

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 637

21/02/2016 10:55 - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, my brother accused me of faking my bipolar disorder for attention, all because I don't act the same as the bipolar girl in some TV show he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 921

You deserved it 1 657

26/11/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, I found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 883

You deserved it 54 581

08/12/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 822

You deserved it 34 203

16/04/2012 18:49 - United States - Bloomfield

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 598

You deserved it 2 142

19/08/2010 04:10 - France

Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 231

You deserved it 14 728

13/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was lying in a lawn chair next to my wooden fence when a yellow liquid started spraying me. The neighbor's douchebag son was peeing through the small hole in the fence and soaked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 640

You deserved it 275

"Hey, where the white women at?"

By Steven, Customer Service - 17/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Dover Plains

Today, I took a call from a man who said his dating apps are connecting him with "black and oriental women" when he only wants white women. I spent 47 minutes on the phone with this customer trying to explain that I am only an AT&T Service Rep and have no control over any dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 770

You deserved it 440

23/01/2009 06:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to give things a go with the guy that has fancied me for three years, based purely on my looks. After getting to know my personality he has decided he no longer fancies me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 965

You deserved it 7 810

29/10/2009 18:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 038

You deserved it 5 447

18/10/2010 06:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 358

You deserved it 38 113

26/09/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 725

You deserved it 2 366

26/12/2015 15:22 - United States - Yukon

Today, I spent over $20 at the laundromat doing two weeks of laundry, just to avoid using the facilities in my apartment complex and having to deal with my creepy landlord trying to steal my underwear again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 449

You deserved it 1 601

14/12/2014 20:28 - Finland - Pori

Today, I finished a painting I'd spent 3 weeks working on for an exhibition. When I came back from lunch, my cat was perched above it on my desk. He looked at me, then down at the painting, then jumped down onto it. He slipped and smeared the wet paint everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 586

You deserved it 6 192

17/02/2010 01:30 - United States

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 888

You deserved it 2 812

08/03/2017 00:00

Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 634

You deserved it 657

28/04/2016 18:26 - United States

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 239

You deserved it 1 020

10/01/2017 14:01

Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 601

You deserved it 511

22/03/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worrying he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I left the cash in the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 545

You deserved it 83 245

21/01/2010 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 725

You deserved it 46 901

12/06/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 411

You deserved it 4 743

Seize the day

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my boyfriend what would happen if I didn’t get into the same school as him. He replied, "Then we’ll just break up." We broke up. I still don’t know what school I’m going to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 127

16/06/2009 10:49 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 903

You deserved it 12 914

06/08/2014 13:34 - Australia

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 923

You deserved it 4 565

02/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Burlington

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 394

You deserved it 5 592

31/12/2008 23:41 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 722

You deserved it 2 817

Because I'm worth it

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 02:01

Today, I discovered a cat turd in a bath towel from most recent batch of laundry. I was wondering why my facemasks for the whole work week smelled so strange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 162

23/06/2015 06:37 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 305

You deserved it 6 000

06/04/2018 00:00

Today, my husband and I hosted Easter dinner. Since I was in my own home, I breastfed without a cover. My sister-in-law stormed out in a rage, screaming that I was being obscene, and equated it to shooting heroin in front of her kids. Happy Easter indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 101

You deserved it 647

04/05/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 64 446

31/07/2009 08:05 - Poland

Today, I was at the Polish border when I found my passport was gone. I contacted the last place I stayed at and the owner said he would handle it. I reluctantly agreed as I was being charged international rates. Apparently, "taking care of it" means telling the embassy I'm retarded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 435

You deserved it 6 342

Roommates from hell

By NotEnoughBleach - 14/03/2016 03:58 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trying to sleep, my roommates were shouting in the next room. When I poked my head out to tell them to shut up, I was greeted by the sight of one of them with his knob duct-taped inside a gun holster, and the other one trying to rip it off. And they wonder why I'm not more social. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 743

You deserved it 1 328

22/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 413

You deserved it 877

Technically, that's stealing

By Elizabeth Ann - 04/10/2019 22:00

Today, I told my mom about the $50 I'd hidden in case of an emergency, and how I couldn't find it. She said she'd borrowed it last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 160

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Top comments

ydi_4_suking 20

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:58

At least he didn't throw up inside of you

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:56

I'm sure he didn't throw up in disgust.

Comments

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:56

it happens get over it(: hahha I'm kidding that's horrible

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:50

you probably taste like shit

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:56

^ But I thought you were the one in the shower full of shit?? :O

kriptonite_fml 0

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 10:03

use your mean mug

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 10:30

Maybe you got him pregnant!

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 13:02

well you have it now so... enjoy!

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 13:53

he was probably just sick from the ish you made for dinner

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Wednesday 19 January 2011 8:06

I so agree with 31

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:56

Damn....that really sucks

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 12:03

Yeah, but it could be worse. He could've told her he didn't want to have sex with her because he is disgusted by her bodily fluids.

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Wednesday 19 January 2011 6:27

Perhaps trimming your muff cabage would help?

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Wednesday 19 January 2011 11:23

at least he didn't throw up during the sex:)

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:56

I'm sure he didn't throw up in disgust.

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:06

How can you be sure? We don't have any information about the OP. For all you know she turned out to have crabs and he got one in his mouth.

Photograpykid 0

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:41

Your cool.

soiheardyoufaile 4

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 13:28

*You're.

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 14:05

u-errrr.

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 16:59

Instant Preggers!!!

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 19:42

OR....... OP's vag could resemble rotten cottage cheese in looks, smell and taste, all while dripping an off white discharge that could be likened to mayonnaise.

FrenchToast94 0

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 21:07

Dood I've read some bad things but that is fucking disgusting!!!

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 21:43

Maybe she smells like old fish???? hmmm??? haha

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Thursday 20 January 2011 10:54

XD agreed 78!!!!!

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Sunday 24 July 2011 5:20

Maybe he was just so happy that he puked!

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Thursday 2 February 2012 13:44

75, that is absolutely wrong. *I* almost threw up.

ydi_4_suking 20

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:58

At least he didn't throw up inside of you

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:18

While eating her out... lol ew

Photograpykid 0

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:34

Haha.

BoredomKillsinc 0

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:48

haha XD

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 11:07

Ew :/

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 11:11

teheheheh

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 12:43

^ Andy Six = epic fucking win just saying. :)

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Thursday 20 January 2011 4:05

haha:)

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:59

I think he was sick or ate something wrong like ur pussy lol jk but it's ok op :)

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:59

Maybe he was just so overjoyed he had to puke :D?

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Saturday 30 July 2011 19:20

Motion sickness, maybe?

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:04

Eeh odd coincidence?

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:43

Well let's hope so lol

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:08

it's not you it's him hahahahahaha FYL I'm sorry LMAO that right there is being added to my list of favorites

melmeldolphin 8

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:08

He might've just been really nervous or stressed out. Or he might have pushed himself to overcome a terrible stomach bug just to pleasure you.

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Tuesday 18 January 2011 9:10

Holy Crap. Life Happens. Put on your big girl panties and move on. Sensative Much?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 30

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 460