Intimacy: Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive...

By chicochico - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

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Intimacy

Season finale

Left behind

Bass, how low can you go?

By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 20:01 - Panama - Cuba

I blame the parents

Today, after being kicked out of our school for leaving the country, neither of my guardians want to take charge of our education. So me, being sixteen, I have to do hundreds of assignments for my sister and me, who was already supposed to have graduated. Yay "Home schooling." FML

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662

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102

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By notalcoholic - Philippines

Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

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27982

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By SmittyJA24 - United States - Lewiston

Today, my idiot sister had to have her aged dog put down, then she posts on MY Facebook page, "RIP, Buddy, we'll miss you." My adult children and most of my friends thought I died. FML

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48684

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By Anonymous - United States - Dallas

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

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23815

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4013

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By Caroline1812 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

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34062

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By Peta2nNoMore - United Kingdom

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

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By thedancer5 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

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41752

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By Alice - Australia

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

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39377

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By Gen - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

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31455

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By Stressed out mom

Incognito IRL

Today, my daughter confessed that she’s pregnant from a one-night stand with some guy she met on vacation in Florida a few months ago. The dirtbag never told her his last name and the phone number he gave her was fake. FML

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5793

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By Sonotsuave - United States - Arlington

Today, I rushed home after my mom called saying our upstairs had flooded. Apparently, my little brother somehow broke the toilet while unsupervised and water overflowed everywhere. It even reached my closet, shoes, and books, and everything touching my floor in my room is now wet. FML

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1736

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119

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By grandma - United States - Barnesville

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

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41694

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By DramaticSigh - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

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10577

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By PlayboyBunny - United States

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

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33491

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By Mark - United States

Today, it was the last day of school, and I said goodbye to one of my students. She then told me how to correctly pronounce her name. I'd said it wrong all year. FML

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23772

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By toametru1 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I mockingly made "President Trump" jokes all day to my friends, knowing Clinton was bound to win the election. FML

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12089

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Online life

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

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1392

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2292

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By ghostyyy - France

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren't being handcuffed for burglary. FML

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37866

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By retailworker

Customer service

Today, at work, I was helping a customer over the phone. Another customer came and asked me a question. I let them know I'd be with them shortly. They then said "I really think you should hang up. The customer is always first." FML

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7308

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By feminist - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument at a restaurant with a guy I am seeing because he refused to let me pay for the bill and I thought it was sexist. When he finally agreed, I gave the waiter my card, only to have him return a minute later telling me it was declined. FML

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13226

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

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11584

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By Noname - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

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72770

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my co-workers son. He was eating jell-o and spilt it on his top, so I pulled off his pj's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year old. FML

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48898

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By SF49 - United States

Dingdong

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

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44776

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By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

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11748

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By rachele321

Don't send dickpics (unless requested)

Today, some guy sent a dickpic to my phone. I was disgusted, and wanted to find out who did it. I called the police, and they matched the number to my stepfather's new phone. FML

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2853

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202

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By Username - United States

Today, my friend told me that her favourite aunt died last night of a heart attack. The first thing I could think of to say was, "Oh no, is she okay?" FML

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17889

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By Anonymous

Today, my son was expelled from school for bullying. The event in question took place off campus, during spring break, and was a friendly scuff. The iPhone video they used as evidence clearly showed the other boy laughing his head off and both of them sharing a coke afterwards. FML

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4770

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By Beast - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

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38069

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By Tiana - United States

Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML

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12972

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By Bob

A heads up next time maybe?

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2009

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827

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2021 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Sounds like a keeper, actually

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

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428

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Left behind

Today, it was my best friend's birthday party. Her boyfriend and I agreed to organize a dinner date to surprise her and celebrate. They celebrated, but forgot me until they arrived at the restaurant and saw the dinner reservation under my name. FML

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930

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129

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By feelthesting - Mexico - Aguascalientes

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

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25526

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By samboob - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

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9089

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By aero00 - United States

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

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28445

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13475

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By kal - United States

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

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12486

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I'm in a hurry

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

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2449

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125

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By Trooper - United Kingdom - Caterham

Today, I saw the postman approach my house through the window, and my immediate reaction was to drop to the floor in fear. FML

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10811

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By Ineedit - United States

Not now!

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

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Top comments

By ionelementz112 | 0

#60 - Tuesday 3 February 2009 21:48

You should have said, "I forgive you."

By Adam_B | 0

#2968 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:45

FML = F*** My Life

FML = Forgive Me Lord

Coincidence...?

COMMENTS

By ionelementz112 | 0

#60 - Tuesday 3 February 2009 21:48

You should have said, "I forgive you."

n3rdzgotskillz | 29

#612386 - Friday 9 October 2009 21:54

Haha, win :')

teozac | 0

#818538 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 14:16

WIN

erick1105692 | 0

#881177 - Monday 22 February 2010 5:19

lawl

imsexb3ast | 0

#968248 - Friday 26 March 2010 1:30

lol nice 1 there

Bilama | 1

#1723217 - Friday 19 November 2010 13:55

LMAO! yes

AwkwardPartyBear | 24

#2031449 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 2:28

mwahaha epic win there

Rawr100 | 0

#2494336 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 18:59

Fuck yeah

By alpuppy | 0

#279 - Thursday 5 February 2009 14:49

so incredibly hot

GMS1 | 7

#1332314 - Wednesday 1 September 2010 8:03

yes! I thought so too.

changesinme | 0

#1683568 - Thursday 11 November 2010 18:51

I wonder who she was thinking of when she came, you or .....

Leoboy635 | 0

#2214852 - Monday 21 March 2011 6:29

lmao win#105,that made my day

Ryanjr | 2

#4816293 - Wednesday 15 August 2012 16:33

I know right!

By moxy_fml | 0

#390 - Friday 6 February 2009 17:54

DUDE, AWESOME

By HanisMan01 | 0

#496 - Saturday 7 February 2009 13:36

I would have yelled Praise the lord! as i finished haha

By WhatThePhuc | 0

#639 - Sunday 8 February 2009 8:17

that is so awesome lol

By MisterJD | 0

#676 - Sunday 8 February 2009 15:57

It's always easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission...

yayhesdead165 | 1

#362379 - Friday 3 July 2009 1:56

#7 is right
#24 also right and
#26 sometimes right
stick with it and it will pay off!

By cndrow | 0

#921 - Monday 9 February 2009 23:30

Oh gawd, that's horrifying to me. lol! You poor thing.

randome101 | 12

#5973597 - Thursday 12 June 2014 22:21

Yeah that would freak me out

By 2random | 0

#1043 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 11:52

haha at #20 that made me laugh sooo much !!!
LOL

By strawberrymilksh | 0

#1230 - Wednesday 11 February 2009 5:02

hahahahahaha this made my life.

By captcool024 | 0

#1519 - Thursday 12 February 2009 9:18

i wish i was you.. the only thing better would be the houdini.