Health: Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

I agree, your life sucks

30677

You deserved it

2303

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Messed up

Pleased to meet you

By Morgan Jones

Today, I went to work at my new job, where I thought it would be super easy because I shop there all the time, and already know where everything is. Turns out, they're remodelling the store, so I don't know where anything is anymore, and the bosses get mad at me for being too slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1454

You deserved it

373

Tweet

Share

By Vahootie - United States

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81750

You deserved it

4038

Tweet

Share

By KingUrge - United States - Victorville

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46303

You deserved it

9671

Tweet

Share

By vivelawank - United Kingdom

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26612

You deserved it

59976

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

34064

You deserved it

3879

Tweet

Share

By MoveOn!

Today, and at every family event, my parents and grandparents go on and on about my ex and how much they miss him and wish I would get back with him. This would be fine, rude, but fine, except that they tell this to my husband. It's been years and we're expecting our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4079

You deserved it

280

Tweet

Share

By gir - United States

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34470

You deserved it

96800

Tweet

Share

By Chelsea - United States - Aurora

Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32855

You deserved it

2653

Tweet

Share

By sis - United States - Hesperia

Today, I went shopping with my sister’s husband to help him choose a birthday gift for her. My sister’s insane friend saw us, followed us, and caused a huge screaming scene in the middle of the mall accusing us of having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4921

You deserved it

283

Tweet

Share

By poluxe - France

Today, I tried to hint to my husband that we needed a new washing machine. I mentioned that we got our current one way back on our wedding day. He replied, "Yeah, and I got you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30173

You deserved it

7879

Tweet

Share

By stupidity - Switzerland - Geneva

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6751

You deserved it

38836

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43987

You deserved it

5086

Tweet

Share

By duped - Pakistan

Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38286

You deserved it

22841

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/1/2021 05:01

Zamboni please

Today, I took a part time job at McDonald’s and started working in the kitchen. The floor is so greasy, you can’t walk normally, you move around like you’re on an ice rink. With some momentum built up, you can even slide a couple of meters when no one is looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

843

You deserved it

113

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/11/2020 20:03 - United States - Herndon

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Today, I learned that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend for 2 months. This is the same person who, 2 months ago, wanted to break our friendship off because he thought we "got too close" and felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend by spending too much time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1164

You deserved it

121

Tweet

Share

By needanewphone - United States

Today, while I was getting ready to take a shower, I placed my phone on the counter next to the toilet. While I was washing my hair, someone called me. My phone was on vibrate, so I didn't hear it until it vibrated off the counter and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18878

You deserved it

32204

Tweet

Share

By noexceptions - United States

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54436

You deserved it

3425

Tweet

Share

By Disgruntled ADP - United States - Dallas

Today, we moved desks for the umpteenth time, and my supervisor stuffed me in a corner by the door with no one around to talk to. The worst thing is I hear the badge reader beep every few seconds. It's already driving me crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2251

You deserved it

182

Tweet

Share

By (-__- ) ( ^.^) - United States - Minneapolis

Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57784

You deserved it

6294

Tweet

Share

By Gimmie a spare - United States - Memphis

Today, as usual, I went to pick up my brother and sister from school in the rain. When we got to my truck, I realized I had locked us out. We had to walk home in the rain, only to find the spare house key had not been put back in its spot since the last time it was used. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18644

You deserved it

2878

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29803

You deserved it

4114

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I got pulled over and ticketed while taking cookies to the local police station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1784

You deserved it

730

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47484

You deserved it

15829

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Fernie

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50957

You deserved it

8098

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31771

You deserved it

5970

Tweet

Share

By shoggoth_wild - United States - Jackson

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35854

You deserved it

3492

Tweet

Share

By fuck - United States

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27761

You deserved it

15720

Tweet

Share

By Help

Today, it's the 11th day of my migraine. I've drunk enough water to piss crystal clear, eaten every type of food there is, slept for days, and tried every remedy in my medicine cabinet. Nothing made a dent in the splitting pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3794

You deserved it

255

Tweet

Share

By B_and_W - France

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66816

You deserved it

4919

Tweet

Share

By FIM

Today, in response to a text asking if I wanted to meet for brunch, I wrote, "Oh dear god I'm so hungover I could die and I'm still in my same clothes from last night. Not a chance." It was our 5-year college reunion and the number I sent that to was actually an old professor, not an old friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3244

You deserved it

4893

Tweet

Share

By oumalina - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40886

You deserved it

8385

Tweet

Share

By ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53755

You deserved it

4873

Tweet

Share

By sarahhbear - United States - Bryan

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25967

You deserved it

3164

Tweet

Share

By sheisselluv - Germany - Gera

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48237

You deserved it

4183

Tweet

Share

By melimelo24 - Australia - Clayton

Today, I watched my daughter squealing with delight in front of a video game. Beating a boss? Slaying an adversary? Completing a quest? Not at all. She was chasing birds, making them fly away, then starting all over again as soon as they landed. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44474

You deserved it

7474

Tweet

Share

By alrightsheryl - United States

Today, is my 18th birthday. I call my parents and they tell me they found weed in the guest house and so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

70466

You deserved it

4881

Tweet

Share

By job hunter - United States - New York

Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4445

You deserved it

310

Tweet

Share

By fark - Ireland

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31394

You deserved it

9459

Tweet

Share

By Kathleen Verhaegen - 30/4/2020 20:00

Lava lamp

Today, I'm so pale, my boss asked me whether I light up in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1310

You deserved it

276

Tweet

Share

By hannaslifesucks - Norway - Kleppe

Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32606

You deserved it

1807

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By nchic01 | 17

#6246357 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:32

sounds like your mother is the one who needs the therapist

By CitricAcid | 21

#6246359 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:32

What a bitch...
Really sorry you have to deal with her, OP. I hope things will get better for you.

COMMENTS

By nchic01 | 17

#6246357 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:32

sounds like your mother is the one who needs the therapist

Reply

Doubtful_Judge | 23

#6246444 - Sunday 29 March 2015 7:56

A therapist, a mental therapist. A mental asylum. Perfect!

Reply

AllSoul | 23

#6246652 - Sunday 29 March 2015 14:32

Maybe they should try a session together.

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6246663 - Sunday 29 March 2015 14:49

41- I reeeeally don't see that working out well. At the very least, not anytime soon.

Reply

Shadowvoid | 33

#6246819 - Sunday 29 March 2015 18:32

Sounds like a plot twist to a sitcom, except for the fact that OP's mother has real problems.

By CitricAcid | 21

#6246359 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:32

What a bitch...
Really sorry you have to deal with her, OP. I hope things will get better for you.

Reply

buttcramp | 21

#6246946 - Sunday 29 March 2015 20:09

i too hope things get better for you, OP. My advice would be to save your money so you can move out as soon as you can. My parents were pretty nuts too, once i moved out i had more appropriate boundaries with my parents.

By AvAfan | 14

#6246360 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:33

Therapist. The rapist. Coincidence? I think not

Reply

iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6246408 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:56

Let me explain why you're about to get down voted; just so it doesn't come of as a shock:

1.) In no way is your comment relevant to the FML.
2.) If it were, rape is not something to joke about.

Reply

Jason89 | 14

#6246434 - Sunday 29 March 2015 7:44

wtf #3?

Reply

LastResort318 | 14

#6246436 - Sunday 29 March 2015 7:46

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

upallnight11 | 19

#6246656 - Sunday 29 March 2015 14:35

Not everyone is like your brother, jsyk

Reply

AllSoul | 23

#6246657 - Sunday 29 March 2015 14:35

Wow, I've never known anyone who's made jokes about them being raped.

Reply

FubarBundy1988 | 13

#6246690 - Sunday 29 March 2015 15:44

#24 that's exactly why you can't joke about it! Just because your brother handles it that way does not mean that everybody that has been raped handles it that way. I would actually say your brothers way is a very rare way.

Reply

fuckedPriceless | 17

#6246802 - Sunday 29 March 2015 17:57

My sister was raped and jokes about it too. I have no doubt I would as well if it happened to me. People should stop being so sensitive...

Reply

FubarBundy1988 | 13

#6247502 - Monday 30 March 2015 12:09

#64 Did you ever think the people being "sensitive" have a reason to be?

By speakfreely | 21

#6246363 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:34

Maybe your mom should be the one seeing a shrink instead, sorry you have to deal with that OP

By Nathan_Henry | 15

#6246367 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:36

Oh moms, they sure can be a pain in the ass sometimes

Reply

whycantisignup | 24

#6246624 - Sunday 29 March 2015 13:47

No, that's dads.

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6246662 - Sunday 29 March 2015 14:47

Why not both?

Reply

Roythetickler | 21

#6246707 - Sunday 29 March 2015 16:14

*Mexican music

Reply

Sagedrop | 10

#6246757 - Sunday 29 March 2015 16:52

Translation: Cries in Spanish.

By riahlum | 12

#6246369 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:36

Just get away from the bitch. Other people care. Key to success? Fuck bitches get money.

Reply

Mermaidhead | 13

#6246394 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:47

^ Abraham Lincoln

By miaaxoxxo | 16

#6246371 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:37

I know how you feel OP. my mom is the same way, don't let her get to you. you're a strong independent person who will succeed in anything you put your mind to!

Reply

FubarBundy1988 | 13

#6246779 - Sunday 29 March 2015 17:16

I completely agree. Also when you have children (if you don't already?) you will strive to be a better mother than your own and your child will benefit from it.

By badassmf1234 | 22

#6246373 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:38

Making stuff to talk about in therapy

By jamesderp | 15

#6246385 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:42

Homicide is always an option...not that you should do it, but it is always an option

Reply

brittaaany_93 | 38

#6246768 - Sunday 29 March 2015 17:08

No, it's not 'always an option'. Just, no..

By Epickitty58 | 29

#6246388 - Sunday 29 March 2015 6:43

It's not talking shit, it's trying to deal with problems. That's the point of therapy. What does that woman think therapy is for?