Kids: Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During...

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 165

You deserved it 8 562

Kids

Stop talking!

Age difference

We need to know more!

Relax!

By still sore - 12/10/2019 19:00

Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 116

You deserved it 167

By Christopher - 13/12/2010 09:16 - Canada

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 583

You deserved it 6 169

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 096

You deserved it 17 589

Daily grind

By Anonymous - 19/08/2020 08:05

Today, over half of my coworkers have called out for various reasons and my manager is on her third week of vacation. My coworkers keep calling out. I'm the only closer. I just want a day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 100

By anonymous - 26/06/2016 20:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sick, so I went into work to see if I could get my shift covered, instead of just calling in. I ended up working an extra hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 546

You deserved it 3 331

USA Number One!

By Anonymous - 06/01/2021 23:30 - United States - Wynnewood

Today, I live in the same country that deployed the National Guard to suppress peaceful BLM protests, yet allowed a bunch of psychotic Trump supporters to break into the Capitol. I’m ashamed to be human right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 586

By dudewheresmywheelschicago - 20/09/2016 05:14 - United States - Danville

Today, I had the most Chicago experience ever. While I was eating my delicious, deep dish pizza, someone was ripping the rims off my car 15 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 600

You deserved it 1 015

By Anonymous - 20/01/2012 23:33 - France

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 799

You deserved it 5 437

By dasteve - 29/11/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I won $20 on a scratch ticket my grandma bought me. She wants it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 206

You deserved it 2 849

Deez Nuts

By ALittleLighter - 14/09/2021 05:00

Today, I finally lost some weight. Unfortunately, that's only because I had a testicle removed due to cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 44

By Andy - 27/02/2019 02:00

Today, while jetlagged and going through customs in Singapore, I grabbed what I thought was a pen to fill out the form. I heard it squeak as I lifted it up. It was a straw in the custom agent's drink. The resulting noise he made lasted 10+ seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 367

By River - 26/02/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 171

You deserved it 55 788

By T-Shain - 31/05/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 309

You deserved it 8 516

Shit yourself time

By Seth - 04/07/2021 22:01

Today, on my way to a job interview, I saw a dog running down the road so I stopped to pet it. It was a wolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 501

Baywatch music starts

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 12:00

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 524

Earache

By Anonymous - 10/06/2015 13:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss for a couple of days off to recover from a nasty ear infection which has left me hard of hearing. However, he didn't understand why that would affect my job and refused. I work in a telephone call centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 100

You deserved it 1 938

By lexithepirate - 27/07/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 842

You deserved it 2 726

By Anonymous - 17/04/2019 14:00

Today, while working at a grocery store, I spent about 30 minutes pushing carts inside in a blizzard. Not even 10 minutes after I had finished, I looked out the window and saw that not only had the snow completely stopped, but the sun was shining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 158

By nojob - 07/05/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 063

You deserved it 4 442

By Nick - 23/02/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 138

You deserved it 6 382

By ginya - 07/06/2016 01:58 - United States - Bedford

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 406

You deserved it 1 067

By Cyberella - 17/07/2009 05:36 - Australia

Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 158

You deserved it 9 618

Besties

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 08:01 - South Africa - Nottingham Road

Today, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just moved in with his mom. They've been in my face knitting and baking bread together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 77

By littledipper - 25/09/2013 03:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 936

You deserved it 4 612

By Sugao - 10/12/2008 07:48 - France

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 910

You deserved it 7 579

By frustrated - 05/08/2009 20:30 - Ireland

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 648

You deserved it 5 719

By gorgeousgirl - 12/03/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was called gorgeous for the first time in 4 years. By a robot. A female robot. Who was trying to sell me cosmetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 392

You deserved it 3 042

By Titatoum - 17/01/2015 21:12 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 848

You deserved it 5 756

By Yupppp. - 11/02/2015 06:25 - United States - Flushing

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 202

You deserved it 5 267

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 074

You deserved it 5 325

By Rowan Curry - 15/09/2012 15:37 - United States - San Jose

Today, I got mad at my parents and threatened to run away. Things got so bad that I packed a bag and left, planning to hide in my front yard to teach them a lesson. It's been two hours, and I'm still standing behind a bush in front of my house while they make no effort to look for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 643

You deserved it 49 149

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:33 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 843

You deserved it 8 657

By princesspea - 07/02/2009 16:41 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was trying to convince me that he was not having an affair with another woman named Julie, he looked me in the eye and exclaimed, "I would never cheat on you, I love you more than anything, Julie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 397

You deserved it 3 257

By wheezy - 06/09/2011 02:52 - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 975

You deserved it 28 183

By Dickhead - 25/11/2011 15:02 - Lebanon

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 502

You deserved it 62 138

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 595

You deserved it 7 575

By Username - 12/03/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 063

You deserved it 8 304

By Anonymous - 04/06/2011 20:42 - United States

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 150

You deserved it 34 501

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 19:15 - United States - Easley

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 658

You deserved it 5 231

By mitochondriaisthepowerhouseofthecell - 27/12/2018 02:00

Today, I had my final piano performance. There is a guy in my class who constantly tells me I suck at piano, so I was looking forward to watching him play badly since he never practices. Instead, he played the most beautiful music that would make Mozart weep. He got a standing ovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 549

You deserved it 696

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Top comments

heyyimkell 2

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:13

Haha! You gotta love how honest little kids are. Don't worry though. All 3 year olds say stuff like that.

jillz 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 23:51

Clearly he has an overactive imagination and made that up because we all know that females do not fart.

cheetahboo2010 5

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:12

FIRST! :) lol but wow that suckss

123sploosh 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:26

damn you!!!!

chipmunk95 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 22:25

@OP llululululululrufffleurrflflfle thats funny u nasty!

dacey_fml 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:13

Oh, wow. I would be so embarrassed.

LexRB 0

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Sunday 26 September 2010 15:52

ur not dacey fake

heyyimkell 2

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:13

Haha! You gotta love how honest little kids are. Don't worry though. All 3 year olds say stuff like that.

100lol 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:16

Lol! Kids are kids. :]

chellinha93 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:17

ohhhh the kid just told you off... LOL fyl indeed.

ithedarkone 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:19

GOOD FOR YOU MOM! YDI. your 3 year old son is sleeping in the bed with you lmao and you passing gas and shit. I dont blame him who want to sleep with someone who passes gas and in her panties. Put on a little pj's outfit and clean out your system with some laxatives... Come on mom! =P

WetDream_fml 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:37

Aw. Kid's say the darndest things(;

SimpleSimon 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:44

Fair play to him, I wouldn't sleep with you either.

LexOrdrin 0

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:44

You had a 3 year old in a doctor's office? That must have been so painful for you!

plexico 3

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Saturday 19 September 2009 20:52

And now we have the first contestant voted off of MILF Island. . . She starts her own reality TC show: MIWFWYD (Mother I Wouldn't Fuck With Your Dick), which is popular only in Wales because they can pronounce that acronym.