Miscellaneous: Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police...

By dicedicebaby - 23/03/2015 00:20 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 600

You deserved it 3 407

Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Dementia or hate? You decide

Balls

By freed - 29/01/2014 05:13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 529

You deserved it 12 242

By Anothermoose - 26/05/2014 03:34 - United States - Victorville

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 886

You deserved it 5 824

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 07:14 - United States

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 592

You deserved it 9 268

By screwed - 20/03/2014 21:03 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 166

You deserved it 69 804

By Anonymous - 03/06/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 849

You deserved it 7 354

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 20:04 - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 673

You deserved it 4 173

By owned - 28/04/2009 14:12 - Singapore

Today, I turned 18. My parents gave me a card that read "now that you're 18, it's time for some boozy fun... you can do all the things you did before but legally!" Taped to the inside was my fake id that I "lost" three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 248

You deserved it 66 852

By thatguy - 26/12/2009 23:46 - United States

Today, I was feeling proud of myself because I finally quit World Of Warcraft. I later found out about the gift my dad's family gave me. It was a 12-month subscription to World Of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 427

You deserved it 8 487

By CollegeChef - 21/01/2013 06:03 - Australia

Today, months into supporting my mum with her part time cleaning job by cooking dinner for my large family after university, I found out that she doesn't actually have a job, she just leaves the house for a few hours because she doesn't want to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 268

You deserved it 2 774

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 08:47 - United States - Evansville

Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 676

You deserved it 2 905

By Zora - 15/07/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 141

You deserved it 3 752

By SatelliteUser - 03/12/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 712

You deserved it 2 577

By MDoremis - 28/08/2016 19:24 - United States - Honolulu

Today, while flying home, two little girls started chanting, "We're all going to die." I'm an extremely anxious flyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 660

You deserved it 1 070

By Twitchy - 14/09/2011 23:20 - Bahamas

Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 709

You deserved it 3 139

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 04:10 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to hold my new boyfriend's hand while on a date. He let go quickly though, letting me know that we aren't at "that stage" of the relationship yet. We've been having sex for two weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 956

You deserved it 5 815

By biglady - 17/02/2011 07:02 - Canada

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 490

You deserved it 55 429

By CollegeKid - 27/10/2015 10:28 - United States - Urbana

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 183

You deserved it 2 331

By Anonymous - 02/07/2013 23:16 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 237

You deserved it 12 821

Making new friends

By Nnn - 11/07/2019 12:00

Today, my coworker came to my desk, so I greeted him with a smile, and said, "Hello friend." He then told me that we are not friends, and that he hates when I say that. Oh, OK, sorry for trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 456

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 07:28 - United States - Plainview

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 893

You deserved it 3 304

By badhairday - 21/02/2018 01:30

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 951

You deserved it 362

By chloe_zjk - 18/02/2015 05:22 - France

Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 634

You deserved it 12 166

Run, run away pronto

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 08:01

Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 17/02/2014 17:43 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 613

You deserved it 44 303

When you lie on your resume to get the job

By Anonymous - 27/07/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend and I are devastated to return our newly adopted "cat friendly" dog to the shelter. He's perfect other than the fact that he clearly wants to eat our cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 243

You deserved it 318

By Cheapo - 27/12/2017 19:00

Today, I gave my friend a $5 VR set that I purchased from the dollar store for Christmas. I received a $60 gift card. Later, I realized I left the receipt in the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 6 090

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 556

You deserved it 17 038

By guitar_chick7 - 20/08/2009 08:54 - Australia

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 485

You deserved it 47 848

By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - 09/12/2012 21:52 - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 397

You deserved it 7 760

By taintedlover - 13/05/2014 21:31 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 039

You deserved it 7 539

Hot stuff

By Liam. - 01/02/2010 05:15 - France

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 623

You deserved it 51 869

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:09 - United States

Today, after suggesting to my daughter for a while that she should try out for a cheerleading team to become more confident, she went to tryouts. She didn't make the team and she's spent the last six hours in her room crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 640

You deserved it 45 152

By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 11:34 - United States - Macungie

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 895

You deserved it 4 326

By Anonymous - 16/07/2015 14:47 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 528

You deserved it 1 794

By Bliss - 09/02/2009 18:24 - United States

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 933

You deserved it 5 877

By Haley. - 26/03/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 158

You deserved it 6 515

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 11:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 549

You deserved it 8 325

Boozehound

By fuck you mom - 17/04/2020 20:00

Today, my mom laid into me, calling me a selfish bitch, blaming me for my dad not being around and finally that she should’ve aborted me. All because I couldn't get her booze from the neighborhood market she’s been banned from. I’m not even 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 143

Leave us alone!

By J.. - 27/04/2021 17:01

Today, I've been receiving a lot of calls from my telephone company, offering combo packages with internet, Netflix, Disney+ and whatever the fuck. We had previously resigned from their services, because the company never had the intention of fixing an outage that was caused BY THE SAME COMPANY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 54

By wtfrelationship - 21/10/2009 04:07 - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend over MSN that we had to talk. I log on to facebook and the first thing I see is that she changed our relationship from "In a Relationship" to "It's Complicated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 570

You deserved it 11 427

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Top comments

lunar999 23

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:12

Toned down doesn't mean a bad thing, i always find parties where you just have a laugh the best anyway.

Haggis300 25

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:18

The best parties are the quiet ones :) my favourite birthday party was when me and 3 close friends went to see a movie and then they all slept over. Hope it was an awesome toned down party :)

iamtheprincess21 13

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:09

this isn't so bad. there is always next year!

boredSOLDIER 33

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Monday 23 March 2015 11:15

Born to be mild. -Taco Bell sauce packet

MetalxSoldier 26

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Monday 23 March 2015 11:16

There is nothing wrong with a tranquil party as long as you're having fun. He should be happy. It could have been worse like going to jail on his birthday which is not fun. Trust me.

mohamed_H 21

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Monday 23 March 2015 11:17

It's not about having the biggest party. The important thing is having your friends with you celebrating.

Zebediabolical 39

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Monday 23 March 2015 18:36

I had a great time going to jail on my birthday. I guess your mileage may vary on that one.

lunar999 23

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:12

Toned down doesn't mean a bad thing, i always find parties where you just have a laugh the best anyway.

wRIPPERw 23

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:16

The best parties are the ones that you have fun with your favorite people.

RockUntilYouDie 18

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:17

Ah these cops are never happy ^^

assassinbanana0 20

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Monday 23 March 2015 18:48

He just complimented them on having a quiet party..?

Haggis300 25

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:18

The best parties are the quiet ones :) my favourite birthday party was when me and 3 close friends went to see a movie and then they all slept over. Hope it was an awesome toned down party :)

Awesome_Ninjaz 12

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Monday 23 March 2015 21:24

That doesn't sound like a party.

cats400 16

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Friday 27 March 2015 3:40

Agreed, it doest sound like a party

martin8337 35

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:25

no smoking, drinking or chilling.

SeanLewis 17

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:28

Beerer luck next time...;)

ontheFLY4 25

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:36

Quite a show of force for a parking infraction. They'll use any excuse to poke their noses into something. Did you stand up and yell "I can't breathe!"?

ontheFLY4 25

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:41

The quote is supposed to read "I can't breathe!". Edited it 3 times and it still wouldn't show up correctly.

lexa1love 16

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Monday 23 March 2015 11:19

I'm assuming the officers thought they were drinking and driving and felt obligated to check on an underage party.

aubamas 20

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Monday 23 March 2015 10:52

they should fine your friends for that!

Michael903 18

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Monday 23 March 2015 11:05

As long as you had a good time is all that matters. I'll never understand why broken things, throwing up and feeling like crap all day the day after is the standard for a "great"party.

katydid91 31

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Monday 23 March 2015 16:18

Right?! What's wrong with a quiet evening with good friends and maybe some board games?

Zebediabolical 39

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Monday 23 March 2015 18:41

It's the terminology. When people hear party, they think of keggers and ragers. So the 'party scale' is skewed that way. A good rule of thumb: If no one gets naked it's probably not a party.

kuro21 20

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Monday 23 March 2015 20:19

Normally if all those things happen people usually tend to have a fun time. It's much like a concert. If you go and lose your voice and come out drenched in your sweat, then it was probably an awesome concert. Same with a party, if you come out drunk then you probably had a good time. That's not to say you need to do all these things it's just common for big parties.