Miscellaneous: Today, I had just finished an elaborate charcoal drawing as part...

By Lameartist

Today, I had just finished an elaborate charcoal drawing as part of a college application that took a good week. When I read over the requirements, I found out it needed to be done in graphite pencil. FML

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Miscellaneous

Mother of the year

Walk on the wild side

Waiting for that special someone

By Joseph N - United States

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

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By lolatmylovelife - United States - Del Valle

Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML

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By adults acting like children - United States - Danvers

Today, it's been almost two weeks since any of my relatives have talked to me. They are still mad because I didn't go on a Labor Day trip with them and I've found out why. Apparently, they had plans for me to babysit my younger cousins any time they wanted to do something fun. FML

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By Jesse - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

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By quinndulgent - United States - West Bend

Today, due to the incompetence and apathy of my lab partners, I have to write a 12-page lab paper by myself. A 12 page lab paper about radishes. Radishes. FML

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By dramateach11 - United States

Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML

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By Tottie - United States

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

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By LAXsucks - United States

Today, I was flying home from LAX when I realized I left my ID back at the hotel. After making phone calls to the hotel and rental car company, I found it and made it back to the airport in time for my flight. After going through security, I realized I left my cell phone on the hotel counter. FML

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By Dumped - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML

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By Can’t Cope

Today my fiancé is going to Planned Parenthood to see if he got herpes from a prostitute. FML

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By OverWorked1 - United States

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

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By Yellow an - United States

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

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By SierraCheyenne - United States - Denver

Poor Henry

Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML

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By burritobreasts

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

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By boop snoop - United States

Today, the power at work was out. This would be fine, if they didn’t make me stay for another hour to wait for it to come back on in the Texas heat. FML

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By Crapper. - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I have a gigantic zit inside my left nostril. Good news: no one can see it and no need for makeup on it. Bad news: my nose really itches, and I constantly feel like I'm about to sneeze it out like a foreign object. FML

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By unitythemene

Today, I was worried because it's July and I still haven't found a summer job, despite applying to 50 places. It was fine, because I remembered my savings account. I told my parents. Instead of being relieved, they said they're going to take the money from me for being lazy, and using it for my tuition, despite promising to pay for it. FML

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By Anonymous

Triage

Today, while at my job as a nurse in the ER, someone came in with a hangnail. They threw a fit that they had to wait because we were managing a heart attack, a man with colon cancer and a kid with appendicitis. FML

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By JustAmirage

Today, it was my first day at work. They had me a large tray with lots of food on it, even after I told them I wasn’t comfortable carrying it. I hit the door on the way out of the kitchen, spilling everything on the tray, breaking 2 soup bowls and 3 salad plates. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Balwyn North

Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML

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By Treats For Days - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

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By CaityLovesBo - United States

Today, my mom went to the store. She said she was feeling generous, and had gotten everyone a little treat. My brothers each got candy and a movie. I got acne medication. FML

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By deadandwasted - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Montpelier

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

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By "ZeroG57"

Today my friend invited me to an afro-indigenous event. Eager to learn more about my roots, I tagged along. The bean bag toss and warrior dance was fun, until the Q&A came and it was clear that the focus wasn't the African diaspora but "consistent ritualized self-improvement". Yup, it's a cult. FML

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By Jessie - United States

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

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By sneezeattack - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

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By Yoir mom - United States - Port Richey

Very bad idea

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

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By omgwtf

Today, I found out my girlfriend had changed my ringtone to some woman moaning with pleasure continuously. I found this out in the middle of a job interview when she rang me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boise

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

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By No-Sleep Nellie - United States - Waterloo

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

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By max - United States

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

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By Neurocardiogenic Syncope - Canada

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

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By Faithful - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

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By bxjxj - United States

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

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By PerturbedStudent - United States - Keller

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

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Top comments

By itsame0987 | 18

#4025857 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:12

You should have read the requirements first op. YDI

By eigelste | 0

#4025856 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:12

Damn light it on fire and start over

COMMENTS

By eigelste | 0

#4025856 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:12

Damn light it on fire and start over

CalCommando | 6

#4026052 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:06

Arson is usually frowned upon in universities.

boundbytheanimus | 9

#4026102 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:22

Arson is the burning of a building.

davidbdb485 | 0

#4026126 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:35

Arson is the intentional burning of property, it doesn't only include structures, including your own. Ex: Setting your car on fire to collect insurance.

quite_bored | 9

#4026318 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:50

Arson is a very good kid.

Jbfu | 0

#4026328 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:56

Who the hell cares about arson and what it means? Just burn the damn thing!

boundbytheanimus | 9

#4026360 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:10

45, Ah, sorry?

MelTheGreat | 23

#4026387 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:22

You make a good point there, sir.

brown24eyes | 0

#4026395 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:26

you can probably get away with specifying that it's a 6B graphite stick

bizarre_ftw | 21

#4026436 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:45

Or this, this is good too (compared to my idea)

alexwarfield333 | 1

#4026939 - Monday 13 February 2012 2:35

Hey 35! Fail!

eigelste | 0

#4028520 - Monday 13 February 2012 6:15

In case no one understood the joke, it's a charcoal drawing and charcoal is the best base for a fire.

nic7973 | 23

#4028979 - Monday 13 February 2012 9:38

burn baby, burn

Strajee | 23

#6607055 - Monday 16 May 2016 8:32

35 was joking as in taking it that the OP of this comment meant the school and not the paper. I can't believe nobody caught on to his hilarity!

By itsame0987 | 18

#4025857 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:12

You should have read the requirements first op. YDI

123josie123 | 11

#4026013 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:55

^ this.

Nebulas_n_Novas | 7

#4026054 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:06

2 is right, you should have read over the requirements before starting

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4026175 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:51

No 43 but I but at least a hundred more people will post the EXACT same thing.

2ndSucks | 15

#4026177 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:51

If we want to get our posts seen, we sure as hell do!

BeaterOfTheDrums | 15

#4026179 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:51

Yes. Without it, the idiots will ask the same question in rapid succession.

Nixiechick | 3

#4026281 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:30

Agreed

markrs | 0

#4026309 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:47

Yeah! You should've read the requirements first! Glad everyone one of us is on the same page! :)

The_Tool1 | 13

#4026400 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:29

Next time i would read the requirements first.

bizarre_ftw | 21

#4026444 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:48

Does anyone else think the op should've read the requirements a tad more closely?

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4026911 - Monday 13 February 2012 2:20

*the second but should have been bet

I had to re-read it a couple of times to figure out what I meant.

capnbzarr | 43

#4029956 - Monday 13 February 2012 18:14

Or, in the parlance of our times, RTFM!

By ElricMustang | 23

#4025859 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:12

YDI for not reading the requirements beforehand to make sure.

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#4026311 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:47

I thumbed you up because you and #2 posted these at the same time.

TorturedXeno | 27

#4026550 - Sunday 12 February 2012 23:31

... and now YOU'RE getting thumbed down.

clumsychik | 1

#4026883 - Monday 13 February 2012 2:08

Srsly you guys!

By resshead | 0

#4025861 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:12

Close enough.

crazychick1269 | 7

#4026045 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:05

Your pic is creepy:/

HeartOnSleeves | 8

#4026069 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:10

Your daughter is creepy.

MerrikBarbarian | 9

#4026160 - Sunday 12 February 2012 20:47

34- what the hell is creepy about ferrets?!?

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#4026346 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:05

I have 3 ferrets and I love them dearly :)

bizarre_ftw | 21

#4026447 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:50

FERRETS!!! ^_^
They're like Kinkajous :)

xcarxcrashx | 9

#4026917 - Monday 13 February 2012 2:23

34 your pic is ??? A sequined blob on top of highlighter colored hair??

crzysk8r | 0

#4026978 - Monday 13 February 2012 2:54

I just think the way that their all curled up is terrifying

By MelTheGreat | 23

#4025863 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:12

Always read the fine print... or, in your case, just the print.

KyuuketsukiApple | 30

#4026575 - Sunday 12 February 2012 23:39

"small print" = small (but significant) details usually written in small letters

By 159_fml | 17

#4025866 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:13

Ydi you should of read the requirements before starting

FinnishAmerican | 3

#4026236 - Sunday 12 February 2012 21:12

How many people need to say this? Lol geez.. Think of a unique comment

FinnishAmerican | 3

#4026403 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:30

Double post, my phone was being dumb

bizarre_ftw | 21

#4026465 - Sunday 12 February 2012 22:59

I refer you to comment two and replies

Isoldael | 27

#4026503 - Sunday 12 February 2012 23:17

Check the times these comments were posted. It's likely they all wrote their comments when there was no similar comment yet. So no need to bash these people :)

laden_swallow09 | 34

#4027605 - Monday 13 February 2012 4:36

Here's a good reason to bash: it's SHOULD'VE, contraction of "should" and "have" respectively.

VeganVampyre | 26

#5471600 - Tuesday 30 April 2013 4:37

149- or just "should have"... Why the need for unnecessary contractions?

By toenibbler | 14

#4025869 - Sunday 12 February 2012 19:13

At least you'll have something to use next time you get a charcoal project.

crazy_whitechick | 6

#4027819 - Monday 13 February 2012 5:33

I worked really hard on a charcoal drawing just to find out that they will take any kind of art besides..... charcoal! Of course. They told me this 3 days before my audition.