Love: Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with... - FML

By moresexperience - United States

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. Everything was going fine until my mom asked aloud "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied "No." I was painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42095

You deserved it

4238

Tweet

Share

Walk on the wild side

Not now, mom!

Persona non grata

By shylahrc - United States

Today, my mom discovered a new way to get over her breakup: yodelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43087

You deserved it

3505

Tweet

Share

By ash - United States

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36072

You deserved it

16102

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38505

You deserved it

3849

Tweet

Share

By Vince - United States

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60816

You deserved it

4409

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40330

You deserved it

3395

Tweet

Share

By whateven333 - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32791

You deserved it

2662

Tweet

Share

By thanksmom - United States - Watertown

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28966

You deserved it

2619

Tweet

Share

By WetPhone - United States

Today, I was being pulled into a pool by my girlfriend. To avoid ruining my phone, I tossed it into one of the chairs behind me. I missed and it landed into the hot tub behind it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49509

You deserved it

11019

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a school football game alone. I sat next to these hot girls. To seem cool, I picked up my phone and had a fake conversation with the coolest guy in the grade. Halfway through, he came over and talked to the girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8649

You deserved it

62421

Tweet

Share

By Unreasonable - United Kingdom - Bath

Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus

Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2166

You deserved it

141

Tweet

Share

By suze44 - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44726

You deserved it

5263

Tweet

Share

By ClumsyBarista - United States - Springfield

Today, while serving a line of ten customers by myself at the coffee shop I work at, I knocked over a cup of steaming hot milk and it went all over the coffee bar, espresso machine, floor, and myself. I then had to act like everything was fine and make a line of drinks with milk everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7898

You deserved it

1034

Tweet

Share

By FootyFoot - Australia

Today, I texted my mom if she could pick me up from the hospital. She replied "No fatty, walk home." I have a broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37350

You deserved it

3206

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Darwin

The Conversationalist

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1210

You deserved it

363

Tweet

Share

By Bullocks - United States - Rochester

Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not by any sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23148

You deserved it

4425

Tweet

Share

By no name - United States - Gaylord

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks

46677

You deserved it

3818

Tweet

Share

By wrongcolorwrongcreed

Today, I went with my boyfriend of 10 months to rent a car, for which he needed his dad to sign for. To avoid introducing me, he banished me to the nearest airport terminal, and picked me up 45 minutes later, around 11:30 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1702

You deserved it

297

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13310

You deserved it

58449

Tweet

Share

By pierced. - United States - Reno

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49766

You deserved it

6105

Tweet

Share

By girlfromnowhere - United Arab Emirates

Today, my boss asked me to work over the entire weekend. That would be fine if I didn't already work a 60 hour week. He also said the extra hours on the weekend wouldn't be paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23633

You deserved it

2096

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for drunk driving. This is the second time its happened. I was completely sober both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26347

You deserved it

16461

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent almost $200 on a planetarium show with my boyfriend, who loves astronomy. He said his favorite thing about it was that he could pick his nose without anyone noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30309

You deserved it

3765

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Marcos

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30455

You deserved it

4443

Tweet

Share

By Helpless

Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care of her drug addicted dad because it is ruining out lives. We have a 90 day notice to move and I said I won't move to a new place if she is going to have him live there. Guess who is looking for a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2791

You deserved it

391

Tweet

Share

By dogdays - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34856

You deserved it

7163

Tweet

Share

By pamcakes

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11357

You deserved it

1251

Tweet

Share

By Mexican - United States - Chicago

Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They finally gave in. After they handed me my diploma, they decided to leave because it was "too boring." I'm currently sitting on the curb of the street waiting for my Uber, while people take pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18347

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1477

Tweet

Share

By wow kid just leave me alone - United States

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27551

You deserved it

3691

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Thin blue line

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24058

You deserved it

2616

Tweet

Share

By MoMoneyMoProblems - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38405

You deserved it

5225

Tweet

Share

By "Lennie Mcfish"

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me. Why do you ask? She caught me masturbating even though she previously told me she won't have sex with until she's married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3127

Phew, glad it wasn't me

507

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2341

You deserved it

828

Tweet

Share

By InPain

The joys of public transport

Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1762

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, according to my girlfriend's instant messenger, which she left open on my laptop, I am her rough shag on the side while she searches for a guy who is husband material that her parents will approve of. I guess the engagement ring in my bag is going back to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5180

You deserved it

292

Tweet

Share

By TommyNoFeet

Today, my third day training for a half marathon, I tripped and broke both of my ankles and one wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3581

You deserved it

379

Tweet

Share

By zitroskies - United States

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60706

You deserved it

3025

Tweet

Share

By Madmanmorton - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13109

You deserved it

47119

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving through a neighborhood and saw a "slow down, children" sign. I was nice and slowed down as I passed a couple little kids with their parents outside watching them. I guess I was going too slow because one of the fathers started chasing me down the street calling me a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46294

You deserved it

4354

Tweet

Share

By katie876 - United States

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31069

You deserved it

3439

Tweet

Share

By SexyPlayer9 - United States

Today, I was on a flight and one of my friends was sitting next to this woman who happened to be sleeping with her mouth wide open. My friend decided to take a picture. While I was editing it, a man sitting behind us said "If you want to take a picture of my girlfriend, wait until she's awake". FML

I agree, your life sucks

8482

You deserved it

66034

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By boone_fml | 0

#556178 - Friday 11 September 2009 19:54

Try communicating with your girlfriend about how you can take her to the bone zone. It doesn't matter what your mom was talking about. If she's not happy she's not happy.

By llllllllllllllll_fml | 0

#556279 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:31

she is dumb. who would answer that question?

COMMENTS

By Rokurota | 0

#556173 - Friday 11 September 2009 19:53

heh

Reply

pugpuggy | 21

#6125532 - Saturday 22 November 2014 23:20

Heh heh

Reply

foxyhasmybooty | 16

#6134290 - Thursday 4 December 2014 1:25

Heh heh heh

By boone_fml | 0

#556178 - Friday 11 September 2009 19:54

Try communicating with your girlfriend about how you can take her to the bone zone. It doesn't matter what your mom was talking about. If she's not happy she's not happy.

Reply

jts2 | 3

#556198 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:01

This.

Reply

canucksrule88 | 0

#556436 - Friday 11 September 2009 21:38

Wins.

Reply

Casualt1234 | 0

#556443 - Friday 11 September 2009 21:41

Balls.

Reply

DameGreyWulf | 0

#556457 - Friday 11 September 2009 21:48

Indeed.

Reply

Rouge_Plague | 0

#557330 - Saturday 12 September 2009 3:58

POTATOES!

Reply

hippo23 | 0

#1020673 - Saturday 5 June 2010 17:41

I don't get this one...

Reply

Zesty697 | 0

#1954928 - Tuesday 11 January 2011 13:32

fuck you

Reply

katiedoll6 | 7

#4383640 - Thursday 3 May 2012 0:13

Are

By well_this_sucks | 0

#556201 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:02

haha you both fail.

By playfuldesk | 0

#556244 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:17

Haha wow

Reply

Gia0896 | 0

#558729 - Saturday 12 September 2009 22:02

What the freak, i dont get this FML

Reply

foxyhasmybooty | 16

#6134291 - Thursday 4 December 2014 1:26

The mom was talking to her son about the painting his gf thought she was asking about them havering sex in the bedroom and if she was enjoying it or not to which the gf replied no

By mj2123 | 0

#556256 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:21

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By bosshaug | 0

#556262 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:23

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Jagoda_rox69 | 0

#556277 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:30

I still don't understand!

Reply

redbluegreen | 40

#556293 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:36

The OP brought his girlfriend over to meet his parents for dinner, and in that time, the OP I guess painted his parents bedroom for some cash. His mom asked how he was doing with painting the room, but how she phrased it [not meant it], has a double meaning, which includes the OP's sexual relationship with his girlfriend. The girlfriend replied for him, 'No'.

Is anyone still confused?

Reply

canucksrule88 | 0

#556439 - Friday 11 September 2009 21:39

hahaha thanks for explaining it for us some people are a bit slow i guess :P

By llllllllllllllll_fml | 0

#556279 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:31

she is dumb. who would answer that question?

Reply

canucksrule88 | 0

#556466 - Friday 11 September 2009 21:53

she would answer that question...clearly...some people just speak without thinking

Reply

looserdevars | 1

#1028293 - Saturday 12 June 2010 0:44

maybe some people are too thick to realize when to shutup.

By divaboots | 8

#556288 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:34

lmao xD

By xCrackerx | 3

#556291 - Friday 11 September 2009 20:35

YDI for sucking in bed.