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  PetiteLady  |  4

It was awkward, if not rude to offer help rhetorically. How does one help? OP: "Oh yes, will you please wash and dry my ass? I don't want to get drippy sticky shit on my fingers."

By  olpally  |  32

how'd she know your name?? lol thats kind of creepy that she would say your name.. despite the fact you're trying to go to the bathroom.. just awkward... wow

  ThanksKarma  |  0

Maybe she recognized OPs shoes. The most important things my parents have taught me about taking a dump at work/public restrooms is crumple four gaskets and throw it in the toilet to minimize getting splashed and lift your feet so nobody can see you.

  olpally  |  32

Yeah.. U don't talk to ppl in the bathroom
Like that randomly though even if she knows her at work... It's called let me shit in peace bitch...

  mrahhhhh  |  21

"We also have the less popular 'Nobody Poops but You'."

"Well, we're Catholic, so..."

"Ah, in that case, you want 'You're a Naughty Child and that's Concentrated Evil Coming out the Back of You.'"

+6 internets to the first to get where this quote is from!

  mrahhhhh  |  21

You win six internets. Strange that you hate the show, yet can name the quote.

I hate the new episodes. The old ones are gold, though. A lot of the early quotes, like that one are hilarious. Here's a few of my favorites:

(Peter recalling the vacuum cleaning guy, who he thinks is a huge jerk)
Vaccuum guy: We fixed your vaccuum cleaner. It seems the problem was a half-eaten meatball lodged in the vaccuum intake.
Peter: Well did you keep it?
Vaccuum guy (with a puzzled look on his face):
Peter: You bastard!

Peter: We all love the bible in this house.
Francis: Really? What's your favourite book of the bible?
Peter: Umm ... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in a big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital.

Peter: Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France.

Peter (watching Cricket on British TV): What the hell is he talking about?
Englishman: Oh, it's Cricket. Marvelous game, really. You see, the bowler hurls the ball toward the batter who tries to play away a fine leg. He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases, provided the wicket keeper hasn't whipped his bails off, of course.
Peter: Anybody get that?
Cleveland: The only British idiom I know is that "fag" means "cigarette."
Peter: Well, someone tell this "cigarette" to shut up.

Peter: The deep south? Isn't that the place where the black guys are really lazy and all the white guys are just as lazy but they're mad at the black guys for being so lazy?

Peter (after getting liposuction and becoming narcissistic)
Lois: Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding picture?
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better.
Lois: You pasted it over me.
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better.

  yesmanddd  |  4

Well done #41:
See, I wanted to thumb you down, bit because your comment was so long (and not funny at all), I just couldn't do it from my iPod. Well done. Just, well done.