Work: Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee...

By lonelyharts86 - 13/06/2012 14:50 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 749

You deserved it 3 751

Work

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

One-sided

Call the cops

By Anonymous - 01/06/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, I'm a youth worker. I drove 7 hours to visit a teenage girl I have been working with, and who recently moved. Due to roadworks, it took me 2 hours longer than expected. When I arrived, she told me to fuck off and closed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 097

You deserved it 530

By 123alleyesonme - 02/11/2012 04:17 - United States - Austin

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 833

You deserved it 5 079

OK sweaty, time for a bath

By Anonymous - 22/06/2020 17:01

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 124

By um... what the fuck, miss? - 02/08/2013 20:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 668

You deserved it 6 109

No stupid questions

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 01:11 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, my boyfriend's daughter asked me what would happen if she chose to stop urinating for two weeks. She wanted to know whether it would kill her or just start coming out of her mouth. She's 17 years-old, and was deadly serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 297

You deserved it 3 275

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 970

You deserved it 3 151

Classy.

By Alexis - 15/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Today, I spent 12 hours in an airport rather than go back to the apartment of the man I traveled to see for the weekend. Instead of wine, dine, sixty-nine, he took me to a tailgating event and introduced me to two girls he had a threesome with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 992

You deserved it 638

By Dumped - 06/04/2017 14:00

Today, at work, I went to place a small item on a shelf. The shelf fell on me, trapping my hand. While lifting it, the top shelf fell against my chest and the products all dumped on my face. I then realized the shelves were only held up by zip ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 784

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 039

You deserved it 2 741

By Anonymous - 14/02/2014 01:31 - United States

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 920

You deserved it 7 230

Keeping warm

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 11:01

Today, thanks to my habit of peeing in the shower, I accidentally peed in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 181

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 258

By mammasboy - 21/05/2013 18:30 - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 846

You deserved it 5 346

Remember socialising?

By Anonymous - 23/04/2020 23:00

Today, because of this fucking virus I was really excited to actually talk to another person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 258

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came up to me and told me we would never do anything sexual in our relationship. She said I was too adorable to take seriously in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 834

You deserved it 10 508

Messy

By Danielle Heichelbech - 15/11/2020 20:01

Today my 28-year-old husband got bored while cleaning the car. So he decided to stage a "crumb sacrifice to the vacuum gods" to "ensure a bountiful harvest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 274

By ihatemyjob - 15/08/2016 19:12

Today, I worked from 8 to 7 without a break and I'm still not done with my assignment. Meanwhile, my co-worker crafted a piece of paper looking like a watermelon slice and posted a picture of herself seemingly taking a bite out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 531

You deserved it 1 016

By cheated - 23/11/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 261

You deserved it 3 062

Freudian slip

By LLP - 15/10/2020 17:01 - United States

Today, I found out there's nothing like getting dumped and then receiving an inadvertent Snapchat sext from your ex-girlfriend that was intended for her new boyfriend, on what would have been your anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 115

By Ticketshame - 08/05/2019 08:00

Today, I got pulled over for talking on my phone while driving. I'd lost my phone the day before. He didn’t believe me. So, I got a ticket for talking on a phone I can’t even find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 134

By liquidknight - 10/09/2012 12:48 - United States

Today, while trying to change my visiting cousin's opinion about our state being "redneck and white trash", we stumbled upon a proposal/celebration in a Walmart. So much for changing her opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 850

You deserved it 3 965

By EK - 16/02/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, in the middle of dinner, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 859

You deserved it 7 808

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 23:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 984

You deserved it 7 389

By anon - 13/01/2016 02:41 - United States

Today, I was eating at a diner one of my friends from work recommended to me. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, which was pretty good despite the used bandaid in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 774

You deserved it 1 343

By anon - 11/07/2015 12:51 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 646

You deserved it 3 213

By lifesux - 05/02/2011 21:28 - South Africa

Today, my mom and I were escorted out of the KFC because my mom tried to mug and pick a fight with another customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 968

You deserved it 3 935

By sadsenior - 13/03/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 461

You deserved it 10 035

By BadStuden - 05/10/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, I did a 3 hour long assignment for school. I was bored so I gave it the title "F***ing Assignment for a F***ing Teacher." I went downstairs only to discover that the printer was out of ink. So I sent it to her email, then I realized that I didn't change the title. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 787

You deserved it 58 899

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 17:02 - United States - Houston

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 850

You deserved it 5 583

By dabull - 27/04/2013 05:02 - United States

Today, nobody wants to hang out with me due to a nasty rumor that my ex has spread. No one will tell me what was said, because I apparently "know full well" what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 840

You deserved it 4 016

By crinitis - 28/01/2016 16:05 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 997

You deserved it 1 384

By ButNotBed - 04/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 0600. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 356

You deserved it 820

Get it now?

By poopooppachuu - 11/10/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 016

You deserved it 6 079

By bellaskyeb - 08/01/2012 17:42 - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 204

You deserved it 4 226

By Anonymous - 05/12/2014 13:44 - United States - San Bruno

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 781

You deserved it 7 665

By dykerino - 12/10/2014 00:11 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I cut my hair short and he didn't want people to think he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 631

You deserved it 7 526

By iblamethetories - 11/10/2012 17:49 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully counting out coins under the withering glares of a bus-load of people, I quickly slid them into the machine, and somehow ended up jamming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 761

You deserved it 4 824

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 5 037

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 14:31 - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 366

You deserved it 4 245

By sickandtiredofit - 24/01/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife has been having an affair with the guy who's been trying to get our relationship back on track. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 187

You deserved it 3 090

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Top comments

xStaciexLynnx 15

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:36

Never accept the donuts.

shawnaishere 14

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:38

I hope he doesnt take it serious. I mean what does choking have to do with your qualification.

xStaciexLynnx 15

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:36

Never accept the donuts.

blanquito 1

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:40

At least it went in the garbage...

SchlomoTheGrinch 17

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:42

Yeah, it would probably have had quite an adverse effect if you toss your cookies (or donuts) on his floor or desk or even himself! Still, FYL, OP, FYL.

RayRod 6

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:43

If OP puked on him, that would've been extremely bad. Luckily he made it to the trash can

boating_guy 33

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:43

^Yeah. if you puked on the interviewer, no way you're getting the job, but you still got a chance to make a (good) impression

happle 21

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:47

At least OP can eat donuts. :c

truth_spitta 0

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:18

Does anybody know this is a movie quote? Lol

poptart840 5

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 23:45

It's incredibly rude to eat or chew gum during an interview. If they offer something, it's probably a trap.

TheBibo14 0

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:37

You get the job?

aleeshttylXD 9

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 20:32

what is wrong with your picture...

LoganBurrito 6

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 22:00

Don't worry about the picture, 40. Just trust him, he's in med school.

GRRSOM 7

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 22:22

Tip: Donut gag during an interview. *Sigh* I am terrible.

xoconnie 8

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 23:34

How the heck did u manage to choke on a donut!!! come on man, ya gotta chew better

TheBibo14 0

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Thursday 14 June 2012 6:08

Found two lizards having a good time. Don't worry though they met my bb gun.

Dragunov95 1

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Thursday 14 June 2012 7:48

The interviewer probably said "Learn to swallow, then we'll talk" or "Damn you can't even eat something with holes, how are you do eat cucumbers?"

shawnaishere 14

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:38

I hope he doesnt take it serious. I mean what does choking have to do with your qualification.

TrueTriage 16

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 20:13

Might interfere with the health insurance benefits...

TwiztedYuri 9

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 20:39

in the adult film industry that might lose you the job

evilplatypus 38

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 22:24

I dunno, if the person being interviewed hasn't learned to properly chew yet, I might question their ability to do other tasks.

downtime 12

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Thursday 14 June 2012 3:19

Have to agree with 4, if you didn't get the job then either it wasn't because you choked but rather because someone else was better suited or because the boss is a complete fuckwit. You wouldn't have to worry about a minor incident like that in a job interview, they know you're nervous and prone to doing stupid things like that. Only idiots would judge you on that.

DruggedUpMonkey 1

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Thursday 14 June 2012 5:22

At least he's not a rapper.

SkateRat911 0

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:38

Was the interview for a job at Dunkin' Donuts?

AwkwardPartyBear 24

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 20:59

No. It was at Crispy Cremes, silly!

rainbowflag 2

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 21:00

how is that a dream job?

AwkwardPartyBear 24

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 21:01

*Krispy Kremes

Rowdey 10

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Thursday 14 June 2012 0:36

56 - You get to shove your sugary, cream filled goodness into people's mouths! Not to mention the hats..

GirlOnFire143 6

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:40

Smooth, OP.

GirlOnFire143 6

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Thursday 14 June 2012 4:50

What is this "orginal" you speak of?

tony1891 22

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:40

krispy kremes?

LoganBurrito 6

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 21:31

Why do people always thumb you down, tony? Your comments aren't that bad...

BoW2Me 0

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:41

Sounds like you had a great opportunity, and you really...choked...yeeeaaaahhhhhh

YoungMisfit 9

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 19:45

So deep throating is not a job skill you have?

LoganBurrito 6

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 20:27

Where does it say that the OP tried to deep throat the donut? That's not how you eat donuts, 14.

greenie213 23

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 20:52

You don't have to take everything so seriously. I thought it was funny.

LoganBurrito 6

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Wednesday 13 June 2012 21:12

You don't have to take me so seriously, I thought it was funny too. I just assumed that making a joke about how you shouldn't deep throat a donut would clear that up.