Work: Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to... - FML

03/10/2015 04:14 - New Zealand

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 866

You deserved it 1 526

Own it

Dysfunctional

Mama's boy

15/11/2018 05:00

Today, my dryer was finally repaired after not working for over a month. I did one load of laundry and my washer stopped working. Another day, another $400+ repair bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 577

You deserved it 152

14/08/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I went to the school I work at, to set up my new classroom. I'm 5'1" and I was carrying a backpack full of fun educational posters. I also have a new boss. When we met for the first time he was yelling at me because "there were no students allowed in here yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 302

You deserved it 3 035

25/04/2017 18:00 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, I watched my fiancé ride off on my motorcycle with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 767

You deserved it 345

09/10/2009 03:17 - United States

Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 304

You deserved it 6 757

07/07/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 3 272

Are you kidding me?

By The nice guy finishing Last - 27/03/2017 12:00

Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 036

You deserved it 219

25/01/2012 18:33 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend kept whining at me, asking why I wouldn't have sex with him, seemingly not caring that my parents were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 864

You deserved it 5 645

02/07/2014 23:20 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my shoes were rubbing against my heel so much that one heel started to bleed. Not having any plasters, I stuffed some tissue down my shoe. When I walked off the train, a wad of blood-stained tissue fell out the back of my shoe. The guy behind me didn't think it came from my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 786

You deserved it 5 394

01/08/2010 10:38 - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 570

You deserved it 2 875

18/11/2014 03:10 - United States - Fenton

Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 207

You deserved it 2 750

12/12/2012 03:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 687

You deserved it 8 589

11/08/2015 23:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 340

You deserved it 3 122

16/02/2015 12:57 - Australia - Rockdale

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 521

You deserved it 2 961

06/08/2012 23:25 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst on a cycling holiday, in a somewhat hungover state, I accidentally chained my bike to the back of someone else's caravan. As I walked away, I heard a loud scraping noise. I turned around and watched my bike get dragged down a long gravel road and through a pile of horse shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 804

You deserved it 29 815

28/11/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I am lying next to my new husband. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and planned on spending the entire time in bed together. We succeeded in that goal, with both of us unable to leave each other's side for entire week. Sex? No. Food poisoning? Yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 375

You deserved it 3 275

03/05/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, a repairman came to fix my couch, which is under warranty because the frame had broken in multiple places. To ensure I got a new couch out of the deal, I stabbed multiple holes into the cushion. The guy fixed the frame, but said there was nothing he could do about lacerations on the sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 725

You deserved it 80 226

Alexa, play "These Things Take Time" by The Smiths

By p0isonOreo68 - 08/11/2020 08:03

Today, I broke my glasses, so I scheduled an appointment to get a new pair. The soonest available appointment? November 21st. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 79

13/01/2013 05:27 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 112

You deserved it 5 014

15/10/2014 00:13 - United States - Watertown

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 364

You deserved it 3 742

21/01/2009 10:03 - France

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 026

You deserved it 48 848

15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up, just like daddy's girlfriend. We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 407

You deserved it 3 856

08/07/2011 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 524

You deserved it 5 596

20/05/2016 04:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a splinter in my shop class. The teacher dug at it with tweezers for a while, then told me that my best bet would be to wait until the wound got infected and formed a bunch of pus around the splinter to force it out. It's in my dominant hand's palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 816

You deserved it 1 096

15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 611

You deserved it 2 395

22/03/2016 21:17 - United States - Fremont

Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 047

You deserved it 2 067

15/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 976

You deserved it 2 219

21/12/2013 20:05 - United Kingdom - Worcester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 463

You deserved it 6 489

09/05/2012 22:19 - Mexico - Quer?taro

Spicy

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 576

You deserved it 41 666

Lovely parents

By sigh - 18/11/2019 01:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my parents forgot it was my birthday. They ordered me to scrub the common bathroom, and when I asked if they remembered, my dad's reaction was "Oh! Really?" My mom's was "I thought that it was next week." What lovely parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 215

You deserved it 169

Serial killer vibes

By D Flower - 18/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 87

22/01/2011 09:03 - United States

Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 751

You deserved it 54 007

Ball and chain

By Anonymous - 10/09/2021 20:01

Today, my parents tricked me by claiming we were going on holiday, but stopped at grandma"s first, "just to say hi", then left me there with my bags. They dumped me with grandma and went on holiday without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 120

10/01/2014 16:12 - United States - Shelbyville

Today, my boyfriend saw a YouTube video of a guy throwing boiling water into the cold air, with the water immediately turning to ice and vapor. He copied it, but only succeeded in dousing himself with boiling water, then making me drive his idiot self to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 224

You deserved it 5 664

26/04/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 746

You deserved it 3 104

25/06/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 874

You deserved it 54 576

21/06/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 461

You deserved it 8 258

Not so Magic Kingdom

By Disney dashed - 23/09/2019 00:01

Today, I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going on a family trip to Disneyland. Less than two hours in the park, my kids have been scared shitless by every single character, they don’t want to ride any rides, my husband is drunk and the mouse ears headband gave me a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 275

03/07/2018 01:30

Today, I found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant. I got on Facebook to message my baby daddy, but was stopped in my tracks by his mugshot plastered all over my news feed for an alleged meth distribution investigation. He was already on parole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 4 590

10/11/2012 02:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 512

You deserved it 4 507

They targeted gamers!

By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 11:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 321

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Top comments

maz08 11

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Sunday 4 October 2015 0:11

It would be bad for his continued employment prospects if you reported him and used that text as evidence at a tribunal

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2015 0:08

It would be good for your life if you didn't

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2015 0:08

It would be good for your life if you didn't

maz08 11

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2015 0:11

It would be bad for his continued employment prospects if you reported him and used that text as evidence at a tribunal

lemonadestand 7

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Sunday 4 October 2015 0:15

What a dick

SecundusSecunda 27

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Sunday 4 October 2015 0:16

What goes through a persons mind and metaphorical heart in order to say that? My worker just had an emergency surgical procedure, let me make his life hell by threatening to fire him if he doesn't come to work tomorrow. Logic.

booze_n_bitches 35

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Sunday 4 October 2015 0:17

Karma will get him. Make sure the company magically falls apart if he has to take a day off sick! ;)

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Sunday 4 October 2015 1:01

That's not a good idea... It would tell his bosses boss, if he has one, that he is the one who makes everything run smoothly and therefore he would be the one to receive future raises, position advancements, ETC. It would be better if this employee had a more efficient day without his bosses direction.

Earl_KarmasBitch 29

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Sunday 4 October 2015 9:03

Depends on how you do it. If you make it look like he's a micromanaging dick by constantly asking his superior for stuff that you should have access to, that might work.

samlovesham1234 9

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Sunday 4 October 2015 0:18

Send him a photo of the operation afterward. He'd better be smart enough to believe that. If you still lose your job, then take it to a rights tribunal.

heyLaddieHey 18

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Sunday 4 October 2015 0:22

I don't think he can do that...

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2015 0:23

He texted back? I assume you've already thanked him for the evidence he so kindly provided that you'll be using during the trial?

Geckosrock99 33

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Sunday 4 October 2015 0:29

Take a screen shot of that. Make sure the dates and times of all texts are available. Also make sure his phone number is part of what's there. He can't say someone else texted you that then, OP. Keep all of that if he fires you so you can take it to HR. What your boss said and plans on doing sounds highly illegal.

writergirl1029 17

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Sunday 4 October 2015 1:21

Also make sure you keep all your paperwork from the hospital and let them know the situation. Your attending physician will write you a note saying you shouldn't be at work for "X" amount of time to recover. I was nearly fired earlier this year for a similar situation, but I worked with HR and kept my job.

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2015 0:36

Does he even realise you had surgery? What a jerk, take him to church

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2015 2:29

Why would you take him to church out of all places??? why not court...

Send a private message

Sunday 4 October 2015 3:09

It's an expression that means giving him whatfor. (And if you don't know what whatfor is, it's telling someone off.)

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 311

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 69