Health: Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 679

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 134

18/04/2009 14:24

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 390

You deserved it 6 427

Health

Empathy lives

Stubborn

First Dates

Bittie

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 14:02

Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 144

04/08/2015 02:48

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 919

You deserved it 1 799

26/09/2011 13:01

Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 369

You deserved it 3 028

23/12/2015 03:44

Today, I took a coach bus to travel to New York. Along the way, the bus stopped at Burger King and I went out to buy some food. When I got back, I couldn't find the bus. It left without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 739

You deserved it 3 400

11/04/2011 20:07

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 453

You deserved it 3 233

You helped her see the light

By losercancer - 23/04/2021 23:30

Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 187

02/07/2016 23:27

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 266

You deserved it 3 243

25/06/2014 04:29

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 778

You deserved it 6 105

31/05/2013 04:20

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 373

You deserved it 5 040

12/10/2015 15:43

Today, I nearly got written up at work for missing an important memo. The memo was sent to everyone via the company Facebook group and not by our e-mail system. My manager could hardly believe people exist who have no Facebook account and have no intention of making one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 887

You deserved it 2 392

23/08/2011 18:18

Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 154

You deserved it 49 726

22/03/2013 19:15

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 726

You deserved it 7 668

23/05/2011 19:33

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 404

You deserved it 3 180

01/10/2014 02:20

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 547

You deserved it 11 961

01/11/2010 10:15

Today, my dad, who lives hours away, called and told me he was getting married. Today. As in this evening. Guess I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 125

You deserved it 2 531

03/10/2016 23:50

Today, the family computer kept overheating. My four-year-old son thought the solution was to pour a nice, cold cup of water on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 961

You deserved it 1 219

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry

By jenni - 06/04/2021 20:00

Today, my seven-year-old niece gave me a birthday card. Only she'd spelled my name as ‘Jenny.’ When I told her it was spelled with an i instead of a y, she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 966

Honk if you Love Me!

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 16:01

Today, I'm so lonely that I get happy when I get attention from car drivers when they honk at me for driving too slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 208

23/07/2011 21:27

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 197

You deserved it 3 208

28/11/2011 03:00

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 4 142

Profiler

By ocean555 - 07/03/2011 00:27

Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is actually me between my boyfriend and the girl he has been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 912

You deserved it 4 247

29/04/2009 22:46

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 863

You deserved it 97 103

10/08/2010 07:22

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 304

You deserved it 9 315

21/05/2019 16:02

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 198

You deserved it 387

07/11/2013 23:08

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 304

You deserved it 9 009

Child's play

By knew that kid looked familiar - 06/10/2021 17:00

Today, I took my kids to the park. I saw my daughter playing with a kid who looked familiar. Turns out he was my ex’s son, whom I haven’t seen in years. I thought it was cute they played so well together, until my ex’s new girlfriend came over, screaming that I was trying to use my kid to get to her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 130

18/09/2018 03:00

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 298

Tactician

By Anonymous - 05/04/2020 02:00

Today, in the most polite and friendly way I could think of, I told a friend that she's slightly too dramatic about things. She started throwing a fit, deleted my number, and ended our seven-year friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 290

15/03/2009 18:29

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566 013

You deserved it 40 161

12/07/2011 17:25

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 641

You deserved it 57 073

01/11/2010 15:10

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 531

You deserved it 4 334

15/01/2013 20:56

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 880

You deserved it 8 548

20/02/2009 22:02

Today, I realized that there are more framed pictures of my mom's dog than pictures of me around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 814

You deserved it 3 430

31/03/2012 04:22

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 508

You deserved it 3 479

10/01/2010 15:37

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 127

You deserved it 59 359

24/11/2009 08:54

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 367

You deserved it 9 570

09/10/2014 01:12

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 630

You deserved it 4 307

31/01/2017 16:00

Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 671

You deserved it 1 497

21/04/2016 19:15

Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 190

You deserved it 1 518

14/10/2017 20:00

Today, I offered to let my niece and brother stay at my apartment, as my brother was going through a rough divorce and had lost his job. After coming home from work, I found my niece had snapped all of my pencils and had ruined over ten years worth of artwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 524

You deserved it 323

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Top comments

CherishFlowers 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:13

LMAO, nice. Imagine if someone heard you changing your pad in the bathroom... haha

Carribu 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:02

How the hell do you get a cyst on your ass?

Comments

hockeyplaya 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:02

lol sucks for you

popoman 0

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Thursday 17 September 2009 5:32

YDI for having an ass.

bleedinginside 0

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Sunday 7 March 2010 6:14

onfg I love popoman pic

Daemonknight 0

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Friday 23 July 2010 22:18

I had to do exactly what op did... good thing is that I haven't had any since

UnluckyChicka 0

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Wednesday 26 January 2011 12:52

see now u know how girls feel wearing those frickin uncomfortable things. lol

Carribu 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:02

How the hell do you get a cyst on your ass?

WantACookie666 0

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 20:56

pilonidal cyst You can get it from walking around a lot.. sweat and whatnot i only know what it is cause i have one :/ they SUCK

fuckme93 0

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Friday 1 April 2011 10:35

hey the names alex

teentee401 36

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Friday 8 August 2014 0:24

Hey, the name's No One Gives A Shit.

spazchild44815 7

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Sunday 16 October 2016 18:37

It's called a pilonidal cyst and they're fairly common.

QJD 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:02

That must suck.

danedo 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:04

...I don't get it. You had surgery. You have an excuse.

tracylynn2014 0

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Monday 9 January 2012 1:45

The point is that he's a dude and has to wear a pad.

rokai_fml 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:05

#2 - anything's possible. and to the OP , that really sucks. but atleast you have an excuse right ?

NomNomMuffin 5

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Tuesday 3 January 2012 8:52

Now everyone knows how horrid they are for us girls !

Compwiz1993 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:05

Wow, that sucks. Thanks for letting me see my lunch again though!

Krumm_fml 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:06

Tell the boyfriend to lay off hammering that shit.

pencilmustache 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:07

they couldn't give you any bandages?.....

Fridiculously 0

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Monday 19 April 2010 13:26

that's a pen, btw.

EdenLis 14

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Wednesday 20 June 2012 4:39

If it secretes enough fluid for him to have to wear a maxi pad, I don't think a band aid would help very much.

Kickinchicken213 3

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:07

Oooh, sucks for you!

mildver 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:08

hahaha, man that sucks big time!!!! FYL