Health: Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards... - FML

By Ian - United States

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

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Understandable

BO Central

Nutters Inc.

By AmICrappyEveryOtherDay - Canada

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Yucaipa

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML

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By offrampmotel

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

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By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peeing on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out and call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower. FML

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By djxerxes9000 - Canada

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

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By Anonymous - Malta - Santa Venera

Today, I came across the word "pegging". Not knowing what it meant, I googled it and got a very graphic explanation. Seconds later, I realised that the webpage URL actually included the sexual nature of the meaning. The IT department have logs of every page we visit. FML

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By human

Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML

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By John - United States

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, my sister told me that she read that the pain of giving birth is equal to the pain of breaking 20 bones at once. I'm 19 weeks pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Sioux City

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why two of my friends race downstairs to each other to the cafeteria everyday at lunch; apparently there's only one free seat at the table with the rest of their friends, and the loser has to eat lunch with me. FML

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By JasonX0656 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML

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By krissysays - United States

Today, I heard on the news that the average debt one is in when they graduate college is $24,000. I've been in college for one year and my debt is already $20,000. And it turns out that my school's accreditation does not exist like I was told. $20,000 in debt and no college credits to show for it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

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By KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

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By B_and_W - France

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 02:02

Mind your beeswax, Karen

Today, I was carrying some bags out of a store, and my shirt had scooted up a little. I had no free hands, so I ignored it. A woman stopped me to tell me that bare midriffs are only attractive on skinny girls, "not fat ones." I'm 6 months pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML

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By

Love sex

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, the girl that I have been secretly madly in love with for 6 years told me "fuck off and stop doing nice things for me." FML

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By Prae - United States - Dallas

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

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By pinkpanther61789

Thanks for the support, guys!

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

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By iet_Wyrda - France - Verneuil-sur-seine

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

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By iPhonekid - United States - San Antonio

Today, I texted my friend and asked her what her sad status on Facebook was about. She texted me back saying her step-mother had passed away. I tried to reply with "awwh" but my phone autocorrected it to "ahaha." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I walked into my bedroom, only to find out that my bed is missing. I have no idea where it is. FML

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By Harry - United Kingdom

Paperboy

Today, I was doing my paper round. I got to the last house and thought I had done everything right. I checked my list of houses, and I had done every single one wrong. I went and got all the papers back and delivered them again. That was when I realised I did them right in the first place. FML

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By probably not getting the job - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, I applied for a job at a local store. As I walked out the door, I heard the manager read it out loud and everybody else laugh. FML

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By chubbs - United States - Vacaville

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

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By Coquette - United States

Today, I realized just how awful my relationships have been when I discovered I emotionally connect with women on Jerry Springer. FML

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By minac11 - United States - Brooklyn

I am sorry!

Today, I went to give my boyfriend a hug and accidentally knocked his brand new phone out of his hand. The screen was broken. FML

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By crétin-crédule - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

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By why do eggs explode - Canada - Calgary

Today, while I was in the shower, my 4 year old son wondered what would happen if he put 6 eggs in the microwave. FML

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By thesixth - Kenya

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

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By ghost? - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't spend the day with me as he had his grandmother's funeral. Lonely, I went shopping and I bumped into his mum having lunch with his 'dead' grandma. FML

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By Anon - Canada

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

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Top comments

By CherishFlowers | 0

#122602 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:13

LMAO, nice.
Imagine if someone heard you changing your pad in the bathroom... haha

By Carribu | 0

#122559 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:02

How the hell do you get a cyst on your ass?

COMMENTS

By hockeyplaya | 0

#122557 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:02

lol sucks for you

Reply

popoman | 0

#568625 - Thursday 17 September 2009 5:32

YDI for having an ass.

Reply

bleedinginside | 0

#920723 - Sunday 7 March 2010 6:14

onfg I love popoman pic

Reply

Daemonknight | 0

#1130107 - Friday 23 July 2010 22:18

I had to do exactly what op did... good thing is that I haven't had any since

Reply

UnluckyChicka | 0

#2009049 - Wednesday 26 January 2011 12:52

see now u know how girls feel wearing those frickin uncomfortable things. lol

By Carribu | 0

#122559 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:02

How the hell do you get a cyst on your ass?

Reply

WantACookie666 | 0

#1905271 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 20:56

pilonidal cyst
You can get it from walking around a lot.. sweat and whatnot
i only know what it is cause i have one :/
they SUCK

Reply

fuckme93 | 0

#2276289 - Friday 1 April 2011 10:35

hey the names alex

Reply

teentee401 | 36

#6030655 - Friday 8 August 2014 0:24

Hey, the name's No One Gives A Shit.

Reply

spazchild44815 | 7

#6703161 - Sunday 16 October 2016 18:37

It's called a pilonidal cyst and they're fairly common.

By QJD | 0

#122560 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:02

That must suck.

By danedo | 0

#122567 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:04

...I don't get it. You had surgery. You have an excuse.

Reply

tracylynn2014 | 0

#3852782 - Monday 9 January 2012 1:45

The point is that he's a dude and has to wear a pad.

By rokai_fml | 0

#122573 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:05

#2 - anything's possible.
and to the OP , that really sucks.
but atleast you have an excuse right ?

Reply

NomNomMuffin | 5

#3823442 - Tuesday 3 January 2012 8:52

Now everyone knows how horrid they are for us girls !

By Compwiz1993 | 0

#122574 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:05

Wow, that sucks. Thanks for letting me see my lunch again though!

By Krumm_fml | 0

#122576 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:06

Tell the boyfriend to lay off hammering that shit.

By pencilmustache | 0

#122581 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:07

they couldn't give you any bandages?.....

Reply

Fridiculously | 0

#981772 - Monday 19 April 2010 13:26

that's a pen, btw.

Reply

EdenLis | 14

#4589304 - Wednesday 20 June 2012 4:39

If it secretes enough fluid for him to have to wear a maxi pad, I don't think a band aid would help very much.

By Kickinchicken213 | 3

#122583 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:07

Oooh, sucks for you!

By mildver | 0

#122585 - Saturday 18 April 2009 20:08

hahaha, man that sucks big time!!!! FYL