Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned... - FML

By seizuregirl17 - 19/11/2013 15:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49369

You deserved it

2863

Tweet

Share

Season finale

Rich people problems

Business savvy

By Username - 14/10/2010 19:02 - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24308

You deserved it

8369

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 17:16 - United States - Surprise

Today, while walking around town, some guy grabbed me from behind, clutched at my nipples, and said, "That's where I always imagined they were." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57034

You deserved it

4272

Tweet

Share

By nosleeptilpissoff - 18/3/2011 15:54 - United States

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34298

You deserved it

6361

Tweet

Share

By facepalm - 28/12/2010 10:35 - Singapore

Today, my husband was fired for chatting online for the third time in a month during office hours. Who was he chatting with? Me, telling him to get off the chat programme so he wouldn't lose his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28071

You deserved it

12855

Tweet

Share

By Rev - 18/3/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62978

You deserved it

8943

Tweet

Share

By Courtney Micallef - 2/4/2020 08:00

Early learner

Today, I was teaching my one-year-old some new words. He pointed to the picture of the pig and said, "Mama". Guess I better start that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1406

You deserved it

272

Tweet

Share

By Nicole - 19/9/2011 20:16 - United States

Today, I went to school without makeup. No one recognized me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18701

You deserved it

44450

Tweet

Share

By robert - 31/1/2012 00:20 - United States

Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25304

You deserved it

4190

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34290

You deserved it

6517

Tweet

Share

By DosSantos - 3/8/2017 00:30

Today, I returned from a trip to Budapest with more condoms than I had brought with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3353

You deserved it

879

Tweet

Share

By googlefreak54321 - 25/7/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I went out to go meet up with a guy. I walked all the way to his house just to see him. Then he made me hide behind a bush till his girlfriend left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33406

You deserved it

13517

Tweet

Share

By stuff - 16/8/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I was calling my cable company to tell me how to fix my internet. I stayed on hold for almost half an hour, and then when someone finally picked up, my phone died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43549

You deserved it

6272

Tweet

Share

By luvs2spooge89 - 1/5/2013 14:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22852

You deserved it

76136

Tweet

Share

By macattack - 2/9/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36628

You deserved it

4730

Tweet

Share

By bonehead69 - 31/5/2015 07:06 - United States - Taylorville

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34512

You deserved it

5352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/3/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, to celebrate my older sister's 21st birthday, my parents forced me to take the night off work so we could all go to the casino. Not only is this coming out of my vacation, I wasn't old enough to enter the casino, so I had to sit in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40500

You deserved it

4402

Tweet

Share

By Squid - 7/11/2012 05:11 - Australia - Hornsby

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24850

You deserved it

7408

Tweet

Share

By filipinoclari808 - 16/4/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15751

You deserved it

81216

Tweet

Share

By kingwalrus - 12/6/2010 18:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37948

You deserved it

8015

Tweet

Share

By GidleyWife - 30/7/2015 17:22 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25276

You deserved it

2367

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/8/2016 15:18 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18427

You deserved it

1095

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2010 20:56 - United States

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16895

You deserved it

28475

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/12/2019 14:00

Taking pictures

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2083

You deserved it

418

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51605

You deserved it

7415

Tweet

Share

By EpicBunBun - 10/5/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He had stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5096

You deserved it

681

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 02:06

Leg day

Today, after waiting a year, I asked a coworker who I like to work out at the gym with me. She said yes. I figured this would be the perfect place to show off my body and impress her. In every exercise we did, she lifted more weights than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

594

You deserved it

2071

Tweet

Share

By Liz0352 - 8/11/2018 04:30 - United States - Bainbridge Island

Today, my youngest son's teacher surprised me with a box of diapers. Apparently my son told her I was pregnant, but I'm not. I had to explain to her I'm just fat. She apologized and felt awful, and told me to keep the diapers. My children are 5 and 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2824

You deserved it

258

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/8/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14326

You deserved it

54150

Tweet

Share

By mynoseburns - 22/2/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was throwing up into the toilet. It turns out that throwing up is even less pleasant when the puke violently shoots out through your nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36372

You deserved it

2643

Tweet

Share

By Gassy - 21/9/2015 14:45 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31209

You deserved it

3190

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, after playing on the same basketball team for eight years with the same coach, he kicked me off the team to make room for my younger brother, who I taught to play basketball in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33615

You deserved it

4244

Tweet

Share

By Whoops - 20/10/2011 04:36 - United States

Today, at my job in a nursing home, the State Department of Health inspected us, during which a dementia patient repeatedly screamed that I always hurt her. This was the first time that I'd ever seen her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31719

You deserved it

1976

Tweet

Share

By Thewatcher - 22/10/2014 08:09 - Mauritius

Today, I tried to download some network-monitoring software for the office as I suspect that one of my staff has been constantly downloading torrents. It wouldn't download because someone was using all the bandwidth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32796

You deserved it

3240

Tweet

Share

By Thomas - 20/9/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38067

You deserved it

3418

Tweet

Share

By Ow - 19/6/2016 00:51 - United Kingdom - Swanscombe

Today, my little sister decided to move one of the mouse traps I set for our current mouse problem onto my desk chair. Apparently when a mouse is caught in a mousetrap it's cruel, but when it snaps on my balls, that's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13714

You deserved it

1834

Tweet

Share

By Roida - 26/10/2009 10:15 - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34667

You deserved it

2660

Tweet

Share

By haha247 - 14/8/2009 14:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my brother clean his room. While putting clothes away, I found a box of thongs. They were mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58078

You deserved it

3901

Tweet

Share

By starstruck - 20/11/2009 09:36 - France

Today, I misplaced my wallet. Fortunately, I knew exactly where it was. Unfortunately, I had just taken out the only form of picture ID that morning. I couldn't stop the finders from laughing as they saw my fake celebrity entertainment ID while I tried to convince them it was actually my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9315

You deserved it

17948

Tweet

Share

By Jessica - 23/3/2013 19:00 - United States - Brighton

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of seven years. He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then. I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun. Not quite the response I was hoping for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22682

You deserved it

41110

Tweet

Share

By nerderer - 5/6/2015 02:17 - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28717

You deserved it

11269

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MBSC | 11

#5760465 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:29

Did you ask if she'd ever tried science?

By Welshite | 39

#5760477 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:34

I tried Science once. Once. It tasted like bitter tears and soul-crushing sorrow.

Try History instead. I've heard it tastes of forgotten dreams and endless hopes.

COMMENTS

By MBSC | 11

#5760465 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:29

Did you ask if she'd ever tried science?

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5760477 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:34

I tried Science once. Once. It tasted like bitter tears and soul-crushing sorrow.

Try History instead. I've heard it tastes of forgotten dreams and endless hopes.

Reply

HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#5760487 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:46

Yeah science!

Reply

HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5760488 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:47

The power of stupidity compels her!

Reply

Zimmington | 21

#5760490 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:48

13- History...? Psh sure it tastes sweet but it doesn't nearly get you drunk enough.

I had a shot of the Future once... Wow! that stuff had me drunk for days with no hangover!

Reply

Rianokami | 22

#5760556 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 19:32

History is a heady mix that tastes good at first, but then you wake up with a killer headache.

Reply

KOMkD | 4

#5760615 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 20:24

Science, bitch!

Reply

swaggalikethat | 22

#5760631 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 20:41

#13, most poetic comment on this site. I might use that. I'll quote you though.

Reply

idioticmess | 15

#5859679 - Sunday 16 February 2014 6:12

#13 i think you described hitler in both of those. thats basicly him before and at the end of the war.

By nikkipettyfer | 24

#5760466 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:30

That's messed up..

Reply

BadApple88 | 29

#5760563 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 19:37

She's a dumbass

By saraitkddh | 47

#5760467 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:30

Sorry OP, I wonder how in the first place she got to be a professor!

Reply

perdix | 29

#5760505 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:59

#4, Blowjobs. Next question?

Reply

Kimmismith | 11

#5760542 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 19:23

I'm sure she was being ignorant of Op's health.. And trying to make a joke in front of the class lol

Reply

Zimmington | 21

#5760575 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 19:42

34- I would think a professor would be above pushing there beliefs on others...

Is professionalism completely dead?

Reply

Newboy237 | 4

#5760583 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 19:47

Why not titjobs?

By Rainhawk94 | 27

#5760469 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:31

She mocked your seizure. You mocked her grave

Reply

HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#5760496 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:50

Yes it makes us all wonder...does she even science, OP?

By Mshrodes | 13

#5760470 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:31

Did she miss the 21st century's train ? And the one before ? And the one before...?

By HSArchon | 9

#5760472 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:32

Well, maybe she was just trying to be funny.

By Xquisite1 | 28

#5760473 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:32

"THE POWER OF STUPIDITY COMPELS HER"!

By SamCat | 21

#5760474 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:32

sei.zure is a bitch!

(sorry op, I couldn't help myself)

Reply

ahh_rats | 15

#5760619 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 20:25

Super LOL

Reply

jayceejaco | 15

#5761166 - Wednesday 20 November 2013 5:34

Wait..what?

By TheComedyAudio | 29

#5760475 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:32

You should have turned your head around and threw up...

By HAMY_fml | 23

#5760478 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:35

At least she tried to be nice about your condition unlike other teachers.

Reply

Alycat6363 | 15

#5760495 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 18:50

But exorcism? That almost cancels out her being nice about it.

Reply

alycion | 38

#5760508 - Tuesday 19 November 2013 19:01

Some people can be very nice about medical conditions until they are standing there when something happens. Then panic sets in. Sometimes bad humor is a way of dealing with it.