Work: Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about...

By pdnne - 12/05/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 840

You deserved it 7 725

Work

Bottom of the list

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

Judge and jury

So I got that goin' for me, which is nice...

By Notadrugdealer - 07/12/2017 15:00

Today, I was just browsing Facebook when my friend sent me a GoFundMe link. Someone wrote a page saying I killed myself and that we need money for funeral services. People are actually donating to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 522

You deserved it 338

By NathanPlays - 23/04/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 034

You deserved it 20 193

By shocked - 25/08/2011 18:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to help me get over the fear of my upcoming rectal exam by surprising me with one of her own halfway through our lovemaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 607

You deserved it 5 080

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 16:06

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 717

Pain in the ass

By Kaganate - 09/02/2010 00:32 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 556

You deserved it 25 588

By 504-A1 - 11/05/2012 22:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 322

You deserved it 10 370

By Evra - 23/01/2015 07:39 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was asked by a total stranger if I had Tourettes. This is the third time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 088

You deserved it 5 567

By Hungry - 27/12/2013 14:01 - United States - Appleton

Today, I got written up at work for clocking back in from lunch early. Yesterday I got a verbal warning for coming back late. I'm scared to go to lunch at all now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 818

You deserved it 4 664

By snorlax - 20/01/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 667

You deserved it 8 327

By nerdsgetmehot - 29/12/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, six months have passed since my parents announced that they're getting a divorce. We're all still awkwardly living together because we haven't been able to sell our house yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 923

You deserved it 2 499

By heresmybellybotton - 18/07/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 826

You deserved it 3 652

By Hungrytoothbrush - 07/03/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of me to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 128

You deserved it 2 394

Move!

By Mogg - 18/12/2009 08:42 - Australia

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 854

You deserved it 3 248

F*ck the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 19:58

Today, I watched as my girlfriend painfully plucked her eyebrows for half an hour. She is willing to do this, but not shave her armpits on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 986

By emilyxoxoxo - 21/03/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I thought it would be funny if we could both fit into her big sweatpants. When we tried to take a step, she fell on top of me. She started peeing uncontrollably. We had to cut ourselves out of the sweatpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 559

You deserved it 37 027

By Lola - 08/08/2010 14:32 - United Kingdom

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 490

You deserved it 38 012

By oconron - 06/03/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 569

You deserved it 7 290

By messed up - 16/09/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I finally told my crush that I like her. She said she could never date me, because apparently, "My best friend likes you." Her best friend is my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 513

You deserved it 2 604

By fmlgirl - 25/04/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 354

You deserved it 11 800

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 06:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 998

You deserved it 3 428

By AML - 31/10/2013 14:30 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 19-year-old, long-distance boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to text me all day because it's too hard to type while in his Spider-Man suit. It's non-negotiable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 216

You deserved it 15 289

By catlady - 25/08/2015 03:16 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 660

You deserved it 2 421

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 416

You deserved it 14 700

By unacceptable - 04/06/2012 15:02 - Australia

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 226

You deserved it 2 731

By dazed and confused - 17/12/2013 01:50 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got kicked out of my band by the guy who quit two weeks ago. The bad part? Everyone else agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 713

You deserved it 4 314

Are you OK, hun?

By Lillian - 25/12/2020 01:58 - United States

Today, I walked into a store to buy a type of bread I like. The stuff was sold out, so I asked an employee when they'll be restocking it. The employee yelled at me, because, "They do have that bread," walks to the isle, and then when she saw that they really were out of the bread, she walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 112

By asthmatic - 18/06/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I used my inhaler for the first time in a year. As soon as I took a puff I felt something strange go down my throat. Upon closer inspection I discovered there had been a spider living in the mouth of my inhaler... and I had just swallowed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 198

You deserved it 8 744

By NoTattoo - 12/08/2015 17:50

Today, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I refused to get her name tattooed on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 299

You deserved it 2 441

By Anonymous - 07/09/2018 03:30

Today, I found out my fiancé can't wear his ring at his parents house cause his mom and dad don’t want him to marry me, and it has nothing to do with me. They don’t like my parents so I’m not good enough for their son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 013

You deserved it 176

By anon - 17/07/2015 07:04 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 353

You deserved it 3 713

By Anonymous - 27/12/2009 12:49 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 136

You deserved it 2 874

Interpreter blues

By Aleksandar Veljović - 25/11/2020 05:01

Today, at the hospital, I had to tell someone he was going to die because I was the only one to speak his language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 54

By caaarl - 19/04/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 948

You deserved it 6 516

Rolled

By shushingmoon - 18/09/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I was in class, playing online poker and keeping up my winning record. I eventually got seated against a guy who beat me at every hand. I heard laughing behind me after I lost all my winnings. The guy behind me had just made an account, looked over my shoulder, and won all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 913

You deserved it 53 546

By awwshit - 13/10/2009 14:13 - Canada

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 718

You deserved it 34 947

By D.J. - 25/01/2014 01:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 834

You deserved it 6 492

By CP19JK12KH - 03/01/2010 09:56 - United States

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 855

You deserved it 3 995

By halien1982 - 03/01/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the bar of a popular local restaurant. I sat there for a few hours and drank my sorrows away with the bartender. I thought she was pretty, and decided to give her a large tip. The tip sent me over my credit card limit, and the bartender is not single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 413

You deserved it 35 279

By iblamethetories - 11/10/2012 17:49 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully counting out coins under the withering glares of a bus-load of people, I quickly slid them into the machine, and somehow ended up jamming it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 761

You deserved it 4 824

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 16:42 - United States

Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 732

You deserved it 5 629

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Top comments

Jimboom 11

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:07

Ha ha! Well at least you made an impression. Too bad it was on his desk.

bwlingatstarlite 0

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:05

hollly shit...did you still get the job? Hope you're okay :)

bwlingatstarlite 0

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:05

hollly shit...did you still get the job? Hope you're okay :)

Shihaby 0

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:05

Lol, your mom should have told you to "mind the step".

Lifesucksdodrugs 0

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:06

Capitalize your I's

tickclickboom 0

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Saturday 24 April 2010 16:23

he only missed one sorry we can't all be perfect like you

Jimboom 11

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:07

Ha ha! Well at least you made an impression. Too bad it was on his desk.

Lolrus 0

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:08

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! now the boss knows that you can multitask

Ravenite 0

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:08

Well... that made an impression... hope the interview turned out a little better. #3 - is that all you are concerned about?

RedStook 0

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:16

Good going. When I interview job candidates, I always look for something that stands out. I would certainly remember you !

chea_chea 0

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 16:18

LOL at #4 Yeah, making eye contact is good, but it's good to mix that with being aware of your surroundings. Not sure about anyone else, but if I was the boss I'd probably be a bit weirded out if you were staring straight at me from the moment you walked through the door, all the way over to the desk.