Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced... - FML

By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

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Yappy neighborhood

Everyone's an expert

Empathy hurts

By MALICEG - 26/5/2012 07:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, there was a knock on my apartment door. It was the man from next-door, who sarcastically asked if I was alright, because he said he heard me screaming in agony. I was singing. FML

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By pdnne - 12/5/2009 05:48 - United States

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

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By Ah hell - 31/1/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

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By Sariitaa_fml - 18/11/2017 19:00

Today, I was in the romantic section of a book store making fun of the titles. Thinking my friend was behind me, I read in a sexy voice, “Sleeping with a Stranger” and turned to laugh only to find the 70-year-old store manager smiling and winking at me. FML

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By Jersey girl - 8/12/2016 07:58 - United States - Miami

Today, I requested to have the next Sunday off of my job in retail. Not only did my boss say that we're not allowed to ask for weekends off anymore, but I also have to work on another weekend that I requested off. I guess I'm not going to my sister's wedding. FML

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By crunknasty - 30/3/2013 05:19 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

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By Danny - 12/9/2018 20:30

Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not only was my boyfriend a liar, but that he is also married and has been for 4 years. FML

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By Oops - 25/2/2017 00:00 - Australia - Belmore

Today, my very quiet and sexually innocent boyfriend said, "I want to be inside you." I was so startled that all I could reply was, "Oh, thanks." FML

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By lostintdot - 31/7/2014 11:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

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By _kristaaxo - 21/11/2016 09:24 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 23:05

What a charmer

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

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By shanson - 7/11/2016 14:06 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my mother lectured me for not spending enough time with her. We literally just got back from a 10 day vacation together. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

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By anonymous - 1/2/2016 06:07 - Canada

Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML

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By Prepper? - 6/12/2017 01:30

Going out of business? It's a matter of life and death!

Today, the accredited funeral home of my memorial plan is going out of business. Instead of delegating my policy to a different firm, they gave me the package. I now have to take home a land title for where I will be buried, my own coffin, and my headstone. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 23:00

Think it through

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend by knocking on her door and kneeling in front of it. I forgot that her door opens outwards. FML

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By Martin - 8/9/2020 23:01 - Switzerland

Extreme late fees

Today, I had an appointment to pull some wisdom teeth. I wrote the wrong time in my calendar. Showed up an hour late and they didn't pull the one tooth that actually hurts. Now I've got the pay for the time I was late, plus wait until November to pull the rest. I waited 5 months for this appointment due to the coronavirus. FML

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By ug - 8/7/2009 20:51 - Canada

Today, my crush took me out to lunch. When the waiter came for our orders he ordered onoin rings and looks at me and says, "I won't be kissing anyone tonight anyways." FML

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By Alexandra - 5/3/2013 20:17 - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

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By insanitycalling - 26/10/2011 06:36 - Canada

Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 21:27 - Canada

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

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By the boogieman mom - 27/11/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that eating too much cheese really can cause nightmares. I had a cheese sandwich before bed and woke up later to the nightmarish sight of my mother-in-law standing over me with a suitcase. She had a big argument with her husband and wants to stay with us for a few weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2015 10:34 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML

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By cigarettes - 11/12/2014 18:33 - United States

Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I last that long. FML

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By doctorsandnurses - 13/1/2012 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML

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By WoWWidow - 2/9/2011 08:02 - United States

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

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By dieold - 28/1/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriends house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2014 04:03 - United States - Meridian

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

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By Maxime - 28/2/2014 00:32 - France - Paris

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

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By smallpaycheck - 16/8/2009 00:49 - United States

Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML

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By Surprisebuttsecks? - 7/12/2011 04:39 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML

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By joshua - 6/8/2011 00:18 - United States

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

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By Sarah - 18/7/2019 12:00

Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

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By xHoho - 26/11/2013 05:50 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

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By Myself - 6/9/2010 10:45 - United States

Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

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By mrwilly - 2/1/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

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By PntsLessWonder - 1/12/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I left my friend this big Facebook wall comment about how adorable his son is. Just after posting, I read the other peoples' comments and find out that it's his daughter. FML

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By smiler - 17/3/2010 16:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

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Top comments

By Serial | 2

#113056 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:06

i guess pracriced is the new word for terrible practice

By WhoaNelly | 0

#113072 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:30

If you told your teacher how long you really practiced, it may have impressed her that you worked so hard.

But, no, you didn't.

COMMENTS

By Jimboom | 11

#113053 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:03

Next time practice your spelling instead.

Reply

randomchick856 | 5

#4505271 - Thursday 31 May 2012 22:41

but what did it say? :o

By Serial | 2

#113056 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:06

i guess pracriced is the new word for terrible practice

Reply

AhKealYu | 0

#1805828 - Tuesday 7 December 2010 3:32

Lol, I didn't even notice the error until you mentioned it. Silly Grammar Nazi.

By 24788 | 6

#113062 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:14

Learning an instrument in 30 hours alone is difficult. Back in middle school I had to pick an instrument to learn. I learned the trumped and spent about 30 minutes at most learning it. My teacher told me I should really stick to sports.

Reply

iknowimawesome | 13

#2376129 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 5:45

or modeling...

Reply

jjkiss | 0

#2410362 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 17:36

haha agreed

Reply

ducky570773 | 14

#2806132 - Saturday 2 July 2011 15:38

Trumpet is a hard instrument to play, but ITS AWESOME!!

By plethora | 3

#113071 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:29

#3: I think the OP meant s/he "pracriced" one performance piece for 30 hours.

Reply

WoAhAnNa123 | 0

#969007 - Saturday 27 March 2010 6:31

I hate how you pratice something for a long time, and afterwards figure out you were practicing the wrong way!!! :P

Reply

iknowimawesome | 13

#2376133 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 5:47

same!

By WhoaNelly | 0

#113072 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:30

If you told your teacher how long you really practiced, it may have impressed her that you worked so hard.

But, no, you didn't.

By azwildcats | 0

#113079 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:33

been there
orchestra teachers i swear picks on people they choose to dislike from the beginning.

By 24788 | 6

#113081 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:33

#4 nice catch, I'm really tired as it's 5:33 am here. I still think it would be difficult to learn a piece in 30 hours. Unless it's a rather easier piece played with a guitar.

Reply

AutumnnRosee | 5

#4765454 - Thursday 2 August 2012 22:27

trust me, from experience I can tell you that it is still difficult on a guitar :)

By twilighter_644 | 0

#113090 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:58

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By XOfiestypixie | 0

#113094 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 12:59

wow. never, EVER, show off to an orchestra teacher. You will only ever get responses like that. =)

By Eresbel | 0

#113104 - Wednesday 15 April 2009 13:18

I've never had an instructor be impressed by how little effort I put into something. It's like saying it's not worth your time.