Work: Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

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8066

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Work

Walk on the wild side

Thanks, I hate it

Death at one's elbow

By Aled - United Kingdom

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37755

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3311

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By sostupid - United States

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17767

You deserved it

51029

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By biblewanker - Australia

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39561

You deserved it

3550

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By nopissleft - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47902

You deserved it

2906

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By What? - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31529

You deserved it

4079

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By WhereIsIt? - 25/9/2020 22:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Frustration

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

865

You deserved it

387

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By Caitlin - United States

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11275

You deserved it

45660

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By spitt - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28382

You deserved it

2480

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By GuitarChick42 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks

320347

You deserved it

22861

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By fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo - United States

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47561

You deserved it

3560

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By cutiekenz21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45628

You deserved it

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By King_of_Cha0s - United States - San Jose

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28887

You deserved it

1722

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By ThatNewCarSmell - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21856

You deserved it

45494

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By Gangnam - Sweden - Bromma

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27522

You deserved it

3948

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By cheaterscheat - United States - Saint James

Today, I went to the hospital due to extreme sickness. My boyfriend saw this as an opportune time to take another girl out since I was "otherwise preoccupied." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28463

You deserved it

2362

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By Anonymous

And next on The Voice…

Today, I found out I have a bad singing voice. How? The choir judge decided to yell "STOP! Please just stop!" During my solo. In front of everyone. During the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1870

You deserved it

231

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26759

You deserved it

5104

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35369

You deserved it

7558

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33751

You deserved it

6302

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By bitchface - United States

Plans

Today, I looked at my father's Facebook for the first time in a month to see a status saying, "Making wedding plans!" Really? When was he planning on telling his own daughter? FML

I agree, your life sucks

31805

You deserved it

3041

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By pipefitter28 - Canada - Vernon

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22075

You deserved it

28763

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By gotitEVERYWHERE - United States

Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25093

You deserved it

6840

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22646

You deserved it

1723

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By kelster

Good job

Today, my roommate has a job interview. He only applied to the job yesterday. Meanwhile, I've been out of work for three weeks. I've applied to at least ten jobs. I have yet to get a call-back from any of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1587

You deserved it

206

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By notpayedenoughforthisshit - United States - Boone

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40640

You deserved it

3421

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By Chels - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67761

You deserved it

5263

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By cain001 - United States

Today, my boss and I were stacking boxes in the back room of the store. One of the boxes fell and hit me in the face, causing me to lose my glasses. My boss stepped on my glasses as she ran to check the box for broken merchandise, which I then had to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29968

You deserved it

2525

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 21:01 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Dick appointment

Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1403

You deserved it

243

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By Anonymous - United States

Awkward

Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31475

You deserved it

7185

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my friends woke me up on my birthday by spraying me with silly string. I have a job interview and it won't come out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11726

You deserved it

1019

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By Jake - 10/3/2021 23:00

Relatable reasoning

Today, my wife told me the only reason she doesn’t want kids is because she requires privacy to poop. That’s it. That’s the dealbreaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

831

You deserved it

206

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By butchapparently

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26632

You deserved it

2208

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By fmlfmboyfriendah - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40804

You deserved it

19839

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By Jack Shart Jr. - United States

Today, I'm so out of shape that I got winded from getting out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19984

You deserved it

17968

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By Anonymous - United States - Birmingham

Today, a few weeks after teaching my dog to fetch my phone and drop it in my lap, he decided to do it spontaneously. Too bad I was in the bath at the time. There goes a $300 phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29144

You deserved it

21296

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By crazyhair docare

Today, after a lifetime of weaves and extensions, I felt brave enough to wear my natural hair to work. As soon as I clocked in, my manager yelled, “Holy shit! What happened to you? Stick your finger in a socket or something?” I was then sent home for being, “Out of uniform.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2404

You deserved it

285

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By PerfectTiming - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48809

You deserved it

4666

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By frozen solid - United States - Allentown

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43828

You deserved it

6869

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By Angelica - Canada

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39439

You deserved it

6133

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By over_due - United States

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11559

You deserved it

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Top comments

By hail_this_villai | 0

#1926294 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:12

Should've thrown in an eighth and said "Ironic."

By abdur | 0

#1926231 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:04

lol Perhaps you should have listened.

COMMENTS

By abdur | 0

#1926231 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:04

lol Perhaps you should have listened.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1926335 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:21

1# thanks captain obvious

5 adjectives that describe me would be, filthy, grotesque, powerful, breakable and annoying.

GreatGeak | 8

#1926671 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 11:05

haha! he's breakable!
kill the family guy!

nikki_4eva | 0

#1926885 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:48

kinda like Peter

Amosatron | 0

#1926894 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:49

Thanks alot for that.
I'm far too stupid to realise that, -.-

chewbacca69 | 0

#1930623 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 10:55

9 you stole my thing from the other fml how dare you sir.

By emmabear16 | 0

#1926240 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:06

haha obviously ur not a good listener

Amosatron | 0

#1926904 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:51

no shit.

emmabear16 | 0

#1930211 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:00

Yes, exactly. No shit. Why do you think I said that?

HateyMcHater | 4

#1930216 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:04

Because you can only spout the most inane and painfully obvious of observations?

nika10105 | 14

#2795942 - Friday 1 July 2011 5:27

no shit Sherlock!!!!

By squirell_AIDS69 | 0

#1926244 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:06

Tell him/her that there are just too many words to limit it to 5.

foreverjoseph | 5

#1930095 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 7:48

genius

By JuuuusssstFML | 0

#1926274 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:10

ya great listening skills... I bet you didn't get that job, YDI

SillyEars | 0

#1926546 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 10:17

especially since "listener" is not an adjective.

Mehness | 0

#1928199 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 16:34

19 - You might want to think twice about that. Listener is used to describe a person who listens well. :|

Mehness | 0

#1928217 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 16:37

Scratch that, I just realized that a listener would be a noun, not an adjective :L

By nicesprites | 4

#1926287 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:11

no way you were hired lol

By hail_this_villai | 0

#1926294 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:12

Should've thrown in an eighth and said "Ironic."

the17doctor | 12

#4447447 - Thursday 17 May 2012 15:59

No the 8th should have been 'over-achiever'.

By bigphill1333 | 0

#1926296 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:12

YDI for getting a job at burger king.

By DropDead77 | 11

#1926327 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:20

was overachiever the 6th

PushMyButtons | 5

#1926409 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:34

Haha good one!(:

milakitty21 | 0

#1926706 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 11:28

hardee har

By daddy15 | 0

#1926368 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:27

ydi for looking for a job.

dre_bro11 | 12

#1926996 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:13

yer! OP why get a job and earn money for? there's no point in that. just live of the money that daddy15 earns and pays as tax.

Karnezar | 2

#1929365 - Wednesday 5 January 2011 0:40

I lol'd

By yeahiknow0 | 0

#1926397 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:33

Overacheiver :P