Work: Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the... - FML

By ADH2000 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

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Triage

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Countdown

By Nickki - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I found out that my best friend is being sacked. He's also about to rent a new apartment which he won't be able to afford when he loses his job. I can't warn him or I'll breach confidentiality and lose my job as well. FML

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By kp - United States

Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Werribee

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Camberwell

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

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By notsosexy - 18/7/2020 08:01

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

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By NathanA - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westborough

Today, I was jerking off quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me. In the middle of it, one of them sent me a screenshot of an error message on a porn site, asking if I was having the same problem. I guess I wasn't being so quiet after all. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

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By pda - United States - Short Hills

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

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By gross - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

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By Poolfool

Today, I went to play pool with a couple of friends. I'm not very good at this game. My friend beat me fair and square. Twice. He's blind. FML

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By Anonymous

Nature calls

Today, I had to use a drop hole toilet while camping. The smell will haunt me for the rest of my life. FML

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By jordyn173 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML

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By lizard - Canada

Today, my dad walked in to the arena where I was watching a hockey game with my boyfriend and his friends. My dad was wearing a crazy grey mohawk wig/hat. Meanwhile, my boyfriend just finished telling me how embarassing it would be to be that guy's kid. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2020 08:08

Keep schtum

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Last week my coworker, who I sit next to 5 days a week, returned to work after bereavement maternity leave. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

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By danny

Today, while working at a chain restaurant, I forgot to charge someone a few dollars for extra toppings on the side. My stingy boss took the time to take that money out of my paycheck. FML

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By poormum - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I was unsuccessful in getting a job at a supermarket. The same supermarket I used to work at. I now have a degree but can't even get a job at a place I used to work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

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By SleeplessInSoCal - United States

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was offered a position as a trainer at a great company. My manager was livid when I told her. This is after she told me I was wasting my time trying to become a trainer and if I wanted to become one, I should apply elsewhere. FML

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By ohshit - United States

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Southfield

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw some friends' cars at a friend's house, but thought nothing about it. Then I found pictures on Facebook of the pool party they had as a going away party for my friend who is leaving the country for three months. I had no idea my friend was leaving and I was the only one not invited. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

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By Duellist

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:01 - Canada - Toronto

Nutty

Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML

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By analgirl - France - Paris

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend asked me out is because he thought I "looked like a girl who'd be into anal". FML

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By Mark - United States - Knoxville

Today, I asked out a coworker I really like. She gave me a weird look and said, "You're not gay?" I said no, to which she said, "Well, I am". As it turns out, I was the only one who thought she was straight, and the only one who thought I was straight. FML

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By Misterhippo - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would be funny push me off my bike. He thought it was even funnier when the paramedic accidentally dropped me. FML

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By anuszopekanus - 14/6/2020 14:02

No money, though

Today, after 3 months of quarantine being totally broke, I was finally glad to get back to work. I found out that they no longer need me because "there's no money" to pay me. As I was leaving, I saw freshly renovated rooms, a huge new plasma, and a crowd of workers busy expanding the summer terrace. FML

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By laurwitharawr - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, "Community" was pulled from its mid-season lineup, with plans to hopefully put it back on the schedule at some unknown time. It will probably be canceled. Meanwhile, "Whitney" is still on the air and doing fine. FML

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By

Today, I organized a party at my place, invited 20 people, bought snacks and cancelled my workout. Nobody showed up. I ended up eating a whole ciabatta alone. FML

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By thatoneguy - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML

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By UglyGirl - United States - San Francisco

Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML

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By DriveMeNot - United States

Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML

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Top comments

By lolol182 | 4

#23775 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 2:56

lol fail

By chaos753159 | 4

#901057 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:39

wait you were peeing in the lobby? Why was there a urinal in the lobby?

COMMENTS

By lolol182 | 4

#23775 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 2:56

lol fail

Reply

chaos753159 | 4

#901057 - Sunday 28 February 2010 18:39

wait you were peeing in the lobby? Why was there a urinal in the lobby?

Reply

someone2me2 | 1

#972972 - Friday 2 April 2010 8:42

The bathrooms located in the lobby area american

Reply

llScarlFacell | 0

#984907 - Monday 26 April 2010 2:29

LOL This made me chuckle like a 5 year old

Reply

metalfan333 | 0

#1063410 - Sunday 4 July 2010 22:32

lol YDI for takin a piss in the lobby

Reply

Cjw1220 | 0

#1169557 - Sunday 1 August 2010 7:30

43, op is from NY you hair diaper

Reply

drdingus | 27

#4076720 - Thursday 23 February 2012 11:23

Your lobby doesn't have one?

By Kingrayer | 0

#23778 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 2:56

it happens to everyone.

Reply

aimbug | 42

#6428613 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 3:37

It really doesn't.

By greenman_fml | 0

#23779 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 2:57

farts are funny. be proud of any noise that comes out of your body.

By Gatsby208 | 0

#23787 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 3:02

That made me laugh

By mrcarmine | 0

#23800 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 3:08

shit, that's the kind of thing that would happen to me... i hope the interviewer had our kind of sense of humor, especially in THIS job market lol

By Tri_fml | 5

#23809 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 3:17

Hahaha. That made me lol :) I hope he had a sense of humor.. if I were interviewing you, it would certainly have helped you in your application :P

By potentpotable | 0

#23827 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 3:32

I hope that didn't affect your interview! Technically, he wasn't interviewing you on your bodily "exchanges" and "reactions," unless you were applying to be a corpse.

By yeahreally | 6

#23834 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 3:38

LOL well if i heard you giggle i would giggled too..

By never_accepted | 0

#23853 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 3:57

that would have been funny to be that interviewer:
ur peeing right next to the guy you're gonna interview. he farts and starts giggling at the fact that he farted.
wtf!!

Reply

aimbug | 42

#6428616 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 3:39

He probably didn't find it funny.

By misskrisha | 0

#23858 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 4:02

everybody farts, and at times of stress, you need a laugh.