Today, I had a going-away party because I am leaving the country... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 23:50 - Brazil

Today, I had a going-away party because I am leaving the country forever. Out of the 130 people invited, 60 were a resounding "Yes! of course I will go!". After paying $300 for everything needed at the party, 2 ended up coming. And left because nobody else was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

90976

You deserved it

5722

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Thanks, I'm cured!

Great speech, thanks!

By em - 3/6/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19132

You deserved it

46540

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says "Wow, this is just too funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32701

You deserved it

6236

Tweet

Share

By Username - 7/6/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear "it's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51780

You deserved it

12964

Tweet

Share

By dumbass - 1/10/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46647

You deserved it

5833

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/3/2016 21:17 - United States - Fremont

Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML

I agree, your life sucks

18013

You deserved it

2033

Tweet

Share

By FML - 18/1/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27665

You deserved it

4747

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/2/2016 10:06 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. 'Oh, who got the standing desk?' I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19525

You deserved it

3808

Tweet

Share

By thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart - 15/11/2016 18:25 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while on vacation, my brother asked a native of the area for help. Once he got it, he thanked them with "muchos gracias" in the best Spanish accent he could do. We're in Japan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10615

You deserved it

990

Tweet

Share

By double trouble - 4/5/2015 04:04

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35742

You deserved it

2541

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, while working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes I realized he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40029

You deserved it

10821

Tweet

Share

By Wounded_irony - 5/12/2017 05:00

Today, I was wearing flip flops whilst putting out the trash, and was careful not to step near the broken glass surrounding the trash cans. My mother ran up to me hysterically warning me about the glass, which startled me and caused me to step on a shard, slicing my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3802

You deserved it

573

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 01:03 - United States

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29115

You deserved it

5352

Tweet

Share

By FattyMcFatterson - 24/6/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32746

You deserved it

82341

Tweet

Share

By twowords - 8/6/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18835

You deserved it

59501

Tweet

Share

By PoorForever - 28/2/2016 13:53 - Australia - Heritage Park

Today, after meticulously rereading my application, merging references, budgets, academic transcripts and itineraries for an amazing scholarship, I clicked submit, only to remember that the system was on Daylight Savings time, which we don't have in my state! I missed out on $2,500 by 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20026

You deserved it

4589

Tweet

Share

By HeadTrauma - 20/1/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was 25, unemployed, living with my parents, and still completely in love with someone who no longer feels the same way about me. Oh wait... it wasn't a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27228

You deserved it

6856

Tweet

Share

By MessedXUp - 25/9/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19418

You deserved it

47190

Tweet

Share

By jacie - 18/11/2018 15:30

Today, I tried on a pair of pants in a dressing room and they didn’t fit. However, my period came suddenly and left a massive bloodstain, so I had to buy them anyway. In case you’re wondering, the pants were white, the cashier was male and cute, and he definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3098

You deserved it

343

Tweet

Share

By Wally - 8/5/2009 15:20 - Canada

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58206

You deserved it

5716

Tweet

Share

By TacoFail - 2/1/2010 04:46 - United States

Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled "WOOHOO." I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5978

You deserved it

60438

Tweet

Share

By spiderbaby - 6/10/2015 19:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I opened a window that had been shut for a couple of months. As soon as I did, dozens of tiny baby spiders blew in with the breeze, and dispersed in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26407

You deserved it

2507

Tweet

Share

By AlwaysTired - 14/9/2016 14:57 - United States

Today, marks the third time this month my parents came to visit. I moved 5 hours away to get away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13040

You deserved it

1513

Tweet

Share

By re2K5 - 25/7/2009 16:39 - Korea Republic of

Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52072

You deserved it

28588

Tweet

Share

By Ozzie - 29/9/2017 19:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my 81-year-old mother threw out the packaging for a 3-day-old $1,700 monitor I was going to return due to a defect. I live in my own home, but she randomly visits to "clean up" without asking me. Now I'm stuck with an expensive, defective monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4206

You deserved it

604

Tweet

Share

By SteveBassist - 27/3/2018 15:00

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3833

You deserved it

281

Tweet

Share

By ledentist - 12/9/2012 02:24 - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29358

You deserved it

2277

Tweet

Share

By Gumfanatic302 - 7/5/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68993

You deserved it

3163

Tweet

Share

By col - 4/9/2020 01:56

We're on a break

Today, my girlfriend of almost 3 years told me we needed a break, and that we could try again at the end of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1215

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/8/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15124

You deserved it

1196

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/1/2013 10:43 - United States

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33325

You deserved it

9503

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 20/4/2016 03:09 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12848

You deserved it

30080

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/1/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11669

You deserved it

34975

Tweet

Share

By KitchenFlooder - 1/2/2018 01:30

Today, I flooded my entire kitchen. The water was cut off at night and I left the faucet open without realizing. When the sound woke me up at 5am, the water reached my ankles. I frantically tried to sweep it out before my mother woke up at 6am. I didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3444

You deserved it

1767

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/12/2019 01:00

How deep is it?

Today, my husband rolled over in his sleep, cuddled up to me, and lovingly whispered “I love you Pizza Hut...” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1788

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/4/2020 05:00

Who are you?

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years only got divorced last year. I never even knew he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1740

You deserved it

248

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/5/2017 02:00

Today, my dog was diagnosed with a torn ACL. This costs $1500-$2500 to treat. Three months ago, he had heart worms. That cost $1400 to treat. I adopted this dog from a shelter four months ago to help relieve some of my stress and anxiety. I don't feel any less stressed or anxious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4605

You deserved it

491

Tweet

Share

By BasicallySodaFlavoredWater - 14/12/2015 00:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents decided that the best way to save money was to dilute everything we drank with water. Only one more year of watered down soda and juice to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21984

You deserved it

2352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/1/2015 13:12 - Belgium

Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29245

You deserved it

2840

Tweet

Share

By zazzleface - 9/4/2012 12:23 - United States - Bergenfield

Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31172

You deserved it

2352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' for the first time in months. Upon my arrival, I found out that I won't be spending the day with them because they've taken a car trip to attend a Sarah Palin book signing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31241

You deserved it

6050

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BigGuy99 | 0

#144093 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:24

From experience, never throw yourself a going away party and expect folks to come. Just tell folks you are leaving and if someone wants to organize something they will and invite people over and set it up. I have heard of several friends inviting over a hundred people to these things, just to see only about 0-15 show up to send their good byes.

By amelinat | 0

#144062 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:14

I feel really bad for you, safe travels.

COMMENTS

By ohsoale | 0

#144055 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:13

FYL indeed!

By ohsoale | 0

#144059 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:13

DUDE!That fucken [email protected]

Reply

exotica_fml | 6

#986098 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 0:37

damn thats awful fyl 

Reply

ahti546 | 11

#2776270 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 4:47

hey it couldve been worse!.. oh wait no it couldnt

By dce74 | 0

#144060 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:14

wow that sucks dude... guess those two people are the only people you should even consider keeping in touch with cuz the rest are just assholes!

Reply

mexicanguy39 | 7

#3683263 - Sunday 4 December 2011 20:44

OP shouldn't even consider staying friends with them two.. They left because there was noone else at the party and left OP alone? That is just as bad as not going..

By amelinat | 0

#144062 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:14

I feel really bad for you, safe travels.

By onigiriqueen | 0

#144071 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:16

I know exactly how that goes. I guess you know who your real friends are. I empathize.

Reply

king_jeff | 0

#351377 - Monday 29 June 2009 5:12

hehe all two of them

By KyleCaster | 0

#144075 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:18

Yeah, um. Nobody. Heh. Better luck abroad.

By NGM_KID | 0

#144077 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:18

Are you sure they got the right address?

By frootloop25 | 0

#144087 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:22

I agree with #7!! Something is deff up!
How is it that you invited 130 people and only 2 showed up?? I am thinking there might have been some misunderstanding??
If not, then....yeah, FYL! :(

By BigGuy99 | 0

#144093 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:24

From experience, never throw yourself a going away party and expect folks to come. Just tell folks you are leaving and if someone wants to organize something they will and invite people over and set it up. I have heard of several friends inviting over a hundred people to these things, just to see only about 0-15 show up to send their good byes.

By Seegtease | 0

#144098 - Sunday 26 April 2009 9:26

Wow, jerks need to learn to keep their end of the RSVP.

Hopefully you find better friends in the new country.