Love: Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for...

By f*ck - 02/05/2012 16:22 - United States

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 282

You deserved it 97 886

Love

Our house, in the middle of our street

Classic switcheroo

Power tripping

By OL2R - 17/04/2012 08:29 - United States - Somerville

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 063

You deserved it 39 184

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 08:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend forgot to tell me about the all-night bender he went out on, and what he got up to with my best friend. But its okay; the Facebook pictures say it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 573

You deserved it 3 654

By emma_waters23 - 26/04/2013 00:11 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 752

You deserved it 5 973

By crap car - 30/03/2016 01:13 - United States - Golden

Today, a friend was making fun of our teacher's car, calling it dorkmobile and saying only idiots would own that car. It's the same as the car I just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 983

You deserved it 1 832

Back to work

By "pixie_pix13" - 07/12/2019 03:00

Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store I threw my hands up and yelled "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 2 661

Look at this

By CompleteWithPictures - 14/07/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebee's. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says, "Here, I thought this might help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 133

You deserved it 46 562

By diablo - 23/05/2018 19:00

Today, I assisted my first customer at my first job as a Target cashier. When I rang up this lady's items and gave her the total, not only did she hiss at me and spit in my face, but she also dragged my manager over and demanded that he fire me. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 355

You deserved it 294

Heavy load

By w…… - 28/04/2021 23:01

Today, I was getting ready for work. When I stepped back, my ankle rolled and my fat ass landed on it with my foot sideways under me. Now I’m in a boot for 6 weeks and have 6 weeks of physical therapy ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 134

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 248

You deserved it 693

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 17:53 - United States - Draper

Today, at the store, I didn't hear the cashier when she asked if I had a loyalty card. She took one look at my naturally bitchy-looking face and muttered "It's my JOB to ask, jeez." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 647

You deserved it 2 061

By thacupcakeassassin - 13/09/2016 05:51 - United States - Shippensburg

Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 785

You deserved it 1 630

Family issues

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 09:01 - Canada - Niagara-on-the-lake

Today, I found out from my ex-stepmother that my dad and lied about having cancer to cover up the fact that he was losing weight from doing drugs again. He lied about it for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 63

By uhhh what? - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 257

You deserved it 5 518

By cheekymonkey97 - 24/10/2016 16:48

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend whilst straddled on top of him. He started to undo my bra. I was fine with this but he stopped kissing me and looked at me with a slight smile. He then said, "I know this is going to kill the mood... but I feel like I could milk your boobs right now" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 355

You deserved it 1 445

By WearingOff - 03/08/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 650

You deserved it 26 990

By dork - 02/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 833

You deserved it 50 064

Who's the loser?

By thomasthedankengine - 02/06/2021 15:59 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was at a family friend's house for a gathering. I grabbed my food and started heading towards the patio. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the patio, as there was a glass door in my way that I didn't see. My sophomore year crush saw everything, along with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 227

Turntables

By Bill Mantie - 18/04/2021 02:00

Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has now lost hers. Oh, how the tables have turned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 112

By PangolinScholar - 25/01/2014 00:34 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 36 256

You deserved it 4 301

Another fine mess

By Anonymous - 31/10/2021 23:00

Today, I recently quit doing housework in protest at my husband's laziness around the house, forcing him to start pulling his weight. The house has never been so clean. Apparently, most of the mess was caused by me moving things to clean around them and making the mess worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 575

Selected

By mandy - 05/09/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, when suddenly at the end of dinner he gets down on one knee, takes out an engagement ring, and says, "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137 459

You deserved it 33 327

Sorry Mr Whiskers

By Brody89 - 09/04/2014 18:40 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 888

You deserved it 37 669

By Rachel - 02/02/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I bit into a cereal bar and thought the inside was oddly damp. I took a look at it and saw a maggot worm wriggling around. Its friend was in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 197

You deserved it 3 232

By Username - 08/01/2011 07:01 - United States

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 847

You deserved it 44 281

By nightput - 17/11/2008 06:02 - France

Today, I took my driving test. I spent 30 minutes with the handbrake on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 422

You deserved it 28 618

By sad - 26/02/2010 19:17 - United States

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 909

You deserved it 8 334

By confusedmofo - 29/07/2013 06:35 - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 698

You deserved it 8 119

By abbielane - 25/06/2012 04:08 - United States - Rochester

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 951

You deserved it 3 785

By f'ed_over - 19/01/2009 11:12 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom tried to bribe him with an iPhone to dump me. He accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 291

You deserved it 2 415

By Anonymous - 04/10/2009 13:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I found a letter in the postbox at my new flat which ran something along these lines of: "Hi. We're the gas company. You owe us £1,229.79 and have 7 days to pay us. Lotsa love, dated 7th September." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 746

You deserved it 3 892

By zappy - 11/10/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 698

You deserved it 118 895

By warningxxLidell - 09/01/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 617

You deserved it 6 051

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, my teenage daughter insisted it was my job to take down the tray full of empty dishes, because I was the one who had carried it upstairs. Sound logic, so far. Why had I carried the tray upstairs? To serve her breakfast in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 724

Late reaction

By "chris_lillo" - 31/01/2020 18:00 - United States - Waco

Today I bought a new cage, along with some toys, for my bird. I came home to find my bird had escaped its old cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 196

By psychworker - 15/12/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 030

You deserved it 3 922

By Greig - 22/05/2011 12:18 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 902

You deserved it 3 772

By I weep for our future generation - 01/10/2017 04:30

Today, while home from college for the weekend, my sister started whining about how I keep using "big fancy college words" and making her feel bad. My sister is 27 and teaches elementary school. The word I used was "ludicrous." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 002

You deserved it 290

By Kellye - 16/09/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 261

You deserved it 2 504

By heckaza - 19/01/2016 06:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 571

You deserved it 1 904

By DisgustinglyFrustrated - 10/10/2013 15:40 - Argentina - Rosario

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 109

You deserved it 17 965

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

lexa1love 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:31

Unless you are close friends I see no way in which that is appropriate. YDI

dazzle_me_lovely 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:32

Are you an idiot?

roshae_16 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:31

Oh wow

SkoomaKi 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:43

What ever happened to gentleman? They seem very rare these days.

muzy 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:44

How could you possibly think that it be appropriate to greet someone that you probably don't know very well like that?

Cad6 24

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:02

OP - S'up dumbass. Oh don't worry, I'm just being casual.

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:06

30. Look in the friend zone.

aaahhhfire21 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:14

Why the would you think that's a good idea to say that if u were interested in her for real you prolly shoulda tryed a better greeting then sup and instead of slut I'm sure her name woulda sufficed.....you definitely deserved that slap

BRITTANYHUNGRY 0

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:15

Like how doesn't he deserve that?!

LolFMLnot 10

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:24

I call my boyfriend a slut, but we've been dating for a long time. It would've been okay if u called her that after dating for a long time and not in front of your friends.

X_Codes 11

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:32

No, not the friendzone. The friendzone implies they're still friends.

kingkongsdong 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:41

^ I know right.

kingkongsdong 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:44

That was to 61 the iPhone app won't let me edit right now

1awliet 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 1:00

S'up slut isn't very friendly.

tjv3 10

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 1:07

You deserve it for being a disrespectful bastard

Calyx_fml 21

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 1:15

Why are people thumbing up "Oh Wow" as a comment?

krysxkatastrophe 14

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 1:48

125- because that's what we were all thinking.

DK1234567 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 3:41

Why did you have to say slut

DeviousAngel 13

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 4:05

On the first date, while she doesn't know you very well - let alone what kind of sense of humor you have - this isn't the kind of greeting she would be expecting at all. YDI OP.

ifoundalaska 11

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 4:44

It's a shame vulgar and rude is the new friendly these days for some folks... I prefer to stick with the classic "Hello, how are you?"

nado13579 12

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 4:50

Smooth, OP.

OHai15 12

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 6:11

You deserved it, twinkle douche.

DespairFaction 11

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 9:23

I could possibly see how you would call her slut if you banged her on the first date...but to greet her that way! That does not work well.

Daederoth 10

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 17:19

You clearly have no idea what laid back and casual means. You might even be retarded, you should get checked.

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

Send a private message

Friday 4 May 2012 3:17

83- how could your boyfriend, be a slut?

LolFMLnot 10

Send a private message

Sunday 6 May 2012 0:56

297 I just call him like that as a joke. I know he can't be a slut.

pickles2b2 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:31

Nice.

markymark1429 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:09

How is this an FML? This is just a "look at me, I'm a huge asshole" kinda post.

foreverhurt 6

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:15

You really are quite the charmer.

lopsop 12

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 0:47

You mean that line doesn't work? Damn I've been using it for years.

xFluttershy 7

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 1:26

Your life totally sucks, I mean, I don't even see how you deserve that after calling her a slut, calling someone a slut shows your.. Um... "charisma"..?..-.-

muppetslover 11

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 2:20

OP definitely deserved that one... Treat her like a lady not a slut!!

ProfessionalTrol_fml 14

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 3:01

What a "douche bag" wannabe... Seriously, you suck with women. PERIOD

lexa1love 16

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:31

Unless you are close friends I see no way in which that is appropriate. YDI

EvilPotato 14

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 5:20

Even if you were close friends it's still not a good idea!

DeviousAngel 13

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 5:40

201 - I don't see a problem if they had been close friends. My friends (both guys and girls) greet each other this way. No one is insulted because they all know one another well and understand the humor behind it. :)

dogpup4 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:32

Smooth.

Awesomeaxel 24

Send a private message

Saturday 9 August 2014 8:01

You fucking stupid op? What did you expect??

dazzle_me_lovely 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:32

Are you an idiot?

Calyx_fml 21

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 1:14

Yes, he is.

Cuppycakeslol 4

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 3:09

Clearly op is an intelligent individual and quite the charmer. A true gentleman. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Zedd_fml 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 6:11

Even an idiot have that much of common sense not to say that on first date.

Il_Maestro 6

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 7:10

Not an idiot, a poet. Who else could have come up with such enamoring and loving diction to describe such an unmatched level of respect and value?

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

Send a private message

Friday 4 May 2012 3:15

This must be like a new record for shortest relationship ever

fantastamazing 10

Send a private message

Monday 13 March 2017 14:17

I'm gonna go with "yes"

Wiebeski19 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 May 2012 23:32

Y the hell would u say that!? Being causal with friends is not a a reason

Wicked361 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 1:48

Am I the only one bothered with the Y instead of why?

jasmine1259 2

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 3:01

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Wicked361 8

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 3:17

163- I'm not a grammar Nazi... But c'mon if 7 is gonna type a whole sentence perfectly except the why then what is the point... e.e

ZippandButtons 7

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 3:17

It's really not that hard to lrn2englsh to at least, like, a 3rd grade level.

rosesong2494 3

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 4:30

*past

ghostlilac 25

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 4:50

168 - "A whole sentence perfectly"? Seriously? (Sorry if you were being sarcastic.)

Wiebeski19 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 5:46

Looking back at it, yes lol

Wiebeski19 5

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 5:48

That's to wicked361's comment

amandajlucas2015 2

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 6:29

Actually his whole sentence has grammar errors soooo maybe learn actual grammar before just bitching about something

aksweetheart 7

Send a private message

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:07

148: picture/ comment win!

bubbleslovescats 1

Send a private message

Friday 4 May 2012 4:41

*past. Not pass. (: stop complaining. Way worse things happen in life other than grammar nazis.

nancyschmancy 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 May 2012 12:54

I was thinking the same thing. The only thing perfect about that sentence was a capital on the first word and a period at the end. I for one love that people correct the horrible short cuts people take when posting online. How hard is it to type "you" and "are"?