Miscellaneous: Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the...

By Benchthewarmer - 08/07/2009 05:49 - United States

Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the starting guard had a broken ankle, I felt happy that I could finally get playing time and prove that I'm good. Instead I had to run the scoreboard for the game, because the scoreboard guy was absent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 697

You deserved it 3 579

Miscellaneous

Batman

Our house, in the middle of our street

Triage

By BigmouthStrikesAgain - 19/08/2011 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 992

You deserved it 8 242

By potatohead - 01/11/2017 18:00

Today, I had a nasty headache so I tried to take a nap. Unfortunately, my college had a homecoming parade a block away from where I live. I never knew our marching band sounded that awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 366

You deserved it 276

By Lostring - 02/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 066

You deserved it 939

By kaynotentirelywrong - 15/08/2013 16:49 - Canada - Repentigny

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 136

You deserved it 13 304

By chessgeeksam - 14/03/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 325

You deserved it 4 036

By crier - 27/08/2013 18:34 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I realized the moans I make when masturbating sound like I'm crying. I realized this when my neighbor pounded on the door asking if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 488

You deserved it 12 405

Stranded

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 01:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, my husband found out that not only has he tested positive for influenza A, but also has tested positive for Covid 19. My work won't let me return until I have isolated for 14 days from someone with Covid. Our house is really small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 115

By Jackey - 05/06/2019 12:00

Today, I signed the contract for my 18th book sale. I went to school to be a serious writer. My latest book is a gay werebear story that involves male pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 997

By GlassPwn - 19/12/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 642

You deserved it 15 504

By The captain - 21/08/2011 23:09 - Canada

Today, I found out what it's like to get brain-freeze while recovering from a head injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 378

You deserved it 4 640

The Nerve!

By Mike - 17/09/2019 02:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who refers to himself in the third person on a regular basis, told me that I often act entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 216

By sick and lonely - 27/08/2016 03:19 - United States - Rockford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I had a fever from a stomach virus. I was shivering with cold sweats while she explained there was nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would regret not giving her cheating ex a second chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 232

You deserved it 1 121

By ouch - 13/06/2012 16:00 - United States - Lutz

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 606

You deserved it 120 003

By Theo - 18/12/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 806

You deserved it 2 215

Insane jealousy

By Iammsofed - 17/06/2021 14:01

Today, my wife threw my Macbook out a window and tore up important work documents, all because she saw me talking to a female colleague of mine. I confronted her about the damage, and she responded, "Go ask the bitch you were with the other day to help you with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 93

By ButNotBed - 04/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 0600. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 356

You deserved it 820

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 15:47 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she was bored. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 814

You deserved it 22 595

Bye bye, then

By emzymcsmiles - 08/10/2019 02:00

Today, I learnt that I can't share my things with other people. This includes my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 327

By fannyfitel123 - 24/08/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 046

You deserved it 3 568

By catwoman - 31/10/2009 04:34 - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 094

You deserved it 5 449

By asadwa - 05/05/2011 05:38

Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 636

You deserved it 5 083

By hopeless - 27/06/2011 14:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 753

You deserved it 54 042

By owch - 23/11/2015 21:21 - United States - Maumee

Today, I learned that if I take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will throw up all day. I also learned that if I don't take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will be in excruciating pain all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 266

You deserved it 1 536

By Heethersays - 03/07/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 317

You deserved it 7 626

Not a good look

By dumb dumb dumb - 20/10/2020 11:04 - United States

Today, my daughter decided she wants to be a Pokémon for Halloween. To practice the look, she used fabric dye because she thought it would look cool on her skin. Only she decided to dress as Jynx and instead of looking cool, she looks like a racist idiot in blackface. She posted pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 165

Reliable

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 20:01

Today, aside from clearing out my bank accounts and having an affair, the kicker was finding out my fiancé planned on taking himself and his mistress to Cancun for his birthday, while I would be attending the Marine Corps boot camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 119

Betrayal

By Jasper - 29/05/2021 22:01 - United States

Today, I paid my best friend to not tell my girlfriend about having hooked up with another girl while drunk the other night. He told her anyway. Now I have no girlfriend and I’m $500 poorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 2 878

By blahbags - 06/04/2009 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 727

You deserved it 17 741

By Anonymous - 11/03/2011 02:27 - United States

Today, for our last kid-free dinner before the birth of our 4th child, we chose a Japanese hibachi restaurant. They sat us with a family with a toddler, who started screaming at the first flame trick, causing the chef to cease to do anything entertaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 696

You deserved it 4 556

By clop clop clopping all the way - 20/06/2013 21:13 - United States

Today, a guy's car broke down in my street, so I helped him push it into my driveway, checked his car out, and gave it a jump start. He thanked me, then as he went to pull out, he instead smashed straight into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 387

You deserved it 3 963

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 12:14 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, after working the midnight shift at my job, I thought it would be nice to leave a sweet love note along with my boyfriend's favourite candy in his car. Upon finding it, he immediately broke up with me for "breaking into" his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 648

You deserved it 5 302

By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 21:02 - United States

Today, my family and I went over to our new neighbors' house, to sing a carol and say hello. The only response we got was a door slammed in our faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 462

You deserved it 31 910

Shameless

By lying fuck! - 22/06/2020 14:02

Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 932

You deserved it 163

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 154

You deserved it 3 986

By awkward - 05/09/2017 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a friend's "party". Everyone bailed but my friend didn't say anything, so it's just me and my girl. The train tickets alone cost £20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 218

You deserved it 319

Zoom off

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 07:59

Today, I was caught on a hot mic during a work department meeting complaining about someone using a leaf blower, F-bombs and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 776

By sorryyouweregone - 25/03/2013 13:13 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I was at a goodbye dinner with friends before I move back to America. A friend called to cry over relationship problems she refuses to fix. While I was outside trying to politely get off the phone, my friends ate and drank everything I'd ordered and closed the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 186

You deserved it 6 153

Movie going

By soembarassed - 18/03/2016 18:26 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, a man kept talking and laughing like an idiot all through the movie I was watching. I thought he was high, so I called him a moron and told him to shut the hell up. It turned out he wasn't high. He was just "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 814

You deserved it 11 331

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 783

You deserved it 2 654

By Bartender - 20/10/2014 21:04 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 451

You deserved it 2 619

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Top comments

niemann2006 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:38

why wouldn't the guy with the broken ankle run the scoreboard?????

jewjewbee 6

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:17

Inked2009, (sorry i cant reply using the iphone app) it's not an fml because he missed the game. It's an fml because the OP never gets to play, and the one time he gets the chance they find a reason not to let him.

Fyourlife8o8 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:01

lol that sux =(

djb23 0

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Thursday 9 July 2009 6:46

YDI for being happy that the starting pg broke his ankle

moi101 0

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Friday 23 July 2010 8:03

that rly suks

IceCubez 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:02

That's just sad. Second comment?

Inked2009 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:03

Not a "fml" moment, missing a game is not that big of a deal.

randomdude1234 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 22:36

Wow, you're kind of an asshole. You've also obviously never played sports. You train hard for the games and to have to run the scoreboard instead of playing really would blow. Sorry man.

skullbuster 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 23:09

Obviously benchwarmer here isn't training that hard if they are keeping him on the bench!

hi5534 3

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Thursday 9 July 2009 0:41

hey, one reason to hate sports :D

frisko89 0

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Sunday 20 March 2011 23:14

shut up ur prolly a nerd who just sits at home and plays video games. if you miss a game you get many chances to find a new one when it's a sport you only get a couple times.

mich23 10

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:03

shows what they think of you

jewjewbee 6

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:17

breakthesky 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:19

There will be more times when you can play.

niemann2006 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:38

why wouldn't the guy with the broken ankle run the scoreboard?????

kyle4321 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 22:15

honestly! lol

genius_man16 0

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Thursday 9 July 2009 18:15

because the coaches are douchebags. Happened to me in high school except with football. When the starting cornerbacks got hurt, instead of putting me in they put in everyone who was worse than me, and even called up 2 freshmen instead of putting me in because I wasn't black. And yes, that was the reason.

LunaaBluee 27

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Tuesday 6 October 2015 6:22

Yea my senior year in basketball my 'coach' was an idiot. She would put in whoever was being very positive and happy even though we were losing. And since I was so pissed off on how stupid she was I didn't get much playing time. Honestly just thinking back on that makes my blood boil.

Shyman4ever 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:44

Seriously the guy with the fucked up ankle should run the scoreboard.

Systematic713 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 16:47

Been there before. Totally feel for you. #9 and #10: I'm guessing it's cause his coach is a jerk.

KayOh 0

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 17:03

Hey, are you guys still in school? It's July :/ someone fill me in?

DealerCamel 2

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Wednesday 8 July 2009 17:11

A lot of FMLs say "Today" when they didn't actually happen "today." More than likely, this guy joined today to share a story that happened a while ago, but every FML has to start with "today," so today... today... today... Yeesh, I think I just permanently overused the word.