Work: Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my...

By Noname - 24/02/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman that sits in the desk beside me looks over and says, "wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 189

You deserved it 4 899

Work

Broken heart

Leave us alone

Unreasonable

By beardedlady - 02/07/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 961

You deserved it 5 218

By Akestarr - 02/12/2013 13:28 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I found out that my dad paid for my sister's friend's airplane ticket so she could attend my sister's wedding. I would have been there myself, but I couldn't afford the airplane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 286

You deserved it 3 640

By ositsranielle - 13/02/2010 17:32 - United States

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 159

You deserved it 8 169

By Anonymous - 02/11/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 100

You deserved it 3 247

Grateful

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 07:59

Today, it was sister’s birthday. I decided to give her money instead of a present, because I couldn’t come up with a gift idea. When she opened the envelope and took the $100 out, she looked at me and asked me if this was the best I could’ve done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 163

Bad timing

By i'm not psychic, mother fucker - 02/06/2013 20:48 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 491

You deserved it 6 609

By Nick - 13/08/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 378

You deserved it 146 775

By Sadness - 07/10/2013 18:55 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I have been home sick and depressed for so long that I just found Oreo crumbs in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 734

You deserved it 17 486

By prostate - 08/06/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 176

You deserved it 7 023

By sadsongstress - 12/08/2009 11:18 - Belgium

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity I sent him a song I wrote for him about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him claiming he had written it. They are back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 188

You deserved it 22 710

Smart

By Anonymous - 16/03/2011 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were at a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 796

You deserved it 14 637

By kblevss - 05/01/2013 09:21 - United States - Bayville

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 651

You deserved it 5 692

Work together!

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 05:01 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cats got in a serious fight about the rights to some prime mousing territory. The territory in question? Our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 09/09/2010 01:33 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 31 140

By xpxp2002 - 27/05/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 515

You deserved it 6 579

By could be an fml commenter - 13/04/2013 17:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 675

You deserved it 108 090

By StupidSecurityConsultant - 25/07/2019 18:00

Today, I was supposed to do a month's work presentation at the company I work for. They skipped over my presentation, because they needed time for the "weight loss" competition presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 101

By justthinkofyourhand - 13/07/2014 22:36 - United States - Salida

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 474

You deserved it 4 952

Bouncing off the walls

By whyyyyyy - 21/05/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I'd always suspected my mother in law hated me. My suspicions were confirmed when I went to pick up my son from her house after work. She smiled smugly and let me know that he’d been asleep since noon. It’s after 5. He’s never going to get back to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 77

By ladygrey - 20/07/2019 00:08

Today, my daughter informed me that she hates everything about her appearance and wants to get every possible plastic surgery when she’s older. She’s 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 213

By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - 30/11/2012 19:29 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 138

You deserved it 5 127

By Topher - 25/08/2011 10:16 - United States

Today, I got tipped more than I have in my bank account. It was $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 943

You deserved it 6 168

By Vampire Teabag - 12/02/2015 16:25 - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 722

You deserved it 3 454

By theboy6494 - 10/08/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I came home early from business trip in Paris, I bought an engagement ring. I was going to take my girlfriend of 2 years out and propose to her. I sneak into my house as a surprise and she's having it off with another man. Now I have a ring that I can only return in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 179

You deserved it 4 141

By animalover - 13/08/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 751

You deserved it 6 591

Unflattered

By lindsay - 28/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 124

By laststand11 - 28/03/2012 22:49 - United States - Lexington

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 640

You deserved it 3 317

Rise and shine

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 08:00

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 255

By fuckyou - 21/05/2019 06:00

Today, my girlfriend took me to see my favorite band live. Afterwards, we were lucky enough to run into the lead guitarist, who promptly asked her if she'd like to go back to his hotel room. She accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 818

You deserved it 185

Bad timing

By Her - 05/12/2016 17:01 - Canada - Montréal

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decided to tell me this while we were laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 023

You deserved it 1 183

By Anonymous - 05/04/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6-year-old patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 494

You deserved it 8 255

By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 05:22 - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 953

You deserved it 3 524

By faded as shit - 27/09/2011 01:10 - United States

Today, my parents took away my laptop, TV, Xbox, and car all because I broke up with my girlfriend. They said when I patch things up with her, I can have my stuff back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 496

You deserved it 5 330

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 630

You deserved it 4 452

By Lonely, I am so lonely - 12/06/2016 13:41 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a meal with all of our other friends. The same meal they'd told me just yesterday had been cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 998

You deserved it 881

By May - 04/09/2011 04:08 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 702

You deserved it 6 234

By bjfail - 09/01/2010 15:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 393

You deserved it 4 853

By ggbhghggg - 18/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 653

You deserved it 42 487

By pale-suzie - 19/03/2014 12:28 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 966

You deserved it 4 278

By the_pheasant66 - 26/06/2010 10:31 - Ireland

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 048

You deserved it 10 995

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Top comments

Dr_Phil 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:45

As a doctor, I would like to remind you that surgery is always an option.

fml0rjs 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:34

it's funny because that implied that youre not pretty.

fml0rjs 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:34

it's funny because that implied that youre not pretty.

responses 0

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Monday 22 March 2010 11:39

Sounds like a personal problem. Low Self esteem? You shouldn't care what some receptionist at your workplace thinks about you unless of course she is a lesbian.

Dr_Phil 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:45

As a doctor, I would like to remind you that surgery is always an option.

drdingus 27

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Thursday 23 February 2012 10:30

Not a good option though

mleeb 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 1:49

maybe you should seek outside help.

ilawlzatyou 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 2:20

I agree with number six, but preferably help from the Clinique counter!

ZING_MASTER 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 4:36

HEY #5 BACK THE FUCK OFF UNLESS YOU WANNA GET ZINGED BY THE MASTER

the_boss_fml 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 5:09

hahahahahaha ill zing your ass bitch

RoyalSwag 0

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Saturday 17 December 2011 2:32

Ahahaha

graceeleandra 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 2:27

i hope you told her she looked like she got hit by a bus... repeatedly

iwontusemyname 0

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Monday 2 March 2009 6:07

you might not be using the right makeup. it's probably either your concealer, foundation, or blush. whatever your skin tone is i recommend nars blush it'll make you look healthy. also, make sure you are putting it on the apples of your cheeks.

mikuxxhatsune 31

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Saturday 17 October 2015 3:46

That is what I thought. Maybe her foundation was too light and made her look pale or the concealor was the wrong shade? Because I have done both and looked somewhat sick or unwell.

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

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Monday 16 March 2009 0:33

That happened to me. I didn't find it funny so much as kind of self-esteem shattering. =[

katie_6098 0

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Monday 13 April 2009 18:03

i know how you feel. i make an extra effort to look nice on days when i see the person i have a crush on, but he usually just messes up my hair or put me in headlocks...