Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought...

By Carla J. - 19/12/2008 05:41 - France

Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26488

You deserved it

2822

Favorite

Love

Out of it

Healthy relationship

Toxic parents

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 22:22 - United States

Today, my dad got a new phone and put me on speed dial. I have received several voice mails from him accidentally dialed. They are from him riding the train, in a meeting, having lunch, and, most recently, him taking a monstrous dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32244

You deserved it

3309

Favorite

By Baileyy - 1/3/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15146

You deserved it

41091

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 15:32 - Canada

Today, I went downtown with my friends. A group of guys came up to us and started hitting on everyone but me. Then, one of them said: "Do you girls hang out with her to make yourselves look better?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43715

You deserved it

3843

Favorite

By Help - 13/8/2011 23:21 - United States

Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31055

You deserved it

2892

Favorite

By angry - 23/12/2016 22:20 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9699

You deserved it

1101

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/9/2018 22:15

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2814

You deserved it

495

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/8/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28181

You deserved it

7038

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/6/2018 13:00 - United States - Buffalo

Thanks.

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4360

You deserved it

487

Favorite

By piercednipple - 30/6/2015 16:02 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26948

You deserved it

2736

Favorite

By mypoolisstilldirty - 16/2/2012 16:26 - Australia

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet and my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42654

You deserved it

4272

Favorite

By Weddingbelles - 12/9/2016 15:52 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, at the end of my 10-hour shift, my manager made me count exactly how many business cards were left in inventory before I could leave. She didn't believe me when the number came to exactly 3000. She made me count them all again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13158

You deserved it

761

Favorite

By erptwerp - 8/3/2016 04:47 - United States

Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23330

You deserved it

1534

Favorite

By P0wned - 29/9/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71837

You deserved it

5247

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/4/2016 19:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it's day 9 of my honeymoon. It's also day 8 of my period and day 7 of food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31934

You deserved it

2063

Favorite

By superman21 - 28/9/2014 22:55 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34196

You deserved it

6527

Favorite

By Nohearingornoeating - 17/5/2018 15:00

WHAT?

Today, my brand-new digital hearing aid fell out of my ear as I was walking home from the store. I've retraced my steps, but cannot find it anywhere. It cost $2000, and replacement, like the hearing aid itself, is not covered by insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4030

You deserved it

372

Favorite

By lockedoutbabysitter - 9/3/2010 17:19 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. Being kind, I went to grab their mail, while their 4 year old ate lunch. He locked me out, wrecked the house, and let me in right when he saw their car two hours later. I didn't get paid. I paid them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30875

You deserved it

9535

Favorite

By sadass - 23/1/2009 12:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that my feet smell. He was in the next room at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20881

You deserved it

8266

Favorite

By fryebaby623 - 13/11/2015 05:47 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22093

You deserved it

3183

Favorite

By M to the line - 11/1/2009 03:57 - France

Today, I lied and said I was late for work because my car's tire was flat. Two hours later, some of my friends came in and said something along the lines that "We should do brunch every saturday, (like this morning) it was awesome!" in front of my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7050

You deserved it

32255

Favorite

By raerae - 24/4/2009 07:25 - Germany

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30762

You deserved it

48177

Favorite

By sometingwong - 1/12/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60115

You deserved it

3413

Favorite

By cacheson - 2/3/2020 12:07

Forever Alone

Today, I finally felt the inspiration to write creatively again. I worked for an hour on a character concept before I realized I'd actually created an imaginary sister/best friend for myself because I’m so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1323

You deserved it

177

Favorite

By OMGWTF - 13/8/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42036

You deserved it

6119

Favorite

By Tallow101 - 23/7/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56692

You deserved it

6624

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/2/2013 18:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37303

You deserved it

2643

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/7/2019 22:00

Today, one of my friends came over to go swimming in my pool. Before going back into the house, as it's all carpeted, I automatically took off my trunks, forgetting about my friend. I realized my mistake when my friend commented on my abnormally long foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1075

You deserved it

1207

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/10/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower I noticed a short, black hair on my loofa. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42679

You deserved it

8846

Favorite

By pvtcab - 5/10/2011 18:52 - United States

Today, my roommate and I had to pay our first installment of rent. He's nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30979

You deserved it

3020

Favorite

By Yikes - 27/9/2016 04:34 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16793

You deserved it

1697

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/3/2017 19:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4804

You deserved it

481

Favorite

By Awkward - 22/8/2013 23:50 - United States

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43528

You deserved it

3133

Favorite

By anon - 31/1/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53849

You deserved it

8786

Favorite

By disappointed - 7/6/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40548

You deserved it

5810

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/3/2010 19:01 - United States

Today, I visited my family for spring break because I've been away at college and I haven't seen them since Christmas. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my mom had me clean the living room area, clean up cat vomit, and do the dishes. Thanks guys... I missed you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27485

You deserved it

3072

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 23:00

What's your emergency?

Today, I found out that because I'm a cop, my 5-year-old son thinks the only way he can contact me is by calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1687

You deserved it

269

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, I found out my grandpa died. As I rushed home crying to comfort my parents, I got pulled over for speeding. The officer told me to cut out the "fake" tears". When I told him my grandpa just died he tacked on another $100 for lying to an officer. Worst. Christmas. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49190

You deserved it

3461

Favorite

By megomania - 2/5/2011 13:51 - United States

Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45916

You deserved it

4409

Favorite

By mrboston - 1/9/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11586

You deserved it

42936

Favorite

By auslander - 12/8/2009 20:13 - Switzerland

Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58313

You deserved it

7767

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pesh527 | 0

#534 - Saturday 7 February 2009 20:45

Wow, that really stinks. But good for you for staying with him, I;m sure he really appreciates that.

By Easy_Target | 0

#6065 - Monday 23 February 2009 23:31

Now that's love.

COMMENTS

By csigabajnok | 0

#243 - Thursday 5 February 2009 6:50

Some guys are just very bad at timing...

ronton | 4

#1008311 - Wednesday 26 May 2010 23:12

fuck HIS life

caligurls | 0

#1087627 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 6:44

omg this is soooo sad!!!!!! :'(
I would cry so bad!!:(

Masift | 21

#6191248 - Tuesday 3 February 2015 16:20

Bad at timing? So it was somehow his fault that he got the shits?

By pesh527 | 0

#534 - Saturday 7 February 2009 20:45

Wow, that really stinks. But good for you for staying with him, I;m sure he really appreciates that.

By Easy_Target | 0

#6065 - Monday 23 February 2009 23:31

Now that's love.

By wildg | 0

#8382 - Friday 27 February 2009 5:47

He had what?

tamoodielovesmar | 1

#2634460 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 2:58

inflamation of the intestants and stomach

By jbel08 | 0

#12426 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 9:58

this sounds exactly like my valentine's night this year :/

By Sgt_Schadenfreud | 0

#25460 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:58

Not like he could help that. But hey, blame him if it makes you feel better.

By lmfp | 0

#47147 - Saturday 21 March 2009 8:51

im pretty sure it was worse for him than it was for you. but good for you for staying.

By 24788 | 6

#161656 - Saturday 2 May 2009 7:31

I think that's an FML for the both of you.

By Roulette_fml | 0

#208308 - Monday 18 May 2009 9:15

:(

Gastro is a fancy term for the stomach flu.

By iluvu21396 | 0

#233736 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 21:29

that's sweet of you for staying. i bet he loves you even more now