Love: Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought...

By Carla J. - France

Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML

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Love

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Delayed proposal

Added flavor

By ugh - United States

Today, after a month of living in a pigsty of an apartment with my roommates, I spent the day cleaning the place out. When everyone returned home, instead of thanking me, all they could do was point out the spots I'd missed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, I hit it off with a girl at a club and I brought her back to my place. I was sure I was finally going to score, until my useless cat attacked her as we walked upstairs. She fell down the stairs and dislocated her ankle. Just my luck. FML

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By Artic - United States

Today, I found that the love of my life is 3.5 inches, fully erect. My cell phone is bigger than that. FML

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73470

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By Chubby - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen to me, and threw his food through the kitchen, so I punished him. When his mother came home he ran to her and said, "Mommy, mommy, it's not true what you told me, fat people are NOT nice!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

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By baldintheback - United States

Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML

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By Username - France

Today, I learned the hard way that leaving eye drops in your car all day makes them scorching hot. FML

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By S.Bunny - United States

Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML

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By kennyjhynes - United States

Today, I drove 12 hours with 6 screaming little girls. They were arguing about things that should've been in the Lego movie. They watched it 4 times. FML

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By - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

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By emilyparra1 - United States - Riverview

Today, I had a job interview for a job I've been dying to have. As I'm walking into the office, the manager says, "Aren't you my son's ex, the one he cheated on?" All I could do was sit there quietly as he laughed at me. FML

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32856

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By Stressmess - United States

Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

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By CaptainFluffyPaw - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

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26680

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By IcedTaco - Ukraine

Today, the guy I was dating told me he thought I was a good person. His reasoning? I'm not ugly enough to be a bad person, but I'm not pretty enough, either. FML

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By uh-oh - Australia - Sydney

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

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34477

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

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52031

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By Anonymous

Today, I was driving behind a tall truck when it drove through some overhanging branches. Suddenly, a huge branch fell on top of my car, leaving it scratched all over and with several dents in the roof. FML

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1612

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By fail - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

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By Whatthehell

Today, my husband's mistress purposely and dangerously induced her own labor so that she would have the baby on my birthday. Yes, I'm divorcing him. FML

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6403

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By edodge - United States

Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the 2nd floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the 5th press that I realized we were already on the 2nd floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML

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By TrolleyCollector - Australia - Seymour

Today, at work, the shopping carts have coin locks on them so people put them back or don't go stealing them. A lady couldn't find a coin, so I unlocked one with my key and said to her, "It doesn't look like you will run off and steal it" as a joke. She replied, "I can't run darling, I have an artificial leg." FML

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By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

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By Elizabeth Ann - 12/7/2020 08:01

Boom!

Today, I was laying with my cat when someone set off a firework next to my window. Now I have stitches and a bed covered in blood. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Bored

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

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By starcatch777 - United States

Today, I blacked out going up a roller coaster. Instead of helping me, my friend took pictures of my face and posted them on Facebook. FML

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By fml - United States

Today, these cute girls approached me and asked me to take a picture of them. One girl asked me if I could send it to her because her phone had died. I was excited to have her number, but it turns out that she deleted the message after she sent the picture to herself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while serving a rather large party at the restaurant where I work, I mentioned that the soup of the day was "to die for". After the hosts gave me weird looks, it dawned on me that the reason they were wearing all black is because they've just come back from a funeral. FML

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By puppylove - United States

Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 14:01

Class Wars - UK Edition

Today, my wife blames me for our son having a “posh” accent, because she thinks he’ll be bullied at school. I’m a Yorkshireman and use “ey up”, “ow do” , “pillock” and “arse” in everyday conversation, whereas my wife was raised in Oxford, I doubt I’m the one making our son sound posh. FML

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1538

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By Franigirl - United States

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

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By humbug - United States - Broomfield

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been paying her half of the rent by taking my ATM card and getting money from my account. FML

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30396

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By "LovelySB"

Today, while trying to get over all the emotional things I've been going through, I forgot that my bedroom door was open and here my silly behind was dancing in my underwear while my roommate watched on. FML

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1513

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By Radbaby

Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML

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By Dilly_20 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

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42541

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By Star - United States

Today, the guy that I'm in love with and plan to marry some day told me he would choose a million dollars over me. I got upset and told him I no longer want to be with him. In an excited voice he said, "Really? So are you serious I don't have to worry about this love stuff anymore?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chillicothe

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

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19658

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By Anonymous - Mongolia

Today, I spoke to my dad for the first time in over a year. I've been volunteering in Mongolia, I have no running water, freeze my ass off everyday and communication with anyone who speaks English is scarce. One of the first things my father said to me was, "out of sight, out of mind." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2020 20:01

Age appropriate

Today, I got refused a Red Bull because I didn't have my ID on me and you have to be over 16 to legally buy one. I'm 26 and was paying for petrol for the car that I was going to drive away in. FML

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Top comments

By pesh527 | 0

#534 - Saturday 7 February 2009 20:45

Wow, that really stinks. But good for you for staying with him, I;m sure he really appreciates that.

By Easy_Target | 0

#6065 - Monday 23 February 2009 23:31

Now that's love.

COMMENTS

By csigabajnok | 0

#243 - Thursday 5 February 2009 6:50

Some guys are just very bad at timing...

ronton | 4

#1008311 - Wednesday 26 May 2010 23:12

fuck HIS life

caligurls | 0

#1087627 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 6:44

omg this is soooo sad!!!!!! :'(
I would cry so bad!!:(

Masift | 21

#6191248 - Tuesday 3 February 2015 16:20

Bad at timing? So it was somehow his fault that he got the shits?

By pesh527 | 0

#534 - Saturday 7 February 2009 20:45

Wow, that really stinks. But good for you for staying with him, I;m sure he really appreciates that.

By Easy_Target | 0

#6065 - Monday 23 February 2009 23:31

Now that's love.

By wildg | 0

#8382 - Friday 27 February 2009 5:47

He had what?

tamoodielovesmar | 1

#2634460 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 2:58

inflamation of the intestants and stomach

By jbel08 | 0

#12426 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 9:58

this sounds exactly like my valentine's night this year :/

By Sgt_Schadenfreud | 0

#25460 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:58

Not like he could help that. But hey, blame him if it makes you feel better.

By lmfp | 0

#47147 - Saturday 21 March 2009 8:51

im pretty sure it was worse for him than it was for you. but good for you for staying.

By 24788 | 6

#161656 - Saturday 2 May 2009 7:31

I think that's an FML for the both of you.

By Roulette_fml | 0

#208308 - Monday 18 May 2009 9:15

:(

Gastro is a fancy term for the stomach flu.

By iluvu21396 | 0

#233736 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 21:29

that's sweet of you for staying. i bet he loves you even more now