Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get... - FML

By kappaomicron - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of bed and went downstairs in my boxers to get a glass of water. I entered the kitchen and said hi to my visiting mother-in-law, who smiled. Only after a good ten minutes did she decide to tell me that my "wanker-stick" was hanging from a gap in my boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23992

You deserved it

6576

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Bad boys, bad boys…

Not a good look

By Katie - United States

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43580

You deserved it

3481

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10835

You deserved it

55354

Tweet

Share

By Brit - United States

Today, I made a Facebook under a guy's name and I'm sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16029

You deserved it

45199

Tweet

Share

By Garageless - 14/10/2020 05:02

Ideal location

Today, I live near the bottom of a hill, where there's a curve and I'm seriously considering moving, because someone drove through my garage into the ravine. Insurance says they don't cover "Acts of God." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1103

You deserved it

55

Tweet

Share

By nosleep

Today, like every other day since I moved into this apartment a year ago, the construction crew started their noisy work at 5:30 in the morning. When I moved in I was promised it was a quiet neighborhood; only offices. What have they been building in the meantime? Three nightclubs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3474

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

By TheoBuckner - United States

Today, I found out that I was being laid off via an email that wasn't even spell checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29830

You deserved it

2276

Tweet

Share

By blaze - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33018

You deserved it

2431

Tweet

Share

By Jes_jes18 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

I agree, your life sucks

66770

You deserved it

7661

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27167

You deserved it

3108

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my older, temporary coworker comments every time I yawn, sneeze, cough, leave my desk to use the restroom, and on what I eat at lunch, laughing the whole time. It’s driving me crazy. Only 8 more weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1898

You deserved it

140

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Lee Trevi-not

Today, I was practicing my golf swing on my front lawn. I took a swing and on the backstroke the golf club slipped out of my hands. Next thing I know, it hits a neighbor's window, shatters it, and goes right into their living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

600

You deserved it

1341

Tweet

Share

By Eric Ngan - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24138

You deserved it

2132

Tweet

Share

By welptbh - United States - San Pablo

Today, I came out to my parents as trans. They immediately took my remaining college savings, canceled my credit card, and began plotting to abduct me and "wean me of hormones like a heroin addict". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4950

You deserved it

1437

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50709

You deserved it

7836

Tweet

Share

By floppy - Australia

Today, my house caught fire and almost burned down. My neighbour, who has always hated me, came up, patted me on the back, and said, "That sucks for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1630

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By beyondembarrassed - United States

Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46102

You deserved it

78680

Tweet

Share

By Mc2013 - United States

Today, my morning sickness got so bad that, while at the grocery store, I had to throw up in my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39851

You deserved it

4184

Tweet

Share

By Becks - 7/9/2020 23:01

The spirit of John Lennon

Today, I found a bug in my bra. Not a huge deal, so I flicked him out. Turns out he was a black blister beetle. I woke to at 3 a.m. to insane pain, as well as the water blisters all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1447

You deserved it

89

Tweet

Share

By unlucky - United States - Cold Spring

Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40669

You deserved it

3898

Tweet

Share

By frankrizzo - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41927

You deserved it

8944

Tweet

Share

By Ciabatta - France

Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34204

You deserved it

3424

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32832

You deserved it

7810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/4/2020 08:00

Not so special

Today, the guy I've been dating and sleeping with told me he is also dating another woman, but that they only kiss. I was under the impression we were exclusive for two months now, since I told him if we slept together that it would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1901

You deserved it

289

Tweet

Share

By person_r - Norway

Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64479

You deserved it

12557

Tweet

Share

By alexbobalex - Aland Islands

Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11862

You deserved it

57436

Tweet

Share

By =( - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46619

You deserved it

14362

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 23:16

You just don't understand art

Today, I walked in on my roommate with his pants down at his ankles, taking a picture of his poop. This would've been less disgusting if we'd been in the bathroom, not the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1629

You deserved it

98

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Montebello

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34527

You deserved it

2649

Tweet

Share

By imalwaystired - France

Today, I opened the cabinet to take a pill for my headache. After taking the pill, I turned around and smashed my head on the open cabinet door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29297

You deserved it

7576

Tweet

Share

By Shannon - United States

Today, while at a hotel for vacation with my brother and his wife, I was watching their two-month old daughter in the waterpark when a woman came up to me and said, "Aww your kid is so adorable! Don't worry, you'll get your figure back in no time." I'm a fourteen year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45550

You deserved it

5280

Tweet

Share

By notapervert - United States - Santa Rosa

Small talk fail

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18934

You deserved it

39489

Tweet

Share

By Annakins - United States

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49123

You deserved it

7051

Tweet

Share

By CoronaDating - 23/3/2020 23:10

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1369

You deserved it

405

Tweet

Share

By verno02 - Canada

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He is the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35930

You deserved it

8755

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé has been jumping out of closets and from around corners with a video camera, trying to catch me naked. He says he wants to post a video online so his old high school friends can "rate" me. I'm now afraid to get intimate, shower, or even change my clothes in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44953

You deserved it

5105

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/7/2020 23:01

Between a rock and a soft place

Today, it's our eighth anniversary. My husband has struggled for a while with erectile dysfunction, and tonight he decided it wasn't worth trying. So now, he's sitting at home, soft, while I'm eating Taco Bell in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1633

You deserved it

258

Tweet

Share

By let ‘Er rip

The Sweet Smell of Success

Today, I was out on my first date in months. My stomach didn’t feel quite right after dinner, but I tried to ignore it. During the movie, it got so bad I decided to try to sneak a small fart for relief. As soon as I did, the theater fell dead silent. My fart practically echoed in the silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1599

You deserved it

500

Tweet

Share

By I Hate My Brother - United Kingdom - Colchester

Brotherly love

Today, I'm in hospital because of my brother. He followed me and my boyfriend around a fair yesterday dressed as a gorilla, and whenever we showed some sort of affection towards one another, he rugby tackled me. The final tackle caused me to break my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1830

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work I asked a cute, albeit slightly large customer, her name. Being hard of hearing, I thought she said "Porky" and asked her about it. Turns out she'd said Courtney. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30133

You deserved it

10846

Tweet

Share

By Jack - United States - Asheville

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13902

You deserved it

1337

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By yakturk43 | 0

#785074 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:19

win for saying wankerstick lol

By bhangu023 | 0

#785091 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:26

ahaha u shud of been like i'm givin it som morning fresh air

COMMENTS

By yakturk43 | 0

#785074 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:19

win for saying wankerstick lol

Reply

blah109 | 0

#788234 - Thursday 21 January 2010 10:47

lol that'd be embarassing

Reply

Bertha5 | 0

#792221 - Saturday 23 January 2010 2:19

ahha didn't u feel a breezzee? lol

Reply

hackymeal | 0

#1034914 - Friday 18 June 2010 13:16

did u have a morning wood?

Reply

BIGBOY4rmAHM | 19

#4722735 - Monday 23 July 2012 8:12

This sounds like the beginning of a porno.

By Newbie21 | 1

#785078 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:20

hehe how embarrassing FYL

By george456 | 0

#785085 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:24

LOL

By makii_fml | 0

#785087 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:24

hahaha di she say she wanted some

By bhangu023 | 0

#785091 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:26

ahaha u shud of been like i'm givin it som morning fresh air

By WreckerGirl | 4

#785093 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:27

AWKWARD! How will you ever look her in the eye again?

Reply

hahayousucks | 3

#2203076 - Saturday 19 March 2011 6:14

like a boss

By Nic_hole | 0

#785095 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:28

hahaha ahh that's great lolz

By Laurendorcus | 0

#785096 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:28

Im suprised you didnt notice something was wrong when first you walked into the room and she yelled out "oh baby baby!" as her eyes popped out of her head. Oh, you sexy beast. :-)

By bhangu023 | 0

#785097 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:28

ahaha u shud of been like it's better to let it hang

By Ishki | 0

#785098 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 0:28

So... Did you get some?