By mr_loveless - 11/02/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML
I agree, your life sucks 28 250
You deserved it 10 648

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Try picturing the carp as half-alive. Maybe it'll help turn things around

At least she's hot?


At least she's hot?

stevenJB 25

I was married once....then a troll came along one day while questing

Whom did you marry? My Wood Elf is married to Camilla Valerius and my Redguard was married to Ysolda, at least until he killed her.

Find yourself a nice gamer chick, they're out there!

Hey, being married in Skyrim is itself a good accomplishment. Atleast be temporarily happy.

At least your metaphors are fool of vivid imagery

*full. Damn fool of an iPhone.

I make out and have sex with night elf on world of warkcraft more often then in RL. Don't worry it's a stage :)

I have played Skyrim every, single, night since it came out. And before that it was oblivion, WoW and Fallout. The marriage aspect of the game is kind of annoying though. All your spouse does is follow you around the house and ask annoying questions. So no matter how "hot" they are, I usually end up stabbing them and sitting their body in a chair at the dinner table. Hail Sithis!

Aela > any wood elf. Although it did get annoying when, after giving her a daedric bow, she immediately switched back to her hunting gear >.>

No woman in Skyrim is hot if you'd play the game you would know

Mods my dear friend, mods.

# 99, I too went through this exact stage (in order of games), but at least we might not be in OPs situation. I mean, floundering like a half-dead carp on a hot day... makes you wish for a nuclear winter.

I don't think he's part of the PC Master Race, 119

@42 You can't kill Ysolda. She is essential.

I think you need to get out more OP.

Definitely. I'm not trying to draw conclusions or anything OP but the sun is bright grass is green nowadays- get yours-elf out more and stay out for a while, not for a short period. Boost yours-elf of steem. :)

I used to be like him, but then I took an arrow to the knee...

Where i am, the grass is white.

I used to make arrow to the knee jokes, the I took an arrow to the *takes an arrow to the face*

For 20: it's s-elf esteem, not of steam

For 66&20 it's self not s-elf.

for 82, its pun*, not "I make myself feel better by correcting people"

39, "I used to talk about arrow in the knee, then the dragon ate me".

Try picturing the carp as half-alive. Maybe it'll help turn things around

honestly made me laugh. lol.

Try picturing the carp as undead. That'll make things more hilarious.

I try, and only see Magikarp trying to use splash. It's not very effective.

54: "But nothing happened!" In any case, I'd suggest one thing to the OP: something new. It's a revolutionary concept nowadays.

flounders flounder. be a carp and carpe diem

Carpe diem, seize the carp!

Go get a drink man, I don't care what kind, just get away from the video games for a second.

Or drink while playing video games. Oh wait, is that more pathetic?

Only if it's makeshift Black-Briar Mead...

Damn.... she must be goood

Who need real life girls when you can get happy from games? :3 There is no shame in enjoying games that way either, but maybe you will find a follow gamer girl/boy. And it is an elf after all, they can be pretty awesome.

Well said. There's always people to talk to online, who knows you might meet someone who's more suited to your needs.

Except for one small problem, skyrim is a single player game. He's not going to meet any real girls on it.

Elves need love too.

And I'm sure Legolas would have no trouble if he went around requesting a wife. Skyrim, y u have no hot elves!

*y u no If you're going to use a shitty forced meme, at least use it properly.

tralala453 22

Well it's a start.

This is not terribly hard to address really. Do you have a partner? Good. Spend time working on your relationship with them. No Partner? OK. Work on yourself and then work on meeting a partner, if this is what you want. Doing so isn't quite as simple as stated above, but really...that's the direction you want to move in. Either way, maybe a tad less gaming time might not be a bad thing. Go Get Em OP!

What a sad, sad little man. Op, give your elf some space and find a real woman to give you comfort.

I don't know why you're getting down voted. I agree.

Haha I'm used to people not liking my comments.

41- Because the commenter has nothing better to do than insult the guy with her pretentious judgements, instead of: 1) Providing some humour to this comment section (this is a comedy site) 2) Actually being helpful, while staying unbiased and constructive Maybe? This peron was judgemental on another FML too, where her advice was to dump a guy on the spot for making a joke, now she's kicking a guy when he's down via the internet. Bravo.

Well from what I gathered from this FML is Op desires a love life, where I may have insulted him I also advised to find a woman. The other FML, was my opinion that everyone disagreed with which is just fine. But I am entitled to comment on what my advice or opinion is for Op.

I never said you weren't entitled, I was explaining to 41 why you were getting thumbed down.

And just to be clear, I have no intention of hurting anyone's feelings or downgrading them, and you may be right, but if I was being entirely too serious on the previous FML, then maybe you should take the same advice and disregard what I say, or simply dislike it.

You are entitled to post your opinion, certainly, just as people who read that opinion are entitled to vote it down when they feel it has no purpose. "Find a woman" isn't constructive advice. If it were that easy, would OP be posting? Now, if you don't care about being down voted, then disregard our comments. But, if you do, pleonasm has offered some great (constructive) advice

Well, my personality is extremely stubborn, and yes everything pleonasm is saying and everything your saying is right. But, I don't know if my opinions have changed. I would like to add that I enjoy your comments pleo, even if that one was meant to frustrate me. I know that's what messaging is for, but I don have that on my app.

55, it's when you called the OP a "sad, sad, little man" (A Toy Story reference?) that you pissed off enough people to get buried. When you are going to come down against the OP, you need to be smart about it. If you want to get thumbs up automatically, come in on the side of the OP. You can't lose with "Aw, I'll be your friend." ;)

Well now that I've been properly shunned ( not intended to sound sarcastic) I'm sorry for being a bitch everyone, im honestly just not cool enough or tactful enough. But this is okie, chow.

#68, hey, I just came to give some constructive criticism, and that got thumbed up whereas you've issued a series of comments that flirt with burial. Yeah, I write comments that get thumbed down, but I pretty much know that is the response they are going to get. Occasionally, I get surprised, but it's pretty rare now.