Geek: Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/08/2013 07:21 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 760

You deserved it 21 169

Empathy lives

Taking stock

Mama's boy

By TheRoad42 - 20/08/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 641

You deserved it 2 717

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I was surfing the web for Halloween costumes, and found one labeled "Extreme Girl Nerd". With the wig, the glasses, and the buck-teeth, it looked exactly like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 417

You deserved it 6 735

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 111

You deserved it 77 237

Can we be friends?

By lonely - 22/03/2021 05:01

Today, my fiancé told me that I need to get out of house and be with my friends. I have no friends here, and my own family doesn’t ever want to go do anything either. I guess I’m not a likable person if even my fiancé is trying to get me out of his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 157

By Jerrrr - 27/05/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 983

You deserved it 286 936

By Anonymous - 21/06/2018 19:00

Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 978

You deserved it 568

By Anonymous - 08/03/2013 17:44 - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sat through an incredibly long and tedious class lecture. Just as my professor was nearing the end of his lecture, the resident stoner loudly yawned and asked what we'd been talking about for the past hour. We got to hear most of the lecture all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 939

You deserved it 2 406

Easy

By Aleena Rashid - 20/06/2019 06:19

Today, I bought a flatpack, easy to assemble cot-bed for my baby. I spent 5 hours building it, but when it was done, I realised I couldn't reach into it because I'm 5ft and my arms can't reach and lift the baby. I'd have to throw him in. I'm suffering from back spasms as a result, and I now need to disassemble and return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 343

By addie19 - 19/01/2010 19:25 - United States

Today, I found out the antibiotics I'm taking can cause you to vomit unexpectedly. In the car. While driving. To work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 662

You deserved it 2 919

By ImaSneakyNinja - 17/11/2016 02:55 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 697

You deserved it 810

By lostmyfaithinblowjobs - 12/01/2013 02:16 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, and I got so pissed off that I forgot to brake at a red light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 454

You deserved it 51 700

By hottygirl905 - 24/04/2012 11:50 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 138

You deserved it 2 265

Weird, but OK

By awkward - 14/06/2021 19:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He says he can’t be with someone who doesn’t love his dog as much as he does. I told him that I have absolutely no problem with the dog being in the room, but it makes me uncomfortable when the dog is on the bed while we have sex. Apparently, that’s unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 99

Not for everyone

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 17:00

Today, after I'd left the love of my life because he didn't want kids, got into another relationship, he now tells me he's changed his mind about having kids, 5 years in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 179

By Mamaofdrama - 06/04/2019 18:00

Today, I was working on potty training my daughter. She opened the fridge while I wasn't looking and peed all over the lower shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 311

By Tim - 16/06/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 774

You deserved it 5 993

By box bulge - 21/10/2011 01:24 - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 948

You deserved it 9 929

Freak out!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2019 00:01

Today, I woke up with a high fever. My two year-old decided today was the day she would have one of the largest tantrums she’s ever had and threw yogurt all over the newly-refinished floor, my fiancé, myself and our cat Sebastian. Sebastian was not impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 175

By FarisH - 31/05/2010 09:15 - Jordan

Today, I went to my orthodontist where I was informed that I'll going to the prom, to my brother's wedding, and maybe to university with braces in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 038

You deserved it 9 456

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 23:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 727

You deserved it 32 165

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 06:33 - United States

Today, I smoked weed with friends. Stoned, I put on my sister's high heels instead of my Vans and I walked to 7-11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 631

You deserved it 79 792

By Rmglrsm - 23/06/2016 02:21

Today, at work, I was helping someone who really sounded like she had a Boston accent. So, I asked her where she was from. She has never been out of state. Turns out she has a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 896

You deserved it 1 751

By MIB thingy please... - 05/02/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Spicy

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 864

You deserved it 5 541

By Beeh - 24/12/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I shared the story of my younger brother's unexpected death with a friend. After telling him the story, I looked at him with teary eyes and he looked back into my eyes and said "I understand how you feel. That is almost as bad as when I lost my cat last spring term." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 808

You deserved it 3 395

By sopathetic - 26/02/2009 04:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft..." He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina which delightfully formed a crease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 895

You deserved it 21 995

Vibe check

By justanidiot - 20/09/2020 22:01 - United States - Macon

Today, I've been getting weird vibes from my boyfriend of over a year and half, so I made a fake Tinder account. Guess who my first match was? My now ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 164

By Freechbear - 17/09/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 072

You deserved it 2 780

By moweezy9 - 21/02/2011 21:07 - United States

Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 331

You deserved it 15 809

By Anonymous - 08/04/2015 10:52 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I got disappointed when I realized that I had to share a bed with my husband because we had company over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 817

You deserved it 18 824

Catboys rise up

By CatWoman - 11/02/2010 05:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 847

You deserved it 39 105

By fmlsrsly - 25/03/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 381

You deserved it 30 189

By Adulting - 31/10/2017 21:24

Today, I accidentally washed an entire box of macaroni and cheese with a load of laundry. I'm 25 and do not have kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 2 606

Treat yourself

By dll - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 305

You deserved it 9 096

By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 14:10 - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 844

You deserved it 43 480

By frogdog563 - 01/09/2019 14:00

Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 333

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 270

You deserved it 21 961

By Anonymous - 29/05/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 062

You deserved it 6 775

By Rachel - 01/03/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, I joined a new choir. My director asked me if my best friend was actually my girlfriend. Taken aback, I said no, I was not a lesbian. He then asked me to clarify my gender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 128

You deserved it 4 819

By Ella - 05/07/2011 11:48 - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 182

You deserved it 7 575

By Stevski - 11/09/2012 15:08 - Australia - Port Macquarie

Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 179

You deserved it 3 994

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Fluffydemise 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:09

Avada Kedavra, motherfucker.

daringtoride 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:15

Damnit, OP! Don't be a muggle! Where was your wand? On second thought, I understand you were just abiding by the Statue of Secrecy. Damn laws.

Comments

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:08

get a life lol

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:25

AVADA KEDAVRA YOU FILTHY MUGGLE!

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:35

Wait until my father hears about this!

soccerstar1996 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:46

Chug_bug can fuck off. Most people would go on a crusade FOR HARRY POTTER

CharresBarkrey 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 13:01

Says the guy with 0 out of SEVEN fml's posted...

Lomus 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 13:04

I don't see what you're getting at

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 13:35

Who doesn't get in fights about Harry Potter the guy is pretty hairy.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 15:29

Filthy Muggles...

cheekyterier 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 15:52

Muggles are just jealous. Leave him to his boring life of still photos, cars, and no butterbeer.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:54

I agree with chug_bug. If you're getting into fistfights about harry potter, you seriously need to re-evaluate your life

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 17:16

Ron Weasly voice *I think he needs to sort out his priorities*

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 17:36

*Snapes voice* 'Those who do not care about Harry Potter are clearly full of daaaark magic'.

nixis4lovers 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 19:27

THAT'S RIGHT!

DocMcVickers 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 August 2013 1:21

If you didn't fight about Harry Potter, people might think you're up...to something.

Send a private message

Thursday 29 August 2013 2:32

isnt that a good thing? everything is going good in his life..

Fluffydemise 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:09

Avada Kedavra, motherfucker.

andrewturtle 16

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 15:16

Does this count as a death threat?

NicaLovesDisney 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 18:08

I'd go with attempted murder. :p

SuperKnuckels 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 18:09

This is why we can't have nice things..

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 21:17

It's pronounced lev-ee-OH-sa, not lev-ee-oh-SA

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 August 2013 8:18

I thought it was supposed to be a fight with magic sticks !

StraightEdge325 11

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:12

At least they didn't cast a spell on you.... or did they do that as well?

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:12

Muggles always fighting, hope you Expalliarmused that punk.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 13:52

It seems expelliarmus didn't work as planned. The disarmed muggle sucker punched op.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 17:22

Well then this calls for either Crucio or Imperio and either torture or make them humiliate themselves, fitting for a filthy mud blood.

Padreschargers7 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 18:25

Crucio is the answer. Muggles, Mudbloods, and blood traitors deserve no mercy.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 22:31

I think the term "disarmed" would be more accurate than "expelliarmused".

daringtoride 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:15

Damnit, OP! Don't be a muggle! Where was your wand? On second thought, I understand you were just abiding by the Statue of Secrecy. Damn laws.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 18:28

*Statute

daringtoride 27

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 23:09

LOL just realized my mistake. Definitely not referring to a marble/concrete/etc. figure. Thanks for the correction :)

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:16

Hey man.. I understand. We can get pretty passionate about our obsessions.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 20:44

true dat.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 23:57

What if the fight was about him not liking Harry Potter? That would quickly change my opinion on whether or not this requires a FYL

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 13:40

In the third Harry Potter book, 14-year-old Ron stands on a broken leg to tell a convicted murderer that he will die before that man gets to his best friend. Harry Potter is not just for kids.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 14:47

And that's probably one of the lighter situations.

NicaLovesDisney 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 18:10

Great stories are timeless.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:21

Seems like you were in a quite HARRY situation eh??? Anyone? Anyone? Ok.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 13:04

Oof, I'm afraid I cringed at that one. Siriusly.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 19:13

Wow those are some Severusly nice puns.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 20:21

Certainly a situation OP couldn't weasel out of.

evilamoebaattack 20

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 22:16

OP is certainly off on the wRONg foot with these people...

Send a private message

Wednesday 28 August 2013 1:48

I don't mean to snape at you 99, but that was a bad pun. I'd think next time before opening your Molfoy

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:21

Some things are worth fighting for OP.

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:25

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 12:51

And then OP would have another amazing series to fight over.

NicaLovesDisney 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 27 August 2013 18:16

Believe in magic, you muggle!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 30

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 197