Miscellaneous: Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of...

By Emily - 06/07/2011 08:33 - Australia

Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 591

You deserved it 12 226

Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Triage

The Teaching Life

By Anonymous - 22/11/2014 21:08 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I woke up, only to find my Xbox missing. Thankfully I have a security camera discreetly wired up in the tree on my lawn. Checking the tapes, I saw my brother park outside my house, let himself in with his spare key, then drive off with my missing equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 196

You deserved it 2 963

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 17:43 - India

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 312

You deserved it 5 041

By anonymous - 02/09/2012 22:31 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 393

You deserved it 7 335

By PandaSuicide - 01/07/2019 06:29

Today, I jokingly told my die-hard Laker fan dad that I converted to become a Celtics fan. He responded, "Get out of my car." I'm currently sitting on a sidewalk, trying to convince him it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 462

By kittynapper - 17/07/2014 23:32 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 454

You deserved it 6 860

By lions214 - 11/01/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 319

You deserved it 2 918

By jl_word - 04/02/2015 21:49 - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 579

You deserved it 3 820

By Anonymous - 26/07/2015 14:27 - France - Paris

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 647

You deserved it 13 696

Sneaky moggie

By wouldn'tyouliketoknow - 12/10/2019 02:00

Today, my neighbours were screaming for their "lost" cat again. I've already seen the cat multiple times. In my garden. Pissing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 119

By Dante - 07/01/2011 00:26

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 692

You deserved it 2 450

By Anonymous - 11/01/2014 02:25 - United States

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 883

You deserved it 9 586

By Hahapasdroleleptit - 10/05/2011 14:56 - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus following a harrowing breakup. A boy of no more than 6 looked at me full of compassion and said, "Are you crying because you're ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 956

You deserved it 5 906

By InsomniacToBe - 19/07/2012 15:55 - United States - Saint George

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 922

You deserved it 3 853

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 06:29 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I was really impressed with the man I've been in a relationship with for over 2 years. He had finally really cleaned his apartment. Everything was washed and fixed, even my stuff was cleared from open surfaces. All so his lover would not find out about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 871

You deserved it 2 457

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 02:20 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 399

You deserved it 7 074

By Disturbed son - 16/09/2018 01:30

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 995

You deserved it 184

By lonelyashell - 02/03/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 845

You deserved it 5 146

By still poor - 05/12/2014 06:17 - United States - Carlisle

Today, my dad texted me saying he had "big news." I immediately called, thrilled, because I assumed he meant that he finally found a job and that our money troubles were over. The "big news" was him being excited at seeing an actor from one TV show he likes in another TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 529

You deserved it 2 829

By lilithfaye - 02/11/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 563

You deserved it 6 215

By Anonymous - 26/06/2013 06:57 - United States - Baxter

Today, I found out my old DVD player is jealous of my Blu-ray player. It fell from the top of my closet and hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 196

You deserved it 7 578

By Kourou - 21/11/2008 12:53 - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 134

You deserved it 3 008

Relax

By Anonymoosey - 19/02/2012 23:47 - Canada

Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 172

You deserved it 5 284

By awwimanahole - 04/07/2013 05:07 - United States - Palmetto

Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 586

You deserved it 56 079

I'm not a kid

By Babyface - 02/09/2021 20:01

Today, I've come to accept that I'll likely never be intimidating or taken seriously, because despite being 6'3" and 205 lbs, I have the face of a 12 year-old. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 105

By Champignon - 01/11/2013 14:17 - Belgium - Brasschaat

Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 211

You deserved it 4 275

By Wannabees - 03/04/2012 05:13 - Canada

Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 407

You deserved it 37 663

By fartmaster - 22/04/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 232

You deserved it 61 583

By Anonymous - 30/03/2013 05:23 - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 739

You deserved it 3 436

Scammed

By Eddie B - 18/10/2019 20:00

Today, I found out that I'm just one of the millions who got scammed by what seemed to be a legit website. None of the negative reviews or bugs appeared until after I spent a fortune of someone else’s money on a server that will never arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 537

By Flooded - 07/01/2010 18:38 - United States

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 966

You deserved it 3 508

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 086

You deserved it 36 706

Sins of the Mother

By speedster - 24/06/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I asked my science teacher if he'd had my mom when she went to my high school. He took one look at me, glared, and said, "Oh yeah, I remember HER." I have that class every day the rest of the year. Thanks a lot, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 01:28 - United States - Marietta

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 265

You deserved it 3 404

By picklet - 12/05/2012 14:36 - Malaysia - Kajang

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 077

You deserved it 4 511

By RotoRooter - 17/04/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 328

You deserved it 12 587

By nickthetank - 31/12/2011 09:21 - Canada

Today, I got circumcised by my girlfriend's braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 826

You deserved it 12 202

Nostalgia goggles

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 04:59

Today, I found out my ex broke up with me after 3 years because he's still in love with his ex, who he hasn't spoken to in 6 years. And she dumped him for the same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 124

By Money-money-money - 14/12/2012 02:25 - France

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 439

You deserved it 5 591

By Fluffy - 11/01/2012 12:51 - United States

Today, I had to run a timed mile. I'm terrible at running. During the run, I thought I was doing a good job. That is, until the teacher told me to stop because I was three laps behind everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 6 220

Special Snowflake Kitty

By MissKitty - 10/03/2017 04:00

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 973

You deserved it 679

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Top comments

airforce987 20

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 15:59

get a car and ride them over

btown99909 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:22

at least they were nice enough to let you know they were stealing your bikes, most people don't even do that these days.

airforce987 20

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 15:59

get a car and ride them over

ColdplaySucks 18

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:06

Bring a gun or baseball bat and teach them to fuck off too.

OWNZ 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:26

^ win!

bigal1135 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:42

how could you not notice they were your bikes XD

taazer 12

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 17:11

and then smile :D

ColdplaySucks 18

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 18:25

26 it sometimes takes a little moment to realize something is yours.

martyslurpee18 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 18:54

no kiddin

Blackmail111 9

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Thursday 7 July 2011 2:33

OR you could steel their cars and drive around their front lawns smiling

angelpies 0

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Thursday 7 July 2011 3:14

This is why you never assume you're being checked out.

CsDy1395 6

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Thursday 7 July 2011 6:27

acts of homicide are always the best and most logical solution.

theschmidt108 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 15:59

shitty deal

HappyCynic 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 15:59

Lmao well maybe they were stealing your bike because they were checking you out.

OWNZ 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:28

Ya, op they were staring at you so much that they didn't even realize that they had your bikes instead of their own! DUH! ;)

ColorfulDonut 7

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:31

2- I'm sorry but WHAT????

RetardedBullFrog 4

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 17:12

uhhh so they were looking for a reason to check the OP out, stealing her (and/her family's) bikes came in to mind?

RandomPotato 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 18:20

38- Of course! Every time I want to check someone out, I steal their bike. It's the best way.

XxEmoSnowboarder 8

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 21:09

2 yeah cuz that makes totally makes sense

XxEmoSnowboarder 8

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Thursday 7 July 2011 0:14

** that totally makes sense...sorry lol

RetardedBullFrog 4

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Thursday 7 July 2011 0:30

hey man, I was just trying to make sense what 2 said. I'm still confused as to what he said though.

whiteboy7thst 2

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:00

Do I smell a MILF?

whiteboy7thst 2

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:00

Do I smell a MILF?

Belovan 2

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:03

Why do you have 3 bikes?

imOaks 3

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:08

Because OP is a extreme badass who can ride three bikes at once.

airforce987 20

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:08

3 people in the family? notice the "our" in "stole all our bikes"

Cleao18317 11

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:52

?? maybe she has a family??

RandomPotato 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 18:22

12- That's not very badass. I can easily ride four at once.

Iamnotmyself 17

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 21:49

-47 Not even, I do 3 unicycles, 4 bicycles, and a tricycle (Yes I'm a Russian bear)

Lulblast 4

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Thursday 7 July 2011 7:16

your pic. it completes me.

Brookeismine 0

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Thursday 7 July 2011 17:05

number 58, that explains your name.....ha

tkdgold03 5

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:03

hah at first I thought you meant out the front door of your house... so why would you be concerned with them 'checking you out' but now I get it..

natemeister 1

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Monday 24 October 2011 6:15

Hey I tried to message you but I couldn't find out how lol.. Message me Hun.

Bladian 5

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Monday 27 February 2012 8:30

Someone is desperate.

ThatFunnyDude 3

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:04

I agree with number 7

airforce987 20

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:06

good for you

NomOnShroomz 14

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:06

Aww that's so sweet.

mattmalin11 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:09

Go get an apache and chase them down until they surrender the bikes. Then kidnap them and take them to Casey Anthonys house. They'll be dead within a week, so she can go party.

ZoZo17_fml 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:21

Casey Anthony didn't kill her daughter. now quit being such an ass.

OWNZ 0

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:32

16 is retarded... She frickin duct taped the kids arms together, stuffed her in her trunk and then when it started to smell too bad threw her in the woods. WTF kind of parent also doesn't report their kid missing for an entire month!?!? She is a cold blooded killer

JustinThunder 8

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:34

Did you even pay attention to the trial?

ThatFunnyDude 3

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 16:45

okokok. first, she lied to the cops. that is big nono. second, how is it an "accident" if there was duct tape on the child? all of te signs say guilty