Miscellaneous: Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working.... - FML

By Faithy - 03/06/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 712

You deserved it 48 281

Dysfunctional

Own it

Compromises

By Knittedbirch - 14/11/2016 02:36

Today, my mom volunteered me to house-sit for one of her friends. This lady has texted me over ten times in less than 24 hours, called me unreasonable for not dropping jury duty to meet with her, and has messaged my mom multiple times to complain about me. My mom already said I would do this for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 621

You deserved it 1 665

By forever damaged - 21/12/2015 04:24 - United States - Wallkill

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 639

You deserved it 1 623

By Kftc88 - 11/01/2013 08:03 - United States - Pomona

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 099

You deserved it 2 920

By notworthy - 25/01/2010 09:32 - New Zealand

Today, I found the Christmas 'newsletter' my mom sends out every year to our extended family and friends that details our activities and achievements of the past year. I wasn't mentioned once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 3 560

By ohman - 28/12/2012 03:06 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Spicy

Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 290

You deserved it 27 326

By scratchy - 08/12/2010 14:56 - Israel

Today, my boyfriend refused to have his hair treated against lice, because "men don't have lice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 209

You deserved it 3 834

By schoolgrlstaci - 07/04/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 012

You deserved it 102 777

Nice try

By fyourlife - 21/10/2009 19:53 - United States

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said, "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?" I said, "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?" She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 865

You deserved it 37 099

Healthy relationship

By scared - 24/06/2020 23:02

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 2 354

By TheLostCauseFML - 31/12/2017 08:00 - United States - Quitman

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 618

You deserved it 432

By Laceylace - 22/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 683

You deserved it 13 135

By Andre - 29/07/2010 10:56 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while standing beside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 680

You deserved it 9 392

By Phoenix2115 - 26/02/2018 17:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 331

You deserved it 362

By ether10 - 04/06/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 061

You deserved it 19 732

By sleepingonmydesk - 29/06/2015 09:28 - United Kingdom - Longfield

Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 344

You deserved it 3 301

By Anonymous - 29/09/2018 13:30

Today, my AC stopped working. It's currently 3:08AM and I have 2 fans running, a cold washcloth on my neck, and a window open. It's still hot as hell. Thanks, Florida. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 682

You deserved it 435

By buxton1 - 18/02/2013 08:24 - United States - Ramona

Spicy

Today, my high-strung and normally very proper mother took twice her prescribed dose of Ambien, and extolled the virtues of a "full blown sexual relationship with oneself", advising my teenage sister to "only include the men when they behave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 522

You deserved it 3 361

By kqwarrior - 27/06/2016 03:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 687

You deserved it 929

By BobRyder - 10/04/2014 20:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I brought home my 3D glasses after a movie. I had a laugh about it until I realized that I put my $100 sunglasses in the recycle box outside of the theatre instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 369

You deserved it 24 337

By justnance - 22/12/2011 18:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I used so many different perfume testers that I passed out on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 807

You deserved it 35 711

By Doors Hate Me - 02/03/2013 14:09 - United States

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 949

You deserved it 3 862

By danii - 05/10/2011 03:28 - Reserved

Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 096

You deserved it 64 833

By Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 201

You deserved it 18 520

By thatCanadianGuy7 - 29/06/2009 19:55 - Canada

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 857

You deserved it 5 026

Everyday sexism

By nerdywaitress - 18/10/2013 05:14 - United States - Greensboro

Spicy

Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 444

You deserved it 4 991

Can't turn it off

By Anonymous - 28/11/2021 23:01

Today, I got a new job where one of my co-workers is someone I have been in love with for over 5 years now. She's married but my feelings for her just won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 607

By johnfrank - 26/03/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 613

You deserved it 35 232

By Anonymous - 21/01/2011 22:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother who lives with us decided that since I work from home, it would be a good idea for her to stay home and keep me company. "Keeping me company" includes ordering me to make her food, gossiping non stop, and ridiculing me for not being the woman that she always saw her son marrying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 862

You deserved it 3 600

Feelings

By Anon - 19/10/2020 07:57 - United States

Today, my parents told me, after 30 years of marriage, that they are getting a divorce. I went to my boyfriend's apartment because I needed some comfort. While sobbing to him, he decided to dump me on the spot because my reaction to the news was "immature" and he wants an "adult" relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 629

You deserved it 314

By SaltIsReal - 25/04/2017 00:00

Today, after winning the first set for school tennis championship, the losing side refused to shake hands with my team. We ended up getting disqualified from the championship by the referee for bad conduct, even though it wasn't our fault. We told the referee what happened, and he said, "Suck it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 638

You deserved it 316

By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 603

You deserved it 4 071

By hobbled - 17/06/2015 19:18 - United States

Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my "Handicapped parking" placard. Guess why I couldn't stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 163

You deserved it 1 993

By whatzthehell - 03/06/2009 10:31 - Kuwait

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 590

You deserved it 51 336

By Cookie_monster - 08/03/2017 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, getting ready to go out, I turned on my straightener. After 5 minutes, I start straightening one big strand when I realize I'm smelting plastic into my hair. Turns out I'd left it on a plastic box. Of course, plastic never comes out, so I had to cut it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 174

You deserved it 2 098

By EyesOffMe - 07/09/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was getting changed in front of my room mate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 946

You deserved it 58 846

SORRY!

By imsorry - 14/01/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

Spicy

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 094

You deserved it 7 766

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 08:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got in an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 485

You deserved it 4 333

By DMStarsky - 21/10/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 521

You deserved it 4 676

By GumStickExtraGmail - 14/09/2017 17:30 - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 660

You deserved it 597

Stewart Lee has let himself go

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 14:00

Today, my wife informed me that she hates having sex with me, and only married me because I was dark, trim, and handsome, but now I'm just gray, fat, and soon to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 107

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Top comments

jibz 6

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:40

dumbass.

XxMaseratiGurlxX 1

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:48

you spelled blonde wrong :)

Comments

jibz 6

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:40

dumbass.

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Saturday 4 June 2011 2:30

one word: blonde

JacksonCampbell 9

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Saturday 4 June 2011 2:49

Blonde moment, activate.

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Saturday 4 June 2011 2:54

women.......

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Saturday 4 June 2011 3:08

Uhh no one word moron plenty of other women (blonde or not use) hair straighteners and do not have this problem at all this is just someone who is not the brightest crayon in the box!!

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Saturday 4 June 2011 3:26

Brighter crayon in the box? ...

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Saturday 4 June 2011 3:28

Brightest*

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Saturday 4 June 2011 3:54

Yay for dropouts.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Saturday 4 June 2011 4:02

DURRRRRR!!!

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Saturday 4 June 2011 4:30

Please go somewhere way from people.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Saturday 4 June 2011 4:53

Wonderland?

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Saturday 4 June 2011 13:18

29 just won.

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Saturday 4 June 2011 16:02

agreed

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Saturday 4 June 2011 19:22

I'm guessing 46 is blonde.

randomchickkk 0

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:46

it's happenned before.. when I was halfway through straightening and it automatically shut off

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Saturday 4 June 2011 9:42

Thank you! It happens at least someone besides me knows it. All you others are mean.

Zombieslayer1 0

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:46

I'm guessing your blond, right?

XxMaseratiGurlxX 1

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:48

you spelled blonde wrong :)

Feklfekl2222 32

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:52

I'm guessing you are too given that you can not even spell blonde

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Saturday 4 June 2011 2:08

Blonde can be spelt with or without the 'e'

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Saturday 4 June 2011 2:13

blonde is french blonde is the feminine and blond is the masculine

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Saturday 4 June 2011 4:05

^smart kitty is smart^

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Saturday 4 June 2011 5:35

I thought the difference was this: You would say: I am blonde. orrrrr I have blond hair . like adjective vs. noun? I don't know if that's right though .

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Saturday 4 June 2011 5:50

I'm guessing you don't know how to use homophones, right?

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Saturday 4 June 2011 12:34

hey, 75, watch who u callin Homo!!

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Saturday 4 June 2011 15:28

I'm blond and I KNOW im more intelligent than you.

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Saturday 4 June 2011 16:03

dude stop dising blondes there not that bad some dick just thaught it would be funny and its not dont be that dick ok punk

Zombieslayer1 0

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Saturday 4 June 2011 19:59

People, people, people! Although I lament now leaving out the "e" it can't be helped now. I am not blonde, but have many blonde friends, and let me just state here and now that they are all gooftards! Are they dumb? No.

MdMan2 23

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Tuesday 23 June 2015 3:54

Are you blonde? Because it's "you're" and "blonde", not "your" and "blond".

cardinallove 11

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:49

haha flustered :) It makes getting angry sound cute! That was kind of dumb, that's one of the first things I check. But I know how frustrating it can be when hair straighteners don't work. My hair looks horrible without one!

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Saturday 4 June 2011 21:20

i cant stand that word it totally defuses what its supposed to mean, being angry

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:50

I think I've done that with an iron before. Was tweaking the steam settings the whole time.

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:52

haha yeah buddy rockin the sex hair

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:52

i loke cake :D

Slipknot666Maggo 0

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Saturday 4 June 2011 2:15

8- pikachu in Nintendo world NY?

Mubus 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 16:20

8: Hangin' out in Da Hood! :p

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:54

Go for the bed-head or sex-hair. I hear it in right?? haha

kaleighiscool 0

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Saturday 4 June 2011 2:20

Um, no.

KatrinaKitten 16

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Saturday 4 June 2011 3:03

Someone doesn't quite grasp the concept of sarcasm.

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Saturday 4 June 2011 3:04

guess not

lilmisslovely13 15

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Saturday 4 June 2011 5:34

42 is just mad that 10 stole they're comment. JK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Saturday 4 June 2011 10:20

super beatiful :)

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Saturday 4 June 2011 10:31

72- they're = they are

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:57

This is not surprising to me at all. People leave their computers unplugged and call tech-support to ask "Why won't it work?". People have ceased to amaze me.

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Thursday 25 October 2012 6:43

my brother does that all the time with a switched outlet and his laptop.

griffindragon97 3

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:57

r u a blond?

1215116a 14

Saturday 4 June 2011 2:29

Are you a blonde?

griffindragon97 3

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Saturday 4 June 2011 3:13

nope

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 50

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 78