By Anonymous - 24/07/2014 09:05 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FML
I agree, your life sucks 47 655
You deserved it 8 880

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Who the hell timed you?

"fly by shits are the only thing allowed around here!"

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"fly by shits are the only thing allowed around here!"

420/10 quality comment

What a shitty boss you have. I would sue the shit out of that person. Not even joking.

sweetnsourrr 11

sue someone because they fired you for shitting? LOL sorry, but I don't think anyone would take that seriously.

#5: You've thread jacked the first comment on the past four consecutive FMLs. Why?

Well sometimes it's nice. Once a person thread-jacked me and offered congratulations on being pregnant. I was very flattered and happy over my non-existent baby.

I wish I could thumb you up Alan.

We could thumb you up for Alan lol

Respect101 17

Sueing is so overly threatened. Most people dont account for all the court fees and lawyer fees. Plus, you have to make sure your case is solid if you want to win. Might as well just get a new job, what the boss did isn't illegal, messed up, yes, but not illegal.

Everyone, embrace yourselves for "shitty" jokes. -_-

I'm covered, thanks. I always embrace myself because no one else will. *weeps*

Welles hope the op didn't have diarrhea.

incoherentrmblr 21

I would've thought they would've made you take a break for it, but getting fired over it? Unless time is everything at that place, that's messed up...

That's how my old job worked, bathroom breaks ate into your time to make money so I would try to go before and after work. Sometimes you foots go though.. :/ they could have been timing OP though because they took too many bathroom breaks.

I used to take a while, then I went to a mission trip and I trained myself to finish within 3 minutes. There's still hope, OP.

hippo1234 19

Hover-shitting is a challenge. That's how I learned.

We all know it wasn't the time it took but the devastation left behind. The supervisor probably had to go really bad and not only had to wait for you to finish but had to suffer when he/she went in behind you.

Who the hell timed you?

Someone with too much time and not enough to do apparently.

OP probably does this all the time, so they decided to time him. They probably thought he was doing drugs in there or something. I don't know which is worse: having people think you're a drug addict or them knowing that you just take really long shits.

I don't know how you went from OP having a shit, to them having drugs mid shift, but depending on where he worked it's not actually that uncommon for supervisors to time these things. Especially if it's a lower class job. They can be really stingy like that. I once was sent on a 15 minute tea break, to have the supervisor phone me to return to work bang on the 15 minute mark. Literally bang on 15 minutes. A clock was right in front of where I was, and the phone call came right when the second hand reached 12. It was really impressive, but also genuinely scary.

skittyskatbrat 19

I'd have to agree. Unless someone has a digestive issue, they are likely using it as an opportunity to text and play on their phone. The occasional extended-time-dump for intestinal rebellion? Every month or two? We all do that. But if you typically spend ten minutes to take a dump, you need to see a doctor.

mrwilsong 6

I take like 15-20 minutes every time

You might wanna see a doctor..

hippo1234 19

Some people only take a dump every 2-3 days, naturally. So their dumps probably take more than 10 min. Some people shit 2x a day, so they probably shouldn't take more than 5 min. It varies by person. That said, OP was probably screwing around multiple times a day to get fired.

Sometimes it doesn't want to come out. There's something called " constipation ". Some people get it a lot. It doesn't just fly on out, and it shouldn't get you fired.

Humans are actually supposed to poop every time they eat. A lot of people don't because they eat things that are unnatural. I don't poop 3x a day always but when I eat 3 healthy meals, I always do.

That's what my holistic doctor says at least. And it proves true for me.

I go to the bathroom after every meal but its because of stomach issues. that being said, everybody poops, everybody is different. who are we to tell you how your shit should be.

I use my poops to compensate for the smoke breaks I dont get but everyone else does.

Constipation itself shouldn't get you fired but normally if you're constipated you make an effort to fix it...buy some tablets, go to the doctor or something. You don't just shrug your shoulders and take regular extended toilet breaks. And if that was the problem, surely OP could just explain it and maybe get some extra time. (I'm assuming the employer isn't a dick and firing him for a one time occurrence which is kinda illegal)

Food takes a couple days to digest and come out...

112 - Try a couple hours. If it took days, we'd all be constipated all the time.

That's not true at all

@112- not entirely wrong... "A steak dinner can take you two, maybe three days to get out of your intestine. What that means is the way you digest it is basically to rot it in your intestines. On the other hand, if you eat vegetables and fruits, they're out of your system in less than 12 hours." (should only thumb down people if you know for certain they are wrong)

Food on average takes about 2-3 days to come out the other end...however, that means you have like two days of poop in you most if the time, just waiting to come out. So yes, when you eat you're likely to poop soon after if you're healthy - however, it's not what you've just eaten that comes out, it's whatever you ate at a similar time 2-3 days ago. That's obviously not exact and yes, some foods break down quicker than others, but you should see the logic I'm trying to get at.

#82 that makes me feel better..things suddenly changed when I started college and I pooped after every time I ate..but usually only if I eat outside of my house..I can eat home cooking outside and I'll have to poop immediately.

I feel like your boss shouldn't have a problem with it unless you're taking multiple ten minute shits a day.

I think it is, especially depending on the type of job you have.

Nobody fucking say it!

I'll wipe the floor with whoever says it. It would be so shitty to have to kick some ass. The last guy to make that pun? I rectum. I sphincter are some better jokes the be made. I am prostate, thus I would like to propose a movement. Sorry, that's all I had written down in my diarrhea.

Dude, you have way too much time on your hands.

cryssycakesx3 22

maybe he was taking a shit so he had some extra time.

Tell your boss, "It took nine months for your mom to take a shit!" and walk out like a boss.

Omg I legit just read that as stewie

Seems a little extreme to be fired for one 10 minute shit.

The key here is that nothing was said about ONE ten minute shit. Learn to read, please.

28, yeah but at the same time nothing was said about it being multiple times, so "learn not to be rude"

ulissey_fml 22

What do they have where you work, turdbos ?? Rushing these things is bad for your health.