Miscellaneous: Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days,... - FML

By KiwiMaid - 03/06/2016 10:31 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days, which means I'll be able to deep clean the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 934

You deserved it 2 142

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Same thing different taste

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 04:01

Today, I moved out a few weeks ago because I was sick of my husband not helping around the house, and told him he’d never manage without me. I checked today while he was at work. The house is the cleanest I’ve ever seen it; apparently he doesn’t need me and most of the mess was actually mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 3 461

Unreasonable

By Busting my hump - 16/01/2024 18:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm on my sixth straight day of double shifts, with four more to go. I make overtime so I'm not complaining, but today my wife texted me, "Going out of town tonight, I expect the house to be spotless when I return." Not sure how I'm going to swing this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 113

Alexa, play "Can't Stand Me Now" by The Libertines

By Anonymous - 08/12/2023 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, after weeks of slaving away, I finally wrapped up the last house project on the backlog. I decided to take a day to relax around the house in celebration. My wife spent all day following me around, moaning that I never go anywhere, and that she never gets any space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 95

No good deed…

By cantwin - 02/10/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend returned from a two day trip. I'd spent the time cleaning the house and working on house projects, so she wouldn't come home and be stressed. She got upset when she got home because the house was clean, and it made her feel inadequate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 89

Sex vs. housework

By hesitator - 01/07/2017 18:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I got excited over a canceled booty call, just so I wouldn't have to clean the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 879

You deserved it 1 010

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 22/06/2023 15:00

Today, I left my husband in charge of the house for a day. When I returned, I saw him gaming through the window, so I stormed in and yelled at him. Then, my eyes adjusted, and I saw the neatly folded laundry, clean kitchen, vacuumed rugs, and my son, who was asleep until I woke him. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 2 558

Alexa, play "I'm Doing Fine" by Day One

By MystiChild - 04/02/2022 02:00

Today, I returned home early from a week away for work. I was worried about my husband's mental health after a week alone with our two ADD kids. He wasn’t expecting me, but I was surprised to see the house cleaner than it had ever been, and our children happily reading on the couch. How did he do that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 526

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 28/03/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, after a long talk with the kids, I finally got all the chores around the house done early so we could have a fun family weekend. My wife decided to be a wet blanket and insisted we needed to deep clean the already clean kitchen. Three arguments later, everyone is sulking, and I'm working in the kitchen alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559

You deserved it 101

Pig in shit

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 14:00

Today, after leaving for a two-week-trip, and thinking this time my mom would finally have no choice but to clean the dirty toilet herself for once, because I’ve been doing it the entire year, along with most other chores, I think you can guess what I did first thing upon my return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 134

Pissed

By fishbearpig - 27/01/2024 13:00 - Romania - Cluj-Napoca

Today, we're in the middle of remodeling our bathroom and the hallway of our apartment. We hired a great guy and he does a really good job, but there's a lot of dust and no way to clean properly until everything is done. My wife is pissed with me because I work from home and don't clean everything every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 124

Next

Top comments

kenzier513 8

Friday 3 June 2016 14:06

i only clicked you deserved it because every woman deserves 5 days by herself every once in awhile! lol

RememberSchlitz 9

Friday 3 June 2016 14:02

I know, right! When my wife goes off on business I do the same thing, but in reverse.

Comments

UnstumpableTrump 10

Friday 3 June 2016 16:16

Donald Trump will deep clean this country

mezochan 29

Friday 3 June 2016 17:21

I've done this. Sometimes it's just easier when the husband isn't in the way. Or complaining about how everything smells like bleach or vinegar.

Lonelychick1249 16

Friday 3 June 2016 18:38

Good for you! And if you get done early don't forget to reward yourself.

dontknow1 19

Friday 3 June 2016 19:00

It's good to have time for yourself. I hope you enjoy.

sidheazel 2

Friday 3 June 2016 19:08

Always good to have time to yourself. Even better if you're like me and enjoy cleaning. Put some music on and jam out!

BananEnigma 24

Friday 3 June 2016 19:51

Meh. This is exactly how I feel every time my son goes somewhere for the weekend... I CAN FINALLY CLEAN AND THE HOUSE WILL STAY CLEAN! At least until Sunday afternoon/night that is. v_v

LAURA_EL_JUICE 6

Friday 3 June 2016 19:53

OMG, this happened to me. I understand

hpandher 16

Friday 3 June 2016 20:29

Monica??

faifai_fml 21

Friday 3 June 2016 20:32

I'm honestly confused as to why this is an FML. 1) time to yourself: win!!!, 2) clean house: win!!! I mean, this is just winning all 'round.

nousernameavail 6

Friday 3 June 2016 21:36

My husband just left today for a week! I'm excited to clean and just have some me time!!

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The Top

Today, I'd been sat in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty in their cars, and I never do anything risky so I thought, why not, I'll be here a while, no one can see me: I'll masturbate. Midway through, I heard a tap on my driver's window. It was a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 258

You deserved it 152 404

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex with the girl from next door, whom I’ve been in love with for years, but alas she isn’t a lesbian. She’s entitled to date whoever she likes, but my brother knows how I feel about her and seduced her anyway in our shared flat, which was a real douche move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 510

The Top

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 328

You deserved it 5 677

Today, my parents couldn’t keep it civil long enough to get through my wedding without causing a massive scene. My wife was so upset, she got through the “I do’s” then left crying without waiting for the photos, so now we don’t have an official wedding album, just poor quality Facebook pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 131

Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 255

You deserved it 2 013

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 426

You deserved it 3 011

Today, I spent the entire day packing my car full of boxes for my move tomorrow. When I finally finished, I realized I didn't have the car key. It's inside one of the boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 705

You deserved it 32 192

Today, I worked at my job at an amusement park at one of the roller coasters. I have to go around and make sure that every seat belt is around the passenger. I saw my boyfriend in a seat and ran over to say hi. I saw a girl next to him. I had to strap down my cheating boyfriend and the new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 957

You deserved it 3 896