Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal...

By Anon - 4/12/2015 07:14 - United States - Modesto

Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal I was stalking her on campus. I wasn't stalking her, we just have very similar schedules. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25959

You deserved it

1676

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Family values

Nice neighborhood

Tidy your room

By swtkiss1 - 18/2/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30797

You deserved it

58391

Favorite

By Arthur B. - 24/9/2019 12:01

Adapt, improvise, overcome

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1256

You deserved it

406

Favorite

By ShockBait - 22/8/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, it was my next-door neighbor's birthday. Over the past year, his pitbull has attacked my stepdad several times and put some stiches on me. Lucky for us, the dog was finally put down. For his birthday my neighbor got a new, bigger, pitbull. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37519

You deserved it

5878

Favorite

By katchoo - 3/11/2013 07:34 - Denmark

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47413

You deserved it

8412

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Back-seat parenting

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1558

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By blob - 21/2/2013 00:32 - United States - Framingham

Today, my mom refused to sign me up for a CPR class, reasoning that if I was ever put in a situation where a person was choking, I could save them using my "common sense" and "intellect". I need the class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34816

You deserved it

2731

Favorite

By jdch_99 - 3/11/2012 05:34 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26631

You deserved it

1726

Favorite

By hes - 15/10/2013 10:10 - United States

Today, I called my dad to let him know some details for my wedding had changed. It would have been really nice if he had paused the porno I could clearly hear in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52202

You deserved it

4363

Favorite

By robm - 26/7/2010 20:15 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he told me I was the love of his life. Afterwards, he clarified his statement. I was the love of his life, because I was in his life at that moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32230

You deserved it

4635

Favorite

By preggo - 4/12/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35837

You deserved it

4111

Favorite

By Anon - 15/5/2015 13:58 - United States - Lakeville

Today, my brother and I had a long argument. He believes wholeheartedly that pineapples are not actually fruits, but berries. When I showed him a google search, he accused me of "faking" it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26093

You deserved it

4034

Favorite

By Crotch_Rocket_Rider - 6/10/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37568

You deserved it

7687

Favorite

By grossedout - 6/9/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30004

You deserved it

2518

Favorite

By Noname - 8/3/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60568

You deserved it

4458

Favorite

By fallen - 15/5/2017 16:00 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4819

You deserved it

276

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a make-shift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22671

You deserved it

6720

Favorite

By freakingout - 4/9/2012 21:55 - United States - Roslyn

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24890

You deserved it

4591

Favorite

By - 7/12/2018 20:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after a year and half of being single, I was asked out on a date. I was asked by a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2797

You deserved it

187

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/9/2017 04:30

Today, I got some news from two colleagues, one of whom just got married for the first time, and the other whose long-time wife was recently diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. I wrote each of them a heartfelt note, which would've been thoughtful if I hadn't mixed up the recipients. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2971

You deserved it

869

Favorite

By Adios Career - 26/11/2015 16:27 - United States

Today, a great job I have been wanting to apply for opened for applications. Turns out it requires a clean background with no credit issues. I recently got a notice saying my wife and I are being sued over an unpaid $140 medical bill that she neglected to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23998

You deserved it

2120

Favorite

By moneycatious - 19/3/2012 23:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26234

You deserved it

5493

Favorite

By pickuptruckblues - 17/11/2014 04:17 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31703

You deserved it

3571

Favorite

By Thanh Quang - 31/1/2011 05:58

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she met someone else on World of Warcraft. I've been paying for her subscription. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40465

You deserved it

14766

Favorite

By eldar90 - 25/2/2012 21:38 - Israel

Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30945

You deserved it

2376

Favorite

By smyp - 27/5/2015 22:27 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I "progress too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31648

You deserved it

2267

Favorite

By JoannaG25 - 17/8/2010 11:43 - Netherlands

Today, I was told that in order to be considered for more jobs, I should remove my college degree from my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36519

You deserved it

3965

Favorite

By omgstfuplz - 16/9/2009 08:38 - United States

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44878

You deserved it

13389

Favorite

By Queenbee26 - 23/11/2017 21:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5054

You deserved it

514

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27138

You deserved it

4234

Favorite

By sanoria51 - 26/4/2013 23:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46482

You deserved it

8736

Favorite

By wayne - 7/12/2011 10:28 - New Zealand

Today, I overcame my fear of swimming in lakes and went for a swim. I got bitten by an eel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34578

You deserved it

3528

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/2/2016 10:55 - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, my brother accused me of faking my bipolar disorder for attention, all because I don't act the same as the bipolar girl in some TV show he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21868

You deserved it

1650

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/12/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47882

You deserved it

2676

Favorite

By Ally - 27/9/2015 01:47 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I wrote a song for my boyfriend on paper. The first thing he did was correct my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21915

You deserved it

8400

Favorite

By why they bomb - 9/3/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31808

You deserved it

7771

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 14:41 - Australia - Edgecliff

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35941

You deserved it

2871

Favorite

By BrokeAndHungry - 24/7/2016 17:05 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13031

You deserved it

4275

Favorite

By ramis182 - 27/3/2012 00:17 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27424

You deserved it

4645

Favorite

By bornfromhillbillies - 30/8/2015 03:02 - United States - Bourbonnais

Today, my mom saw a picture of the moon and asked me what "those big spots" were. She actually thought the craters were continents and tried correcting me when I told her what they were. Then I almost got into trouble for being disrespectful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22618

You deserved it

1491

Favorite

By Frank - 17/8/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38766

You deserved it

6356

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6477284 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:41

Some bitches just want to feel important.

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6477286 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:41

You obviously took all the same classes so you could stalk her more efficiently*sarcasm font*

Comments

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6477284 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:41

Some bitches just want to feel important.

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6477286 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:41

You obviously took all the same classes so you could stalk her more efficiently*sarcasm font*

tantanpanda | 26

#6477403 - Friday 4 December 2015 21:27

Right?! Some people just have no moral principles! Love the font, by the way.

By DrafteeSelf | 24

#6477287 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:41

Plot twist: She was stalking you

Bono363 | 11

#6477378 - Friday 4 December 2015 20:05

Reverse Stalking

jake_braves | 25

#6477390 - Friday 4 December 2015 20:43

Exactly 3, and she reported him for stalking so he wouldn't suspect that she's stalking him.

By DrafteeSelf | 24

#6477288 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:42

Plot twist: She was stalking you

By MangoLoco | 22

#6477297 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:46

Bitches be crazy man

By tfriend3 | 15

#6477299 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:47

Wow she needs to get over herself. Well at least you didn't get in serious trouble OP, could've been a lot worse.

askullnamedbilly | 33

#6477303 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:53

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

soullyfe | 33

#6477306 - Friday 4 December 2015 17:59

#10: If she took the time to notice him in her classes then she should have known that he wasn't simply stalking her if they have similar schedules.

shessohighh | 10

#6477638 - Saturday 5 December 2015 5:57

OP shouldn't have gotten detention just because of someone's dumb paranoia! That is not ok at all.

cheeeksss | 29

#6477642 - Saturday 5 December 2015 6:07

No, #10. It was a matter of the girl jumping to conclusions from paranoia and thinking too highly of herself. OP stated they are at school. Meaning, of course you're going to see the same persons everywhere throughout the day. Kinda how it works when you attend the same school..

Mortoli | 30

#6478272 - Sunday 6 December 2015 2:34

in all honesty I'd prefer suspension lol at least then i wouldnt have to deal with that mess lol and parents would understand your school filled with a bunch of dumbasses lol