Today, I got broken up with. In a text message. She texted my...

By braceforcarnage - 2/12/2014 15:42 - United States

Today, I got broken up with. In a text message. She texted my grandma, who then had to forward said text to me. I got broken up via grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42868

You deserved it

3141

Favorite

Love

Great boyfriend

Ghosted

Hello everyone!

By opinaise - 2/8/2012 13:00 - France - Toulouse

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42955

You deserved it

3966

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 20:13 - United States - Rochester

Today, I finally told my father that I was picked on at college all this year over my hearing disability. When I told him one of the jokes they made about me, he burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44720

You deserved it

3465

Favorite

By Bilirubin - 20/2/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33582

You deserved it

3900

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/3/2016 17:29 - United States - Oceanside

Today, as usual, I'm stuck working in a brutally hostile work environment under my mother-in-law, who's never forgiven me for marrying her daughter. I only got the job because of family politics. Four months on, I still can't even land so much as a single interview elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17917

You deserved it

1681

Favorite

By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - 5/1/2014 20:39 - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43976

You deserved it

4940

Favorite

By hairless - 9/10/2011 03:53 - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31328

You deserved it

6745

Favorite

By Kathleen Verhaegen - 30/4/2020 20:00

Lava lamp

Today, I'm so pale, my boss asked me whether I light up in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1299

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By I am not amused! - 3/11/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41409

You deserved it

3617

Favorite

By mvp - 26/7/2009 23:51 - United States

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43799

You deserved it

3417

Favorite

By Display - 27/9/2012 04:10 - France - Paris

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25010

You deserved it

7190

Favorite

By num1piglover - 16/11/2016 22:55 - United States - Raritan

Today, my dad told my mom to only drop off my sister for Thanksgiving and not me. Guess I was wrong about him wanting to work on our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9605

You deserved it

626

Favorite

By Julieworld - 24/4/2020 08:00

Recycling helps

Today, I was able to find the Facebook profile of my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, for whom he left me for. I had been curious about who she was, and when I zoomed in on her profile pic of them together, I noticed she was wearing the ring he'd got me for Christmas and that I'd given back to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1413

You deserved it

698

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/4/2020 14:00

Hard to bare

Today, I was showing my boss a picture on my phone. I didn’t expect her to take my phone from my hand and continue to flip through photos. I anxiously motioned for her to give my phone back, only to realize she had already swiped to my nude picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1521

You deserved it

625

Favorite

By wtfguys - 13/10/2014 08:17 - United States

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35145

You deserved it

3646

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/7/2020 08:01

Who am I?

Today, while having hot passionate sex with my boyfriend, while I was moaning his name, he was coming to release and yelled out, "NO, THIS IS PATRICK!" His name isn't Patrick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1299

You deserved it

377

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/7/2019 04:00

Today, I finished hauling all of my possessions from another state, because I was supposed to move in with my girlfriend. I was just waiting to find a job. Almost as soon as my stuff was delivered, she broke up with me and told me to figure out getting it all back by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1966

You deserved it

155

Favorite

By SadMan - 19/1/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I went to ask my boss for a raise. Turns out they are firing 35 people. I wasn't on the list until I asked for a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32313

You deserved it

7349

Favorite

By (not) fucked - 16/5/2014 16:01 - United States - Kingsville

Today, my girlfriend decided that we won't be having any more sex until I beat her ridiculously high score on Flappy Bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59543

You deserved it

8209

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/6/2014 13:47 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to stand in line for twenty minutes at the bank, in between two of my ex-boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52374

You deserved it

11337

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, while I was driving, a police officer jumped out from the sidewalk and into my lane. I slammed on the brakes so I wouldn't hit him. He then gave me a ticket for "obstructing traffic". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34229

You deserved it

2565

Favorite

By Scarred4lyfe - 28/2/2016 22:32 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20374

You deserved it

1389

Favorite

By dumb mother - 31/1/2012 02:34 - United States

Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm and cause cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24916

You deserved it

5045

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/4/2012 19:26 - United States - Rapid City

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26647

You deserved it

6650

Favorite

By Jobless - 13/8/2009 01:47 - United States

Today, my 16 yr old cousin needed help making a job resume so I give him mine to see as an example. He changed my name to his and it got him a job right away. The sad part? I handed my resume out to about 30 places and I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44851

You deserved it

4318

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/11/2015 00:18 - Netherlands

Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25102

You deserved it

3133

Favorite

By FAIL - 8/9/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50705

You deserved it

7579

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I got in an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30421

You deserved it

4265

Favorite

By but I tried anal and everything - 22/11/2012 16:13 - United States - Des Moines

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33658

You deserved it

6665

Favorite

By TheHeirofTime - 15/8/2016 15:11 - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14151

You deserved it

1695

Favorite

By theish - 4/2/2011 14:08

Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75798

You deserved it

6962

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I was checking out my boyfriend's facebook profile. I saw that he had just taken the "How long will it take for your girldriend to realize you're cheating on her?" Quiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55220

You deserved it

5752

Favorite

By Lonely - 12/9/2009 11:53 - Australia

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35473

You deserved it

8355

Favorite

By um - 8/2/2011 00:54

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46377

You deserved it

7962

Favorite

By bride - 27/3/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

133646

You deserved it

10246

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/1/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34911

You deserved it

3883

Favorite

By nail714 - 25/6/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, while at football practice, my teammates and I were on water break. At the bus barn next to the field, a good-looking girl was washing a bus. Some of the guys started to yell pick-up lines at her from 50 yards away, and pretty soon I chime in. She turns around. It was my younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16158

You deserved it

73281

Favorite

By Etyl - 18/11/2011 10:49 - Indonesia

Today, I struggled through a one hour traffic jam to get to the airport to pick up my dad who was just coming back from an overseas trip. I got there only to find that he had given me the wrong date, and I had to drive home. Best part? I have to do it all over again tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27780

You deserved it

3437

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/7/2012 21:38 - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5881

You deserved it

45327

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/9/2011 22:33 - United States

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27684

You deserved it

6591

Favorite

By leaaaa 223 - 14/7/2020 23:01

Take, is gift

Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1180

You deserved it

270

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By animalxcrackers | 20

#6133113 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:09

Well that's a new one...

By MrConcise | 34

#6133115 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:10

What an old-fashioned dumping.

COMMENTS

By animalxcrackers | 20

#6133113 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:09

Well that's a new one...

brivielle | 15

#6133740 - Wednesday 3 December 2014 7:17

The lowest one. She had to skip two generations. Swell.

cdawg69 | 10

#6134024 - Wednesday 3 December 2014 17:44

now OP.. times is tough.. ya gotta ask yourself...Is Grandma available?

By MrConcise | 34

#6133115 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:10

What an old-fashioned dumping.

By jimmer23 | 21

#6133116 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:10

Nobody wants that... Seems wildly immature.

1dvos_grl3 | 21

#6133163 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 19:10

11, wow that's stupid. watch the guy be a catfish, bet she'd feel like an idiot then!

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6133290 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 21:17

I'd hate to date a catfish.

erockinthesuburb | 17

#6133338 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 22:41

Yeah, whiskers aren't really attractive.

IamHercules | 24

#6133629 - Wednesday 3 December 2014 4:36

To you maybe ;P

By HarshD9619 | 34

#6133118 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:12

Tough luck OP, take care

By silvercamaro | 21

#6133119 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:12

Your grandma should've just to her to F off

By TPrice21 | 2

#6133120 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:13

That's...creative, sure, we'll call it creative. Sorry OP

gemstone586 | 12

#6133361 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 23:32

cowardly, you meant. that's the word you were looking for. damn auto correct

By tayymeds | 23

#6133121 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:13

Gotta keep grandma in the loop somehow, right?

By hard_candy | 25

#6133122 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:14

at least grandma didn't forward the text to everybody.

By Acacia21 | 23

#6133123 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:15

Hopefully your grandma likes to bake comfort foods.

By awkwardology | 23

#6133124 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 18:15

Your grandma is tech-savvy enough to forward a text? Mine doesn't know how to turn on her phone.

Ki11erC | 18

#6133185 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 19:29

What's this phone thing you're on about, back in my day....

JMichael | 25

#6133295 - Tuesday 2 December 2014 21:24

Back in my day we had to write letters. Then we had to walk to the post office and back up hill both ways just to be able to send it!

Arwen_Evenstar | 37

#6133556 - Wednesday 3 December 2014 3:01

The grandmother may only be in her 50s if OP is a teen. Which I hope he is based on the maturity of the ex.

Hiimhaileypotter | 52

#6134064 - Wednesday 3 December 2014 19:29

My grandparents are 60 and 62 (I'm 19) and both text :)

jelrid | 30

#6134201 - Thursday 4 December 2014 0:23

And in the current day, I still like to send people letters. It's just more personal that way!