Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently,... - FML

By wtfguys - 13/10/2014 08:17 - United States

Today, I got back from a weekend at my best friend's house. Apparently, he and his friend invented a new game. It involves sticking duct tape to their pubic hairs, ripping them out, and sticking as many as possible on my face and body before I wake up. FML

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Superficial World

Fear factor

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By kidswithnomanners - 5/9/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML

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By notsohandy - 3/1/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

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By Quicky5_ - 3/11/2015 06:58 - United States - Jasper

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

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By - 28/1/2020 18:00

So romantic!

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

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By Jrlloyd013 - 19/12/2009 22:33 - United States

Today, I had a surprise test for Economics. While taking the test, I put my head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class turning in their test. I had to turn in my test incomplete. No questions answered, just my name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML

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By It's a foot long - 3/9/2018 03:30

Today, I have to figure out how to tell my vision-impaired father that his ex-girlfriend left their double pronged dildo out on his dresser when she moved out. I see it when I bring him his coffee every morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2009 14:08 - United States

Wrong question

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked, "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently, I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

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By CandyMachine - 16/2/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2013 14:22 - Canada - Langley

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2015 16:20 - Canada - Milton

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

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By nice one - 14/7/2013 17:51 - United States - Athens

Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

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By yeyt209 - 10/6/2012 07:46 - United States - Bismarck

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

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By fuckmyassimcold - 14/12/2012 19:19 - United States

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

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By failedexam - 6/11/2009 06:52 - Canada

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

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By FML.. - 6/4/2009 19:51 - China

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2013 15:34 - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

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By nayahbear24 - 27/8/2014 22:52 - United States - Trenton

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

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By candie - 27/8/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

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By link - 26/5/2018 18:30 - United States - Edmond

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

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By anonymous - 21/10/2009 22:40 - France

Today, I was in bed, thinking about my crush and playing with myself, when I remembered the complicated spreadsheet my boss asked me to make tomorrow. That got me more excited than the thought of my crush. FML

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By IGOTIT - 5/9/2013 07:24 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

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By Fatty - 28/12/2011 07:57 - United States

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

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By parkertownparadise - 16/2/2012 07:43 - United States

Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML

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By boo - 16/2/2010 20:46 - United States

Today, I learned the reason they say don't keep your phone in high humidity places. I left my phone on the counter when I went to take a shower. It now won't turn on due to water damage and the warranty doesn't cover it. FML

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By cherokeems - 20/10/2015 18:28 - United States - Harriman

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

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By dumbass - 1/10/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

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By hunting7waves - 25/9/2015 05:31 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years told me he had a surprise for me at midnight. I stayed up all night, not hearing from him. Finally I get a notification. Apparently, my midnight surprise is that I'm single. FML

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By Thanks Trump - 8/3/2016 22:31 - United States - New York

Today, my mom parked in a handicapped space because, "the Spanish people are taking over everything." FML

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By Familyreject - 2/2/2019 19:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found out that my family has paid for and booked a trip to Dubai without me. They weren't going to tell me until they were about to board but since I was crying that my friend ditched me for my holiday, they thought they would let me know. FML

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By hobbled - 17/6/2015 19:18 - United States

Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my "Handicapped parking" placard. Guess why I couldn't stop her. FML

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By bender - 10/2/2010 05:03 - Canada

Today, I decided that it would be good exercise to shovel the ice on the backyard patio. Now I can't stand up. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2015 23:13 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

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By anonymous - 16/8/2015 03:16 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

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By cookieman - 6/1/2017 11:52

Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I've bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, "I gave you the senior's discount." Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2012 19:40 - United States

Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2011 05:50

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

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By SpongeAbii2 - 24/1/2012 11:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking home when an old guy came up to me asking for directions. After I pointed him in the right direction, he held my hand, stroked my face then pushed me into a bush. FML

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By L - 1/6/2011 20:40

Today, the sewers in my town became overloaded. My basement is now filled with other people's poo. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/8/2009 08:21 - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

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Top comments

By TanzWolf | 26

#6088517 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:12

Ouch, that sucks for them though... They must be good friends. The pain they went through just for you.

By xXToxicPenguinXx | 12

#6088519 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:13

i think i just threw up in my mouth a little bit

Comments

By Nederlander95 | 14

#6088515 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:12

What a hairy situation.

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6088549 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:22

No just don't

Reply

Roskosity | 22

#6088592 - Monday 13 October 2014 17:46

Yeah stop. Fur real.

Reply

gatorclay97 | 28

#6089072 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 3:06

GTFO.

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6089283 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 8:38

Don't cough up a pube ball now...

By TanzWolf | 26

#6088517 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:12

Ouch, that sucks for them though... They must be good friends. The pain they went through just for you.

Reply

EverestMelting | 23

#6088555 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:25

All joking aside, I think this can constitute as a situation where these are obviously OPs best friends. They probably wouldn't have done that if they didn't like OP.

Reply

stellamahone | 4

#6088596 - Monday 13 October 2014 17:50

lol op this reminds of spongebob

Reply

randomcrazyguy | 17

#6088676 - Monday 13 October 2014 18:56

Sweater of eyelashes? Maybe they will make him a pubic hair sweater

Reply

sexpectations | 15

#6088907 - Monday 13 October 2014 23:28

It really just seems like a lose-lose situation

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#6089021 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 1:31

You mean if they didn't like OP they wouldn't think of sticking their pubes on them? D:

By Adeptasaurus | 12

#6088518 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:12

I'm sorry op, *insert witty joke here*

Reply

PresidentNorth | 16

#6088567 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:34

Could have just put the joke. Now I'll forever wonder what witty joke you could have. Why couldn't you just put the joke?!?!

By xXToxicPenguinXx | 12

#6088519 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:13

i think i just threw up in my mouth a little bit

Reply

arrow007archer | 19

#6089064 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 2:40

That's Nasty

Reply

randomgirl1234 | 20

#6090275 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 18:24

Same. That's just gross

Reply

xXToxicPenguinXx | 12

#6090377 - Wednesday 15 October 2014 20:52

Well people don't get expressions.. smh

By missyfiona89 | 28

#6088522 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:14

Masochists. That's what they are.

By listner1 | 9

#6088524 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:14

That's plain disgusting.

By iAmPaul | 49

#6088531 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:15

Sounds like good old-fashioned fun.

By nela25 | 23

#6088532 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:15

I'm more concerned about the fact that they willingly decided to turn that into a game. Because waxing down there hurts like hell!

Reply

ninety | 25

#6088839 - Monday 13 October 2014 21:46

Right? Would have been way less painful to just shave and go from there.

By shay_serendipity | 29

#6088533 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:15

That is all kinds of messed up.

By justinemalang1 | 14

#6088535 - Monday 13 October 2014 16:16

What the fuck kind of friends are those? Hope you enjoyed the hairy situation. I'm just kidding.