Money: Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food... - FML

24/10/2014 05:02 - United States - El Paso

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 104

You deserved it 17 735

Sorry…

This Charming Man

BO Central

08/04/2012 10:37 - Australia - Wahroonga

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 280

You deserved it 3 552

03/03/2016 23:03 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I really had to pee during one of my college lectures. I finally worked up the nerve to leave the room while he was lecturing, and ran frantically to the bathroom. Once in there, the urge intensified to the point I couldn't hold it. I peed my pants while standing in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 935

You deserved it 4 674

08/09/2012 11:38 - United States - Salem

Spicy

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 356

You deserved it 2 544

27/01/2013 05:23 - United States - Streamwood

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 280

You deserved it 4 685

23/12/2013 23:11 - United States - Washington

Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 372

You deserved it 48 559

02/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 307

You deserved it 299 802

28/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 189

You deserved it 3 416

He's a very naughty boy

By Anonymous - 26/09/2019 14:01

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 132

21/04/2011 08:33 - New Zealand

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 417

You deserved it 3 527

14/08/2014 03:02 - New Zealand

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 464

You deserved it 3 201

Shitheads

By Robert - 06/02/2021 14:00 - United States

Today, it's been a week since I hired a 17 year-old guy to work at my store. Three of his friends decided to come in today and "prank" him by all three taking a shit in one toilet and clog it. The toilet overflowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 65

07/03/2012 19:25 - Canada

Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 451

You deserved it 31 975

11/01/2011 09:45

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 886

You deserved it 3 462

31/05/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 091

You deserved it 5 625

Climate change

By Anonymous - 06/09/2021 08:00

Today, my country isn’t exactly cold, but with our house being what it is, the only difference in summer is that you can actually turn off the heating, and if you’re lucky, you still won’t need to wear long underwear inside. Much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 93

29/05/2015 18:28 - Denmark - Gram

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 924

You deserved it 2 389

14/09/2016 12:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I pushed my spinning clothesline around and walked off like a badass. A loose wire then whipped around the back of my head and caught me in the eye. I'm just so badass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 308

You deserved it 3 576

20/04/2016 16:07 - United States - Hamilton

Today, a woman came up to me and sheepishly asked if my son is single. He's not my son, he's my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 866

You deserved it 2 227

20/12/2014 14:41 - Australia - Edgecliff

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 999

You deserved it 2 878

06/11/2012 05:11 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 506

You deserved it 4 841

02/03/2016 00:20 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, my mum asked when she's getting grandkids. I had to tell her that, at 21 years-old, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 511

You deserved it 1 624

18/10/2013 23:01 - United States - Bellingham

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 931

You deserved it 5 607

21/02/2015 02:54 - United States - Denver

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 306

You deserved it 2 616

The heat is on

By Emma - 17/03/2021 22:59

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 81

27/05/2009 20:12 - Bangladesh

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 712

You deserved it 121 888

28/02/2019 14:00

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 400

You deserved it 249

10/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 860

You deserved it 6 783

Cute nickname

By Anonymous - 23/06/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, my friend with benefits texted me to say that his roommate had heard us getting it on, and had gone on to nickname me 'Giggles'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 492

23/02/2009 21:58 - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 330

You deserved it 41 764

09/08/2014 03:19 - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 271

You deserved it 4 405

16/06/2019 20:04

Today, I spent five minutes shaking a bowl of Jello because it looked cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 1 141

I was bored before I even began

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, my ex started our conversation with, "How are you?" I asked whether this was just a way of greeting me, or if he genuinely wanted to know. He affirmed that he really wanted to know, then proceeded to talk about his work for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 178

Jealous?

By Jen - 24/01/2021 13:58 - United States

Today, my unborn child's father told me he stood outside of my friend's house for an hour in the snow in the middle of the night because he thought I was with another guy. I was at her house helping with her four kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 118

05/05/2016 21:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 607

You deserved it 2 337

27/10/2018 05:00

Today, after being jobless for 2 years, I got a call back for an interview. I was ecstatic until I saw the date. It's the same day I leave for a weeklong, nonrefundable vacation. I applied for the job 6 weeks ago, and since not hearing anything bought the vacation 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 1 223

13/09/2016 18:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 925

You deserved it 845

29/10/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I learned there is a taste difference between grabbing a glass of milk that has been sitting on your night table for a week and the one you put on there 3 minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 020

You deserved it 64 164

06/12/2011 07:03 - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 407

You deserved it 8 270

16/06/2019 15:08 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 571

01/05/2018 05:00

Today, my ex dumped me for his ex that cheated on him. Today, I also found out I am pregnant. When I told him he said, "I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 608

You deserved it 514

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

obnum 19

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:31

You could've just said no in the first place, without showing her your wallet.

kwyk 23

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:30

Life's not so bad when you can forget you have money in your wallet.

Comments

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:28

Genuine mistake, not your fault buddy.

sayyestothedress 24

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 23:13

I love how he said "a perfectly crisp 5 dollar bill" if you replace "5 dollar bill" into "potato chip" it will sound like a lays chips commercial

onlychildFTW 33

Send a private message

Saturday 25 October 2014 12:05

The good thing is by only having $5 he can sill say he can't spare it since it is all he has. The bright side of a mistake!

EuphoricSadness 18

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:29

It's as if she was expecting it.

kwyk 23

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:30

Life's not so bad when you can forget you have money in your wallet.

CoGhostRider 31

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 14:33

I don't think it applies if it's a five, not in this economy.

Friday 24 October 2014 12:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

notgointoeurope 11

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 13:01

thats just... why would the lady spend her time doing something worthless?

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 13:31

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 14:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Cass_x 22

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 14:37

"Seems logical to me". Really? Does it? Idk about others but to me it certainly doesn't.

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 15:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Cass_x 22

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 15:37

Obviously I'm not the only one who didn't "get it" since your comment is buried.

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 15:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

SystemofaBlink41 27

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 17:04

I understood it, and found it funny. Guess I'm in the minority.

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 17:15

*face palm*

defnotapedophile 10

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 19:11

This is why children shouldn't be allowed on the Internet

coming back in the future 30

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 22:54

40 your pic is scary

Marcella1016 31

Send a private message

Saturday 25 October 2014 0:10

#5 was obviously joking. Seriously you guys are so harsh here. Give her a break.

Send a private message

Saturday 25 October 2014 4:23

are people really that dumb to take 5 seriously? wowwwww i actually cant believe it..

ARetardedSeal 24

Send a private message

Saturday 25 October 2014 6:51

Check yourself before you shrek yourself

Send a private message

Saturday 1 November 2014 19:29

I'm probably the only one with humor here cause this made me giggle.

obnum 19

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:31

You could've just said no in the first place, without showing her your wallet.

seriouslygrowup 11

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 13:12

The OP's attitude was a little douchie if, instead of saying no, you want to prove to them that you don't have any money. That's karma for you, glad for the lady who got the 5 dollars :)

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:36

Hope you still told her to get lost.

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:37

You couldn't have just said "no"?

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:38

Put your money where your mouth is.

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 16:08

In your face?

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:38

happens!

myGRAM 14

Send a private message

Friday 24 October 2014 12:39

I didn't realize how much inflation has affected us all. I guess spare change just isn't good enough anymore...

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 98

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 131