Miscellaneous: Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my... - FML

By secret - United States - Ashford

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

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There's no helping some people

Instadrama

Walk on the wild side

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

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By maniac11 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML

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By unengaged - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

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By

Today, one of the customers at work shat all down the side of the toilet and on the floor. They didn’t even try to make it in the bowl. Guess who had to clean it up. FML

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By driver - New Zealand

Today, I went to start my truck that I had parked in my driveway after a longhaul. The fuel gauge indicated I had a full tank. I didn't fill up. My neighbours' son decided to fill the tank with water with a hose. 150 litres worth on top of diesel. His dad's response: "Kids eh, what ya gonna do?" FML

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By Jaded618 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of eleven months broke up with me, but adamantly insisted I didn't move out of our apartment, because he can't pay the rent alone. FML

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By parentalissues - United States

Today, whilst on a phone interview with a college I really want to go to, my mother picks up the other line and shouts into the phone "She's not going to college, she's lazy and she'll only disappoint you." The interviewer hung up before I could say anything. FML

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By lalala_hahaha - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Saint Marys

Today, I overheard a girl and a guy sitting behind me on the bus who were talking about Skyrim, one of my favourite games. After a while, I turned around and, as a fellow gamer, thanked them for restoring my faith in humanity. They went very quiet. I'm now that weird guy on the bus. FML

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By ohsugarxo - United States

Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML

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By LemonLearn - United States - New York

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

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By WiltedFlower - United States

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

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By Anonymous - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

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By stupid

Today, after turning in a paper that I worked really hard on, I got it back with a grade of 0. In the feedback section, my professor wrote “In all my 37 years of teaching, this is by far the worst essay I have ever read.” FML

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By Anonymous

Today, after 26 years of confusion with my parents pronouncing it different ways, and in my mom's case, multiple ways, having to clear up how it's spelled every time I meet someone, I asked my mom how to pronounce my name. She got mad and then pronounced it three different ways while explaining. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

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By Ilovelife07

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out, and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car, he pepper sprayed me. FML

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By suckstobeme - United States

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

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By Anonymos_fmler - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

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By vcarder - United Kingdom

Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML

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By Ugh - United States - Washington

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I've just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents' place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

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By Peter80 - Netherlands

Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I didn't wear underwear. FML

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By Smirky - India - Bangalore

Today, while walking down the aisle of a movie theatre, I passed gas so loudly that the audience missed the climax of the film laughing at me. FML

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By doubleCoupon - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend excitedly told me about the number of guys who are romantically interested in her. I realized how pathetic my life is when all I could talk about in turn was the number of coupons I got to use today at the store. FML

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By n_london - United States

Today, I was carrying several bags of groceries up the stairs to my 3rd story apartment when I saw a giant rat climbing down the wall towards me. I screamed and dropped my groceries, which went over the rail and landed on the bottom floor, destroying them all. The rat? Just a big leaf. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fremont

Today, I left my daughter with a babysitter for the first time. When I came home, my microwave was ruined because they had attempted to heat cans of Play-Doh as a science experiment. FML

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By Ariel - 5/10/2020 10:02

Zeitgeist

Today, my dishes smelled so perfume-y after going through the dishwasher and a clean glass of water tasted soapy. I checked the pods my husband bought and loaded into the dishwasher to make sure we never got that brand again. They were laundry detergent pods. I was essentially a millennial eating a Tide Pod. FML

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By yuck - United States

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Chill out, dude

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

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By dumbluck - United States

Today, I was driving in stop and go traffic and passed two accidents in the process. I got nervous and decided to change routes to avoid getting hit. As I was trying to find an alternative route on my GPS, I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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By not my fault you got knocked up - 9/8/2020 20:02

Sister of the year

Today, my older sister threw an epic tantrum, demanding that my parents not pay for my 21st birthday trip. She insists it’s not fair for them to gift me a trip, since she didn’t get to celebrate her 21st. She didn’t get to celebrate because she was pregnant. Now my mom wants to reconsider. FML

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By csor027 - United States

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

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By devigsgirl - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

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By Economess - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

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By "ZeroG57"

Today my friend invited me to an afro-indigenous event. Eager to learn more about my roots, I tagged along. The bean bag toss and warrior dance was fun, until the Q&A came and it was clear that the focus wasn't the African diaspora but "consistent ritualized self-improvement". Yup, it's a cult. FML

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By Eyebrowless - United States - Willingboro

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

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By sad - United States

Today, after the firetruck and EMS came to my house for an emergency, I realized that not all firefighters looked like the ones in my calendar. This depressed me more than the emergency. FML

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By frgn8r - Australia

Today, my friends and I finished a 2 day, 40km bush walk. We parked a car at the finish of the track and drove another car to the start, so we could drive back and pick it up when we finished. At the end of the trek, I realised I had left the keys for the second car in the first car. FML

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By MenstruallyFrustrated - United States - Surprise

Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML

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By schooyou101 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

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Top comments

By zinoxity | 23

#6203003 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:37

What the? What'd she say when you corrected her? But I guess sometimes people get confused between children. My parents call my sisters by the others name sometimes.

By xxNIGHTxx_fml | 17

#6203008 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:38

I hope you shame your mom for forgetting yours. Happy birthday, OP!

COMMENTS

By zinoxity | 23

#6203003 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:37

What the? What'd she say when you corrected her? But I guess sometimes people get confused between children. My parents call my sisters by the others name sometimes.

Reply

mellajella | 14

#6203107 - Sunday 15 February 2015 7:40

My mom calls me the dog's name occasionally so I don't see how swapping a birthday by accident is far-fetched.

Reply

codytallica | 38

#6203221 - Sunday 15 February 2015 12:33

I'm sure it was a honest mistake

Reply

chosha_fml | 25

#6203246 - Sunday 15 February 2015 13:53

#19 Sure, but do you get bitched out for not answering with a woof?

Reply

TheArrow_fml | 5

#6203553 - Sunday 15 February 2015 20:22

yea my dad either calls me my sisters name or even sometimes my dogs name

By maddieex | 14

#6203004 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:38

Don't give her any cake. That'll show her.

Reply

kmaheynoway | 25

#6203029 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:47

Yeah. Well, they probably gave the cake to your sister anyways..

Reply

Nameless_Fellow | 11

#6203095 - Sunday 15 February 2015 7:21

The cake is a lie.

Reply

kittykat1501 | 31

#6513928 - Monday 18 January 2016 20:23

Lol good reference.

By Nescology | 11

#6203005 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:38

Sorry to hear about that OP! Happy birthday though, I hope you had a good birthday other than that!

By xxNIGHTxx_fml | 17

#6203008 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:38

I hope you shame your mom for forgetting yours. Happy birthday, OP!

Reply

cheeeksss | 29

#6203167 - Sunday 15 February 2015 9:20

I was hoping the mom sent it to the wrong daughter.

By pauliegon | 18

#6203011 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:39

Looks like someone's got some splainin' (and apologizing) to do...

By stupidface15 | 16

#6203022 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:44

how do you know she's not your twin

By MyDadLeftMeInKFC | 21

#6203038 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:54

Happy birthday! I hope your mom finally realizes it's the day YOU were born.

By jaceased | 6

#6203040 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:54

It's okay OP. My parents forgot my birthday once too... But I'm an only child...

By drayloon | 50

#6203041 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:55

Cue Dave Dameshek

"shaaaaaaaaame"

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6203042 - Sunday 15 February 2015 5:55

Hopefully she made it up to you with a great party or at least a nice gift happy birthday and Valentines day