Health: Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler...

By sprainedankle - 17/05/2013 20:49 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. I slipped a ruler into it and started scratching to relieve the itch. Part of the ruler ended up snapping off inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 572

You deserved it 15 700

Health

Walk the line

Rude awakening

Care and sympathy

Giddy approval!

By SailorVenus93 - 29/10/2019 20:00

Today, I got so ecstatic about getting approved for a credit card that I made myself sick. I guess my first ever purchase will be TUMS and some Ginger Ale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 381

By trisha - 16/07/2012 20:57 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 549

You deserved it 7 482

Look at this

By CompleteWithPictures - 14/07/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebee's. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says, "Here, I thought this might help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 133

You deserved it 46 562

By meish - 05/06/2016 13:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 420

You deserved it 966

By me - 20/12/2011 03:53 - United States

Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 129

You deserved it 2 449

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 00:26 - United States - Eureka

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 474

You deserved it 4 274

By RyanM - 13/02/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 940

You deserved it 64 551

By Disappointed Teacher - 10/12/2013 21:32 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I taught a college course with a group of 30 adults. I was educating them on leadership and gave a 25 minute lecture, with examples like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, and how they changed the world. Then I opened the forum to see who inspired them. The response? Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 830

You deserved it 4 810

Where's my anvil?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 14:02

Today, my roommate placed something on a shelf I put up, and the whole thing came crashing down. It's been fine for 2 years and now the shelf decides to break? Yeah right, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 82

By Fillifilo - 18/04/2012 04:38 - France

Today, I was having a hard time waking up. When I sat down for breakfast, my chair rocked backwards. I reflexively grabbed out at something to hold on to. Unfortunately, I grabbed the cereal box that was on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 720

You deserved it 3 780

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 05:04 - United States - Kenosha

Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 452

You deserved it 1 896

By tiredoffamilydinners - 12/01/2012 05:00 - United States

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 536

You deserved it 2 533

I hate the be the bearer of bad news…

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 23:01

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 70

By cait - 30/04/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 626

You deserved it 100 020

By rhiannakirwan - 17/04/2016 18:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, 5 minutes before I had to leave for school, my friends convinced me it was "pajama day" at school. I showed up in slippers and Sponge Bob pajamas. My school wouldn't let me go home to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 567

You deserved it 7 277

By buttfingers - 26/12/2015 17:37 - United States - Houston

Today, I accidentally edged over the speed limit and got pulled over. The officer asked me if I knew why he'd pulled me over. Before I could say something diplomatic, my dad said from the passenger seat: "Because you're a prick in fancy dress?" I got ticketed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 051

You deserved it 2 217

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:33 - United States

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 248

You deserved it 22 463

By caryl101698 - 09/06/2016 01:40 - United States - Medford

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 576

You deserved it 1 080

By nevasurprised - 10/01/2012 14:50 - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 819

You deserved it 42 725

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 21:12 - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 118

You deserved it 67 841

By Anonymous - 25/05/2018 01:30

Today, my wife admitted that she purposefully starts fights with me purely because she enjoys arguing and seeing me flustered. Don't marry a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 058

You deserved it 553

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 16:32 - United States - Carbondale

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 358

You deserved it 4 891

By FUCKING POWER - 02/11/2013 21:41 - United States - Wixom

Today, there was a power outage at my apartment. I ended up deciding that the power wasn't going to come on any time soon, and that I should go to a hotel for the night. Just after I unpacked at the hotel, my neighbor called to say the power had come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 467

You deserved it 43 990

By oh... - 20/10/2013 20:34 - United States - Springfield

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 319

You deserved it 3 590

By graphite01 - 01/11/2016 04:08 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out that I was never actually enrolled in the class I've been attending all semester. I guess that explains why I only got $400 dollars in student aid, not the 1,200 they said I'd get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 654

You deserved it 1 223

By larouche362 - 08/06/2016 03:01 - United States - Weare

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I wouldn't make my senior quote, "I love my girlfriend more than anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 861

You deserved it 1 332

By Lost... - 06/03/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 036

You deserved it 8 587

By hopeless - 14/02/2015 20:04 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 663

You deserved it 2 860

By AnonymousAmber - 31/10/2014 23:10 - United States - Yadkinville

Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 084

You deserved it 2 847

By twistedelegance - 19/07/2019 04:00

Today, I failed my driving test, and didn't get my great new job that a buddy helped me get. He got fired, and they won't hire me because he recommended me, regardless of how qualified for the job and how great the interview went. He called to tell me an hour before my driving test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 140

By notgay - 25/12/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 926

You deserved it 3 784

Depressing

By Anonymous - 16/08/2013 04:24 - United States - Orlando

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 198

You deserved it 4 846

By mystery - 07/12/2013 21:55 - United States - Minot

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 490

You deserved it 5 871

By oops - 27/09/2015 02:24 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 716

You deserved it 5 568

By Damnsoup - 03/07/2009 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 099

You deserved it 6 943

By idiot bro - 06/07/2014 18:04 - United States - Brunswick

Today, after a power outage at my house, my 14-year-old brother was genuinely confused as to why our flashlights still worked if we had no electricity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 667

You deserved it 4 437

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 827

You deserved it 7 429

By mommy - 14/03/2010 20:14 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my ex husband calls my son anymore, is to ask him to send him things on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 439

You deserved it 2 512

By moosemay - 06/02/2016 11:42 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 170

You deserved it 2 054

By Tommy - 06/03/2012 18:55 - United States

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 747

You deserved it 23 288

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Top comments

Pleonasm 35

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Saturday 18 May 2013 0:57

You should've bought one of the unbreakable ones then eh? Ir's a general rule-r of thumb not to stick anything long and losable into any deep crevice or hole.

Shortay123 14

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Saturday 18 May 2013 0:59

My friend got an eraser stuck inside his cast and he had to get the cast taken off and get a new one on because it was causing him so much discomfort. When they took it off he had a HUGE bruise where the eraser was. So I would suggest you go get that out immediately because it might affect your healing process. And how did you get a mosquito bite there anyway? Did it happen before?

Pleonasm 35

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Saturday 18 May 2013 0:57

You should've bought one of the unbreakable ones then eh? Ir's a general rule-r of thumb not to stick anything long and losable into any deep crevice or hole.

sugarshane007 20

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:10

Pleonasm, what is the point of life if you can't stick long, loseable things into random dark holes?

Pleonasm 35

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:17

Sticking long things that are sturdy or firmly connected to something else into those holes instead. And also, the obligatory "42" "bacon" "boobs" "cats" or other reference to answer your question.

Roskosity 22

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:19

Immeasurable stupidity.

sugarshane007 20

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:26

Pleo, clarity came at 42. Thank you.

isallwaysme 27

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Saturday 18 May 2013 16:33

he's on his way to end up like the guy on community. with the broken itchy leg and everything was in his cast

solosohigh 15

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Saturday 18 May 2013 0:58

get another one and push it out. or let your skin eat the ruler, either way.

dramaelf 37

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:02

If that happens you might get to be on TV!

Allennis44 16

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Saturday 18 May 2013 8:18

I'm fairly certain that's not how skin works. However, I'm no doctor.

MyNameIsViet 15

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Saturday 18 May 2013 11:52

55, no, but its how sarcasm works.

dramaelf 37

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Saturday 18 May 2013 0:59

Does it still itch? If not, mission accomplished.

Jaxx66 21

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Saturday 18 May 2013 5:25

Hehe.... 'Doesn't matter, scratched itch'!

yrue82 7

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Saturday 18 May 2013 0:59

Lets hope that cast comes out soon!

ilovedinosawers 17

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:12

It must be one of those fancy casts that you ingest and it slips around your bone then, once the bone is healed, it comes out through your excrement.

Shortay123 14

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Saturday 18 May 2013 0:59

melons 44

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Saturday 18 May 2013 11:22

What was he trying to erase?!

AshaaFerreira 22

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Saturday 18 May 2013 15:13

His injury!

Shortay123 14

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Saturday 18 May 2013 15:53

He was also trying to scratch an itch, but he used a pencil and there was one of those eraser tops on it and it got stuck inside. Derp for him.

Freethaawave 19

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:01

Time for a new cast, OP!

sugarshane007 20

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:02

Well that surely didn't measure up to what you had planned.

HaneenDixon 16

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Saturday 18 May 2013 3:19

She/he should've ruled out that plan in the first place and come up with a better one

_GoodGuy 11

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:02

If you got the itch, all is good, if you got the ruler stuck and the itch is still there... FYL Op.

sarahjanesmith 12

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:02

Haven't you seem any sit-com in the history of tv? What did you think was going to happen?

Zen_Mei 17

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:24

Obviously he thought it'd relief the itch duhh

fuzz97 23

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:42

I don't think that ever happened on a sitcom

fsomelife 26

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Saturday 18 May 2013 1:03

Constant scratcher. You should shove a bunch more things down there and look surprised when the docs take your cast off.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 170

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 2 746

Giddy approval!

Look at this

Where's my anvil?

I hate the be the bearer of bad news…

Depressing

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