By almost governmental - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Coming or going

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

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Dangling modifier

Show me where it hurts

What are you most angry about?

By plaid_is_cool

Open-minded

Today, my mom called me and asked me to fix her computer, three days after saying she never wanted to see me again for dating a boy. I got lectured to on how I'm ruining my life the whole time. FML

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By Claire.L

Catch 22

Today, I gave my boss a two-month notice. He threatened me by saying he wouldn't provide a reference if I quit in July instead of August. I need the reference to pursue my dream to work in the USA as a nanny. I have no other choice, I either work under their pressure or start all over. FML.

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By poor baby - Germany

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Elko

Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 23:03

Chilly

Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

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By Roida - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and someone had left their dirty tampon rolled up in toilet paper on the top of the paper dispenser. I felt obligated to dispose of it, so the next person didn't think I left it, because there was a line for the stalls. Fuck you, asshole. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

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By - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

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By Muscle - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with slik-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

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By ferret702 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

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By wheatsnake - Australia

Today, I took my new laptop into my house from my car, thinking it would be a too much of a target for kids grabbing it. I came home tonight to find my door kicked in, my laptop gone and my TV ripped from the wall. FML

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By opinaise - France - Toulouse

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

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By toothbreaker - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought my very first college textbook. I received a stack of hole-punched papers. My $195 "book" isn’t even bound together. FML

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By Anonymous

Power move

Today, I was walking my girlfriend to class when my friend came by and playfully punched me in the arm. Trying not to look like a wimp, I turned around to hit him in the arm. Instead, I ended up punching a girl in the face. Now my girlfriend won't talk to me and I'm suspended. FML

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By militarywife2b - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

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By you're shitting me - Australia

Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with 4 other people, with one fridge. FML

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By sliceddice - Denmark

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

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By missbrit - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

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By fuckalltwitardsintheface - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

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By Anonymous - Spain

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML

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By Jaymz

Today, I went to my son's final band performance. I also have a busy toddler, so I ended up watching most of the performance in the hallway on a tv monitor. In the middle of the awards ceremony, my toddler pulled the fire alarm. Everyone had to evacuate the building. FML

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By all by myself - United States - Alaska Peninsula Nwr

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML

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By sadsadperson - Australia

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

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By minnEmouse - United States

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was finally leaving my hometown to live in my dream city. Everything was packed, keys were handed in, goodbyes were made. The moment my truck began pulling out to get underway, the guy I had gotten a room from in my new city called to inform me that he decided to rent to someone else. FML

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By Ruby Lore

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

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By Anon - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

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By Nixontones - United States

Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML

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By Anon - United States - Denton

Today, after nearly a year of being stalked, harassed and even terrorized, the police finally found out who my stalker was. It was my 19-year-old son, who thought it would be a fun prank to pull. FML

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By NotsexyEnough - United States

A for effort

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while taking a shower, I saw shadows moving across the curtains. The shadow turned out to be a cricket that then fell into the tub. I ran out of the bathroom screaming and naked. My little sister came to my door and said, "If I hadn't just seen your balls, I would swear mom had TWO daughters." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Britain

Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML

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By MsGamerLady - 8/11/2020 17:02 - United States

In-laws, in-fighting

Today, like every time I visit the in-laws, my father-in-law is driving me crazy. He gets all holier than thou sometimes, and even my mother-in-law agrees he just talks to hear himself speak. It gets so bad that I resort to cleaning their house to ignore him. At least then he leaves me alone. Starting their dishes in 5. FML

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By no money anymore - United States

Today, I hosted a "Night Out Against Crime" party at our local park. Only three people came, they robbed our fundraiser booth. FML

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By Susan - Canada

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

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Top comments

By Doberman101 | 29

#6057749 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:18

Sounds like that company needs to get their stuff together. But sorry OP. Hope you find a good job one day.

By WCARlover | 34

#6057755 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:19

I think you dodged a bullet there...

COMMENTS

By Doberman101 | 29

#6057749 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:18

Sounds like that company needs to get their stuff together. But sorry OP. Hope you find a good job one day.

Reply

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#6057752 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:18

Awkwardddd

Reply

Yeshua_fml | 19

#6057764 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:28

OP should have asked if they counted as billable hours.

Reply

doctorhook86 | 24

#6057811 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:53

#1: The OP's username is "almost governmental", so maybe we're in some real trouble...

Reply

Arwen_Evenstar | 37

#6057957 - Saturday 6 September 2014 10:48

A screw up like that? Almost bound to be our *wonderful* government.

Reply

Silverien | 4

#6059156 - Sunday 7 September 2014 16:31

Look at the country. UK is just as screwed up as the United States apparently.

By heyithinkyourhot | 12

#6057750 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:18

How does that even happen hahaha.

By ethan_unoxx | 29

#6057754 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:19

did you tell them you applied?

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#6057956 - Saturday 6 September 2014 10:48

I dont think they wouldve had ops number if they didnt apply

By WCARlover | 34

#6057755 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:19

I think you dodged a bullet there...

By nikkipettyfer | 24

#6057757 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:20

Sounds very unprofessional

By pwnman | 33

#6057763 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:24

You did dodge a bullet there. If you were in that job, who knows what you would turn into; because of the staff there!

By Dreamsorrow93 | 24

#6057765 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:28

I'd say it happens, but in honesty your luck sucks.

By SaharaZinc | 14

#6057766 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:29

Think of it as an opportunity to pursue bigger and better things!

By DianeYoung | 11

#6057780 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:34

That's just rude. You should boycott them

Reply

Axipiter | 24

#6057852 - Saturday 6 September 2014 6:46

Boycott the government?

Reply

DianeYoung | 11

#6057874 - Saturday 6 September 2014 7:02

Definitely skipped the name earlier...

By IHATEFMYLIFE | 26

#6057785 - Saturday 6 September 2014 5:37

Kinda sounds like someone is playing a cruel joke on you. Probably someone close to you since they know about you applying for jobs. If it is a joke, that's a f'ed thing to do to a friend.

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6057855 - Saturday 6 September 2014 6:47

At first I thought that this company was really unprofessional and sloppy, but once I read that OP went to the building and they didn't know him, I too started wondering if it was a prank. Either it's a prank or the company is really disorganized, but either way your life really sucks OP!

Reply

SasquatchDeluxe | 10

#6057975 - Saturday 6 September 2014 11:49

If he had applied to the place, they should have known that he had interviewed, at the very least. If they didn't even have records of that, it sounds more like a FUBAR company than a prank from a friend.

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#6058529 - Saturday 6 September 2014 23:07

FUBAR pretty accurately describes government, so you're probably right.