Intimacy: Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack.... - FML

By Nublet - 07/09/2011 04:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 899

You deserved it 5 441

Another great day to be alive

Late term

Generic Happy Birthday gif

By ChampionshipVinyl - 18/04/2012 06:57 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 426

You deserved it 2 876

By Anonymous - 28/07/2018 15:00

Today, I went to the dentist and found out I still have a wisdom tooth. I got all four out last summer... or at least I thought I did. Now I have to go back and get it removed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 269

You deserved it 181

Once bitten…

By Ben Moy - 02/02/2021 07:57 - United States - Wallingford

Today, after worrying for years about grinding my teeth after various dentists mentioned seeing evidence. Apparently, this worry manifested as subconsciously putting my tongue in the way at night, to the point where I have an open bite at 39 when I never had a problem before. I can't bite through sushi or sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 95

By beaverfever - 06/08/2014 16:45 - Poland - Kolobrzeg

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 210

You deserved it 10 743

By Wrongword - 17/04/2012 10:52 - China - Shanghai

Today, I congratulated a bride standing in front of a church in a white dress. Turns out she'd been stood up at the altar. She thrashed me with her bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 541

You deserved it 4 083

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 04:34 - France

Today, I just realised that the coworker I refused to leave my wife for is now happily married with someone else, while I'm now divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 416

You deserved it 31 418

By LockedOut - 02/11/2013 06:27 - United States

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 951

You deserved it 47 221

"Nice alarm you've got there"

By JoanT - 14/07/2020 09:43

Today, I woke myself up by pinching my nipple between my elbow and the bed. This isn’t the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 40

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 08:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 164

You deserved it 8 567

By anon - 10/06/2012 21:14 - United Kingdom - Romsey

Today, I discovered that my expensive new shampoo smells exactly like my ex-girlfriend. So now, whenever I shower, I'm showered with depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 268

You deserved it 5 096

Well Played

By redhead - 06/07/2017 22:30 - United States - Lima

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 342

You deserved it 416

By Cheese luv - 21/09/2016 16:55 - Australia - Watson

Today, my father threw out my $100 wedge of blue cheese because it "smelled funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 930

You deserved it 2 226

By Anonymous - 16/06/2017 16:00

Today, my mum rejected my friend request on Facebook, again. Even my high school friends are friends with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 331

You deserved it 557

By K.H - 26/10/2009 16:42 - Sweden

Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 067

You deserved it 5 987

By feelsbadman - 12/07/2018 05:00

Today, I decided to surprise my crush by wishing her happy birthday when she came out of the lift. Too bad she was busy giving someone a blow job and didn’t notice me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 797

You deserved it 582

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 838

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 15:14 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on my left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited for me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 440

You deserved it 15 988

By wildthing - 01/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 414

You deserved it 7 191

Cranky

By Passive ass aggressor - 08/04/2021 02:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 4 200

By Anonymous - 07/11/2012 15:44 - United States

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 462

You deserved it 2 518

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 3 884

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 692

You deserved it 35 021

By Seule - 29/06/2016 04:07 - Switzerland - Pully

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 154

You deserved it 1 686

By sweet pea - 22/09/2016 21:48 - Canada - Red Lake

Today, my mom told me she wouldn't be able to leave my middle-aged brother at home for Christmas in order to meet her first grandchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 306

You deserved it 861

Motormouth

By Anonymous - 17/08/2020 17:08

Today, my boyfriend and I were riding in the back seat of his mom’s car and she kept talking at him non-stop. He responded only in grunts. When at some point I informed her that her son had been asleep for several minutes, she just kept on talking to him anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 92

By Oops - 25/12/2012 11:17 - United States - Augusta

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 707

You deserved it 30 588

By DayamyWuzHere - 24/11/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 936

You deserved it 2 654

Oh, the patriarchy

By confused - 09/02/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, a coworker grabbed my ass for the third time. I went to my boss to complain about the sexual harassment. He told me to suck it up and enjoy the attention, and that it was my fault for having a huge, round ass. I think it's time for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824

You deserved it 128

Et tu, Brute?

By FML - 10/09/2017 16:00

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 747

You deserved it 297

FREEDOM

By Idontlikefireworks2 - 07/07/2018 19:00

Today, some idiots set off fireworks close to my house. I was a bit worried, but my uncle assured me it would be fine and left to run an errand. Just minutes later, I looked up to find the tree right next to my wooden balcony engulfed in flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 223

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, it's the 3 month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 705

You deserved it 10 953

By Anonymous - 28/12/2012 04:31 - United States

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 956

You deserved it 4 452

By ELK - 18/07/2018 15:00

Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 833

You deserved it 351

By whyme - 13/07/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 597

You deserved it 41 750

By batgirl - 20/11/2008 12:55 - France

Today, I get to see my boyfriend again after a month. So I decided to shave my pubic hair in the shape of a heart. After my little striptease, he gasped in admiration "Aaaw, Batman sign!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 118

You deserved it 16 088

Intrusive thoughts

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 11:01

Today, in a seminar held by my country's government and the UN, I suddenly realized how stupid the reason for my recent breakup was. So, I ran out of the hall under the stares of over a hundred people and started bawling my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 383

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Spicy

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 659

You deserved it 7 771

By Anonymous - 06/05/2016 18:02 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 279

You deserved it 2 125

By She totally did not cheat - 15/08/2018 22:00

Spicy

Today, for our third anniversary, I gave my fiancée a necklace she always wanted. She gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 199

You deserved it 239

By DisappointedDaughter - 26/06/2019 16:03

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 259

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Top comments

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:03

what the hell are you? a vacuum cleaner?

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 11:58

Must have been really good?

Comments

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 11:56

That sucks.

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:15

Hahaha punny

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:30

That's some blowjob you're givin?

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:53

Do you have braces? Which made him so nervous that he had a panic attack.

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 13:26

What did you do to him if I may ask? Or he is just not made for having blowjobs, haha.

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 14:03

Nein nein nein!! You're doing et wrong!! D:<

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 14:20

explain??

ThreeSheetsGone 12

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 14:54

So now the question is: Can you suck-start a Harley? You haven't made it in the BJ world until you can do that.

DropTheDaggerxx 31

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 16:39

Geez, I can't imagine what you could have done to cause that...? Maybe he was so nervous about it beforehand that anxiety got the best of him and he freaked? Sucks way more for him, he's probably mortified.

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 17:55

Giving head with braces will give anyone a panic attack...

Georgieeporgiee 9

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 21:32

In the literal sense... An oh dear... I'm getting braces soon...

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 23:44

Stop giving head Georgie... I know I know it's a hard thing to give up. Take up smoking it's like a smaller penis(not in my case however)

CanadianPuckHead 4

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Thursday 8 September 2011 2:11

Apperentley she blows

lolx7 5

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Thursday 8 September 2011 5:15

in my opinion I think blowjobs are nasty. do u guys think us girls like it at all?!?

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Thursday 8 September 2011 5:29

108 - I find holding your purse in a store nasty, sat thru the twilight saga and bought packs of tampons for you when you needed them. One way or another someone's blowing me at some point.

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Thursday 8 September 2011 5:46

Oh that? That's an orgasm

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Thursday 8 September 2011 7:42

37 - yeah Avenged Sevenfold foREVer!!!

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Thursday 8 September 2011 8:05

Oh, I see what you did there. 86--At age 14, do you really need to be giving out BJs? Yeah, I didn't think so.

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Thursday 8 September 2011 13:25

Anyone notice op is post #129 lol

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Friday 9 September 2011 4:45

I see what ya did there

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Monday 12 September 2011 5:17

sucks more for him? actually, he didn't get sucked at all..

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Thursday 13 October 2011 3:17

What's a blowjob ?

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 9:13

Ask your mommy ;)

konstantinos616 17

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Monday 20 February 2012 16:01

Actually, it blows

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Sunday 18 May 2014 19:28

108-my girlfriend loves blowjobs, and she begs me to let her give me one

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 11:58

Must have been really good?

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:20

or really bad.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 14:53

Or he's a noob..

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 14:59

Small posibility he might be gay.

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 15:39

Extreme blow-job op is so full of win

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 17:00

*tears up* "just so good"

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 17:10

63 ahahahahah i see what u did there!!

Wreckless_fml 6

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 17:43

63 made me laugh :')

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Thursday 8 September 2011 2:09

Word!

TheresNoEffingwa 7

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Thursday 8 September 2011 6:00

I was reading this with my boyfriend, and now he wants to "borrow your mouth". Thanks a lot Nublet

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Wednesday 14 September 2011 8:48

rofl great comments here

wishfulmidget 0

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 11:58

well it can only get better from there!:D

NitroTonicsFML 4

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:00

He just couldn't handle the pressure.

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:03

what the hell are you? a vacuum cleaner?

supertacowaffle 41

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 16:33

LOL

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 16:34

Sucking and swallowing like one.. that's for sure..

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:12

....Were you chewing on it or something? Cause I'd be scared, if a girl acted like she's about to bit it off o.o Or maybe it was just an incredibly intense orgasm!

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Thursday 8 September 2011 0:20

introducing, for your chewing pleasure - cock gum!

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:12

really? i dont believe it, give me a bj to second the motion...

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:17

Wow ... I had some slight anxiety & panic attacks growing up. However none of those were a direct result from giving and/or receiving oral sex. The more I hear about this generation the more I want to bash open the back of it's skull with a hammer.

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:23

the more I read this, the more I wanted to bash you in the back of the skull with a hammer

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:35

The more I read this, the more I wish I had a skull-shaped hammer

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:51

It's ok. Obviously, hearing the truth & facing reality can't be easy for you.

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Thursday 8 September 2011 1:55

Maybe because you never gave and/or received oral??:)

Nublet 10

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Thursday 8 September 2011 8:17

"This generation?" I don't think I'm exactly part of the current generation.

Glitterhinoceros 14

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:24

Aww, look what you did now, OP :(

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 18:41

yer pic is hot

Nublet 10

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Thursday 8 September 2011 8:38

What did I do?

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:25

Maybe you should practice your blowing skills. I've heard a harmonica can help with this.

Retired_Panda 7

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Wednesday 7 September 2011 18:23

oh god...that was a hilarious fml lmao

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Thursday 8 September 2011 4:39

you do know giving head isnt actually blowing, right? O.o

Jesus_Christ69 0

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Thursday 8 September 2011 5:32

I don't think 109 read that FML...

Jesus_Christ69 0

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Thursday 8 September 2011 5:34

106* my bad..

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 74

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 79