Miscellaneous: Today, I gave a girl answers to a test. She said she would give...

By pyroman1127 - 16/05/2011 19:34 - United States

Today, I gave a girl answers to a test. She said she would give me something pleasurable in return. She gave me a Twinkie, saying, "I know how much fat people love twinkies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 028

You deserved it 39 337

Miscellaneous

Age difference

Taking stock

Get it on, get on with it

By anonymous - 16/09/2011 17:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a graded performance in my drama class. I had to play a murderer in an interrogation room. I got really into it and started pounding on the windows to try to "escape". The thin glass smashed. Four hours in casualty, stitches and plastic surgery pretty much sum up my mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 308

You deserved it 9 313

By Anonymous - 11/04/2012 03:49 - United States - Moreland

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 618

You deserved it 2 059

By Xav_Cad - 11/01/2009 11:14 - France

Today, I found a deodorant spray underneath the counter of the snack place I work in, so gave it a go to see what it smelled like. It's currently the peak season, and so I had quite a few clients in line in front of me, but it seems they'll now have to wait a couple of days for the restaurant to have all the remnants of the CS gas spray cleaned up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 081

You deserved it 23 211

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 19:38 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law decided that she is going to be in charge of planning my wedding. All decisions must be approved by her, and anything she doesn't like will be thrown out. She also wants to go on our honeymoon with us to make sure I don't "defile" her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 625

You deserved it 1 480

Escaping

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 08:00

Today, my mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly, made passive aggressive comments to my kids in front of me about how we need a bigger place to live, and asked questions about our income. We're actually trying to move soon, and just hadn't told them yet so they wouldn't try to follow us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 58

By in_pain - 06/05/2011 23:23 - Canada

Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 857

You deserved it 2 824

By Eeeek - 26/08/2010 21:17 - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex in a rarely used room at school. We got carried away and found ourselves locked in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning and were greeted by worried parents and school staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 099

You deserved it 52 703

By hearingthings - 26/06/2012 02:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 164

You deserved it 6 494

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 874

You deserved it 331

By Bambi113 - 09/06/2016 19:07 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 896

You deserved it 905

By Anonymous - 11/06/2018 20:30

Today, while riding to the skate park, I noticed a gorgeous blonde walking towards me. She gave me a smile as I passed so I turned and looked behind me to get a second glance. I rode my BMX straight into a light pole in front of a pub patio full of people. She saw it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 3 447

How sweet

By Birdman - 23/06/2018 15:00

Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 653

You deserved it 756

By Sios - 11/04/2012 15:06 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that my apartment complex has no rules against having charcoal grills on the porch. So did the guy who lives below me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 914

You deserved it 2 782

By BrandNewKadillak - 30/04/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 916

You deserved it 11 295

By TooGulible - 12/07/2016 20:08 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I was at work at an ice cream shop when a hot guy came in and started chatting me up. I got him his ice cream and as I handed it to him, he mentioned that I was cute and walked away. Then I realised he hadn't paid for the ice cream, and I didn't even get a date out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 230

You deserved it 3 720

By EPICfml. - 02/03/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 523

You deserved it 13 493

Good boy

By Anonymous - 06/04/2021 11:00 - Germany - Papenburg

Today, I realized my boyfriend rather qualifies as a pet: He loves eating, he hardly ever talks or listens, but he is cuddly, always enjoys having me around and can – within limits - be trained to do useful things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 07:24 - United States - Duncannon

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 329

You deserved it 3 982

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 732

You deserved it 2 364

By ILoveAnimals - 11/06/2012 07:14 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 675

You deserved it 5 505

Hmmm, nutritious!

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 14:00

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 741

You deserved it 169

By Nanabanana1 - 07/02/2012 01:23 - United States

Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 949

You deserved it 2 847

By Anonymous - 06/12/2013 21:37 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 958

You deserved it 5 975

By marenthehollow - 31/10/2016 00:33 - United States - American Fork

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for saving them money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 489

You deserved it 895

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 527

You deserved it 8 129

By crazyvulva9216 - 27/01/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 812

You deserved it 68 824

Family extension

By now what - 26/07/2020 05:01

Today, I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in about 5 years. She had her 4-year-old son with her. I couldn’t help but notice her son looked almost identical to mine. He even had a very distinct facial feature that my husband has as well. What are the odds all three of them have the same defect? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 685

You deserved it 181

By DietWater - 07/08/2015 22:13 - United States - Beaumont

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 397

You deserved it 2 329

By Anothermoose - 26/05/2014 03:34 - United States - Victorville

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Turns out that bouncers don't think it's a problem for girls to go up on stage and make out with the musicians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 890

You deserved it 5 825

By lousy - 31/01/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 006

You deserved it 3 849

By CasperTheFriendlyGhost - 14/07/2016 17:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was told to rub in my sunscreen because I looked like a ghost. I wasn't wearing any. I'm just that white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 637

You deserved it 1 298

By TooTallNiCo - 28/11/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 977

You deserved it 35 978

By oops - 27/03/2014 23:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 068

You deserved it 7 103

By ClothesHorse - 12/10/2012 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was kicked out of a job interview at a clothing store for "not dressing appropriately" for the occasion. I'd purchased my outfit from the same store just two days prior with my last $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 626

You deserved it 5 426

By B-Rad - 15/11/2012 05:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 057

You deserved it 2 416

By bowhuntpa - 16/07/2009 12:00 - United States

Today, I finished my project two weeks early. Now I am being laid off because there is no work to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 011

You deserved it 4 082

By justjust - 28/03/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids and was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up and puts her hand over my mouth and tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool and plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 812

You deserved it 11 302

By nicchick411 - 27/03/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 145

You deserved it 8 087

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 772

You deserved it 3 884

Creepy

By lilmatchgirl - 04/05/2021 00:59 - United States - Godley

Today, during a Zoom meeting, my 6 year-old daughter comes into my office, bloody all over, acting like nothing's wrong. She looks me dead in the eye and says, "Matilda's dead," and just walks out. Matilda is the neighbor's chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 120

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Top comments

tuppencej777 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:15

Is she wrong?

dtbomb 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:17

That's when you say, Bitch fat people also love BJs

tuppencej777 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:15

Is she wrong?

TrinityisLife 22

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:15

Yes, she's wrong! My fatass would've wanted a cupcake. >_> FAT PEOPLE WANT CUPCAKES DAMMIT!

ChickenInMyKitch 4

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:20

anyone seen zombieland ? ahahahha

simply_improper 1

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:48

lmao thats great. thats what you get for being gullible and a pervert. not to mention karma for helping someone cheat. =p ydi

plataapusss 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:49

hahahaha first comment made me laughhhh out loud. you should have asked what it was

rawr9able 4

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:22

YDI for allowing her to cheat.

kcluna 6

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:54

what *itch!!

PurpleRae420 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:22

 What a fucking bitch!!!

imacreeper 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:23

84, I don't understand your comment.

13yearoldboy 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:31

twinkles are delicious! and I'm not fat!

robotiick 12

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:45

97- I can see ur pic saying tht

ahole123 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:08

How is this a FML? You got a Twinkie

ivan_m25 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:48

that is realy fucked up. is that the kind of thanks you get for being nice and helping someone?

zniltiaC 19

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:09

97 - From where I'm from, I've never seen or eaten a Twinkie. But I obviously knew it was a food. -__- Gosh, are you stupid?

dollarstorepwnr 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:23

your a fucking dick holding ass wipe... the op didnt deserve this treatment... i mean he completely saved this babes ass, the least she could do was give head u fucking retard... go jump off a cliff and NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER GO ON THIS SITE EVER AGAIN... fag

huntermc7 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:27

dude chill...

dollarstorepwnr 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:35

lol its fun doing that shit to people lmfao

thisdue1775 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:37

Id get an erection ;)

sheethapins 13

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:57

154 Read the comment first, jump to conclusions later.

staceysgenesis16 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:57

well she has a point.

nhlnba2 6

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:50

NOM NOM NOM

fmlwmty 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:01

twinkies = Yumm so stop complaining that's what you get for cheating at least you didn't get caught

isaidexcuseme 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:13

154, ur right u do have a bad case of 24/7 pms

UnderTheMoon 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:20

Yes, twinkies are gross.

skreech96 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 9:40

well I am pretty damn fat and don't like twinkies or any junk food really. I'm only fat because I don't exercise. I eat fairly healthy. oh yeah, fast food isn't to great either. and so I close with this: you are a prick.

imacreeper 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 12:49

154, I was referring to 84's comment. gosh, are you stupid?

cookie_3008 4

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 13:55

^ you fail x 2 1. For not knowing what #97 is really talking about and calling names. 2. For never even seen a Twinkie.

Jonscarl 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 14:00

hahaahhahahaha. sucks to be a pervert.

dre_bro11 12

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 14:14

OP, next time they ask, give them the wrong answers. And then ask for another Twinkie.

15thPrestige 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 18:50

What's an *itch? or if you spelt wrong and meant to say itch then you shouldn't tell us about your *itchings.

sleepistheenemy 8

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Wednesday 18 May 2011 4:22

I agree fat people LOVE cupcakes!

wikkedphuka 0

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Thursday 19 May 2011 3:43

yea i love it

SnookieBaybie 0

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Monday 30 May 2011 12:40

twinkies are gross

birdfreak 24

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Tuesday 14 June 2011 3:28

im not fat and I like twinkles : /

maidofawesome 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:15

Well that's what you get for thinking

plataapusss 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:51

not thinking * ;) and for cheating

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:01

OP should've taken his penis out and say, "I know how much skinny people love stick figures."

Tcaret300 12

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:06

At first I thought twinkie was dirty, then I thought about it and well laughed a bit...

uncbballwins 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:38

She might have meant it not to eat, but for some anal pleasures.

ChickenDoggiesWh 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:10

...dirty?

Jigga3 21

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:16

oh snap

truewinner 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:36

oh shizay!

iReadFmlsFml 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:11

What exactly did you expect to get, you seriously sound like you're in elementary school.... or you're a teacher there (pedo-alert).

HaIlegra 2

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:22

it's a trap!

Michaelgee 2

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:16

I guess you can you say you felt... "cheated" Sincerely, Your useless superhero Bad Pun Man.

Fekenator 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:20

I love your comments :>

snade 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:36

I know right?

alaskasfml 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:22

bad pun man, you are a better superhero than batman

AriTheAirhead 10

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:42

Ikr! it's like, the only cool thing about batman is his car. xD

eatmyshortssss1 8

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:06

*puts on sunglasses* YEEEEAAAAAAH

Jigga3 21

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 17:09

HAHAHAH omg

dtbomb 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:17

That's when you say, Bitch fat people also love BJs

funnybunnylola 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:22

hahahah!!

nolaneldridge 1

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:13

noms Twinkie?

Darth_Naru 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:22

Yes 'noms twinkie'. Don't you know what eating sounds like?

ConradDavid 1

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:00

I agree with creepy blue thing...

emariebake 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 6:41

twi'leks aren't creepy.

averyridesbikes 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:33

wow

MileyCyrusIsHot 5

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:52

true dat!

IscoreOnU 19

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 2:53

Touché

onthetoilet 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:53

yeah Ben and Jerry

onthetoilet 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:53

yeah Ben and Jerry

pizzle012345 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:09

^ ROLF LMAFO, u SIR, just made my day

CodingSquirrel 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 5:42

I know! I love BJs, you can buy everything in bulk there.

cajunZ71 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:15

/ WOW!

tahvoh 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 7:27

hahahaha!

raelynj24 3

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 12:14

OMG my day is also made and it's only 5 in the morning I hope your very proud! lol

tygerarmy 35

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 12:33

Or you say thanks for the cream filling, let me give you some of my own.

BoCo_fml 9

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 17:02

You can buy Twinkies in bulk at BJ's!!!

traze 7

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:19

You got played hard fat boy. Next time ask to pay up front.

livin_plur 0

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 1:30

that's the smart way to do it

kingtz 6

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 3:08

When she comes back for the next test, say,"Pleasure first, then...maybe answers." And then make her pleasure you three or four times before you give her anything.