Miscellaneous: Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused...

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 15:34 - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 644

You deserved it 16 198

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

Mother of the year

Nice guy

By giantsfan2010 - 23/09/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, after working and saving up money for an entire year, I bought a 2001 VW Cabrio. I showed it to my friends, they all laughed at me and told me it was a girl's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 492

You deserved it 28 549

By I Tried - 29/01/2016 22:18 - United States - Burton

Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 385

You deserved it 3 616

Thanks for the support!

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I told my mom that I struggle with depression. She then told me that she thinks that I always seem to suck the life out of a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 211

By laurenraeee - 25/05/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 558

You deserved it 57 318

By anon - 27/04/2016 16:13 - Canada - Vaudreuil

Today, I went to see a hockey game. The announcer asked if anybody found a ring in the stands, because a girl lost hers. While he talked about it, I realised that I forgot mine in my pocket, so I took MY ring and put it on my finger. A guy saw me and thought I stole the lost one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 868

You deserved it 2 162

By Pissssd - 31/08/2009 01:56 - United States

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 849

You deserved it 4 057

By supermanxs1 - 09/03/2010 15:32 - United States

Today, I finally jumped high enough to dunk on the ten foot rim. I caught my tooth on the net and nearly pulled my tooth out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 727

You deserved it 6 302

By Jeezus - 16/02/2016 03:00 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 228

You deserved it 1 634

By fuckshit - 04/11/2014 14:01

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 312

You deserved it 4 573

By Anonymous - 08/06/2013 19:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 569

You deserved it 9 503

By ZPyRoGoDz - 30/10/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 2 551

Zigazig Ah

By Anonymous - 17/12/2017 01:30

Today, I walked in on my fiancé while he was masturbating to the Spice Girls movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 273

You deserved it 774

By Makusu420 - 03/12/2015 00:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 535

You deserved it 1 561

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 882

You deserved it 4 091

Waiting for that special someone

By foreveralone - 10/07/2020 17:04

Today, just like at every gynecologist's appointment in the last 5 years, I had to yet again explain that no, I'm not a virgin at 27 because I'm waiting till marriage, I'm just a loser that no-one wants to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 193

Don't let it come to this

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 02:01

Today, we had the cops called on us because my son was panicking so much about his first COVID jab, his older sister got fed up, took him outside, put him in a headlock and choked him unconscious so the nurse could jab him. Instead, the nurse called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 1 131

Chub rub

By Anonymous - 19/03/2021 13:59 - United States - Malvern

Today, I was pooping in a public toilet and a kid had walked in on me. I then heard him tell his dad, "It's okay, I didn't see anything, he was fat so his chubby legs hid it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 171

By allison_fishing - 25/10/2012 04:37 - United States

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 1 825

By RitaDahhlinnnng - 25/08/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 945

You deserved it 10 801

Won't someone think of the economy?

By tdizzlehi - 28/08/2020 02:00 - United States - Boston

Today, after coming out of a meeting during which I promised my employees better wages, I was met at the door by my CEO telling me to lay off all the employees I just talked to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 202

Pleasant smell

By Anonymous - 10/12/2019 01:00

Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 186

By Miss Blairgowrie - 30/01/2013 07:52 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 233

You deserved it 2 734

By womanoski - 20/02/2016 17:56 - United States - Fishers

Today, while taking a bus full of loud, rambunctious elementary children to school, the bus slowly slid off the road into a ditch. After waiting 30 minutes that felt like hours, I saw the tow truck arriving from the opposite direction also slide slowly off the roadway into the opposite ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 411

You deserved it 1 453

By Former Drummer - 03/06/2012 21:23 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was diagnosed with migraines. Any loud sounds or bright lights make it worse. I'm the drummer for a heavy metal band, so I now have to choose between really bad migraines or a career. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 072

You deserved it 4 641

Thanks for being so compassionate

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 01:59 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, and for the past year, I've been struggling with depression because of family life. I've been talking to my mom for the past weeks, telling her things that happen when she isn't home as a way to build trust. I finally told her I have depression and have had had it for a long time. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 61

By Wronged - 21/09/2009 10:53 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 450

You deserved it 3 558

By awkwardparents - 06/08/2012 08:13 - United States - Burlingame

Today, my girlfriend's parents took pictures of my tattoos to make sure I'm "not affiliated with any gangs." I have never even been arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 742

You deserved it 4 152

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 12:25 - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 752

You deserved it 3 311

By Anonymous - 03/12/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 154

You deserved it 3 565

By Jan - 18/10/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 543

You deserved it 2 972

Yeet him into Bass Pro Shops

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 14:01

Today, my boyfriend made me feel like shit because I didn’t feel like going fishing, and compared me to his "fake" friends, even though every day for the past two months, I’ve gone every time he’s asked. But anytime I suggest we do something different, he shuts it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 121

By itsbeenalongday - 27/09/2015 16:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 873

You deserved it 3 033

By possibly a sweater - 05/12/2013 22:26 - United States - Wharton

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 429

You deserved it 24 296

Getting some action

By hugadyle - 18/04/2020 14:00

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 149

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 262

Dirty talk

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 711

You deserved it 10 144

By Anonymous - 14/03/2015 03:30

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 063

You deserved it 2 900

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 526

You deserved it 2 848

By mandy - 10/04/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 173

You deserved it 3 543

Flowers (Nothing But)

By ThisIsMyLife - 15/09/2019 12:00

Today, I bought flowers with my groceries at the grocery store. After the cashier scanned them, he handed them back to me so they wouldn't get crushed in my cart. It was then that I realized he's the first man to ever hand me flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 228

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Top comments

Saltime 0

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:15

She lays her eggs there because she can wirelessly transfer them to any part of the nest.

Vanbilsen 4

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:13

Clean up your mess son

Vanbilsen 4

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:13

Clean up your mess son

hemz_fml 13

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:15

That's why you clean shit up.

monkeys1315 0

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:18

That's nasty. You should probably take care of that

GwarKitty 5

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:19

Dude it's like Indian in the Cupboard but cooler. You could train your little colony to raid small good stores. Rule side by side with their Queen. This is a win not a fml.

indielove 13

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:28

Your place sounds cozy.

iluvhobos 5

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:29

YDI for not cleaning, and for saying 'a thousands'.

Keyman1212 14

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:34

Methinks you live in a lonely bachelor pad...

LiveLaughFML 10

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:50

i've heard of computers having Cookies, but never cyberspiders. :O

krazy_glu3 0

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Saturday 10 September 2011 20:15

Am I the only one who had to read the first sentence over a few times because the wording was all screwed up?

the_ace1337 0

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Saturday 10 September 2011 20:57

Why the fuck are you posting an FML, go get the flamethrower behind the utility cabinet now!!! Wait, everyone DOESN'T have a flamethrower? :|

NikkiFlysKites 8

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Saturday 10 September 2011 21:36

42- You mean cyberants?

liquidfireKAN 0

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Saturday 10 September 2011 21:38

where do you see the word spider in this FML?

R34luver 5

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Sunday 11 September 2011 6:50

Make an ant hill x)

mfjkr 10

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Sunday 11 September 2011 6:51

Has anyone pondered this situation...I smell an ant farm

missyj0 12

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:13

Do you ever clean?

abbyelizabeth 9

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Saturday 10 September 2011 20:27

You can make some delicious ant-filled cake now.

abbyelizabeth 9

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Saturday 10 September 2011 20:27

You can make some delicious ant-filled cake now.

xleanne_aLly 23

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Saturday 10 September 2011 20:52

Drop ant poison in the baking soda :)

KiddNYC1O 20

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Saturday 10 September 2011 22:28

Nah, cinnamon does the trick. And clean up the half eaten Snickers bar...

Scoty12C 6

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Friday 23 September 2011 4:41

Flammable aerosol + Zippo lighter = ant burning fun frenzy in the corner! :D

Kirashai 9

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:14

Call an exterminator

mb2_native 15

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Saturday 10 September 2011 21:45

guess its time for billy the exterminator :o

Pandaloverr 0

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Sunday 11 September 2011 1:46

Ah ! You live in Louisiana !! I love Billy !!

skata 4

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Sunday 11 September 2011 6:23

orkin man

baileylaidlaw 6

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Thursday 26 April 2012 4:32

For ants? Unless they are red ants the exterminator is a little extreme. Just grab some raid and grow a pair. Maybe clean your apartment more offen.

soccergurl95 8

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:15

Atleast it wasn't thousands of spiders :D

chiddy_bang71 0

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:44

Or thousands of 1 hit wonder 80s CDs

chiddy_bang71 0

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Saturday 10 September 2011 19:44

Or thousands of 1 hit wonder 80s CDs

guitarplayer546 0

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Saturday 10 September 2011 20:47

I would freak out if I found a box of spiders. As a basement dweller I see them here and there and it always makes me jump. Dunno what it is but man they freak me out