Money: Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It... - FML

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 07:45 - United Kingdom - Burnham

Today, I found out why my bank balance is so unusually low. It turns out that I bought a car in Indonesia. I've never been to Indonesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 696

You deserved it 3 530

Coherence dude, do you have it?

CPTSD

Good boy

By Demotivation - 02/07/2013 14:35 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 361

You deserved it 3 069

By Anonymous - 28/06/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike without the seat cover on. I hit a curb wrong and the two metal rods from the skeleton of the seat went through my jeans. I went to the med clinic to then find out that I had to get stitches in my scrotum. There were no male doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 383

You deserved it 49 654

By Joe - 01/11/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 783

You deserved it 50 687

By Smile - 27/11/2008 04:21 - France

Today, after numerous attempts, my car door still wouldn't unlock. After going ballistic on the lock, the key broke off inside. I then realized it wasn't my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 444

You deserved it 31 268

By Username - 28/06/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 006

You deserved it 4 707

Method acting

By irishbitch - 15/11/2009 07:51

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show, and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half-naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 918

You deserved it 3 389

By Not Engaged - 06/03/2015 23:30 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, my long-term boyfriend said that if we ever finally get married, his ex-girlfriend will definitely have to be a bridesmaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 434

You deserved it 3 080

By n/a - 25/11/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom yelling, "Mommy-mommy that lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 054

You deserved it 27 410

By usmcpain - 23/06/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep and in the process of tossing and turning I did something very painful to my back. I spent 4 years in the marine corps infantry, but laying in a bed kicks my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 860

You deserved it 5 035

By rongo12 - 11/05/2012 21:41

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 657

You deserved it 6 776

By Dirtyswede - 17/06/2009 14:57 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 902

You deserved it 22 754

By jennag5 - 24/03/2012 06:45 - Canada - Claresholm

Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. The one said to the other "Nope she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 260

You deserved it 10 668

By themanontheright - 01/03/2010 20:50 - United States

Today, my boss was using my computer and tried to copy and paste a website URL. It must not have copied first, because it pasted a URL to a porn site. I think I should start looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 772

You deserved it 38 828

By teaspoonzz - 25/10/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into the ladies' bathroom to find my male boss taking a dump with the stall door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 538

You deserved it 267

By recordyear - 09/08/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, I was at work with my dad. He told me the only reason he's letting me work with him over the summer is because I'm a friendless loser, and he didn't want me staying home getting fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 814

You deserved it 7 484

By tmi. - 01/11/2012 13:52 - Australia

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 990

You deserved it 1 892

By Anonymous - 07/11/2011 20:48 - United States

Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 201

You deserved it 3 227

By drunkluv - 12/04/2011 02:58 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 983

You deserved it 4 163

By Anonymous - 20/03/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 205

You deserved it 4 562

By logic - 18/01/2016 15:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked by my live-in landlord not to put too much water in the kettle because it made the utility bills too high. This is the same woman who takes daily baths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 230

You deserved it 2 177

Sweet!

By Linda - 21/01/2021 17:02

Today, I learned a hard lesson: when you order 12 artificial sweeteners and 6 packets of raw sugar with your home-delivered Starbucks coffee so that you can have a small hoard to sweeten up the coffee you already have at home, they just may put all 18 items in the cup and stir it up to your apparent liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 1 924

By llaurenmariee - 04/08/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 365

You deserved it 4 210

By MeanMother - 28/06/2012 20:29 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 943

You deserved it 91 021

Full of himself

By myfavoritesgouda - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Manhasset

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself, after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 543

You deserved it 9 622

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 14:05

Today, my mom called me to tell me she'd got in touch with my ex for his birthday, and that the two of them had made a plan for us to get back together. My new boyfriend was in the process of proposing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 123

You deserved it 129

By Anon - 25/08/2015 10:10 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 580

You deserved it 9 067

By awkwardencounters - 12/11/2013 11:18 - United States - Belleville

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 206

You deserved it 49 219

By Sessionsjc - 23/03/2018 01:00 - United States - Boca Raton

Spicy

Today, during my run through a nature preserve, I rounded the corner to a pair of legs sticking out on the trail. My first thought was that someone was hurt, but as I got closer I realized it was one guy blowing another on the side of the trail. I had to jump over his legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 459

You deserved it 419

Good samaritan

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 23:32 - Antigua and Barbuda

Today, I passed a car, and heard a baby crying in the back seat. It was hot and no one was around. All the doors were locked so I broke it with a rock, cutting my arm and setting the alarm off. Only to find out that it was a realistic baby doll. I have to get 7 stitches and pay for the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 219

You deserved it 9 388

By pregnantapparently - 10/12/2015 18:45 - United States - Durham

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 907

You deserved it 3 307

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/08/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 979

You deserved it 16 258

By flipnazn - 15/07/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 655

You deserved it 10 103

Overkill or fair?

By Pineapple does go on pizza - 24/08/2018 01:30

Today, I thought my boyfriend was kidding when he said he'd dump me if I actually ate pineapple on pizza. I ordered it. I ate it. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 108

You deserved it 1 141

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 15:09 - United States - Beacon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 908

You deserved it 7 012

By Scarred4lyfe - 28/02/2016 22:32 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 410

You deserved it 1 411

By hellosir - 27/03/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 295

You deserved it 4 187

By deadmedia - 30/08/2009 00:39 - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that I could not be her maid of honour because I "wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids" and she wanted her wedding photos to have "consistency". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 893

You deserved it 3 848

Thanks Texas

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 10:59

Today, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: either get an abortion, or he’ll move out to go work for his brother, and good luck chasing him up for child support because his brother lives abroad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 227

By Anonymous - 23/09/2009 08:46 - Malaysia

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 494

You deserved it 5 828

By fedemere - 28/05/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 855

You deserved it 4 649

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

asimplesharpie 7

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:05

identity theft is a bitch.

KeXu 6

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:07

OP just accidentally miswrote his/her address as "Indonesia" instead of "UK."

Comments

asimplesharpie 7

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:05

identity theft is a bitch.

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 17:32

happened to me, it's the worst thing ever.

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 18:14

worse than being robbed

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 18:28

Worse than 9/11?

BntyHntrSeattle 30

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 18:52

You better beat the shit outta Sandy Biggelow Patterson- thought she was in jail!

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 19:37

#52 No, remember? its Dawn Budgie!

IStoleTheCookies 16

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 21:07

Happened to me too. Tried to withdraw £5000 when i had 10p in my account lol

ShakeDisPlace 10

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 22:08

They need to come up with better ways to prevent identity theft , it happens too much.

Narutosuns2fan 12

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 22:41

Fuck identity theft, out of all things to be victimized of, that's the worse. You pretty much lose everything.

Send a private message

Sunday 7 July 2013 1:27

I fail to see how freedom enters into this situation.

Steffi 26

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:05

Did someone steal your info and use that to buy a car with? Did you (accidentally) buy a car online/over the phone? More info please.

KeXu 6

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:07

OP just accidentally miswrote his/her address as "Indonesia" instead of "UK."

Send a private message

Sunday 7 July 2013 1:10

No, OP just sent his servant with a ridiculous amount of money to Indonesia to buy the car for him. What he calls unusually low amount is actually about $1000000.

_tequierodianna 14

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:05

Those Asians...

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:15

those ignorant comments...

worldclassrager 39

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:06

Identity theft happens to the best of us...hope you get your money back.,.and maybe the car also if it's worth it...

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:06

Get your debit card cancelled, then get a new one. If the issue was not the card being stolen, find out if the car company will refund you.

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:06

Congrats on your new car! If only you knew what it was.

insomniac8400 13

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:07

Well perhaps you shouldn't have bought a car there then

badluckdawson 19

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:53

He didn't dumbass

assassinbanana0 20

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 17:01

I lost a few brain cells reading your comment Just go away You have no business here

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 22:44

@36, I'm glad it isn't just me who gets frustrated with so many FML members' inability to identify jokes. Downvoting people for absolutely no reason.

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:08

Those fucking Indonesians! Always asking for cars over email and being princesses and shit

onanknovotna 10

Send a private message

Saturday 26 July 2014 17:59

Wtf im indonesian u fuckin racist Just cuz some people did stupid thing then u can judge us like that

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:09

The good news is you won't need a taxi when you arrive, Djakarta's already there! Bon voyage, Java nice trip!

perdix 29

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:55

Lesson for the day: Nazi puns: Popular Indonesia puns: Too obscure.

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 17:05

Hah! I bet you did Nazi tha- *gets beaten to death by the overused pun hit squad*

perdix 29

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 17:29

#33, you had the Timor-ity to make such a pun! You'll regret the day your were Borneo.

PimpdaddyCJT 13

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 17:42

Perdix is a master of all puns.

sadistmonkey 19

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 19:28

I was going to take a Krakatoa at telling an Indonesian pun but my Papua told me not to.

xxGheTToGumbYxx 16

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 16:09

Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 17:01

Don't suffer like Jim has... For only a dollar a day, you can protect your identity...

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 17:07

For only an apple a day...you too can keep the doctor away. Stop being harassed by annoying health professionals. Try Granny Smith today.

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2013 22:16

MICHAEL... oh very funny, MICHAEL!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 83

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 87