By Anonymous - 04/09/2012 15:09 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML
I agree, your life sucks 30 138
You deserved it 9 377

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If this was a swab testing for an STD, you deserve it because you should have used protection. If this was just for fun, you deserve it for being an idiot.

Like an incredible combination of orgasmic ecstasy and mind-blowing pleasure. That's why it's on FML, because it must have felt amazing and he wants everyone else to try it.

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At least it wasn't a hammer, assuming you've seen 1 guy 1 hammer.

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I'd imagine it hurt.... a lot

Like an incredible combination of orgasmic ecstasy and mind-blowing pleasure. That's why it's on FML, because it must have felt amazing and he wants everyone else to try it.

Definitely! OP forgot to tell you that, for best results, you need to get yourself the most promiscuous of the hoes! Make sure she is DIRTY! Then the swabbing of the cock will be REALLY orgasmic!

2- I'm guessing you don't have a penis

Why don't you try it and let us know.

Amazing, you should try it. But seriously, this hurt me and I don't even have a penis. Fyl!

It probably tickled #2

This brings to mind the array of sex toys that are made to go up there... Nowhere near enjoyable for the poor OP.

It hurt about as bad as #2 question.

Who would do that to your poor chicken's urethra?

Probably like lighting a match in an explosives factory...with a distillery next door. Or someone "cutting" your body inch by inch with bullets...while you're alive. I'd just drink a large bottle of anesthesia first.

I'm guessing you don't know it hurts just as much for a female urethra. It does.

Imagine a catheter up your urethra...worst pain ever

People who get strokes need to have a tube inserted into there penis that about 1/4 of an inch in diameter. Now that sounds like real pain.

You know, normally I cut the first comment some slack because I know that they probably felt pressured to get that treasured first spot. But no matter how much pressure was involved, I simply do not understand how THIS is what you decided to contribute.

But there not first. The number is 2. Btw, where is %1?

It would have been fine if not for the excruciating pain emanating from his cock

I've had one...worst thing ever

You just made me want to take a piss

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The awkward moment when your cock has separate feelings.

If cocks have separate feelings, I feel bad for them, living next to an asshole, having a pussy of a best friend, and throwing up whenever they get excited. (*credit of this joke goes to a shirt I saw the other day.)

Idk if #4 is just flat out dumb or just a smart ass joker :s

51 - Both sexes are called chickens. Cocks are the males and hens are the females.

Hey, it does have its own head.

I might be wrong but i got the impression 4 was referring to a cock as in the male chicken kind?

Guys he made a pun on cock... -_-

Not a very good one

#29 - don't forget about his hair being a mess and his family is nuts

I lol'd. :D

How exactly did that happen?

Either he has a sadistic sex life, or he was getting checked for some kind of std. Either way, ydi.

Not sadistic, masochistic.

It's how you get tested for chlamydia.

Damn skoob I thought I was the only Yao Ming here.

Hey, I was here first xD

He thought he would try being a girl, then realised it doesn't work like that.

No chlamydia can he tested with a blood test or a piss test. It's gonorrhea they test by sticking you with a cotton tip.

What the Fuck OP???

It's just to check his urethra for any STI's or STD's (whatever you prefer)

.....Happy to hear you're enjoying whatever STI test you're concerned about having, Op (if that is indeed the Why of it happening.) My condolences. :p

There are other reasons for that, like really bad urinary tract infection, or a really bad yeast infection, or he needed testing done for certain types of diseases/infections. It's not just STI's that require that kind of testing.

56...You speak the truth because I have actually had this done to me before. I wasn't expecting it but they wanted to do the test to rule out possibilities of an STD. FYI to the fml world, It came back negative as I knew it would. Doesn't mean automatically Op has STD's. They could just be narrowing down possibilities.

There's nothing wrong with being tested.. That way you know 100% that you're clean :) sorry about the pain thou op.. Better that than a STD!! :D

No no no! You must be mistaken, an STI is a Subaru. Lol jk :P

Probably some creepy GF into sadistic shit.

Love the wording of this fml.

It's called a urethra... But piss-pipe sounds a hella lot funnier.

Pointless garbage and something that doesn't relate to the FML like what you're saying #22? Okay then way to not follow your own advice

It burns!!! Sorry dude. Alcohol will make you forget it. All of us who have made poor decisions have to feel your pain....

9, pouring alcohol on your penis would just make it hurt more.

Somehow i thought pouring alcohol would make it feel like rainbows and butterflys

Whatever you do, keep your mind off it. Instead, think of a brush inside a baby's milk bottle. Mmmmm..milk.

Or maybe he's just supposed to drink the alcohol

#49 I can't decide wether it's odd or not to want to think about baby milk bottles when in pain. Probably gonna go with "WTF" on this one. What about you guys?

41 - He meant drinking the alcohol, not drenching his penis in it.

97, I think I'm goin with a solid, holy crap I love milk!

Not very descriptive for an FML...is this a type of medical procedure or something? *Awaits DocBastards reply*

At least he specified that it was his cock's piss pipe though. It would have kept me up all night wondering which piss pipe he meant otherwise.

neisseria gonorrhoeae unfortunately for the OP.

If this was a swab testing for an STD, you deserve it because you should have used protection. If this was just for fun, you deserve it for being an idiot.

11: Come on, Doc; we both know that regular testing is important.

Even people who use protection should get tested on a regular basis. Even if they think they haven't caught anything. Isn't that right, doctor? Good for you, OP.

I would never try to scare people away from their doctors. If I did, we'd have a lot fewer FMLs and I'd have fewer stories for my blog.

I don't really see how this would fall under that category of 'fun'. Ouch..makes me grab myself as if to protect my manhood from this happening..

They're called STI's... Any person in the medical field should know this. And any type of check up is good.. It's good to know these things, especially when it's regarding your own health.

No, they are NOT called STIs. I, and every other doctor I know, call them STDs. If you'd like to correct all of us, just PM me and I'll give you all our phone numbers. I've seen this stupid argument several times here, and it gets more and more ridiculous each time. Please do yourself a favour and google "STD vs. STI". You'll find that the terms are interchangeable. We do NOT use STI preferentially over STD.

Op needed to make sure he was clear of STI's and STD's. Better safe than sorry!

Did a regular person just try to argue medical terms with a doctor? Wow....

128- She probably watches House a lot, so she is obviously completely justified in arguing with a doctor.

To show my complete ignorance when it comes to medical terms, I always thought that "STI" was a politically correct term for "STD." I figured that people were becoming overly sensitive about calling the blue warts on their dicks a disease, and felt better calling it an infection

Sorry Doc, but as a professional, you should know condoms and other protection aren't effective against all STDs. I fully expect to be savaged by the fanboys for disagreeing with you. The "STI" chick is just stupid though.

Fine, I challenge you to name one STD that condoms don't protect against. JUST ONE. Go ahead, I'll wait right here. Herpes? Check. HIV? Check. Gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis? Check, check, check. I'm still waiting.

Considering the Fml, and your response (being a fan and having read many) I'm totally amused by the fact that you have exactly 69 thumbs up right now Doc, lmao!!

Doc, I get it now. You're assuming PERFECT use. You know perfect use is uncommon, that's why people still get pregnant now and then even with protection. Even with perfect use, they only reduce infection rates of stuff like HPV/herpes/whatever by like 70 or 80%. So come on now, this shit happens to people, even with protection. Don't spread misinformation.

Brool story co. Settle.

^ I smell a butthurt glory supporter. Sorry DocBastard, but I've gotta say, you're just seriously full of yourself lately. It's sad, because you used to be a funny and likeable guy. You still are most of the time. It'd be sad if you became just another one of the stupid keyboard warriors on here. I'm not slamming you, it's meant as constructive criticism.

I agree with 148, I sometimes wonder if people thumb up your recent comments because of your name specifically, Doc.

Coffeechick - No, you said that protection isn't effective against all STDs. THAT'S misinformation. Obviously condoms aren't 100% effective, and they only work when used properly. But they ARE effective against all STDs. Shrike - Thanks for the criticism, but I find that ironic coming from you of all people. I'll take it to heart and tone it down. Maybe I have been a bit overly obnoxious lately. Ozuro - I'm sure that happens, but I don't come here for thumbs or glory or whatever else. I come here to say what's on my mind.

It depends on the STD. Seeing that many genital ulcer diseases can cause ulcers in areas that are not protected by a condom, and they can be spread through contact with infected areas, I wouldn't call wearing a condom very effective against those... -shrugs- it all depends on your definition of "effective". Does it have an effect? Sure. Is it 100% safe? Nope.

An STI is a car god damnit!!!!! I hate that they changed the name from disease to infection to make people feel less dirty....and it is good to get a regular check up even if you use protection. When my husband and I first got together, we both got checked out for safety sake and he learned the hard way what a gonorrhea incurred...fyl op but good for you for doing it!

Calm down, calm down, don't get a big dick!!

Fun fact: Some people go to gas stations and prick the condom boxes with needles.

Some people just want to get checked, making sure nothing's wrong. I'm a V && I was thinking about getting checked, just to make sure

I fewr that if this was in fact out of fun, there may be a new type of disgusting porn, only watched when someone is dared to *shivers out of painful memory*.

My female doctor wanted to do that test to me when I had an STD because she felt I must have cheated on my wife. I had to make my soon to be exwife in to explain that due to her testing we knew what it was and that she was the one that cheated not me.