Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook...

By pwndbykidz - 9/8/2009 23:54 - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

DINOSAURS!!

Long story short

By kayt240 - 4/5/2011 05:41 - Canada

Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML

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By kerdersty - 30/5/2011 03:27 - Canada

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

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By momaaa1342 - 21/10/2013 03:51 - United States - Elmwood

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2011 10:43 - Australia

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

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By Scaryman - 21/2/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

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By 4lphab3t4 - 21/11/2016 15:22

Today, my neighbour almost ran over my little sister, and blamed it on his disability. What disability? He has no sense of smell. FML

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By marenthehollow - 31/10/2016 00:33 - United States - American Fork

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for saving them money. FML

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By - 16/1/2017 17:07

Today, my flatmate wanted to introduce me to his new friend, saying we'd, "get along great". Within the first half hour, she'd used the word "lit" eight times, and dabbed four times. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2010 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife named our son after her ex boyfriend. FML

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By Jakesssss - 10/4/2015 01:02 - United States - Hudson

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 06:34 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2016 02:21 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, my 17 year old told me he wanted to pursue a career in art. Knowing he's extremely talented at drawing, I congratulated him and told him to pursue that dream. A few hours later I learn that he's been arrested for spray painting graffiti dicks all over a school wall. Well, he's famous now. FML

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By pikapikafuckyou! - 19/7/2020 08:01

Fucknut

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

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By needsnewshorts - 16/7/2013 01:42 - United States - San Clemente

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

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By Worstjob - 3/3/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

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By Shelly - 13/6/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML

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By MDpending - 1/11/2019 13:00 - United States

Physician, heal thyself

Today, just 8 months away from graduating medical school, I successfully diagnosed myself with basal cell carcinoma. At least all that studying is paying off. FML

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By ijustwantpizza - 7/1/2015 12:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

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By thatonesilentkidinclass - 4/5/2013 08:11 - Philippines - San Juan

Today, I finally started exercising. I'm a rather obese person and I'm super pumped up to finally get off my lazy butt and lose some weight. Locking myself in my room, I first started with a very simple exercise: jumping jacks. I farted each time I jumped. I jumped 10 times. FML

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By could be an fml commenter - 13/4/2013 17:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

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By anon - 3/8/2016 03:28

Today, I was working at the hospital and it was very busy. Unthinking, I told a patient in a wheelchair to "sit tight" while I checked on something. He mocked me for the rest of his stay. FML

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By John Doe - 7/1/2020 05:00

Shaving!

Today, my girlfriend told me that if I shaved, my penis might seem bigger. FML

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By lalanon - 3/4/2009 05:16 - Australia

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2013 08:35 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

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By CoolGuy69 - 12/9/2016 11:53 - Sweden - M?lnlycke

Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2013 10:29 - France - Paris

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2011 18:25 - United States

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

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By Busted - 31/12/2010 20:52 - Mexico

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

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By noname - 22/12/2008 11:54 - France

Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2015 01:23 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

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By ElodieUNU - 12/7/2013 19:33 - France

Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball outside in my driveway. I saw three cute girls walking by, so I thought I would try to show off a little by doing a backwards slam dunk. I jumped, completely missed the rim and hit my head on the backboard. Then my mom ran out to help me up. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2014 00:43 - United States

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

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By na - 4/2/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "I'm bored." FML

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By FailAtLife - 22/2/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a restauraunt opening up. One manager hypothetically asked me why I should be hired. I said I was more efficient than most. I left to find I'd locked my keys in the car. It took all the managers to help me get my keys out. FML

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By Shan007tjuuh - 6/3/2012 08:57 - Netherlands

Today, I got up at 4:30 am, went to my job as the newspaper guy. Nobody was there to open the door, it was raining and I was freezing. I decided to wait, because I really wanted my salary. At 6 o'clock my boss opens the door and says, "Oh, it's you. Well, you're fired. We can't pay you anymore." FML

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By weeble_wobbles09 - 26/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

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By tadam - 10/11/2008 09:11 - France

Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

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By Wanderlei Santos - 9/7/2020 14:03

Deep ink

Today, I'm going to get my first tattoo. Too bad it's inside my colon so the surgeon can mark the section to remove. FML

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Top comments

By xcgvx | 0

#473807 - Monday 10 August 2009 9:14

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

By iFRUiTTART | 0

#473799 - Monday 10 August 2009 9:12

LOL . YDI for not realizing they talked like 10 year olds , and for flirting only cuz she was hot . xD

COMMENTS

By Jordie210 | 0

#473782 - Monday 10 August 2009 9:09

baha YDI

Deathlyranch | 0

#473843 - Monday 10 August 2009 9:27

YDI for trying to find love online.

ReasonsToFly | 0

#474157 - Monday 10 August 2009 13:30

No, he deserved it for being stupid enough not to notice, unless they're extremely smart, the terrible grammar and spelling.

DogTechnique | 0

#474238 - Monday 10 August 2009 15:11

Have you seen how girls type these days? I doubt he'd be able to tell the difference.

lologirl419 | 0

#474288 - Monday 10 August 2009 15:49

Although I agree with that, that's a very stereotypical thing to say. Some girls can use grammar and spell things properly. And I am a girl, and I HATE tlkng 2 ppl wo typ lyk ths. It gives me a head rush.
Whoa sorry, this comment made me sound like some extreme feminist, which I'm not. Just making a point :P

pelican2 | 0

#474494 - Monday 10 August 2009 18:02

YDI for being fat

suaveneanderthal | 0

#474589 - Monday 10 August 2009 19:25

really you think that three 10 year olds had the sense to trick you?? unless you met all three of them and checked their birth certificates i would bet you any amount of money that all parties involved are over the age of 18. some people are fucking stupid come on OP if you got tricked into thinking it was a girl then what makes you think they would ever tell the truth about who they really were

hospital_party | 0

#474642 - Monday 10 August 2009 20:02

Agreed. How teenagers type these days is somewhat horrific. I refuse to talk to half my friends online because it's too obnoxious.

lologirl419 | 0

#475003 - Monday 10 August 2009 23:17

I KNOW that, it's just really irritating. T_T

Emilysia | 0

#475706 - Tuesday 11 August 2009 4:09

haven't you ever heard of a pathological liar? my brother is 7 years old and he's committed the same shit, and he has had girls fall for him :|

babaoriley_fml | 0

#489228 - Saturday 15 August 2009 19:45

#60, /b/rother, that would be rule #34 you speak of, not rule #33.

luvtheknot | 6

#1039698 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 23:07

Better 3 10 year olds than 1 30 year old wow lol jk don't take a hussy fit people

hazelkee | 0

#1041938 - Thursday 24 June 2010 22:53

I am a ten year old girl and I type well.

conversesk8er | 0

#1211565 - Monday 9 August 2010 13:39

42 - 10 year old girls are not terrible at grammar and spelling. When I was NINE I was in a school spelling bee with TONS of other girls

teddy4nyy | 13

#2373005 - Tuesday 19 April 2011 15:29

Hey #126, you forgot the comma.

fuckyalol | 0

#2652883 - Friday 10 June 2011 6:00

grammar is 4 bitches

changesinme | 0

#3310934 - Monday 19 September 2011 12:17

Play cool and say you're 3 10 year old girls who created a fake profile as well, you might just get away with it!

changesinme | 0

#3310941 - Monday 19 September 2011 12:24

Play cool and say you're 3 10 year old girls who created a fake profile as well, you might just get away with it!

SonyIsGod | 13

#5779105 - Thursday 5 December 2013 0:58

Hey, #65, nowhere in the FML does it say the OP is fat. The closest it gets is implying that the OP is desperate, which still has no direct correlation with obesity. I hereby invite you to dance in Times Square traffic. I will be there all day this Friday, and I'll wear a red shirt so you can identify me, but go ahead and start early if you cannot spot me at first.