Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for...

By Delicious - 06/12/2009 07:28 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 387

You deserved it 31 801

Miscellaneous

Stop talking!

Bye bye love

Management balls-up

By Anonymous - 11/07/2014 22:54 - United States - Stockton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that using a wired connection instead of wifi won't stop his computer from getting viruses. He looked at me, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, like he was a 13-year-old boy and I was a pair of tits. Then he called me clueless and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 077

You deserved it 3 922

Busted

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 08:00

Today, I felt like cheating on my diet and ordered a pizza. My mom and my sister were napping, so I put in the delivery notes, “Please don’t knock.” The delivery guy knocked anyway. LOUD. My mom and sister got up and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 1 139

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 13:00 - United States

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 923

You deserved it 3 760

By dunnough - 14/01/2009 11:06 - United States

Today, I went to the bagel shop down the street for breakfast, the same one I've been going to for over 6 months now. At the counter the same lil' cook guy who's served me over those same 6 months, looks at me and says, "Yes, Ms?". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 599

You deserved it 2 670

By Experience - 05/02/2013 20:19 - United States - Waynesfield

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 948

You deserved it 3 572

By Anonymous - 28/03/2015 04:39 - United States - Madison

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 662

You deserved it 2 419

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite; this dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 150

You deserved it 17 842

By Blake Lawrence - 26/11/2012 18:59 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 2 597

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 587

You deserved it 6 295

By Noname - 25/02/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I was on a subway with my boyfriend and it was stopping so I grabbed the pole for support. I felt another hand grabbing onto the pole knowing it was my boyfriend's. Without looking I carressed and tickled his hand. I turned around to smile at my boyfriend. The hand wasn't his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 317

You deserved it 40 054

By "clumsycat" - 30/06/2017 15:54

Today, I thought my water had broken. I had actually just peed myself when the baby moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 362

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 002

You deserved it 91 706

By Overflow - 16/08/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 230

You deserved it 63 014

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 670

You deserved it 38 918

By unknown002 - 12/02/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 189

You deserved it 18 626

By pathetic - 31/10/2009 10:08 - Australia

Today, it's Saturday night, and also Halloween. Instead of going out, I'm sitting at home on MSN telling everyone who asks me what I'm doing tonight that I'm 'going out in 10 minutes to a party', then when 10 minutes pass, I block them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 26 300

By amayasoma - 12/08/2013 18:54 - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 566

You deserved it 7 007

Blogged up

By Arran - 10/04/2011 00:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 204

You deserved it 32 588

By badluck_jean - 17/01/2015 13:54 - France

Today, at a ski resort, I tried to impress an attractive girl on the slopes and failed, horribly. I ended up with a mild concussion and some serious cuts after tripping, tumbling and hitting my head against the ground. I don't think she was impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 703

You deserved it 11 047

By dregmanhart - 12/01/2017 12:33

Today, I went out for a 20-minute lunch break. When I returned to the office, I noticed that my personal computer was missing. Someone had walked into the suite on the second floor and stole my computer right off its docking station, while a few of my coworkers were still in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 532

You deserved it 577

By Not Supportive - 19/05/2019 16:06

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous so I, not thinking, made comments that included the words killing, dying and death. I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 541

User notice

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 02:52 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 432

You deserved it 3 099

Making connections

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 03:00 - Canada - Bedford

Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed and we were both molested as kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 89

By LongDriveNoSleep - 24/05/2016 10:38 - United States - Washington

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 049

You deserved it 1 330

By keimA - 23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 346

By pimpslaprequired - 04/08/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 922

You deserved it 4 839

By Fml24609 - 09/08/2010 08:29 - United States

Today, I misspelled the word "failure" in front of all my co-workers. Now I'm not given any writing tasks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 790

You deserved it 32 558

By sleekRelease - 11/06/2019 04:00

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 20:38 - United States

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 505

You deserved it 2 812

Fisticuffs

By Anonymous - 16/01/2022 14:01

Today, I got proof that martial arts don’t really work, I’ve supposedly worked my way up to my black belt, and I challenged my brother to a match. He floored me with one punch before I could do anything, and he only weight lifts to keep in shape, he’s never done martial arts in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 25/04/2014 21:21 - United States - Marlboro

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 119

You deserved it 11 217

By anonomous - 07/02/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He says he's been completely faithful. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Turns out that's not quite true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 866

You deserved it 4 699

By kaylashay2k13 - 17/05/2016 14:18 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 969

You deserved it 1 092

By anonymous - 05/09/2014 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 922

You deserved it 3 576

Shut your pie hole, please

By An unemployed doorman - 14/02/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I have to listen to my flatmate complaining that ladies don’t shag him anymore since his dad, in Saudi Arabia, cut him off. Apparently, they show a lot of interest until he reveals his financial situation. The dude actually thought he was God's gift to women instead of a mobile ATM. What a tool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 106

By soccercrazed1520 - 13/01/2010 21:40 - France

Today, I was taking a warm shower when someone in my house flushed the toilet, making the shower extremely hot. In my rush to get out so I wouldn't get burned, I slipped and knocked a tooth out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 231

You deserved it 4 361

By Bald - 21/10/2014 15:41 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 646

You deserved it 3 449

By itsalwaysme - 09/11/2017 06:00

Today, after recently rekindling an old relationship, I discovered a whole new world when I found his secret Twitter account. Apparently he's now a cross-dressing, submissive, financially dominated "slave" for doms online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 902

You deserved it 778

Worth it

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 22:58

Today, my mom thought it would be funny to wake me up with a monster mask on, holding a knife, and screaming, "I'm going to kill you!" My first response was to punch her in the face then kick her. Guess who's grounded for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 327

You deserved it 65

Can't win

By Anonymous - 18/03/2021 03:00 - Philippines - Manila

Today, my mom told me to stop using my phone and talk to them, but whenever I do that, they just end up yelling at me and telling me to go to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 101

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Top comments

coldplaylive2003 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:40

Wtf? Your friends clean up your vomit for you because you are drunk and all you can do is complain that they used your sponge? Ydi

Lonely_Lez 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:57

Ok, I really don't see the issue here. If your showers are hot enough, after a few showers it would be pretty much clean, plus it's your own vomit. Yes, the thought of it is gross, but your life is nowhere near fucked.

rhodium 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:26

That's disgusting. How did you not know it was the same sponge?

peroxideprincess 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:43

uh...prolly, 'cause she was drunk when they used it to clean up her vomit?

KamilleBlack 3

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:50

Still gross. Don't you change ur sponge after a certain amount of time? Unless it was a loofah. In that case, ur friend is retarded for using a loofah to clean up ur vomit. U know u should do (other than stop getting drunk)? U should boil ur sponge and use that water to make ur friend tea. U have barf in ur sistem, she should to xD

myballs 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 19:19

Then stop getting drunk, you stupid cunt. You're not supposed to do it to the point of vomiting anyways, dipshit. Also, #7, you are a disgrace to the human race. Learn how to fucking spell.

wienerwagon 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 20:44

Holy shit, how old are you? Twelve?

torchestogether 0

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Monday 7 December 2009 19:43

+1 to the other guy. Stop getting retarded. Get a life and some real friends and these things wont happen.

Firewing366 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:29

that sucks :(

jollyjam1 2

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:39

Since your a dumbass for getting drunk, I don't see the problem.

glorbnakcs 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 17:31

you're*

choloman 0

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Sunday 9 October 2011 4:34

ouch

coldplaylive2003 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:40

Wtf? Your friends clean up your vomit for you because you are drunk and all you can do is complain that they used your sponge? Ydi

livin_plur 0

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Thursday 30 June 2011 19:40

I know, it takes a real good friend to clean up someones vomit

peroxideprincess 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:45

exfoliating with vomit is good for your skin! :)

Lonely_Lez 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 16:57

Reyo 2

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Sunday 6 December 2009 21:55

I'd much rathor exfoliate with MY vomit over someone else's stomach juices. Just sayen.

perdix 29

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Sunday 6 December 2009 17:06

As if exfoliated skin flakes are somewhat less disgusting than vomit?

Residence_fml 4

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Sunday 6 December 2009 17:17

I don't use a sponge but is it that bad? You didn't see your friend used it for whiping up your vomit so I guess he/she cleaned it afterwards. It's not like people said you smelled horrible and then you found out what it was used for.

misspeg 0

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Sunday 6 December 2009 17:29

not an FML. if there was heaps of vomit on the sponge, u would have noticed it so I'm guessing it was only a little bit or your friend washed the sponge afterwards. the body wash would have cleaned your sponge out well anyway. anyways now that u know, go out, get a new sponge and take a long shower and get over it.