Kids: Today, I found out that my uncle does not like my step daughter...

By Sarge9774 - 20/10/2016 20:35

Today, I found out that my uncle does not like my step daughter because she likes Star Wars. He stated that Star Trek was better and went on to verbally attack a 6-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 239

You deserved it 755

Kids

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Belch monster

By gross - 23/05/2021 02:00

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 222

By crazydaughter - 12/04/2012 12:51 - Egypt

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 759

You deserved it 3 253

Brotherly love

By Foodcomesfirst - 24/11/2009 20:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 050

You deserved it 3 676

Cool prank bro

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 11:02 - United States

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 560

You deserved it 3 543

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 124

You deserved it 26 058

By Anonymous - 03/02/2013 16:27 - Serbia

Today, my girlfriend and I were having a casual conversation, when the topic suddenly became my penis. Before I knew what was going on, she said, "It's not the size that matters though. It's how you use it. So I guess you're ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 645

You deserved it 5 423

By BrokeButSmart - 23/08/2012 05:24 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 977

You deserved it 1 710

By Anonymous - 03/09/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 581

You deserved it 2 649

By Anonymous - 30/06/2014 01:25 - United States - Butler

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 950

You deserved it 11 988

By Poopyhead - 08/11/2009 19:14 - Ireland

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 649

You deserved it 15 666

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 5 992

Sorry

By Dang - 29/01/2017 18:00 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in class with a water bottle on my desk. I was on my phone not paying attention, when some girl knocked it over by accident. I went to grab it, even though it was in the corner of my eye. I caught the bottle of water but I also happened to grab her ass at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 378

You deserved it 1 171

By Malarky - 23/06/2016 19:10 - United States

Today, I had a cute girl over and we cuddled on my bed. Later she texted me that she had decided that she didn't want to ever do that again because it turned her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 124

You deserved it 1 206

By UnknownOperation - 04/09/2012 13:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 663

You deserved it 3 964

By barman - 17/07/2010 20:51 - Australia

Today, while working at the bar, I was having a flawless night. Every pour was perfect, every shot expertly measured. I saw my manager for the first time that night, turned to greet him, and knocked over a tray of 30 or so glasses. Two remained unbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 661

You deserved it 5 322

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 20:00

Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 294

By karlajjjjj - 25/10/2013 12:19 - United Kingdom - Cold Ashby

Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4 hour drive away, walking past me on the path. I turned my head and called to her, causing me not to notice the pothole in front of me. My front wheel went in and I went over the handlebars. It wasn't even my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 285

You deserved it 11 680

By Anonymous - 07/11/2012 18:28 - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 787

You deserved it 2 302

By Abby - 11/11/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 065

You deserved it 39 499

By make america date again - 10/02/2016 17:49 - United States - Blacklick

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 603

You deserved it 1 368

Who's the loser?

By thomasthedankengine - 02/06/2021 15:59 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was at a family friend's house for a gathering. I grabbed my food and started heading towards the patio. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the patio, as there was a glass door in my way that I didn't see. My sophomore year crush saw everything, along with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 227

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 447

You deserved it 4 179

By StickyWicket - 14/05/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 117

By ouch - 13/06/2012 16:00 - United States - Lutz

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 606

You deserved it 120 003

By Quendolin - 09/11/2015 14:07 - Germany

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 799

You deserved it 2 562

By elfy2 - 03/03/2011 02:49

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 080

You deserved it 3 416

By thankskimi - 15/03/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566 139

You deserved it 40 172

By douglas - 17/07/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 121

You deserved it 8 227

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 16:32 - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 372

You deserved it 3 884

By Mudge - 25/02/2016 22:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 422

You deserved it 1 463

Onan would be proud

By concernedcousin - 05/10/2019 12:00

Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 460

You deserved it 144

By Stranded - 17/07/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 783

You deserved it 6 710

Unfortunate

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 08:01

Today, I was eatings a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 111

By burnmyeyes - 19/04/2014 21:26 - United States - Richmond

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 313

You deserved it 5 314

Birthday Boy

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 02:00

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 150

By Tomtom - 17/11/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 033

You deserved it 11 555

Freaked out

By scarredforlife - 03/10/2015 01:13 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after taking my little niece out onto the balcony of her family's new apartment to enjoy the view, we watched as a man jaywalked across the street down below and was run over by a car. My niece is pretty much traumatized for life now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 326

You deserved it 1 624

By Shoes - 12/06/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 065

You deserved it 4 216

By Forever Alone - 14/06/2016 09:26

Today, I was talking to my mum about how I'd quite like to have kids someday. She responded: "Well, nowadays they let singles adopt as well, don't they?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 462

You deserved it 1 364

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 878

You deserved it 36 425

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Top comments

cacheson 41

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 9:15

He needs to grow up and learn to accept differences of opinion. You should put him in time out while you play Star Wars for your daughter in the next room.

tygerarmy 35

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 9:04

Clearly he has fallen to the dark illogical side of the dork.

tygerarmy 35

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 9:04

Clearly he has fallen to the dark illogical side of the dork.

Earl_KarmasBitch 29

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 13:32

Tell him he's broken the Prime Directive of being a good uncle.

cacheson 41

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 9:15

He needs to grow up and learn to accept differences of opinion. You should put him in time out while you play Star Wars for your daughter in the next room.

OhPuhleeze 23

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 9:32

Just move your daughter away from him and bid him "live long and prosper".

Bunny_Hoppers 1

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 19:58

more like "live long and f#ck off"

OhPuhleeze 23

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 22:20

Human emotion. Fascinating.. ;-)

lexiieeex3 32

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 9:46

This goes way beyond immaturity. That's just stupid... Everyone knows Star Wars is clearly superior.

zainman13 26

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 9:48

There exist people who actually think star trek is better than star wars?

mariri9206 32

Tuesday 1 November 2016 11:32

Yeah, there are. Not everyone likes Star Wars and not everyone likes Star Trek. I love Star Trek but not Star Wars. The difference between me and this d-bag uncle? I'm not going to argue with or belittle anyone who has difference of opinion than I and thinks Star Wars is better. Everyone is allowed to have their opinions, especially innocent six year olds. OP, your uncle is a huge d-bag and I hope you told him off for your stepdaughter's sake.

Sarge9774 7

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 13:33

Trust me when i say my uncle has a new found respect for star wars. I showed him the power of the dark side when i stood up for my daughter.

LittleJess23 15

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 14:35

I have absolutely no interest in either but if I was forced to watch one I would definitely choose Star Wars. Star Trek just seems so bad

Arashikage 18

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 15:14

It's called an opinion, look it up

fyvaprold 11

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 17:38

@OP: Did you force-choke him?

TaoShaman 24

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 18:32

Of course. I prefer Star Trek and absolutely loathe Star Wars. I'd never insult anyone for liking Star Wars though. I just find it an incredibly boring concept and the Star Wars fans I've known have largely been terrible people like the uncle. But not all Star Wars fans are like that, the same with Star Trek fans.

Helmut Arias Rodriguez 21

Saturday 11 January 2020 16:37

I do

Nonny_mouse 7

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 10:04

I really hope you stopped him cos that kinda shit can scar a child for life. Also it makes you an awesome stepfather

GhostFox 33

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Tuesday 1 November 2016 12:16

And this is when you tell your uncle in blunt terms that he can kiss interaction with your part of the family good bye, and make it known to the rest of the family that he thinks verbally attacking a child over a difference in opinion on media is appropriate. And if they try to push the blame on your daughter, you cut ties with them because it will only go downhill from there.