Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen... - FML

By Yazzy - 13/2/2009 09:57 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55682

You deserved it

7904

Tweet

Share

Dangling modifier

Healthy relationship

Keep the peace

By Mikimiks93 - 2/7/2010 15:05 - South Africa

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39386

You deserved it

7863

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2010 16:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38698

You deserved it

6255

Tweet

Share

By cameltoeyourface - 26/7/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34740

You deserved it

10333

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/9/2019 04:00

Parked, indefinitely

Today, my mom told me I wouldn't be able to take driver's education until at least my sixteenth birthday, because I'm, "Not ready to drive a car." Isn't that the whole point of driver's ed? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1277

You deserved it

343

Tweet

Share

By minnie - 28/8/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53627

You deserved it

6872

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/4/2011 13:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one ringing me from down the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11560

You deserved it

39800

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/6/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, I went on a third date with this guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39918

You deserved it

10533

Tweet

Share

By laststand11 - 28/3/2012 22:49 - United States - Lexington

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21602

You deserved it

3308

Tweet

Share

By caesarinozeppeli - 11/5/2017 16:00

Today, after ordering it four weeks ago, I finally got the expensive figurine that I'd been wanting. Also today, my brother jizzed onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3981

You deserved it

373

Tweet

Share

By anniecook - 27/11/2009 00:26 - United States

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25875

You deserved it

7193

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/1/2015 18:51 - Norway - Bergen

Today, like every day, I woke up at 3 in the morning because my roommate needs "a three hour warning" before his real alarm goes off. His alarm is a constant beeping noise which he always ignores for a good 10 minutes before finally getting up and turning it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32267

You deserved it

3034

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 11:37 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25006

You deserved it

13733

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/5/2013 04:39 - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72442

You deserved it

4043

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/2/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38109

You deserved it

3036

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/8/2013 21:05 - United States - Utica

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41545

You deserved it

3440

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 17:03

That ship has sailed

Today, I realized there’s no point in maintaining a friendship of 20 years. I stopped texting my friend three weeks ago and he never noticed. I texted him daily for at least the past ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1381

You deserved it

216

Tweet

Share

By FroggyGirl888 - 12/10/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36225

You deserved it

3243

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/2/2014 01:03 - United States - Bay Shore

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42882

You deserved it

7983

Tweet

Share

By catlady - 1/3/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55480

You deserved it

8997

Tweet

Share

By brando2k5 - 6/12/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I got the official word my wife is pregnant. Her sister, who lives with us, is also pregnant. I'm stuck in an apartment with two women due in late 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39804

You deserved it

5725

Tweet

Share

By Laura - 3/5/2012 07:55 - France

Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32218

You deserved it

2585

Tweet

Share

By Oh - 22/3/2016 22:36 - United States - Winterville

Today, I wrote my girlfriend a song. She wrote me a 13-page letter on why we should break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19901

You deserved it

2160

Tweet

Share

By nipman - 25/4/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41080

You deserved it

3838

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2011 13:43 - United States

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42009

You deserved it

5308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/9/2019 16:03

Driven

Today, I drove 3 hours to get to a class, just to have the professor leave a note on the classroom door saying that she wasn't coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1535

You deserved it

101

Tweet

Share

By C. Kronick - 11/2/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28830

You deserved it

5442

Tweet

Share

By XoxoChula - 22/3/2013 05:41 - United States

Today, my dad came out of jail. He showed me his tattoo of a bible on his chest with all his 13 kids' names on it. I'm the only one whose name is spelled wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40892

You deserved it

3060

Tweet

Share

By HomeImprover - 2/11/2016 17:34

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10446

You deserved it

771

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/9/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, someone broke my car's left side mirror. A friend of mine was buying a replacement one and texted me to confirm which one I needed. He asked: "It's the driver's side, right?" To which I replied: "Right". I got the wrong mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15066

You deserved it

47261

Tweet

Share

By Sticky floor - 27/7/2018 05:00

Today, my best friend and roommate has decided to "stop being controlled by society" while at home. This involves him walking around naked, masturbating whenever he wants, and not cleaning up his guys. I've stepped in it three times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4705

You deserved it

363

Tweet

Share

By dom - 8/9/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24215

You deserved it

33739

Tweet

Share

By toryzhere - 29/3/2012 11:13 - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. I have major OCD, and I had to sit in a room with a man covered in cat hair, struggling to even survive for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22373

You deserved it

3953

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/6/2012 20:59 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I realized that the only times I get to hang out with my friends outside of school are when one of them accidentally mentions plans in front of me and they are obligated by social protocol to invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31599

You deserved it

3222

Tweet

Share

By fuck the fucking cops - 16/3/2012 18:41 - Belgium

Today, I was on the bus, when the inspector asked to see my ticket. I couldn't find it, and ended up being kicked off the bus while a few of the other passengers jeered at me. I found my ticket on the long walk home, buried in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23792

You deserved it

4763

Tweet

Share

By not even interested - 15/10/2017 16:00

Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4095

You deserved it

192

Tweet

Share

By OytoBeAfather - 16/5/2012 03:05 - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23887

You deserved it

4231

Tweet

Share

By OhPleaseNo - 7/4/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

We could be heroes

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1600

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/9/2019 14:01

He's a very naughty boy

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1434

You deserved it

131

Tweet

Share

By neveragain - 12/2/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20488

You deserved it

4576

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2016 05:51 - United States

Today, my dad let me borrow his phone while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. I guess he forgot to pass the news along, because within 4 hours I'd received a picture of my mom's tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25609

You deserved it

2345

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Dilpickle1 | 0

#1881 - Friday 13 February 2009 16:24

No More Porn For You!!!!

By duddenchu | 0

#1877 - Friday 13 February 2009 16:16

oh wow! talking of privacy!

COMMENTS

By duddenchu | 0

#1877 - Friday 13 February 2009 16:16

oh wow! talking of privacy!

Reply

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1014520 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 4:01

that's some bullshit my mom would do

Reply

victoria4161993 | 0

#1019294 - Friday 4 June 2010 21:05

hahahaha I would use phone Internet or get an iPod touch that realy sucks

Reply

Little_Devil_fml | 0

#1133394 - Saturday 24 July 2010 13:33

same here :/ #88 nice pic ;) x

Reply

turtles1321 | 0

#1136856 - Sunday 25 July 2010 7:40

my mom does that no more porn =(

Reply

My2864 | 1

#1217994 - Tuesday 10 August 2010 16:31

my mom did that to me when i was 12
thank fuck for knowing how to deal with computers cuz i turned it off a week later when i found out..

Reply

starcraft2FTW | 0

#1710986 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 17:59

here's what to do :
1)open mircosoftword
2) type in 300%font eff off bitches
3) wait
you're welcome :D

Reply

wintamint101 | 7

#3443269 - Monday 17 October 2011 3:33

#suckstosuck

Reply

raesos91 | 26

#5365261 - Tuesday 12 February 2013 19:22

hi op's mom! *waves*

By Dilpickle1 | 0

#1881 - Friday 13 February 2009 16:24

No More Porn For You!!!!

Reply

mitchiv13 | 0

#975390 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 1:44

yea that sucks no more porn for u!

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#979256 - Tuesday 13 April 2010 4:00

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

00yoda4 | 0

#986425 - Thursday 29 April 2010 4:27

/ / amen to that

Reply

maximum408 | 0

#2144115 - Thursday 3 March 2011 6:28

haha agreed 86. well said.

Reply

metfanatic1986 | 0

#2819933 - Monday 4 July 2011 19:11

what about on an iPod touch??? works for me. ;)

Reply

max_wilder | 9

#3363293 - Thursday 29 September 2011 4:57

Who has never actually watched porn... Exactly, everybody watches porn

Reply

cocainewhore | 30

#5811542 - Tuesday 31 December 2014 16:01

#86 so people can have sex but not watch it? I guess we all have to do t with the lights off then. But OP watch lots of hardcore porn then your parents will regret watching your computer. Or be disgusted, probably both.

By mleugim | 0

#1890 - Friday 13 February 2009 17:09

reinstall everything in it XD

By TechnoAllah | 0

#1891 - Friday 13 February 2009 17:14

Download ubuntu and run it off the cd whenever you look at porn. Problem solved.

By meemz | 0

#1924 - Friday 13 February 2009 18:53

could be worse.... they could have walked in on u watching it....

By TC_fml | 0

#1943 - Friday 13 February 2009 21:03

Time to reformat the machine and put encryption in place! Check your USB and PS/2 ports for keylogger. In any case, if you reinstall the OS it will likely obliterate any such software.

By NotoriousMandog | 0

#1966 - Friday 13 February 2009 23:08

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Late_night83 | 25

#3274556 - Monday 12 September 2011 0:16

Retarded. Yeah. Just retarded.

By GhettoWangstuh | 0

#1979 - Friday 13 February 2009 23:28

LOL #9 thats so true =P

By AnathemaAnimus | 0

#2026 - Saturday 14 February 2009 3:12

You should get a Linux live cd (better if you run it from a large usb flashdrive so you can save files and any changes you make to the system) so you can browse the net and chat with people with out being spied on.

By midnyte | 0

#2071 - Saturday 14 February 2009 6:58

PWNED.